So. I came into possession of a Doxy vibrator recently (not permanently sadly, but for now it’s mine!). I’m not a big fan of using sex toys on myself usually, but the reputation of the Doxy as a really powerful vibrator got me curious.
Would it feel good for me as a man? What would it feel like full stop?
So while the morning light lasted I thought I’d make a little film for you…
John.
It seems every year or two we see one of these articles: “THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!” shout the headlines. Read the article though and it’s usually about one or two people working in the industry of robotics, or robotic research talking up the technology or spruking their products. See here:
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-sex-robots-could-revolutionise-bedtime-20160609-gpfy6b.html
The story is changing though, gradually. As per this article (complete with smiling women smooching very plastic looking sci-fi robots) there are interesting and disturbing nuggets of information. for instance…
“Companion devices such as the Pepper robot are increasingly being used to provide company to elderly people, particularly in Asian countries such as Japan”
and…
“Prof Sharkey said there was evidence that companion devices were also being use by parents to keep their children company. Research from California indicated young children had emotionally bonded with the machines”
Now, it’s a vast leap to go from companion devices for the elderly to a robot who rocks your world in bed, but if you grow up as a child with ever more sophisticated companion devices (robots), then perhaps you will grow up to be an adult who is more comfortable with machines and machine sex than dealing with the messy, complicated, often painful world of sex with other humans. It could well happen. In fact I expect that it likely will happen.
But all of this – in my opinion – misses the point. Click bait headlines aside, it makes me ask the question: “what do we want from sex?” and ultimately “what does it mean to be human?”
I am regularly contacted by women who have difficulty in reaching orgasm, or difficulty being “in the moment” and enjoying sex. Our consumer society responds to that by saying that the solution is a new vibrator, or a more powerful vibrator, or an AI vibrator! And that may actually work for some time. Powerful stimulation that simply CANNOT be ignored may get you there for a while. But it’s really only a band-aid, over-riding the basic problem, and potentially causing more of it’s own (as your body decreases clitoral sensitivity in response to the very strong stimulation).
So my response is that if we can’t be “in the moment” for sex, if we can’t reach orgasm easily, then the answer lies not outside of us, but in our heads. We need to go back to basics – work out what is causing the problem in the first place: too busy and stressed with work? Unhappy in our relationship? Tired and stressed by family and commitments?
We need to either change our lives to reduce of remove the cause, or we need to learn how to be at peace anyway. A combination of both is, in my opinion, ideal.
So where does that leave sex robots? Honestly I’m not sure. Until such time as robots are intellectually and emotionally equivalent to humans, I can’t see how a robot can ever be a substitute for the sexual arousal that comes from the close physical and mental stimulation of another person. But if we reach that stage, then what really is the difference besides a synthetic body?
So basically we come full circle. If you want a healthy, satisfying sex life (with a human or a robot) then you are probably going to have to sort out your own head first. A task that I am always happy to help people with in the pursuit of better sex.
John.
My favourite sex blog Oh Joy Sex Toy has a fabulous article today about vaginismus. What is it you ask? Sounds painful right? Well yes. It can be. But I won’t go into detail. Read the post for an excellent description of this entirely fixable problem of painful vaginal penetration:
http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/vaginismus/
What I wanted to say on the subject is that it is one close to my heart. Over the years of me working as a male escort I have been contacted by a number of women who had diagnosis of vaginismus or issues with painful penetration and were looking for a safe, professional way to treat their condition. Some had spent time working with a therapist, doctor, or physio prior to contacting me, others had not.
The Oh Joy article has it right though, vaginismus is usually a mental condition with a physical symptom. So the first thing to do is talk. Try to understand its origin. After that, progressive gentle stretching exercises that allow you to retrain the automatic muscle spasm that is vaginismus are the key. This can be done using medical dilators that get progressively larger, or something as simple as a partner’s finger (and eventually fingers).
Some women would rather have the assistance of another person (such as myself) to work through the physical stretching exercise. I usually recommend that we arrange a number of short (one to one and a half hour) sessions to work slowly and allow you to relax progressively to the point where full penetration is possible.
For some women just one session can be enough. For others it may take several. But the important thing is that no matter how bad your vaginismus is it can be fixed! See your gynecologist and they can start you on the right path. If you would like the help of a professional with the actual exercises and to allow you to even try sex when you are ready with the safety of someone that understands your situation and the need for care and patience, then please feel free to contact me.
John.
My fellow sex worker and acquaintance Lucie Bee recently made a post on Twitter about a different and entertaining web comic of sex toy reviews (and more).
It’s called: Oh Joy Sex Toy and it is a bit of fun for a rainy afternoon. Or to give you some insight into the pros and cons of various sex toys. I like it. It’s a different approach to toy reviews and web comics alike.
