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I am John Oh, straight male escort for women.  I live in Sydney, Australia and work in Sydney, Canberra, and Melbourne.

I am one of Sydney’s most experienced male escorts for women and offer a service that I believe is second to none.

Book a date with me to experience the luxury of personal intimate attention.  From relaxing talk with a glass of wine, to a meal cooked to order, erotic massage, and of course intense and satisfying sex.

If you would like to see photos of me, please see my photos page.

I am available to travel interstate or internationally if you would like to fly me to you, or have me travel with you on your holiday.

If you would like to chat with me you can drop me an email, send me a text, or give me a call.  I am also happy to chat by Skype if you would like to get to know me better.

John.

We’re back baby!

So NSW is back in business and the easing of covid restrictions means that sex workers like me are allowed to work again.

It feels good to be back!

In the interest of everyone staying healthy and safe, these are the rules for seeing me:

  1. Get vaccinated! I am fully vaccinated (since June 4th) and will be getting a booster when I am entitled in early December. I won’t be seeing anyone who isn’t vaccinated – unless they have a health restriction that prevents them for receiving the vaccine. I’m sorry if this is a problem, but I have to put my health and everyone else who I see first
  2. When I’m out in public I will wear a mask (except in a restaurant where that’s not practical)
  3. I will continue to get tested for covid regularly. I encourage anyone who is coming to see me to do the same. If you are immunocompromised or vulnerable in some other way, please let me know and I can provide a recent negative covid test result before we meet
  4. If you are visiting me, please wear a mask in my building. It’s a rule of the building and everyone has to follow it

And that’s it. I hope that we can all work together to protect everyone’s health.

John

Feminism and sex

I seem to be saying this a lot recently – it’s a symptom of being in lockdown and having limited external input these days – but I read something online that I felt the need to comment on.

Can I be submissive in the bedroom and still be a feminist?
If I exert control during sex, I don’t enjoy it. I prefer to lie back – but how do I square this with my beliefs?

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/19/can-i-be-submissive-in-the-bedroom-and-still-be-a-feminist

When I read the headline and then the article it made no sense to me.

“Can you be a woman and a feminist and still enjoy being submissive during sex (with a man)”

The short answer is “Yes”.

The longer answer is “Yes of course you can. What turns you on has literally nothing to do with politics and social justice. Your personal sexual arousal is yours and yours alone”.

The real answer is “Why is this even a question?”.

I have over my years as a sex worker spent a lot of time listening to mostly women talking about feminism and what it means to them.  Here’s what I have taken away from all of that:

Feminism is about fighting for equality for all people.  It is not about “female dominance”.

Female dominance would be some kind of “matriarchy” – the opposite of the “patriarchy” that feminism fights.  It is perhaps telling that so many people see others fighting for equality and assume (perhaps in bad faith) that what those people really want is dominance rather than equality.

So this is why the question seems to me to be a total non-sequitur.  Nothing in feminism (the fight for gender equality) says that a woman, man, or any other gender identity can’t engage in what they enjoy in bed.  The only way you could come to that conclusion is through a terribly misguided reading of feminism.

How can fighting to live in a society where no-one is treated differently because of their gender lead you to think that you can’t engage in a power exchange with your partner in your personal sex life?  The two have literally nothing to do with each other – except if one person is deciding what is appropriate and what is not based on some assumption about gender roles in sexual relationships.

The irony here is that many powerful people regularly seek balance in their lives by expressing a submissive side of their personality through BSDM and other means.

We need to be more sophisticated in how we think about feminism and what it means to us and our personal relationships.  With questions like this we are allowing ourselves to be drawn down to the level of the people who oppose equality – be it based on gender, race, ethnicity etc. 

The people who oppose equality want to appear as the victim so that they have clear lines to object along – it’s literally impossible to call equality unfair, so they have to recast the demand for equality into a desire to oppress – the very thing that they themselves do to others.

So yes – you can be submissive, or dominant, or a switch, or none of the above in bed regardless of any other beliefs you may hold. It’s sex. Please just enjoy it.

John.

Getting enough sex

The Guardian runs a regular column called “Sexual Healing” and while I rarely find anything more than safe platitudes in the columnist’s replies to readers’ problems, I do think that the topics are often important and deserve a better response than “Partners have to teach each other how they like to be pleasured”. I think we worked that out back in the sixties, possibly the seventies… We know that and it has precisely nothing to do with the woman in question’s dilemma.

