My diary is filling up fast for the rest of the year – but I just happen to have a Saturday available due to a booking being moved, that is November 2nd.
If you have been thinking about making a booking soon with me and a Saturday is your preferred day then this is a rare chance to get a Saturday night date on short notice! Drop me an email, or text, or give me a call.
John
Sometimes it can be a challenge thinking of new things to write about and post here, so I thought I would expand my repertoire a little and start posting some erotica. So I have created a dedicated page for it.
There is currently one story there and if you think you might enjoy reading about some steamy sex then you could check it out – and just to be clear, this is absolutely NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
An Indecent Proposal – by John Oh
John
At this point it’s a truism to say that online dating is a rolling dumpster fire. Everyone I know who has tried it has (regardless of success or failure) has said that it is awful and they hate it.
On its face online dating *should* work. It exposes us to people we would *never* otherwise have been able to meet – other than by highly unlikely random chance. And there in lies the first problem. Historically (thinking back to the middle of last century) we weren’t that mobile as a society. We tended to live and work in one place most of our lives, even over multiple generations. So the people we met day to day were mostly like us, sharing education, values, experiences etc. That’s not so true today. If you live in a big city like Sydney then you are going to be exposed to a lot more people from very different places with very different life experiences, values, education, and views.
What I have noticed (from living in small towns and big cities) is that in big cities people are far more insular than in small communities. When you live in a small town then everyone feels entitled to be a part of everyone else’s business and it’s difficult to be “private” and anonymous. In a big city however there is an assumption of privacy and anonymity. In my apartment building here in Sydney I literally have no idea who my neighbours are and rarely interact with them (and they change regularly) and are rarely interested in getting to know me. But the last small town I lived in the neighbours came and introduced themselves the day I moved in. The difference is real.
The problem with online dating is that it pierces that barrier of privacy that we assume for ourselves and brings right into our life people who are in absolutely no way “pre-qualified” as being someone we might like and relate to.
That in theory should be a good thing, but I think that in reality it makes for stressful experiences that just aren’t fun most of the time.
Most of us like to think that we are open minded and open to new experiences. But that doesn’t translate to being able to easily find a connection with someone who is very different to us. To be clear, I’m not putting a value judgement on being different from me. It’s just a statement that the more different we are the harder it is to form a connection with another person.
So yes – online dating brings vastly more people into our lives, but many – most – of them are simply never going to be possible prospects for a relationship – or even a friendship.
Then there is the social media affect. Social media is for the most part undeniably toxic. It allows – in fact encourages – and enables the worst kind of behaviour and attitudes toward other people and I don’t believe for a second that a person who one minute is thoughtlessly firing insults at someone on Twitter then flips over to Tinder has just undergone an attitude change and developed a sensitivity towards another group of anonymous people online.
So what is the solution? The only solution that I have been able to come up with is this: do things that you enjoy. Find other people who like doing the same things. Spend time around those people. In time and with luck you may meet someone with similar values and interests who you want to spend more time with.
It’s not a silver bullet to dating I know, but I think that it is the healthiest way to find a partner.
John
When I started writing this article it was with a sense of frustration about what I see happening to women in relationships. I regularly meet women – through my work as a male escort – who come to me because their partners (who they love and respect, and who’s company they enjoy) won’t give them the intimacy and sex that they want and need.
I am frustrated because these men seem to have no idea what they have to loose. It takes a lot for any person dedicated to their relationship to take the leap to visit an escort. It is not something done flippantly. It’s done because for many women this is the only way they feel they can get the sex that they need without compromising themselves and endangering their relationship.
I really wish that as a society we could have a better conversation about relationships, what they mean, what we want and need from them, and how we can all get what we need to allow us to be happy – as opposed to the assumption that we operate under now that one person can and always will be able to fulfill all of our needs. Something that is clearly not true for the majority of people.
John
I recently traded in my fabulously fun little sports car for something a bit more “practical” – something I thought I’d never do. As much as that hurt thought my choice of practical transportation – a Subaru Forester was a calculated choice.
If you’ve read some of my website, or known me for any length of time then you will know that I am a pretty keen photographer. I love landscape photography, wildlife, macro, and astro photography and Australia is a pretty amazing and beautiful place.
