A sex club just for women

I think that it is a sign of maturity in a society when it empowers women to be and do what they want to do – free from control or even the observation of men.

The normalisation of sex workers (male and female) for women is one example. It’s quite a big statement that women, who for so long have had their lives, finances, and their very bodies ruled by the whims of men are now able to choose to see a sex worker and not have to apologise to any one for it.

We are moving ahead. Becoming more tolerant of each other – not always and not everywhere – but we make progress.

Another small sign of this is the arrival of the Skirt Club in Sydney (http://skirtclub.co.uk/), a UK originated sex club exclusively for women. It has a modest global membership, but by all accounts it is well liked by the women who are members. I can imagine many men feeling threatened by the very existence of such a place, but to me it’s a delight.

You can read more about it here: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life-and-relationships/sex-and-relationships/australias-first-womenonly-sex-club-arrives-in-sydney-20160831-gr623w.html

I love the idea of women being in control of their lives and perhaps more importantly being able to choose exactly what it is that they want to do with their lives, without having to involve or answer to men, if they don’t want to. At the end of the day, it makes all of our lives, whether we are male or female richer.

So cheers Skirt Club, here’s hoping that your first party goes well!

John.

A sex club for women…

Killing Kittens, is a “sex club” for women, started in the UK by Emma Sayle and now grown to 40,000 members world wide (now including Sydney). What can I say but “wow”. That’s impressive.

I read about it in this article.

The impressive thing is that Ms Sayle has created a club dedicated to sex for women and it has worked – (some) women actually enjoy it. It defies the stereotypes of women and their sexuality, and it tells us something real about what women want and what they are prepared to try if they feel safe and in control. That’s a really significant discovery.

Sayle’s club has a few rules:

  • Members only (AUD $200 per month approx.)
  • Only men who are part of a couple can attend
  • Men are not allowed to initiate sex, only the women can do that
  • All members are vetted for “attractiveness” (I am not too keen on this rule)

So Sayles has worked out the formula that allows (some) women to be comfortable with their sexuality, to engage with it, and to experience sex outside of the traditional sanctioned confines of a monogamous relationship. It’s great to know, because we can absolutely put to rest the notion that “men always/only want sex” but “women need to be in love to enjoy sex”.

It’s simply not true.

The truth is that everyone can enjoy sex. Men and women alike. But our upbringing, our personality, libido, health, stress, and more can all affect when, where, and how we want sex and are able to enjoy it. The problem is that modern life rarely prioritises making us healthy, happy, relaxed, and with time to spare. It’s a battle to pay bills, to raise children, to build careers, and often, just to get along. Sex loses out almost every time.

So, if there is a lesson to be learned from Emma Sayle and Killing Kittens, it seems to be that we need to look after ourselves and make time and space in our lives for our sexuality. This isn’t a new idea, and I am pretty sure that I have said it before. It is nice though to have Sayle’s experiment to support the idea that if we do, then men and women can enjoy sex as and when we want to.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the upcoming inaugural party in Sydney will cost $1200 per couple to attend!  That’s if you can make the guest list of course.

John.

Orgasmic Meditation and the 15 minute orgasm

Ok, I admit it, the title of this post is click bait, but the title is important, as is the subject. I was recently shown an article in Sneaky Magazine, here that talked about a growing movement (?) from a US organisation called One Taste that teaches people (men and women working together) what they call orgasmic meditation.

From the One Taste website:

“Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is a practice embracing and utilizing the sexual energy we all possess.

Courses at OneTaste teach you how to acknowledge the energy flowing through you, and then channel it into all areas of your life. The result? Your sex life improves, food tastes better, your connection to yourself and others deepen. Being TurnedOn means feeling the electricity of being alive.

Practitioners experience benefits similar to other mindfulness practices such as sitting meditation, as well as the well-known health benefits associated with orgasm. It’s deliberate and structured with repeatable results.

OM is profound, yet simple and you can have it whether you are single or coupled.”

So far so good. Mindfulness is a good thing. Being aware of one’s self, your emotions, and the sensations that you are experiencing here and now is an excellent foil to the noise, stress, and discord that modern life assails us with virtually all the time these days. Adding orgasm to mindfulness sounds extra good!

So, reading through the article, this is what I discover …

Orgasmic massage is basically clitoral masturbation of the woman (of course) by a partner (usually a man, perhaps its an American thing, but they don’t really talk about women performing the “stroking”, but I can’t see any reason why they couldn’t). For just 15 minutes. And according to the One Taste explanation, the 15 minutes is central to the whole concept.

Now this is where the click bait comes in to play. A session lasts for 15 minutes, from laying down and the woman spreading her legs so that her stroker can begin stroking to the hands off moment when you have to stop. No ifs, no buts. Now I know a few women who could probably reach orgasm in that time from just clitoral stimulation, but that’s a vanishingly small minority. And fair enough, with practice, perhaps you could learn to experience a version of orgasm that is long and slow and deep and last the whole 15 minutes. But this definitely doesn’t qualify as an orgasm as most of us know it. There simply isn’t time for most women to build to the required level of arousal and then peak in what we call orgasm.

