Too many women have never experienced oral sex

It happened again. I met a woman who had never experienced oral sex from a partner. Not just “never had good oral sex” – but “never had it ever”.

How – in the twenty first century is this possible?

Men – I’m looking at you – you need to do better.

I mean the whole “I-want-a-blowjob-from-you-but-I’m-not-prepared-to-reciprocate” hypocrisy is bad enough. But to have never even tried it – not once – is unforgivable as a sexual being – as a man (I’m pretty sure that lesbians and bi women have this covered). We are well past the “vaginas are scary and full of magic” stage of human social evolution. We all know that oral sex is perfectly safe and healthy and normal to do.

So why aren’t more men making good oral sex skills a priority in their sex lives? I don’t have an answer to this question. I am perplexed.

I love giving oral sex. If I have a “kink” then that is probably it. I personally find it very arousing, and derive great pleasure and satisfaction from giving a woman oral sex – and hopefully an orgasm if that is what she wants.

Not all men share my enthusiasm apparently.

Which is a loss for their partners – but also for them! If you don’t give oral sex then that’s something that you yourself are missing out on, along with your partner. It’s another thing that you can share with your partner. It makes the range of sexual experiences that are possible greater. Isn’t that an excellent thing for every one?

And it may just get you a blowjob in return… I mean that’s got to be worth some investment, right?

At the end of the day I guess that this just highlights how limited many men’s view of sex is. It honestly makes me sad – for the women who don’t get the sex that they want and need to be happy and fulfilled and for the men who are living with impoverished sex lives.

We can do better as a society if we are prepared to have real conversations (and education) about sex.

John.

In my arms

Today I am delighted to share with you a new film that my client Emelia so generously offered to shoot with me.  I think that her words are probably more powerful than anything that I can say and she generously offered to explain her reasons for wanting to shoot with me. 

I have been wanting to make a film with John for his website for a while now, but I have always had some hesitation and insecurity with my body image not being good enough to be used as I have extremely petite breasts.

By making this film, I wanted to show prospective clients, regardless of your body type, age, disability or background John will provide you a safe and non judgemental place where you can experience immense sexual pleasure and explore and grow in your own sexuality.

I would like to say thank you to Emelia for her generosity both to me and to the women who might be struggling with their self image in similar ways to her.  You are all beautiful and sexy just the way you are.

I hope you enjoy our film…

John.


Addendum:

Not everyone is comfortable posting a comment here and one of my clients messaged me privately after she saw this film. I was moved by what she said and asked if I could share it in this post and she said yes…

What your client said about her insecurities is how I feel too. I’m sure all women feel something is wrong with their body.

Life takes its toll. I’m larger and have many scars. Even when I was smaller when I first hired you I was terrified of my scars and cellulite. I didn’t like how thick my thighs were.

You made me feel sexy and comfortable.

And I’ve change sexually since meeting you. I hated men going down on me. I never orgasmed from penetration. I never just asked for sex. I didn’t feel comfortable naked or feel comfortable seeing a man so comfortable naked.

So thank you Bella. I’m glad that I could make that difference for you.

John.

Doxy play

So. I came into possession of a Doxy vibrator recently (not permanently sadly, but for now it’s mine!).  I’m not a big fan of using sex toys on myself usually, but the reputation of the Doxy as a really powerful vibrator got me curious.  

Would it feel good for me as a man?  What would it feel like full stop?

So while the morning light lasted I thought I’d make a little film for you…

John.

Help for couples with no sex experience – guidance and instruction about massage, touch, tantra, mutual oral, virginity, and more

Not everyone who gets married has the sexual confidence and experience that they might like to have. It’s quite common for younger couples especially. Perhaps you come from a conservative culture and background, perhaps you just never had the chance to learn. It doesn’t matter how it happened – and it doesn’t mean you have to live with not knowing.

For many years now I have offered lessons to single women to help teach them about their body and help them explore their sexuality. I have also occasionally seen couples with similar needs, but I haven’t really written about this before and I thought that I should.

