If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?
Drop a comment below, email firstname.lastname@example.org, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.
So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.
Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.
Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?
A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.
I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.
Q. Is sex work legal?
A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!
The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).
Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).
Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?
A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.
Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?
A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!
Q. How long have you been a sex worker?
A. I first started sex work waaaay back in 2010. The global financial crisis hit my IT business that I ran at the time quite hard, so I looked for something that I could do on the side. Sex work was flexible and (if it worked out) high reward, so I decided to try it out. It took about two years for the new business to really become successful, but it became my full time job in about 2013 and has been ever since – except during the pandemic!
Q. Do you enjoy anal sex? I’ve heard that men love it. I would like to have anal sex, but I don’t know how to get my partner to do it.
A. Yes, but not more than vaginal sex. For me it’s just another thing to share together. If it works for both of us (and this is of course dependent upon whether we are both feeling like it at the time) then great. But it’s not something that drives me like it does for some men. For many men there’s a taboo/fetishistic element to anal sex, so it’s really attractive for them because in their eyes it’s “forbidden”, or “naughty”.
Regarding how to get your partner to try it – that could be difficult if he’s really averse. For the men who aren’t particularly interested or don’t want to do it there could be multiple reasons. Disgust at the idea is probably the hardest to overcome. If he finds the idea disgusting then all bets are off. He won’t be able to keep an erection, so it won’t be happening – but perhaps there could be discussion about trying with a small dildo. Anal sex also feels different to vaginal sex. It is likely to be less intense for the man so this can also cause issues with a man who has trouble maintaining an erection.
Something else to consider is that anal play (with fingers, or toys) might be a better option to start with if your partner isn’t fully on board. If that works for you both then perhaps things can grow from there.
At the end of the day though this all comes down to good communication between partners (and if you are doing it LOTS of silicon lube) – you need to be able to discuss these things frankly and honestly with a partner. If you can do that then you might be able to find a solution.
Q. Has anyone ever changed her mind or decided actually, no thanks?
A. Yes it has happened a few times over the years that someone has gotten to the stage of arriving for her booking, then changed her mind. One was a woman who from the moment I met her I knew she wasn’t ready to see me. She was incredibly nervous and awkward when she arrived and despite us taking our time and sitting down for a chat and a drink, she just couldn’t relax. Eventually she told me that she couldn’t do it. That was quite ok – and I would much rather someone end a booking early than feel that they have to “see it through”. You *never* have to do that.
Another was a woman who had never had sex and her therapist had recommended that she see a male sex worker for her first experience. She also wasn’t ready and although she seemed reasonably relaxed and ready, when we spent some time in bed doing foreplay it became clear to me that she wasn’t ready and couldn’t relax properly. So we stopped what we were doing and I asked her how she was feeling. We talked about it and decided that she didn’t want to continue, so I gathered my things and went on my way.
In both cases I didn’t charge for my time. I don’t want to be paid unless a client is happy that they received the service that they wanted and that we agreed upon.
Q. How often can you cum in a session?
A. There are a few variables involved here, but in a two hour session, then I can generally get an erection, have sex, and have an orgasm at least twice. The first time will generally be quicker than the second time. To my mind the most important part here is working out expectations before your booking. Some women enjoy sex that lasts a long time. Some women love feeling a man come, perhaps many times. Some women are perfectly happy with having simple sex that doesn’t last for ages. Everyone is different and there’s no right or wrong, there is just communication that helps you get what you want.
I always encourage any woman who books with me ask for the things that they might want in our session. I realise that especially first time that might be difficult, but if we can talk about it then I’m much more able to give a woman what she wants – so never feel that you can’t ask!
Q. What turns you on? What turns you off?
A. Here’s the honest answer – someone who is into what we are doing. For me that is the single biggest turn on. If you are engaged and excited for what we are doing then I will be too. For me, that has always been the biggest turn on, not a woman’s looks, or particular body. It’s the person inside. Do you want this? Are you having fun? If so then it shines through and in turn, arouses me. This I think is a big part of why I’ve been successful as a male escort.
As for things that turn me off – well the converse: disrespect and disinterest are the biggest. Mutual respect is sexy. Arrogant people are not for me. Also, causing excessive pain. I take no pleasure in causing genuine hurt. Besides that – scatt play is right out. That’s a hard limit for me.
Q. Can we film our time in bed together?
A. Yes you can if you would like to – for personal use.
Q. Once with a client do you initiate sex, or do you wait for them?
A. It depends entirely on the situation. Some women are confident in what they want and when, so will take the lead. Others women may not be so confident, or simply enjoy letting go and having someone else in control. I can take the lead if that is what a clients wants and needs.
