Ask me anything…

If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?

Drop a comment below, email john@john-oh-escort.com, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.


So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.

Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.

Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?

A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.

I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.


Q. Is sex work legal?

A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!

The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).

Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).


Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?

A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.


Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?

A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!

Read all the questions and answers here!

Continue reading

There is no “normal”, just what’s normal to you

People often ask me “what’s the weirdest thing you have ever been asked to do by a client”. The very vanilla answer to that question is “most women who come to me just want some good basic sex”.

But it does lead me to think about what “weird” really means.

My observation of people, sex, and sexuality over the last twelve years as a male escort for women (and couples) is that our sexuality – the things that “excite” us as opposed to our orientation, gender identity etc – exist on a spectrum and that what we like comes about in large part from what we are exposed to as we begin to explore sex.

In my teens I was exposed to heteronormative ideas and the images and practices that go with it – nuclear family, 80’s pop culture, Playboy and Penthouse magazines, the book The Joy of Sex (which I still think is a good read for heterosexual people), and very little else.

So that became my “normal”.  As I was discovering sex those things were imprinted in my psyche and remain there to this day underpinning what is arousing for me. A lot of people have very similar experiences as they become sexually aware and engaged – so we reflexively assume that because most people are like us that this is somehow “normal” – with the inference that interests elsewhere on the sexual spectrum are somehow “weird”, or worse – “abnormal”.

In reality though – as long as something is consensual and legal – declaring what is and isn’t “normal” is an arbitrary value judgement – not an objective truth. I may not be aroused by what another person is aroused by, but that says nothing about its value, or validity. It’s just my perception. The key that fits their sexual lock doesn’t fit mine and vice versa.

Some women who contact me are embarrassed to tell me what they find arousing, what works for them. So I think that it is important to say that – as long as what you want is consensual and legal – that I am always happy for someone to ask me for what they want. I’m open to most things – but even if I’m not comfortable with something, then I’m not going to judge you for asking. You are entitled to enjoy what you enjoy, and I will respect that. 

Want to call me “daddy”? Well ok then. Need to be spanked on the bottom? That’s fine. Like to go out for dinner with no underwear to spice things up? By all means. You aren’t going to shock me, and I will not judge you for what you want.

And neither should the rest of society!

John

“The Ravishment Option” and owning our sexuality

I was sent me a link a while back to this sex work themed comedy short film. It’s hilarious and sweet, and very entertaining. I want to talk about one scene near the start – so you have been warned, spoilers ahead, I suggest you watch it before reading on (it’s only 15 minutes long).

https://youtu.be/8iCW7aLc8bQ

The story opens with a young woman Enid researching male sex workers and booking Ricky. When Ricky arrives he sweeps Enid up in his arms and kisses her deeply – much to her disgust! Ricky apologises and tells her he thought she selected “the ravishment option” when she booked (which she did not).

Now it’s a funny scene and well played in the film – but it also made me chuckle because this is literally a real thing – not a check box when you book, but I have had several clients will sometimes ask (in different words) for The Ravishment Option.

The vast majority of women who come to see me, whether it’s the first time or the 20th time like to have time to relax, chat, and connect before anything more intimate happens. That is totally understandable. Some women though, when they are in the mood want something different – and if they feel comfortable and secure with me then they may well ask to be “ravished” the moment they walk through the door.

I think that this is a good thing – not just individually, but more broadly. Many people don’t feel that they can ask for what they want. Worse I think that many people can’t even give themselves permission to want what they want.

Which is even worse and possibly harder to change. So lets talk about that.

I have come to the conclusion over my years working as a straight male escort for women that there is no such thing as “normal” and “abnormal” when it comes to a person’s sexuality. Just distributions of people who like similar things.

While I am sure that there are some traits, like being gay, or gender dysphoria that are rooted in biology, I think that much of our sexuality is created through our experiences. Like a man who, having the experience of being captured and sat on by some girls his age when he was going through puberty, to this day finds being sat on by a dominant woman to be a powerful turn on. I have come across many cases like this that while at the more distant ends of the sexual spectrum serve to illustrate how someone like me ended up with fairly “average” sexual inclinations. I never had unusual or extreme experiences of sex and sexuality when I was younger and so my tastes and preference now reflect that.