So here’s the bottom line – if you are a couple and one or both of you are inexperienced with sex (or even never had sex at all) then I can help you with practical instruction. I’m not a therapist who will just talk to you about what to do. As a straight male sex worker for women, I can provide practical experience in any area that you want to explore and gain confidence in. I can guide you and your partner through all of the things that you want to learn. I can demonstrate techniques (like how to give great oral sex to each other) showing both of you what works and how to learn about what each other likes. I can answer any questions that you have but don’t know who and how to ask.

My courses generally start with the simplest thing of all: touch. It can be literally just touching your partner’s body, it can be massage – which is a great way to explore and arouse your partner, it can be more sophisticated and sensual like intimate touch. I can show you all of these things and you can practice them with me and get feedback about how you are doing and improve your skills.

An extension of touch is oral sex. It’s an excellent way for a man to help his female partner to reach orgasm if she has trouble doing so through other means. I am very skilled in this area and can teach a man all of the techniques that he needs to be able to satisfy his partner. Conversely, I can show a woman how to touch her partner’s penis and teach her the techniques that make for great oral sex for him.

Are you a couple, newly married, and want to learn how to give each other erotic massage? I can help you with that. I can teach you how to give a massage that starts out relaxing and enjoyable, then builds up to sensual, creating lots of sexual tension and getting you both ready for some great sex…

Some couples are even in the position where one or both of them are virgins – have never experienced penetrative sex. I have met a couple from India in this situation in the past. This can be very stressful for both of you, but it’s a situation that I have been in many times and I can show you how to have sex for the first time without it being painful and help you to learn to make it great.

Techniques like tantra are especially good for couples to allow them to connect deeply and to make the sex that you have last as long as you want and to make it very satisfying. I can show you these things too.

Once you have the basics worked out, you might want to learn and experience more. If that’s the case, then I can help with that too. Advanced positions for sex, games like spanking, blindfolds, light BDSM. Anything that you can think of, I can help with practical guidance and instruction.

There is so much to explore for new couples and couples new to sex and I can be your guide. Safe. Knowledgeable. Discreet.

You can drop me a text, or email, or call me any time to discuss with no obligation and no risk.

John.

OMGyes and learning about women’s pleasure

I was asked recently by someone with a teenage daughter if I new of any good online resources for girls to learn about sex, sexuality, and pleasure and it reminded me of a site that I was shown by a friend a couple of years ago. It took me a little while with google to find it again, but I managed to track it down – so I thought I should share it here as well.

It’s called OMGyes – http://omgyes.com

So what is it? From the site:

The distilled wisdom of 20,000 women, ages 18-95

Scientific studies conducted in partnership with Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers

and

For Women, Men, and Couples

OMGyes is for everyone who cares about women’s sexual pleasure and wants to make it even better

So it’s a website that contains lots of information about sexuality and how women can experience pleasure. But the really clever part is that it includes interactive tutorials that let you (on a tablet, phone, or computer) actually practice what you are learning about. For instance if you are learning about clitoral stimulation, then you have an interactive tool that lets you (on a tablet or phone) use your finger to experiment with playing with a woman’s clitoris as described. The system gives you feedback on how well you are doing it.

As someone who has spent much of my career in IT and as a male escort for women I was genuinely suprised by how good the site and particularly the learning tools are.

I would highly recommend it for anyone – male, female, or other – who want to learn about female pleasure.

Here’s an introductory video from OMGyes on Youtube that is safe for work…

Western societies are, in general, very reticent about talking about sex, let alone about sexual pleasure, so I think that this website and it’s tools are a breath of fresh air. I think that anyone (even me) can benefit from this information and I intend to revisit it again over the next week or two. If you are here on my website, then it’s likely that you too could learn something fun and enjoyable at OMGyes so I highly recommend having a look at it.

BTW – I am not sponsored by OMGyes, I just like the site and the information that they provide.

John.

You have a right to expect a professional

It is a truism for me that change is the only constant in my industry. Every year brings new experiences and new groups of people seeking out the services of male escorts.

The most recent group I have met is women who have had several, or even many experiences with male escorts. This is new for me. Until recently, almost ever single client seeing me has never seen a male escort before. As such I have never really contemplated how I might stack up – so to speak. I honestly still don’t know, not in any objective sense.

What I have come to realise though is that my industry, which I love dearly is nowhere near as professional as I had assumed.