In this particular article the reader raises a very difficult topic

I left my husband because the sex was boring and nonexistent. I’ve since met another guy and while our sex life was great for a while, when we moved in together it all but disappeared.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jul/14/i-left-my-husband-because-the-sex-was-boring-now-im-having-the-same-problem-with-my-new-partner

This is a problem that I as a straight male escort for women I hear all the time – and I know that female sex workers hear it from male clients too.

This is a universal problem for human beings – mismatched libidos.

So lets start with some fundamentals:

  • You may naturally have a low libido, or a high libido – neither is “right” or “wrong”
  • Your libido will change during your life. It is effected by hormones, stress, sleep, work schedule, age, and more
  • Attraction between people changes over time and with that the sexual relationship almost certainly will change as well

Here’s the most important one:

  • Societal norms including marriage, monogamy, the “nuclear family”, education, and career are almost always prioritised over our sexuality and as a result we rarely have happy, fulfilling sex lives

So that’s the groundwork laid. So lets go back to the reader’s problem:

  • She has a high libido
  • Her husband wasn’t interested
  • She left her husband to get the sex that she wanted
  • She found a guy and was having great sex with him
  • She moved in with him and the sex died
  • She found out that he looks at porn
  • She is back to square one in an almost sexless relationship

I’m pretty sure that you can see that the columnist saying “Partners have to teach each other how they like to be pleasured…” does nothing to untangle this woman’s mess. They were having good sex, so I’m pretty sure that they both knew what each other wanted.

So here’s how I would reply to her:

It appears from your description that you aren’t hungry for variety and novelty in your sex life (as some people are), but that you would happily have lots of sex with one partner.

The problem isn’t your partner’s libido – at least it’s not fair to blame that – the problem is monogamy and the expectation that one person can give you all of the sex that you need (and to be clear this applies equally if the genders are reversed).

Many people automatically assume that sex means relationship means marriage means happily ever after. It’s a lie. A lie that makes most of us more or less unhappy in our long term relationships (just look at divorce rates if you reflexively disagree with that statement).

The hard reality is that long term relationships almost always change the way that we see our partner (and ourselves), how we feel about them, and the way in which we are attracted to them. The changes may be positive or negative or something else altogether. But we will change – and that includes how we feel about our partner and ourselves sexually. So expecting the fire and intensity and frequency of “new relationship sex” to endure beyond the “new relationship” is not reasonable and may well wreck the good things that do endure or grow with a partner.

One of the primary reasons for married women coming to see me is that they are generally happy in their relationship with their partner, but they just can’t get the sex that they want. So rather than blowing up their lives (and their partner and often children’s lives) “just” for sex, they find a different way to fill that need. For some women that means coming to see me – but that’s not what I’m advocating for here, it’s just one solution among several.

I’m advocating for changing the way you look at sex and long term relationships. Requiring a long term partner in a monogamous relationship to fill all of your sexual needs is usually going to end up with you wanting more than they can give – based on what you have said. The only difference between one partner and another will be by how much you feel you are missing out on.

Then that frustration spill over and poisons the rest of the relationship and… well you have lived the experience of where that leads.

The solution is: accept that if you want to be in a long term committed relationship that, because you have a high libido, you won’t get all of the sex you need from that one person so you are going to have to work out an arrangement with them that lets you get it with someone (or more) outside the relationship.

Of course this means that you have to extend your partner the same privilege. In that lies the opportunity to perhaps do it together – which might be its own kind of fun. I have known a number of clients who went down this path, initially seeing me to fill a personal need for sex, but eventually negotiating with a partner to explore their sexuality together with other people. Other clients have negotiated with their partners to play separately. Some simply choose to see me every month or two.

The point is that if you have a high libido you need to look for solutions beyond expecting one person to give you everything that you need sexually to be happy. It’s not easy. It’s not convenient. And it will require significant effort to make it work – and you won’t be able to make it work with some partners. But if you can then you might just discover an entirely new life that is rewarding in more ways than just giving you the sex that you need.

John.

More than just sex…

I would like to share a message with you that I received from a client (with her permission).  I have seen her several times over eighteen months or so and helped her to explore her sexuality.  But there was more going on there than either of us realised…

“Hi John

I wasn’t sure weather you’d like to hear this or not.  So I went on a date on Wed night, like first proper date.