In fact, I know plenty of women, who, if they could achieve orgasm within 15 minutes, would be pushing the stroking hand away straight afterward as orgasm leaves their clitoris overly sensitive and further touch is almost painful (much like most men don’t enjoy strong stimulation of their penis straight after orgasm and ejaculation).

So, the name Orgasmic Meditation is misleading. This isn’t about orgasm. It is about sexual pleasure. It is about mindfulness. It is about empowerment for women and taking control of their sexuality. All of these are very good things. But it’s not about orgasm.

So, slightly dodgy name aside, I think Orgasmic Meditation is a REALLY GOOD THING. If you are well in touch with your body, comfortable in your sexuality, and happy with your sex life, then it could be fun and may be useful. However, if things aren’t so great, then orgasmic meditation may be of real help to you. Here’s why:

The structure of the process (15 minutes, very specific touch, no sex, no expectations, total focus on the woman) means that the woman can let go of all of the stresses and expectations that she has learned or had imposed on her around sex. This is her time. It’s all about her. It’s about pleasure (from a sexual source), but it’s not about sex. She doesn’t have to worry about pleasing her partner, or really doing anything at all besides enjoying herself. Perhaps it’s like getting a manicure? Time when you are just indulging yourself and no-one else – and it feels really good too!

And the fact that there (probably) isn’t a recognisable form of orgasm involved for most women has another benefit: having had someone play with your pussy for 15 minutes will leave you “turned on” and wanting sex. That’s completely natural, and it’s no surprise to me that the energising effect of unresolved sexual arousal would flow through to other areas of your life.

At the end of the day I think that orgasmic meditation is a great idea. I can’t see how it can hurt anyone (unlike medication, alcohol, and extreme life changes), so why not try it out? I am planning on attending a course in the near future to get the training (although the instructional video on the One Taste website makes it look pretty simple really). I will make another post to describe the experience.

John.

The Sydney Skinny!

On Sunday I was lucky enough to participate in the Sydney Skinny, for those who don’t know it, it is an open water nude swim in Sydney Harbour at Cobbler Beach.  It is run each year around late February.

You can see the website here: http://www.thesydneyskinny.com.au/

The swim has two distances: a 300 meter swim and a 900 meter swim.  It is arranged in “waves” of about 50 swimmers each and this year they ran more than ten waves.  It’s really popular!  It is also really fun.  The atmosphere of the event was truly delightful.  Everyone was very respectful, very relaxed, and appeared to be enjoying themselves.  It’s not a race, there is no timing and no prizes, it’s a challenge only to yourself, to swim, to be nude in public, to accept yourself as you are.  Not always an easy thing to do.

I am lucky enough to have been comfortable with my body, with nudity, for pretty much all of my life.  Not so for everyone who was there.  But I didn’t see anyone back out.  Everyone stripped off and everyone swam.  There is a real comfort in seeing other people around you happily taking off their clothes, and not treating it like a big deal.  Just doing it.  And having fun while they are doing it.  It’s such a different celebration of nudity and the human body (in all shapes and sizes) than the one that is given to us by the media and the rest of society every day.

It is how I think that nudity should be treated.  Not good or bad.  Just natural.  Something that doesn’t have to be commented upon, sexualised, or demonised.  So I think that at the end of the day, this is the value of The Sydney Skinny.  It lets us be ourselves and be comfortable with who we are when there is no barrier between us and the world.

If you want to try a different form of self expression and to get out in the open air then I highly recommend The Sydney Skinny.  It may be challenging for you.  It may be easy.  But I am sure that it will be fun.

John.

The Sydney Skinny

Well, I would choose this weekend of all the weekends of the year to be away in Melbourne!  As a result, I missed the inaugural Sydney Skinny.  That being a 900m mass nude swim in Middle Harbour.  I was very disappointed to miss it.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/no-bathers-no-worries-for-worlds-first-nude-ocean-swim-20130217-2eks3.html

Nudity (especially shared) can be so much fun.  Sigh, well, I guess that I will just have to wait for next year now …

John.

 

Xplore Sydney Festival – conclusions

I didn’t really know what to expect from Sydney Xplore Festival 2012.  I attended with an open mind ready to learn new things.

Xplore was a welcome surprise to me as I met a lot of interesting and engaging people, learned new things and generally had fun.

If you have ever wondered about spanking, light bondage, and similar things, or wanted to expand and explore your sexuality in general then Xplore is a good place to start.  It’s not threatening.  It’s not weird.  It’s relaxed, positive, and open and a lot of fun.

What you get from Xplore really comes down to what workshops they run (which changes each year) and which of them you attend.  So it’s easy enough to select a set of workshops that are to your taste and interest.

Be warned though that three days of four or five workshops per day is very full on.  Many of the workshops include significant participation which can be physically and emotionally challenging.  So you will need to plan on getting good sleep before hand and each night!

All in all Xplore was worth the $320 for the ticket.  Well worth it.  If you want to open your mind to new possibilities, then give it a go!

John.