When I started promoting myself seriously several years ago I bought with me the lessons that I had learned about customer service, professionalism, and business from my many years working in I.T. It was in fact one of the reasons that very early on I created my guarantee. Perhaps it was cheeky and a bit boastful to offer women “an orgasm or your money back”, but it was meant to make a point – that is: your pleasure and satisfaction is my number one concern, and if you aren’t happy, then I will give you your money back. In point of fact, if you aren’t happy, then I would feel bad taking your money.

This doesn’t seem to be the case in the wider industry and I was genuinely saddened to hear from several different people how seriously un-professional some male escorts can be.

It did though leave me even more committed to the notion of fairness in my service, so I would like to state again for the record – if you book a date with me (whether it’s an hour or a day), and are unhappy in any way with my service, then I would rather refund your money to you in part or full as you wish and have us part on good terms. My business is only as good as my reputation and taking a person’s money when they aren’t satisfied is a great way to ruin it.

If for whatever reason our date didn’t live up to your expectations, then I would like to think that you would feel comfortable to tell me that you are unhappy. And if I can’t fix the problem – whatever it is – then rest assured that I would offer you a refund.

It’s one of the great benefits of decriminalisation of sex work in NSW that our industry is all above board and legitimate. That does however mean that all providers are governed by the consumer protection laws of this state. You as my client have a right to expect a service that matches how I promote myself. And if you don’t get that, then you are legally entitled to ask for a refund.

I know that it’s not necessarily an easy thing to do, but I strongly encourage everyone who sees me, or any other escort, to require us to be professional and deliver on our commitments, because it seems that is not always what happens. Our services don’t come cheap – I am very aware of that – whether you see someone through an agency, or an independent worker like me, so you deserve to get good value and to have the experience that you were promised.

John.

The sex bots are coming (again)

It seems every year or two we see one of these articles: “THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!” shout the headlines. Read the article though and it’s usually about one or two people working in the industry of robotics, or robotic research talking up the technology or spruking their products.  See here:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-sex-robots-could-revolutionise-bedtime-20160609-gpfy6b.html

The story is changing though, gradually. As per this article (complete with smiling women smooching very plastic looking sci-fi robots) there are interesting and disturbing nuggets of information. for instance…

“Companion devices such as the Pepper robot are increasingly being used to provide company to elderly people, particularly in Asian countries such as Japan”

and…

“Prof Sharkey said there was evidence that companion devices were also being use by parents to keep their children company. Research from California indicated young children had emotionally bonded with the machines”

Now, it’s a vast leap to go from companion devices for the elderly to a robot who rocks your world in bed, but if you grow up as a child with ever more sophisticated companion devices (robots), then perhaps you will grow up to be an adult who is more comfortable with machines and machine sex than dealing with the messy, complicated, often painful world of sex with other humans. It could well happen. In fact I expect that it likely will happen.

But all of this – in my opinion – misses the point. Click bait headlines aside, it makes me ask the question: “what do we want from sex?” and ultimately “what does it mean to be human?”

I am regularly contacted by women who have difficulty in reaching orgasm, or difficulty being “in the moment” and enjoying sex. Our consumer society responds to that by saying that the solution is a new vibrator, or a more powerful vibrator, or an AI vibrator! And that may actually work for some time. Powerful stimulation that simply CANNOT be ignored may get you there for a while. But it’s really only a band-aid, over-riding the basic problem, and potentially causing more of it’s own (as your body decreases clitoral sensitivity in response to the very strong stimulation).

So my response is that if we can’t be “in the moment” for sex, if we can’t reach orgasm easily, then the answer lies not outside of us, but in our heads. We need to go back to basics – work out what is causing the problem in the first place: too busy and stressed with work? Unhappy in our relationship? Tired and stressed by family and commitments?

We need to either change our lives to reduce of remove the cause, or we need to learn how to be at peace anyway. A combination of both is, in my opinion, ideal.

So where does that leave sex robots? Honestly I’m not sure. Until such time as robots are intellectually and emotionally equivalent to humans, I can’t see how a robot can ever be a substitute for the sexual arousal that comes from the close physical and mental stimulation of another person. But if we reach that stage, then what really is the difference besides a synthetic body?