John.
It’s time to write the post that needs to be written.
My first post about Orgasmic Meditation was on the whole positive. Since then I have attended one of their training courses (fun) and come to realise that the concepts behind OM are powerful, beneficial, and something that every woman and man should know about and understand. And preferably practice! I have used orgasmic meditation (or variations of it) with a number of my clients with success. My partner has declared that it is “ridiculously enjoyable” and that it has been transformative for our sex life (you are never too old to learn new ways to enjoy sex!).
So, orgasmic meditation gets a big tick. I highly recommend that you learn about it, perhaps attend one of their courses, join their online community if you need to find someone to do it with. And start enjoying being stroked!
There is however, in my opinion, one thing that you need to do first: THROW AWAY YOUR VIBRATOR!
Why? It’s this simple: vibrators are too powerful. They train your brain to be LESS sensitive to clitoral stimulation. They take away your ability to engage with and enjoy your body and the most specific pleasure that you can enjoy, that is stimulation of your clit.
When you try orgasmic meditation you will understand why. The whole technique is based around the lightest, most gentle touch possible of the woman’s clitoris. By contrast using a vibrator is like putting too much salt on your food. In the end you can only taste salt and you lose the ability to enjoy the subtle flavours and variations of unsalted food. Like wise, your vibrator is destroying your connection with your clit. Let me explain how. I read a recent study summarised here:
http://www.cell.com/current-biology/abstract/S0960-9822(14)01487-0
It showed that regular fine detail work with fingers – including playing musical instruments, or using a smart phone – resulted in greater brain activity in the areas of the brain related to sensing touch. I.e. when you use your finger tips to do something that requires a delicate touch, your brain responds by ramping up it’s sensitivity to the signals coming from that part of your body.
Your clitoris has upward of 8000 nerve endings, all packed into a tiny space. It is exquisitely receptive – more so than even your fingertips. But what you “feel” is dependent up whether or not your brain is “listening” to the signals properly. Extrapolating from the finding of the study mentioned above, it is reasonable to expect that using a vibrator, especially a powerful one for clitoral stimulation will allow your brain to become less attuned to the signals from you clit. After all, if you were extremely sensitive, then it could actually be painful to have that level of stimulation, so your body dials down the sensitivity progressively.
So. Orgasmic meditation – through the use of very, very gentle stimulation of the clitoris with the finger tip – should, I believe, result in an increase in brain activity and hence sensation and pleasure that a woman feels, in the same way that smart phone, or instrument use increases the sensitivity of people’s finger tips.
Practice orgasmic meditation enough, without undoing the good work by using a vibrator in between and I believe that it may actually allow almost any women to reach orgasm via penetration. I haven’t been able to test this theory yet, but I am seriously intent on finding out!
John.
Do you like having your nipples squeezed and pulled? Then chances are that you would enjoy playing with nipple clamps. Personally I have very sensitive nipples – meaning that strong stimulation just plain hurts! But this isn’t the case for everyone. So if you enjoy some nipple play then I highly recommend trying out a set of nipple clamps.
Some nipple clamps are spring loaded for easy use. These ones are tightened with a screw. Harder to use, but you can adjust them to just the right tension
This set (pictured right) have soft padded jaws and are tightened with a screw. This makes it very easy to set exactly the right pressure for your nipples.
As you can see they are joined by a chain. Once on and tight, the clamps are said to give a slow pulsing sensation that is like pain, but not quite … I am told that this is very enjoyable and helps to keep you focused and “in the moment” if you are having sex.
The chain adds to the sensation when you are standing up, or on all fours by pulling down on the clamps. During sex the rhythmic swinging of the chain when on all fours can be very enjoyable!
You can buy nipple clamps at any good sex shop. If you are shopping for a set then you need to think about the size of your nipples (when they are aroused) and make sure that you get a set that will open wide enough.
There is no need however to stick to purpose made nipple clamps. I have seen clothes pegs or all sizes and styles used, paper clips, and just about anything you can find that could hold your nipple! Do be a bit careful though, you don’t want to use anything too sharp that might break the skin, or cut off circulation.
As always be safe and have fun!
John.
While looking around the SBS “on demand” website today I came across a documentary called “Turn Me On – The History Of The Vibrator”. You can find it here:
http://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/video/2266589445/Turn-Me-On:-The-History-Of-The-Vibrator
Sadly, it is only available for another 12 days, but I dare say that some googling will find it online somewhere else. It is an amusing look at how and why the vibrator was invented, mixed with a tour of recent offerings from the sex toy industry.
It’s worth a watch on a Sunday afternoon.
John.