I had the confidence to it & I was able to hold a conversation over dinner (maybe a few nerves), it felt normal to do. I never thought I’d ever have the confidence to do any of that and I would like to think having seen you a number of times has given me that confidence boost to be able to do it.

Sometimes Have wondered if seeing you has been a good idea but last night proved that, yes it has definitely been worth it (wouldn’t have guessed talking so much would be so much help). So thank you! so much for it.”

(Side note here: this person lives outside of Sydney and isn’t subject to the lockdown here, in case anyone is wondering why they were out of a date given the covid situation)

This was a delightful surprise to receive – because while I like my work and I love that so many of my clients choose to see me regularly, I also enjoy seeing them grow as people and become more confident. And eventually move on to new things and relationships.

I love that sometimes I am able to be a part of that growth.

John.

More about pregnancy, sex, and seeing a sex worker

After I posted a few weeks ago about women who are pregnant and wanting to see a sex worker I had a conversation on the topic with a woman who is a midwife. Since she is a medical professional I thought I would share some of her thoughts about sex while pregnant – with the warning of course that you must talk to your doctor or midwife about these issues and not rely solely on anything I write here. While this information may be relevant generally, it may not be right for you, so please take the time to discuss it further with the professionals you trust. Hopefully it can act as a starting point for an informative conversation.

So the main point that was made to me was that I made it sound like having “sex while pregnant is inherently risky for everyone whereas there are really only a couple of specific conditions where we recommend not having sex”. I may have made it sound more risky with my disclaimer, but I do so because I want to be quite clear that I’m not giving medical advice and not qualified to do so.

So there you have it – what you need to be doing specifically is determine if you have any specific condition that might make sex a risk to your pregnancy.

Some more directly practical things I was told to be aware of included: breasts and nipples can be extra tender. This can actually be a good thing for enjoying sex as it can equate, for some women, to greater sensitivity and pleasure.

Breasts can leak colostrum. Certainly something to be aware of, it might give your partner a surprise if they/you like having your nipples sucked!

Orgasm can cause painless tightening of the uterus. I have read in the past that this is one of the bodies ways of helping to recover from pregnancy and childbirth.

Importantly – the cervix can be more vascular, so inadvertent touching of it – say through deep penetrative sex – can occasionally cause superficial bleeding. This is a very good thing to know as I expect that unexpected bleeding could be concerning.

Another problem with deep penetration, especially later in pregnancy, is that it can become uncomfortable. So if that’s something you and your partner like then expectations may need to be adjusted for a while!

Lastly – and this I was not aware of at all – is that when a pregnancy is very advanced, laying on your back for extended periods can cause a drop in blood pressure due to weight of the uterus pressing on the major blood vessels. So laying on your side for sex is a good alternative to missionary position later in a pregnancy.

For my part I want to add this – whatever your situation is and needs are, if you want to see me then I am very happy to discuss them and work with you to give you a safe and enjoyable experience.

John.

Vaccination – a public service announcement

Yesterday I was among the lucky few in Australia to get my first vaccination for covid-19.

I am entitled to vaccination in the 1B group as I work with women with disabilities.

My second shot is in a few weeks time and I am really looking forward to being fully vaccinated against covid.

Here in Australia I think that hesitancy to get the vaccine is relatively low, which is great. Our problem is quite the opposite – a poorly planned and managed roll-out and limited supply of shots is the bigger issue.

However, if you are worried about having the vaccination, here’s my request – if you can get vaccinated, please do it. Not for me, but for yourself and for the people around you. There has been lots of media coverage of the risk of blood clots from one of the vaccines that have been developed. But what nobody seems to be doing is putting those (very small) risks in their proper context – that is to set it against the horrible consequences of covid-19.

So – as Seth Myers says – “Stay safe, wear a mask, get vaccinated, we love you!”

Update 4th of June: I am fully vaccinated as of today!

John.

Why I generally don’t do link swaps

I don’t generally do “link swaps” and the like on my website.  Networking is great for generating traffic to your website, but I am always wary of endorsing other people who I don’t know and trust.

I recently received an invitation to swap links with a site and I was, as always, cautious about it.  I spent some time looking over the site and while the content was, on the whole, ok, and purported to be the site of a woman who specialised in sexuality and relationships, it left me feeling like it was just a whole lot of middle of the road articles about sexuality with some occasional BDSM et al spicy stuff thrown in.

I didn’t get the feeling that the site was actually written by one person. More that it was a bunch of sexy stuff, designed to be a little bit titillating without risking anything, that had no personal voice.