I like to compare sexuality to a book. When we first open our book there are certain things written in there – personally my book has always said “straight male”. But most things that come after that I can look back on my life and my experiences from early teens into my twenties and find correlations between what I experienced and what I now find interesting/arousing/motivating/distracting sexually.

It took me a long time though – until my early thirties to reconcile what I wanted and responded to instinctively and what I thought I should want. That gap was a source of unhappiness that I wasn’t really aware of. When I did finally “come out” to myself and start to accept and embrace my sexuality I found a kind of inner peace that I had never had before.

I didn’t have to hide what I wanted anymore. I didn’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. It was a revelation. And it was without doubt one of the things that lead me to sex work as a career, something that has changed and improved my life in many ways.

So what is the lesson? I think it is that we need to listen to ourselves. Hear what our bodies and minds are asking for, then find a way to give that to ourselves. If we can do that then we will be happier, healthier, and better-rounded people.

John

Will you see me if I’m pregnant?

I was recently asked the question “will you take a booking from someone who is pregnant?”. I realised that I have never addressed this question directly here on my website – so it’s definitely time to do that.

The answer is yes I am happy to see a client who is pregnant – but with this proviso: if you haven’t already done so – I ask you to talk to your doctor and midwife first and educate yourself about any possible risks to your pregnancy that having sex might incur and to only proceed if you are prepared to accept those risks.

This topic is timely as it fits in with my recent posts “It’s ok to want what you want” – Part 1 and Part 2.

Wanting sex while you are pregnant is a normal and healthy thing. Yes it’s ok to have sex when you are pregnant. And it’s definitely ok to pay a person like me for sex if that is what you want.

For the people who jump to “How could someone do that to her husband when they are having a baby together!?” I would remind them – not all women who are pregnant are married. Not all women who are pregnant are in a heterosexual relationship. Not all people are jealous, or insecure, or possessive of their partner – some people actually have functional open relationships. And not all women who are pregnant can get the sex that they want and need from their partner.

At the end of the day, if you are pregnant and want to pay for sex – that is your decision and your’s alone – and I will be happy to take your booking.

John.

It’s ok to want what you want – part 2

I try hard in my work as a straight male escort for women to show my clients that it is ok for them to embrace their sexuality – whatever it is.

I met a woman “T” for a booking recently who carried a lot of shame and guilt around sex and wanted to have an experience with me to help start to overcome those things.

She messaged me today and (with her permission) I’m sharing what she said. Our session didn’t include anything kinky, but this is a good example of how – for someone who may lack confidence in themselves and their desires – having a sexual experience in a safe and non-judgemental environment can help them to overcome their inhibitions and fully embrace their sexuality.

Thank you T. I’m glad that you are on this journey and that I could help set you on the path. 

John

Help for couples with no sex experience – guidance and instruction about massage, touch, tantra, mutual oral, virginity, and more

Not everyone who gets married has the sexual confidence and experience that they might like to have. It’s quite common for younger couples especially. Perhaps you come from a conservative culture and background, perhaps you just never had the chance to learn. It doesn’t matter how it happened – and it doesn’t mean you have to live with not knowing.

For many years now I have offered lessons to single women to help teach them about their body and help them explore their sexuality. I have also occasionally seen couples with similar needs, but I haven’t really written about this before and I thought that I should.

So here’s the bottom line – if you are a couple and one or both of you are inexperienced with sex (or even never had sex at all) then I can help you with practical instruction. I’m not a therapist who will just talk to you about what to do. As a straight male sex worker for women, I can provide practical experience in any area that you want to explore and gain confidence in. I can guide you and your partner through all of the things that you want to learn. I can demonstrate techniques (like how to give great oral sex to each other) showing both of you what works and how to learn about what each other likes. I can answer any questions that you have but don’t know who and how to ask.