Q. Do you ever have days that you don’t feel confident about your appearance?
A. Yes I do. While I am generally very happy with my body and confident in myself, I’m human and I might judge myself sometimes. Making my erotic films for instance can be challenging. Recently I have decided that I need to lose some weight, so I am on a weight loss journey at the moment (and I’m very happy with the progress so far).
Q. How do you respond when a client is extremely nervous in a booking?
A. To start a booking I like to sit down with a glass of wine, or a cup of tea and just have a chat. If someone is very nervous then we can talk and get to know each other and have a chance to relax. Eventually when I think it’s appropriate, I’ll suggest that we go to the bedroom and have a massage. I find that is the best way to break the ice and then move things along in an easy way that’s not too challenging for someone who is nervous.
Q. Can I ask for a roleplay or BDSM?
A. Yes. Anyone who makes a booking with me is welcome to ask for anything that they would like. If it’s something that I can do then I’ll happily oblige. If it’s something very specific like roleplay or BDSM then I suggest that you ask me about it in advance. These things work best when they are well planned – especially things like BDSM which I will only participate in with someone I know and have a good understanding of to ensure that everything is safe and consensual.
Q. Have you ever developed feelings toward a client?
A. Yes of course – I would challenge anyone to see a person and have sex with them regularly for a year, or many years and not develop some kind of feelings for them, even strong feelings. What matters is how we handle those feelings. It’s not my place to act on them, because that isn’t what women come to me for. It can be very sad for me when someone I have known for a long time and who’s company I really enjoy decides to move on, but I have to accept that.
Q. Have you learnt anything about yourself that you didn’t know before starting sex work?
A. I’m not sure that I have learnt anything unexpected about myself, but I have definitely confirmed things that I felt. I have a deep love of and enjoyment of women and their bodies. I am not monogamous. That I enjoy seeing someone grow in confidence and enjoyment of their sexuality and being able to be a part of that.
Q. What is your favourite sex position?
A. Ok that’s a hard one! But I’m going to be conventional here and say missionary position – I think that I really enjoy the full body physical contact that it gives you both, the intimacy of it. You can kiss, you can both see each other. And it gives the best chance for the women to have an orgasm while having sex if that’s something she can do.
Q. There’s a lot of stigma around men using the services of female escorts. How is it different for women using the services of male escort? Is there any shame?
A. The stigma is probably worse for women than it is for men using the services of an escort. Most of my clients will at some time tell one or two friends that they have seen me, but they absolutely won’t tell anyone else, which is understandable given how conservative our society still is in matters of sex – and especially in matters of women making active choices about their sexuality.
At the end of the day you can’t control what other people think, but a woman absolutely should not feel shame for using the services of a sex worker.
Q. I was really nervous calling you. And have been nervous booking you every time since… I was expecting it to get easier. Why hasn’t it?
A. I can make some guesses here, but I’m no psychologist! Being nervous the first time you see me is totally normal and to be expected – after all, meeting someone with the expectation of having sex with them – and paying for it is beyond the boundaries of what most people have ever experienced. Some nerves are entirely reasonable.
I would usually expect those nerves to die away though over subsequent bookings. I can only guess why they persist though sorry, but it’s probably something a professional could answer better than me.
Q. When do you think you will retire from sex work?
A. I have no plans to retire from sex work. As long as someone wants to see me then I will continue to do it. This is the best job that I have ever had.
Q. How have you helped women achieve climax
For most women I meet, helping them have an orgasm is as simple as giving them a relaxed environment where they feel free to “let go”.
For others it’s harder. Some women who take antidepressants find it extremely difficult or even impossible to reach orgasm – even after they stop taking them. I’ve written in more detail about this issue previously here.
For those who don’t have a chemical reason stopping them the question is what will help? Some women regularly use a string vibrator that results in lower clitoral sensitivity, so sex and even intense oral sex with a partner just isn’t enough stimulation for them. In that case “re-sensitisation” by using very light clitoral stimulation is the best approach (this is a process that takes time too, there is no magic fix).
Many women have trouble just relaxing and getting “out of their head”. They worry about how they taste or smell, or what their partner thinks of them, or if their partner is “getting bored down there”, or just the stress of a busy life can all intrude and make it really hard to be in the moment and let go.
My solution to these things is to create a relaxed space, without time pressure (I always tell my clients not to watch the clock, we are done when we are done, not when the clock says the two hours or however long is up). I use sensual massage to help with relaxation and arousal.
For a woman who has real trouble letting go then I recommend several sessions of my version of orgasmic meditation. Which involves fifteen minutes of very gentle clitoral stimulation with no pressure to reach orgasm. This very structured time helps get over worries and distractions, to connect with the body, and to increase clitoral sensitivity. It’s been quite helpful for a number of my clients over the years.
Lastly I think just giving a woman the time, attention, and space without expectations can do wonders for her.
More answers to come – so feel free to send me your questions!