I recently had a booking with a woman who I have known as a client for several years. I hadn’t seen her in over a year and was pleasantly surprised when she contacted me again. While chatting on the couch over a glass of wine she described to me the ups and downs of dating some men on and off over the last year. There had been some successes and some failures, but on the whole, enough successes that she hadn’t felt the need to come and see me.
However an experience with a new date changed her mind. He left her feeling a little worried about his trustworthiness and that got her thinking – “Do I take the risk? Or do I not?”.
Ultimately she decided not to take the risk – and part of the reason why was that she knew that she could simply come to see me instead. Which she did.
I think that this is a really important lesson – it’s good to have an option so that you don’t succumb to “fear of missing out”, whether you exercise that option or not, just knowing that it’s there can help to make better decisions.
As per the title of this post – if you know that you can reliably get the intimacy and sex that you want and need (from someone like me) then you don’t have to “settle”.
I have recently had a slew of men contacting me asking for advice about becoming a male sex worker for women. While I support men joining the industry generally, if you are planning to do so and want advice (which is admirable) then here is a good place to start:
Please – read this whole post that I made earlier this year. Think hard about it and what it is saying before you continue the journey of becoming a sex worker – because there is much, much more at stake here than just your ego and desire to do something that might be fun and earn you money.
Disclaimer – I am not a doctor. Please don’t take anything I say here as medical advice. Check with your doctor before you make any decisions about using antidepressants.
Over the years I have met a lot of women who have been taking SSRI antidepressants (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors). Many of them have, as a side effect, found it either very difficult, or impossible to reach orgasm while taking these medication – and the effects don’t just disappear as soon as you stop taking an SSRI, it can take time and may leave you experiencing sexual stimulation differently.
Everyone has to make the decision that is right for them about the medication that they take, whether they can accept the side effects given the benefits etc. My problem is that doctors seem to down play, or not explain – or possibly not even know – many of the side-effects of the medications that they are prescribing.
In the case of SSRI’s I believe that the effects on sexual function are seen as virtually irrelevant by many doctors and are rarely explained. You could reasonably say that treating the symptoms of depression, which can be very serious, are more important than a woman being able to have an orgasm. But that is treating depression in a very narrow way and in my opinion overlooks the benefits of a healthy sex life.
SSRIs tend to smooth out emotional swings, preventing the huge dips and also preventing the highs, but it should also be recognised that taking away what is a very intimate pleasure – being able to achieve orgasm – can be extremely distressing.
We shouldn’t – in my opinion – be sacrificing one thing for another – or, at the very least, making sure that people are *fully* aware of the consequences of taking the medication that they are being prescribed before they start to take it.
You have probably been hearing about artificial intelligence in the media recently. The company OpenAI in particular has been making a lot of waves with its ChatGPT artificial intelligence service. And honestly ChatGPT is absolutely astounding in what it can achieve.
So, being the person I am with an interest in technology and how it can help me I thought I’d have a look at ChatGPT and see what it might be able to do for me and my business as a male escort for women.
One of the favourite tests you can see people on Youtube doing with ChatGPT is asking it to give them suggestions for articles to write about a subject. Knowing virtually nothing about ChatGPT and how to drive it besides what I had seen other people do I thought I’d start with that. I wanted to write an article for this site today but wasn’t feeling inspired by any of the ideas I’ve jotted down in the last couple of weeks.
So I asked ChatGPT: “Suggest some article subjects about female sexuality and male escorts”. This is what came back:
While all the suggestions were relatively “high-level” the topics that ChatGPT suggested were definitely on target. So well done ChatGPT.
However there is a problem. “This content may violate our content policy…”
Sigh. Here we go…
I dutifully followed the link provided to OpenAI’s content policy and I find this:
“Disallowed usage of our models
We don’t allow the use of our models for the following:”
Promoting sexual services. Yup. That’s me banned then.
I haven’t been involved in sex work advocacy for several years now, but this sort of thing reminds me that the fight for the rights of sex workers is far, far, FAR from over.
I first bumped into this kind of problem when making erotic films. Music is an important part of setting the mood in a film and several years ago there was a big boom in online royalty free music libraries (which ironically generative AI may yet kill). That’s great because you can subscribe, download the music that suits your work, add it in and you are done, nothing more to pay. But not if you are making erotic content. That’s *always* excluded in their terms of service. Last time I checked, none of the big royalty free music sites allowed use of their libraries in anything “adult” related. As a result there is only a quite small set of music that I can legally choose from when making a new film.
And of course OpenAI have done the same thing. Western (in particular US and Australian) prudishness is incredibly exclusionary and as stock or AI generated images and music become more and more prevalent, sex workers and our ability to create and promote our work becomes harder.
Now my business isn’t about to fail because I can’t use a song, or have AI generate article topics, but it’s another barrier unfairly place in front of me and every other sex worker in the world. And it demonstrates that the fight for sex work rights – which ultimately translates into your right as a prospective, or actual purchaser of sex work services – is an ongoing battle.