My courses generally start with the simplest thing of all: touch. It can be literally just touching your partner’s body, it can be massage – which is a great way to explore and arouse your partner, it can be more sophisticated and sensual like intimate touch. I can show you all of these things and you can practice them with me and get feedback about how you are doing and improve your skills.

An extension of touch is oral sex. It’s an excellent way for a man to help his female partner to reach orgasm if she has trouble doing so through other means. I am very skilled in this area and can teach a man all of the techniques that he needs to be able to satisfy his partner. Conversely, I can show a woman how to touch her partner’s penis and teach her the techniques that make for great oral sex for him.

Are you a couple, newly married, and want to learn how to give each other erotic massage? I can help you with that. I can teach you how to give a massage that starts out relaxing and enjoyable, then builds up to sensual, creating lots of sexual tension and getting you both ready for some great sex…

Some couples are even in the position where one or both of them are virgins – have never experienced penetrative sex. I have met a couple from India in this situation in the past. This can be very stressful for both of you, but it’s a situation that I have been in many times and I can show you how to have sex for the first time without it being painful and help you to learn to make it great.

Techniques like tantra are especially good for couples to allow them to connect deeply and to make the sex that you have last as long as you want and to make it very satisfying. I can show you these things too.

Once you have the basics worked out, you might want to learn and experience more. If that’s the case, then I can help with that too. Advanced positions for sex, games like spanking, blindfolds, light BDSM. Anything that you can think of, I can help with practical guidance and instruction.

There is so much to explore for new couples and couples new to sex and I can be your guide. Safe. Knowledgeable. Discreet.

You can drop me a text, or email, or call me any time to discuss with no obligation and no risk.

John.

The sex bots are coming (again)

It seems every year or two we see one of these articles: “THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!” shout the headlines. Read the article though and it’s usually about one or two people working in the industry of robotics, or robotic research talking up the technology or spruking their products.  See here:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-sex-robots-could-revolutionise-bedtime-20160609-gpfy6b.html

The story is changing though, gradually. As per this article (complete with smiling women smooching very plastic looking sci-fi robots) there are interesting and disturbing nuggets of information. for instance…

“Companion devices such as the Pepper robot are increasingly being used to provide company to elderly people, particularly in Asian countries such as Japan”

and…

“Prof Sharkey said there was evidence that companion devices were also being use by parents to keep their children company. Research from California indicated young children had emotionally bonded with the machines”

Now, it’s a vast leap to go from companion devices for the elderly to a robot who rocks your world in bed, but if you grow up as a child with ever more sophisticated companion devices (robots), then perhaps you will grow up to be an adult who is more comfortable with machines and machine sex than dealing with the messy, complicated, often painful world of sex with other humans. It could well happen. In fact I expect that it likely will happen.

But all of this – in my opinion – misses the point. Click bait headlines aside, it makes me ask the question: “what do we want from sex?” and ultimately “what does it mean to be human?”

I am regularly contacted by women who have difficulty in reaching orgasm, or difficulty being “in the moment” and enjoying sex. Our consumer society responds to that by saying that the solution is a new vibrator, or a more powerful vibrator, or an AI vibrator! And that may actually work for some time. Powerful stimulation that simply CANNOT be ignored may get you there for a while. But it’s really only a band-aid, over-riding the basic problem, and potentially causing more of it’s own (as your body decreases clitoral sensitivity in response to the very strong stimulation).

So my response is that if we can’t be “in the moment” for sex, if we can’t reach orgasm easily, then the answer lies not outside of us, but in our heads. We need to go back to basics – work out what is causing the problem in the first place: too busy and stressed with work? Unhappy in our relationship? Tired and stressed by family and commitments?

We need to either change our lives to reduce of remove the cause, or we need to learn how to be at peace anyway. A combination of both is, in my opinion, ideal.

So where does that leave sex robots? Honestly I’m not sure. Until such time as robots are intellectually and emotionally equivalent to humans, I can’t see how a robot can ever be a substitute for the sexual arousal that comes from the close physical and mental stimulation of another person. But if we reach that stage, then what really is the difference besides a synthetic body?