So basically we come full circle. If you want a healthy, satisfying sex life (with a human or a robot) then you are probably going to have to sort out your own head first. A task that I am always happy to help people with in the pursuit of better sex.

John.

Data mining and learning new tricks

Mastercard have been mining the data and come to a disturbing conclusion: people are buying memorable experiences, rather than goods in the post GFC world.

By Leandro Neumann Ciuffo from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Mina da passagemUploaded by Markos90, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19967318

By Leandro Neumann Ciuffo from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Mina da passagemUploaded by Markos90, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19967318

Aside: whenever someone talks about corporations data mining, it makes me think of this – thank you Scott Adams!

Anyway, that’s great if you are in the “memorable experience” business like me, but I guess that it sucks if you sell things for a living, or are part of the supply chain for making and selling things. As a one time industrial designer, I am feeling just a little bit smug about my career change!

It does however make me just a little bit hopeful for humanity to hear this news from Mastercard. Checking off “See the Eiffel Tower” on one’s bucket list may not lead to enlightenment exactly, but it’s definitely better than just buying more “things” to fill up the cupboards with.

At the end of the day, it is experiences that make our lives rich and open our eyes to possibilities that we would not otherwise have considered. This is especially true of our sexuality. Even my society spend a lot of time and effort trying to prevent people from having and enjoying sex. But, I know absolutely that it’s never too late to learn. Be it mathematics, cooking, music, or sex. We all have the ability to make ourselves better. It just takes the right moment and the right teacher. And as adults, we have a lifetime of experience and maturity behind us to make good use of the things we learn.

If you have never had an orgasm. Or you have difficulty reaching orgasm reliably. If you want to broaden your understanding of sex and what it can be. Or perhaps explore your kinky side. Then drop me an email, or a text and tell me what you would like to learn. It would be my pleasure to be your teacher.

John.

Orgasm obligation

Women having orgasms is a matter that is close to my heart. If you have spent any time reading over this site, then you will have noticed that it’s something that I talk about a lot. Even guarantee. So I was a little taken aback when I saw this article:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/citykat/why-men-need-to-relieve-themselves-of-orgasm-obligation-20150806-git2ng.html

Katherine Feeney (the author) talks about how she finds that men, these days, are obsessed with giving their partner’s an orgasm every time they have sex. Ok, male outrage and confusion is very likely in response to words like this. For years men have been criticized for not caring (and plenty of us still don’t) about our partner’s needs, for not knowing where the clitoris is etc, etc… But I do take the author’s point. It’s not a competition, it’s not a race, it doesn’t need to be a goal for every time you have sex.

She is right to say that orgasm should be something that just happens (or doesn’t) as part of sex between partners. And no-one should be feeling obliged. What that implies though is a level of emotional maturity and confidence – and sophistication! – that is somewhat lacking in many of us. It’s a complex topic that intersects with too many other social and relationship issues to be able to untangle here, or in a newspaper article.

On reading though it reminded me of something that I have observed over the years that I have been lucky enough to have partners and to work as I do. That is: some women can reach orgasm as easily as men, even through penetration (without manual clitoral stimulation). I don’t think that this is something that is inherent though – I think that it is learned.

This being the case, it puts a very different light on the conversation above. It becomes much less about social pressure and stigma and more about education and giving girls and young women the opportunity to learn about their bodies when they are ready.

Just as men can learn bad habits as teenagers (like premature ejaculation), I believe – given the stories I have heard over the years – that women can learn to reach orgasm easily and reliably if they (as teenagers and young adults) have an environment that is emotionally and physically conducive to them learning to do so. That means they have the opportunity to masturbate without fear of interruption or censure, to experience relationships and sex with other people, and preferably enough education to understand their bodies and their minds.

The next question then is: can older women learn to reach orgasm reliably and easily? My answer is that I don’t know conclusively, but I think that the answer is yes. The human brain is an amazing thing and capable of great plasticity. My experience with orgasmic meditation has shown that anyone woman can learn to have much greater sensitivity and receptiveness to genital stimulation. I believe that given enough time and effort, with the right person that it is quite possible for older women to learn to be just as orgasmic.

So, if a woman is able to climax freely (basically at her own will), then the whole question of “orgasm obligation” basically just goes away. Now that sounds like a worth goal to me.

John.