I’m pretty sure that the purported owner didn’t write the content. And that’s a problem for me. There was no personal voice. No consistent narrative or view coming through. Just generic “feel good” vibes about sex. A site designed perhaps to drive views and clicks for advertisers rather than to give you real information. And I don’t want to be sending people who read my website to another site just so that they can be “monetised”…

If you have read much of my content then you can probably understand why this would not sit well with me. In everything that I write for this website I try be honest and direct about who I am and what my values are. Some people will like my values, some people won’t – and I think that’s a great way to help anyone thinking about booking me to make the right decision for them.

A website that tries to please everyone so that it can get maximum views rather than provide the best information is not one that I am going to promote. I try to put my readers’ and clients’ best interests ahead of commercialism.

John.

Is it ok to see a sex worker indefinitely?

When we think of seeing a sex worker I think that there is an assumption that it’s something that we do (amongst other reasons) to get through a period where we are single, don’t have time for a relationship, need to work through issues around sex, or would like a special treat. We don’t tend to look at seeing a sex worker as something that we might do indefinitely.

The reality though is that many people (men and women) see sex workers – even the same sex worker – for extended periods. As of writing this article in 2021, one of my clients has been seeing me for almost ten years. Every month for ten years. And she is not alone.

To answer the question in the title of this post – yes it is ok to see a sex worker for as long as you want to, assuming the following things:

  • It is affordable for you. This is understandably one of the biggest obstacles for seeing a sex worker regularly. I am happy to see most anyone – but not if doing so would be financially ruinous
  • Seeing your sex worker is a positive thing that makes your life better. This may seem obvious, but sometimes it is hard to maintain perspective. Checking yourself and whether the arrangement is still a good thing in your life is vital
  • Seeing your sex worker doesn’t stop you from building other relationships that might be more fulfilling in the long term. I have had a few clients – who enjoyed seeing me – stop doing so as they realised that seeing me was stopping them from looking for a partner, which was something that they really wanted in their lives.

Some people see their sex worker for many years. Some never plan to stop seeing them. Perhaps because they have a disability which makes regular dating hard, dangerous, or impossible. Others because while they love their partner and are happy in their relationship, they simply cannot get the sex that they want and need to be happy. Or perhaps just because they choose to and that’s what works for their life.

John.

Consent and stupid government videos

I really don’t want to talk about the complete education failure that is the Australian Federal Governments “The Good Society” campaign, but I guess I really should.

A part of what I do most days in my work as a straight male escort (sex worker) for women, is try to undo some of the damage that our society does to women – body shaming, slut shaming, guilt around desire, gaslighting, bi/homophobia… the list goes on. So it is good that progressive nations like the Netherlands are leading the way with age appropriate consent education and I am sure that their society will be better, more compassionate, and accepting places as these ideas take hold and over time new generations internalise respecting other people’s right to choose and the “old ways” die out.

Then along comes the federal government of Australia and creates a set of “educational” videos about consent that are so awful that they:

  • Don’t even use the word “sex” when (apparently) trying to educate high school students about consenting to have sex – the infantilisation of young adults on display here literally belongs back in the 50 – which brings us to…
  • Hold up the 1950 as the ideal of a “modern progressive society” – I mean really? We laugh about the Liberal Party being stuck in the past, but honestly they are now beyond parody

“…the Department of Education told Guardian Australia: “Content on The Good Society website was created by experts and reviewed by a Resource Review Group of subject matter experts. Community members, teachers, and school leaders were also consulted to ensure the content was engaging for students and consistent with community standards.”

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2021/apr/20/milkshake-video-sexual-consent-education-campaign-cost-australian-government-38m

Notice who’s missing from that list? Students. They didn’t ask the target audience – students – if they thought that the information was useful and engaging. No. Instead they asked – everyone else. Which really just reinforces my point above.

This wasn’t an exercise in making Australia a “good society” (whatever that means from the party of children overboard, indefinite detention, and opposing anything that might mitigate climate change). It was an exercise in finding another way to shoehorn Victorian values and ideology about sex into our schools.

It was disgusting. I’m glad the laughter and backlash at their ineptitude forced them to remove the worst films.

So </end rant>

I try to be calm and objective when I write for my website, but even I have limits. This travesty pushed me past them.

I have no doubt that I would be able to make much more appropriate, accurate, and educational films about consent than the awful tripe our government literally paid over $3 million for. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I could even do it for less.

John.