So basically we come full circle. If you want a healthy, satisfying sex life (with a human or a robot) then you are probably going to have to sort out your own head first. A task that I am always happy to help people with in the pursuit of better sex.

John.

The beauty of breasts

It will come as no surprise I am sure to hear that I like (love) women’s breasts.  They are fabulous.  Large or small, they all have their own charm.

I came across an article today in Fairfax’s Daily Life site about breasts and thought it worth sharing.  You can see the original article here:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-are-we-so-embarrassed-about-breasts-20130206-2dxa3.html

The author of the article (who wrote/edited a book about breasts to support breast cancer research after having cancer herself) found herself troubled by just how prudish our society (western society) is about breasts.  Most significantly the way that womens’ breasts are treated as sexual where as mens’ are not.

Ultimately it’s just one more arbitrary thing in our culture.  Some people develop fetishes for feet, or hands, or being sat on, or … just about anything you can think of.  Our society has create a general fetish for womens’ breasts, but not mens’.  There is plenty to say here about double standards and the objectification of women.

What I would like to say is – given that our society in general has this fetish and it’s not going away any time soon – the best thing that we can all do is learn to enjoy what we have to the full.  Many men don’t appreciate the pleasure that a women can get from having her breasts touched and stimulated.  Also, many women don’t appreciate how enjoyable it can be for them either.  There are so many ways to do it, from massaging the whole breast with fingers and hand, to exquisite nipple play with lips, fingers, or toys.

So, while we wait for equality in bare breasted to happen, lets explore the pleasure to be had from this collective fetish and re-discover breast play as part of a fulfilling sex life!

John

Nipple clamps

Do you like having your nipples squeezed and pulled?  Then chances are that you would enjoy playing with nipple clamps.  Personally I have very sensitive nipples – meaning that strong stimulation just plain hurts!  But this isn’t the case for everyone.  So if you enjoy some nipple play then I highly recommend trying out a set of nipple clamps.

Nipple clamps

Some nipple clamps are spring loaded for easy use. These ones are tightened with a screw. Harder to use, but you can adjust them to just the right tension

This set (pictured right) have soft padded jaws and are tightened with a screw.  This makes it very easy to set exactly the right pressure for your nipples.

As you can see they are joined by a chain.  Once on and tight, the clamps are said to give a slow pulsing sensation that is like pain, but not quite …  I am told that this is very enjoyable and helps to keep you focused and “in the moment” if you are having sex.

The chain adds to the sensation when you are standing up, or on all fours by pulling down on the clamps.  During sex the rhythmic swinging of the chain when on all fours can be very enjoyable!

You can buy nipple clamps at any good sex shop.  If you are shopping for a set then you need to think about the size of your nipples (when they are aroused) and make sure that you get a set that will open wide enough.

There is no need however to stick to purpose made nipple clamps.  I have seen clothes pegs or all sizes and styles used, paper clips, and just about anything you can find that could hold your nipple!  Do be a bit careful though, you don’t want to use anything too sharp that might break the skin, or cut off circulation.

As always be safe and have fun!

John.

Fifty Shades …

Ok, it’s time to talk about Fifty Shades of Grey.

Note: this post talks about BDSM and actual experiences of this fantasy.
If you are not comfortable reading about these concepts then please don’t continue reading this post.

I have stayed away from this topic since Fifty Shades exploded into popular culture because I haven’t been clear in my head about how I feel about the books and their portrayal of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism). Last night though I had a conversation with a friend that set it all in perspective for me.

As with any work of fiction there will be people who love Fifty shades, people who hate it, and people who just don’t care much.

What has become clear to me though is that regardless of Fifty Shades merit (be that literary quality, BDSM accuracy, psychological etc) it has tapped into something profound in the psychology of many women.  A book doesn’t need to be great, or even good to inspire people, get them thinking, and open new doors for them.  Lets face it, no-one is actually going to live out the story of Fifty Shades in real life (if for no other reason than young self-made billionaires are hard to come by and are pretty hotly contested property).

But this is the point.  Fifty Shades, like all erotica, is about fantasy and what it inspires in you, not about slavish re-creation.

Continue reading