However I’ve never really taken the time to travel in Australia for the purpose of visiting and documenting beautiful places – except once when I visited Lake Mungo in south western NSW, a place that I highly recommend visiting.
So one of my goals with the Forester is to set it up so that I can go travelling and camping in it and see more of this wonderful country of ours.
If you like the idea of a day or two or three exploring some out of the way places with me then let me know. Let’s have an adventure!
John
From a conversation (with permission)…
I want to share something (with permission) that a woman recently told me.
“…one reason I was a bit reticent to tell you if something wasn’t working for me, is in the past, an ex-partner became quite upset when something that had felt good previously, wasn’t doing it for me that particular time. He basically said it wasn’t normal for something to feel good one time, but not another time and how was he supposed to know what to do if I keep changing my mind, and not to worry he would make sure to never do that again. So therefore I would never tell him if something wasn’t working for me in that particular instance.”
My response was to reassure her that she was always welcome to tell me if something wasn’t working for her (and inversely if something was really good!). I will never judge a person, or take it as an insult if something that we are doing isn’t working for them – even if it has in the past. We are never the same person from day to day. Our hormones change, we are tired, or energised, we are more or less aroused, the list goes on. So expecting the same thing to work for your partner every time you have sex isn’t realistic, or fair.
I have some advantage in this regard because my job as a male escort for women is to work out what works for someone. It’s my natural inclination to watch for the effects of what I’m doing and adjust, or ask if I think that there might be a problem. In long term relationships though it is very easy to slip into routines when we have sex and to just do the things that we always do that usually works.
I think that this is a good lesson for all partners: sex should be a fluid thing. It’s something that we should think about and pay attention to, rather than just something that just becomes routine.
Something that I have noticed over the years is that even with women I have known for many years, the sex never becomes routine or boring. I think that is in large part because when someone comes to see me it is “intentional” rather than just part of everyday life. So the sex is intentional. It is considered. Perhaps even planned – which can lead to exploring new ideas, trying new things, building a fantasy, then seeing where that leads.
I know that is always going to be hard to replicate in a relationship, but I think that it is worth acknowledging that sex needs to be made a priority in our lives from day to day to make it the best experience that it can be.
John
It’s obvious that no-one is born knowing how to drive. Driving is one of those skills that you have to learn by getting in a vehicle with an instructor, being guided, trying, making mistakes, learning, and eventually being able to safely drive a vehicle. For me that started when I was quite young growing up on a farm in Victoria and has continued on the road for thirty odd years.
Just this week though I undertook my first practical training and assessment session to drive a heavy vehicle. In particular I was training to drive heavy vehicles with an old style manual transmition. Now I can drive a manual car, but this is rather different, more complicated, and requires a *very* delicate touch with both your shifting hand and your foot – much more so than modern cars need.
I spent three hours driving around a one kilometer loop practicing shifting up and down, up and down. And I just couldn’t do it consistently. Sometimes I’d get it right, then I’d lose it again.
There were a few reasons why it was so difficult for me. One was trying to overcome more than thirty years of driving reflexes, another was my preferred learning style – no pressure, lots of repetition, and being able to mess up, then try again. The last is a supportive teacher who doesn’t get stressed or lose their cool.
The first is just something that takes time. Reflexes are hard to overcome – especially reflexes that you have learned to keep you safe. Unfortunately the loop we were driving was relatively short with several corners that limited my ability to just practice, practice, practice and threw in having to worry about a bunch of other factors like traffic, potholes etc. The last was the biggest problem and I honestly wasn’t comfortable with the person who was instructing me. I tried to work through it, but in the end I had to cut the session short because his teaching style clashed with how I learn and when combined with my fading ability to concentrate from mental exhaustion it was clear that there was no point continuing that day.
It may not seem obvious but there are some strong parallels between my recent experience and how many people experience learning about sex. I think that there is a very strong expectation in people that sex will just “come naturally” and when it doesn’t I think many people blame themselves, thinking that it must be their failing.
