Sex work and burnout

I was contacted recently by a woman who has had a good but ultimately disappointing experience with using the services of sex workers. She was interested to know what I thought about the problem of “burnout” in sex workers as she has lost two sex workers that she has been seeing to them leaving the industry due to burnout.

There are a few ways to look at this. From the point of view of the individual sex worker, the client, and the industry as a whole.

I have been working as a male sex worker for women for fourteen years (as of 2024). In all of that time I have not “taken a break” from sex work. This is partly because I love the work, because I am committed to my clients, and lastly because I try to manage myself so that I don’t get burnout.

I think that I probably have more natural inclination to this work than most men, but everyone has limits which we need to respect. One of the traps of sex work is that – if you are successful – the money can be very good. This can drive a sex worker to take every booking that comes along. And that’s great if you have the energy and stamina for both the physical aspects of sex work, but also the emotional aspects.

Most people who see a sex worker – and more so women – aren’t there simply to “have sex” and leave. There’s a reason why my two hour booking is my most popular session – it takes time to relax and connect and be “ready” and then it’s nice to have some after-care and time to unwind and enjoy the “after glow”.

All of that requires that a sex worker be physically and emotionally “present” and to not “check-out” from their client. This is something that I am quite good at I believe and respectful of in my sessions. It does require emotional energy though and no matter home much we lover our work there is a finite supply. It is really important that as a sex worker I manage that energy and I monitor myself so that I can give a consistent experience that is up to the standards that I set for myself.

Now there are lots of things that can impact our physical and emotional energy – stress (financial, personal etc), lack of sleep – and taking too many bookings too close together.

So as a sex worker my work and life are intimately connected and I have to be very aware of how each part effects the other and allow for that. If you have been reading my website recently then you may know that I am in the process of losing some weight. I realised that my slowly increasing weight was effecting my fitness and energy levels, so I’ve been working for the last three months to make changes to improve – I’m currently about 13kg down with 6kgs to go to get to my target weight and I am happy with how much better I feel in myself and about myself as a result.

All of this is to say that as a sex worker your job is much, much more closely connected to your life outside of the work than most careers. When I’m running my other small business I can generally get up in the morning, regardless of how I feel emotionally or physically and go and do good work for my clients and it won’t matter if I’m sad, or stressed, or happy. I can still do the job just as well.

That isn’t the case with my sex work. With sex work I have to look ahead to my bookings and plan my life around it. I have to ensure that I get enough rest, that I’m not wrapped up in anything too emotional, or drained by too much work close together. It takes real effort and attention.

Being older helps with that. I just have more life experience, including a lot of experience running my own businesses, managing my time and energy. Not everyone has that experience and I think that is a major risk, especially for younger workers who may be very enthusiastic, but can fall into the trap of just doing too much – in their sex work and/or in their personal life.

Commitment to the work also matters here. I see sex work as a career – not something that I do for fun, or “on the side”, or out of necessity. I love my work, I want to continue doing it for as long as women and couples want to book me. So I am invested in being able to maintain my mental and physical health and to avoid burnout.

From a client’s perspective burnout has some obvious consequences – paying for an experience that isn’t as enjoyable and satisfying as you would expect, losing “the magic” that is part of what clients come to see us for, and in the worst case where burnout causes a worker to quit the industry entirely, they lose a connection that my be very important and built over many years entirely. Which can be a very traumatic experience, akin to losing a conventional relationship even.

So as a sex worker I need to keep in mind the commitment that I make to my clients, especially those whom I see regularly for a long time. While I may not have an explicit commitment beyond individual sessions, I do feel that I need to respect that connection that I have and the investment that my clients make in me. To that end while I have never considered retiring from sex work, if I did then I would probably try to give my clients at least a year – or years – warning so that they weren’t suddenly abandoned.

Lastly, when sex workers get burnout and can’t give clients the experience that they want, or leave the industry entirely that is detrimental to the reputation of the industry as a whole. The woman who prompted me to write this post – having lost the services of two sex workers in a row has serious reservations about engaging with another sex worker as she just expects that anyone she meets now will in due course quit the industry and leave her to find a new provider once again.

That is bad for everyone (clients and workers) long term and while I understand the role that sex work plays socially (allowing people with few skills or options to earn good money where they otherwise might not be able to), there is a benefit to our industry becoming more stable and “professional”. I don’t expect that to change, but I will do my part to provide a long term reliable service to anyone who wants to see me.

John

It’s always ok to end a session early – I won’t be upset or embarrassed

I recently met a woman for an overnight booking (and with her permission) I’m sharing a story from our session together.  Now she had traveled a long way to see me – to have sex for the first time, so it was quite a big deal for her. 

She chose to book me overnight, which I encourage for women having sex for the first time as it gives them the opportunity to experience sex several times and reach a point with it where they are comfortable, can get past their nerves, and start to experience the pleasure that sex can provide.