I attended my second Sweet Sybian Sydney party on Friday night and wanted to give a report here. Some times when you have a good experience in a situation like this you worry that it may have just been a one off. A lucky coincidence of the right people at the right time and place. So I was looking forward to the party, but a little concerned that perhaps it wouldn’t live up to the very high expectations that my first experience had created.
The result though I can say without hesitation was really good. It was a very different crowd this time (as many of the people I met in December are currently away on holidays) and the average age was also younger. This created a different dynamic to the evening (with only me and my partner for the night doing an “open door” session for others to watch).
But the night was still very enjoyable and we met a lot of new and interesting people and had a great time. Once again the atmosphere was absolutely positive and very supportive of the pleasure and comfort of the women who attended – just like last time. And definitely non-sleazy
My partner for the night wasn’t thrilled with the effects of the Sybian last time, but we put that down to the fact that it was the first time for both of us and just went along to try again and enjoy the night. The result though this time (with the addition of a mains powered Hitachi “ball” vibrator) was fantastic. We only had one session with the Sybian due to the first one (and the play that followed it) just being so overwhelming for my partner that there wasn’t a need for a second round.
So, once again, well done Phil and Fleur, you host a great party (with excellent food and drink I might add) and I highly recommend anyone who is curious to book in for the next party (to be held on March 23rd). You may learn something about yourself and your body. And you will definitely have fun!
Go here: http://sweetsybiansydney.blogspot.com/ to book.
John.
Well, I attended my first Sweet Sybian Sydney party on Friday last week. I have recieved a lot of email about Sweet Sybian Sydney since I blogged about it recently and I want to let everyone know that results.
The bottom line is … it was a fantastic party. If you are at all interested in the Sybian, then I highly recommend contacting Sweet Sybian Sydney, either for a private session, or to attend their next party (on the 21st of January).
So, what was the party like?
The venue is a very nice, well appointed unit in Artarmon, which is easy to get to, with plenty of parking available near by. There is a balcony available for smokers, plenty of food and drink and a relaxed and very positive, not sleazy at all atmosphere.
Sweet Sybian hosts Paul and Fleur are great. They are really relaxed, considerate people, who look after their guest. They gave a detailed demonstration (yes, a real demonstration by Fleur) of the Sybian to all guests before we were invited to try out the Sybian for ourselves. This made setup and operation for each couple easy (and of course Fleur and Paul provided assistance if required).
Each machine is set up in its own room, with a bathroom available to each, so you can have complete privacy while you try it out. If however you are more adventurous (as many couples were that night), you can leave the door open when you play with the Sybian to allow other couples to watch.
Each couple were given two half hour sessions with one of the two Sybians, let me just say that once you got set up and going, the time flew by! You could spend a serious amount of time with one of these things.
Possibly the most important thing to know is that the machine itself (like any toy) takes time to get used to. It has a lot of different covers (penetrating, or not, large, small, g-spot, deep, not deep). You can adjust the height of the unit (low down, or up on a higher stand). And you can adjust a component that causes more or less clitoral stimulation.
So be prepared to spend some time (and even a few sessions even) really getting to know how to set up a Sybian for yourself so that it gives you the maximum amount of pleasure.
Like with any sex toy thought there may be some women for whom the Sybian just doesn’t do it, but honestly, don’t let that worry stop you. Even if it’s not the best sex toy for you, you would still have had fun on Friday night.
That said, once you have it set up, then the results can be really spectacular. There were a lot of very happy ladies there at the end of the night!
Which brings me to another point. I think that one of the reasons that the party was so much fun was that the whole reason for everyone being there was the women and their pleasure. Not about their male partners. All of us men were involved (and had a great time), but every single one of us was there not to please ourselves, but to do everything that we could to give our partners the best time possible.
For me, as someone who really cares about women, their pleasure, and their comfort, I can honestly say that the people who seem to be attracted to Sweet Sybian Sydney are thoughtful and considerate, open and easy to talk to and last but not least: really sexy.
That’s not to say that everyone was a super model, far from it, there was a full range of body types and ages. But I have always maintained that “sexy” is all about your mind, and the people I met on Friday night, possibly because of the comfortable, accepting, and open atmosphere, were all really, really sexy.
So, Sweet Sybian Sydney. Just do it! It’s fun and safe, and even if you are nervous about being there in a group, I say it’s worth pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as it is an opportunity to experience something that you are unlikely to find anywhere else!
John.
Sweet Sybian Sydney have just let me know that their next party will be on Saturday the 21st of January 2012. They may also be running another smaller more intimate party prior to then.
If you would like to go along then let me know and I can arrange it. Don’t forget that if you book an overnight date then I will include a Sweety Sybian gift voucher if you would like to try it out.
For the full story on the Sybian, go here
John.