The truth though is that first – especially if we are older and have experience and sexual “reflexes” – it can be *really* hard to unlearn or modify those reflexes. Certain things “work” for us and trying new things or different things may not hit the same way leaving us fighting not to fall back into old patterns.
Then there’s the question of how we learn. Are you someone who likes to plan things out and try them step by step? Or do you prefer to just jump into something and see what happens? Do you need lots of communication and reasurance?
And finally there’s the person (or persons) you are doing your exploration with. This is likely to be the most important part of all. We are at our most vulnerable when we express a desire to another person – when we open ourselves up and say to a partner “I would like you to do this for me…”. There is a huge risk there emotionally. Will they take your request seriously? Will they be understanding and supportive? Will they respect your boundaries? Will they be enthusiastic about your shared journey and experience?
I often have women come to me who want to have a new experience, or learn new ways to experience pleasure, or discover what they are capable of sexually. I believe that I always put my full effort and attention into helping the women and couples who come to me to explore their sexuality.
My personal experience this week learning a new and difficult skill under stressful circumstances has reminded me of just how hard it can be for people to be vulnerable and to put their trust in someone else. I don’t believe that I have ever lost sight of that in my sex work, but it never hurts to have a reminder. I want to be the best I can possibly be as a sex worker and I think that this experience will help me to achieve that.
John
Honestly I don’t tend to put a lot of stock in pop-culture surveys, but this one threw up a few things that I think are worth considering.
Now younger people cop a lot of stick for not being “appropriately dedicated” to their work, but I absolutely understand this attitude. Growing up most of us older than Gen Z were told that we had to “work hard to get ahead” and that building a career was critical to happiness and success. While some people find fulfillment from a traditional career, many – I would say most – do not.
What has become known as “grind culture” is in fact incredibly destructive for most people, leaving them drained of energy and unable to fully participate in a relationship and a satisfying sex life.
If working from home is helping people to find a better balance between their work and their mental and sexual wellbeing then I am all for it.
I have worked for myself and from home for the vast majority of my adult life and although there are challenges and it just doesn’t work for some people I think that it’s worth fighting for if it works for you – especially if it means you can have a better sex life!
I’m genuinely surprised that the number is only 48%. I’m not surprised that stress and burnout is a problem though. For me personally as a male sex worker for women I have to manage my stress and limit the number of bookings that I take to make sure that I have the energy and enthusiasm to provide a professional service.
That’s not always an easy balance to strike even for me – so for the average person who has to pour their time and energy into their work it is no surprise at all that the stress of our lives and the burden of earning a living can have a significant impact on having and enjoying sex.
So, going back to the point above – I applaud the people who stick to their guns and demand to be able to work from home. Sex shouldn’t be something that we tack on to the end of our day. It should be a part of our lives that we nurture and celebrate make space for. It is too easy to always put other things ahead of sex.
What surprises me here is that the difference isn’t larger. Still, Australia is a relatively conservative county deep down, so perhaps it’s just worth celebrating that an entire third of young adults felt free to say “I’m not heterosexual”.
I don’t attach value to being heterosexual, queer, gay, bi or any other orientation. All are equally valid. What I do value is people having the confidence and freedom to decide and to voice their identity.
John
It’s been 18 wonderful day, over 30,000 kms flying, 1,400 kms driving, four AirBNBs, two hotel, 3,600+ photos, five nights sighting the aurora, more amazing scenery than you can poke a stick at – and around 60 cups of tea – but I’m back in Australia and available for your pleasure!
I have been incredibly lucky to travel to some of the most amazing and beautiful places in the world with my clients over the years and this trip was no exception.
If you have a special destination – whether it’s in Australia, or overseas – that you have always wanted to visit, but don’t want to go alone then it would be my pleasure to accompany you.
If you are keen on sight seeing then I can be your companion and personal photographer (including a photo book of the trip, a framed print of your favourite image, and electronic copies of all of our photos to display in a digital photo frame). Or perhaps you just want to go to a destination and relax with good food, massage, conversation, and company. I can accommodate whatever you desire.
I book up to three trips a year, so if you are thinking of travelling with me then drop me a line with your proposed dates and destination and we can work out a travel plan.
You can see more about traveling with me including my rates on my Travel Page.
John