There will always be people who openly and directly oppose us and our work, but the people and businesses who casually oppose us because they are too scared of what the loud people might say about them are just as big a problem and far more insidious.
I just wanted to post a short update – I made a new film recently with a woman who contacted me some time ago in response to a conversation that I had with a commenter about diversity (and the lack there of) in my erotic films.
It’s a valid criticism and I am delighted to have a film made with an older woman with “an average body” in her words.
So I am delighted to be able start to redress that balance. Zoe and I are still working through the final edit and making small changes where required, so it will probably be another week or so before I have the finished film is ready to release – so, something to look forward to for all of you who enjoy my films!
Thank you for watching and thank you Zoe for participating!
For many years now I’ve been an advocate for the decriminalisation of sex work – which I benefit from here in NSW (and increasingly in other states and territories here in Australia and New Zealand). I encourage decriminalisation because it is very good for the health and safety and general well-being of sex workers and clients.
Now there is evidence that it is good for the rest of society as well. I was sent a link to an article that reported on a recent study of 31 European countries from 1990 to 2017 which shows that countries that liberalised their sex work laws saw a decrease in instances of rape. Where as countries that cracked down in sex work saw an increase in instances of rape.
So there we have it. Consensual sex work makes society safer (it wasn’t clear from the article if the statistics were gendered or not).
I’m pleased to hear this news and it adds yet another reason to support decriminalisation.
One unexpected result from the study was that countries that criminalised the purchase of sex but not the sale of sex had the worst outcomes. I doubt that will make the people who are fighting to “abolish” sex work, especially through the criminalisation of its purchase, stop and think about the harm that they are actually doing to their society. But at least it’s empirical evidence to throw in the face of the lawmakers who listen to them and vote to criminalise sex work on the basis of “protecting women”.
We are extremely lucky here in most of Australia and New Zealand – as sex workers and as clients. It is easy to forget that the all of the rest of the world labours under some sort of criminalisation of sex services. For all our faults as a society here in Australia we have at least gotten that right.
Would you like to slow down for a little while? Take a bath together… Spend some time exploring touch and kissing… Then going further…
I wanted to make a film that showed how a booking with me might look and feel. It took a lot of talk and planning and effort to create something that we are both happy with – but we succeeded – and I hope that you enjoyed it too.
Making this film with Emelia was a journey that I am proud to have been a part of and to have shared with her. I am proud to share this special film with the world.
I have been wanting to create a film for John’s website for a while now however, I have always had some hesitation and insecurities about my appearance not being good enough especially when I am naked in the bedroom.
Being a late forties, size 12, petite A cup breasted women with cellulite to my body in particular to my thighs and buttocks on most days, I am ashamed to look at myself naked in the mirror.
It took several conversations and reassurance from John that with the right lighting and camera angles, my body would indeed look sexy for me to finally agree with myself that I was brave enough to make the film with him.
I am hoping that prospective clients watching the film will see that John provides a safe and non judgemental environment regardless of your age, body type, disability, or background.
It’s a place where you can experience immense pleasure, explore and grow in your own sexuality.
Thank you John for allowing me to create this with you. I am more confident within myself and the mirror now sees a body that is unique and beautiful in it’s own way.
I would like to say thank you to Emelia for her courage and generosity both to me and to the women who might be struggling with their self image in similar ways to her. You are all beautiful and sexy just the way you are.
“Manly stubble” is a common feature for male fashion photos – and male sex worker photos. However, in my experience while there are some women who love stubble on a man when they are kissing, receiving oral etc – most do not.
So guys – if you don’t know a woman’s preference – ask! And if you can’t ask, then just have a shave, because it’s a safe bet that she probably won’t enjoy your brillow pad face between her legs.
I realised that I have left somewhat of a gap in my writing for women with a disability. That is that for some women with a disability looking to book my services it will also be the first time that they have sex.
So I think that it’s worth acknowledging that fact as it complicates two situations that are already challenging – booking a male sex worker and having sex for the first time while working around a disability of some kind.
I have negotiated this hurdle with three women with disabilities in the past and with a bit of planning and conversation beforehand and plenty of patience and communication during the booking it has always worked out well.
From my experience it is generally just a matter of lots of foreplay, going extra slow, and checking in regularly. Do that and it’s going to be a pain free experience of sex for the first time is.
If you would like to talk to me about first time sex and disability issue please feel free to drop me an email or text. I’m always happy to discuss your needs and work out a solution that you are comfortable with.
Finding myself in Sydney on Monday (a rarity for me, as I’m usually down in the Southern Highlands for the first few days each week) I decided to go for a walk. Headphones to listen to an audio book and my favourite walking shorts – little did I know that somewhere along that 10km walk the entire crotch of my shorts would disintegrate! Luckily I was wearing black underwear. Anyway – now I need some new shorts!