Our session went well and she got to experience intimate touch, had her first orgasm assisted by someone else, and then experienced penetrative sex in a number of positions for the first time.

We took a break and chatted about the experience and issues around dating and sex.

Now I was booked to stay with her overnight, but at that point she decided that she had experienced enough and didn’t need me to stay.  So we ended the booking early.  She paid me for the time we had been together and I went on my way.

The reason that I am writing about this is that she was worried about how I would feel about her ending our booking early and that I might be upset.

So I want to be very clear for anyone who is contemplating a booking with me – you can always end a booking at any time and I will not be upset.  If you are not happy with my service, or it’s not working for you, or you have had enough, or any other reason then you can tell me and we can end it there.

It is really important to me that anyone who sees me understands that and doesn’t feel that because they have requested a longer booking that I have to stay for that long.  It’s your session and you can end it any time you want to without upsetting or disappointing me – and I will always adjust my fee appropriately.

John

Ask me anything…

If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?

Drop a comment below, email john@john-oh-escort.com, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.


So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.

Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.

Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?

A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.

I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.


Q. Is sex work legal?

A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!

The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).

Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).


Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?

A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.


Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?

A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!

Read all the questions and answers here!

Continue reading

Sometimes it’s hard to decide…

Seeing a male escort is not an easy thing to do for any woman. There are safety concerns, privacy concerns, even just the logistics of meeting can be difficult. By far though I believe that the biggest hurdle is making the decision to.

This is why almost all women who come to see me take from weeks to six months or even more from the time that they first find my website to the moment they decide to contact me. In that time many will read most or even all of my blog posts and articles.

It is not an easy or simple decision to make, especially when considering all of the above – and the cost as well.

So I thought I might share some factors that might make the decision a little easier.

If you are worried about safety, then I am very happy to do whatever you need to feel comfortable. I am always happy to meet in public, say at a cafe, at no cost to let you meet me and decide if I am the right male escort for you.

If you do decide to make a booking then you are welcome to come to me. I have a modern apartment to host our date, so there is no extra cost and privacy concern that comes with booking a hotel room for us. I also have secure off street parking available.

And when you arrive you are never under any obligation. I never ask for payment upfront and only ask to be paid when our session is over. If you feel that you want or need to leave at any time for any reason, then I don’t want the consideration of money having already been paid to effect your decision.

I have always guaranteed my service – if you aren’t happy, then you don’t pay. I feel this is important given the unreliability of many of the men in this industry and I try to hold myself to a higher standard.

Lastly – if you are unsure, then you can always talk to me. Call, text, email me any time and I will make the time to answer all of your questions.

John

Summer is coming – time for the beach!

As we head into what is shaping up to be a pretty warm summer I wanted to say – if you’re thinking of booking a date with me and want more than just a sexy indoor session then how about a trip to the beach? If you are feeling daring then we could visit one of Sydney’s nude beaches, like Cobbler, or (my favourite) Little Congwong beach on Botany Bay. There are few things that I enjoy more than the sun, sand, and water and it’s nice to be able to share it with someone!

So perhaps lunch at a cafe, a couple of hours of sun and water, and then an evening of pleasure in…

John

If you are wondering what that might look like then check out my film A Grand Day Out!

WARNING
this short film contains nudity and is NOT SAFE FOR WORK

PSA for couples – how to have a good threesome

There are plenty of pitfalls for couples wanting to try a threesome.  Here’s a short list to help you have the best experience possible:

  • Do you both want to do it?  I have seen many couples who are both into the experience and have a great time.  I have also seen couples where the woman clearly was just going along with what her partner wanted.  It’s awkward and is rarely satisfying for anyone involved.  If your partner isn’t enthusiastic about the idea – or at the very least happy to give it a go then it’s not going to be great
  • Do you know what each other’s limits are (and those of the third person)?  Limits, knowing them, and sharing them is essential.  If you don’t tell your partner that you aren’t comfortable with something happening in your threesome and they assume that you are then the whole experience can be ruined.  You all need to work out where your limits are and then stick to them
  • Do you have a plan?  So you are both keen to try a threesome, but do you know how you want it to go?  It’s fine to say “lets just start with a massage and see where it goes” if you have already worked out your limits and you can all just explore within them.  Personally, I’m straight, so if I’m with a male/female couple, then I won’t be playing with him and expect that both of us will be concentrating on his partner, that’s a hard limit for me in a threesome.  Conversely I have had sessions with couples that are highly scripted where we explore a fantasy that they have taken lots of time to work out and know exactly what they want. Either of these – or anywhere in between is fine, just so long as you are all on the same page
  • Do you know what you will do if it’s not working for either of you?  It’s ok if things don’t go exactly as you had hoped in your threesome, but if that happens then you need to have agreed ahead of time how you will deal with that.  It’s ok for things to not go as planned – especially when you are new to threesomes – just be sure that you are ready if it doesn’t work and have a strategy to pause or end the play
  • Are you ready to make discoveries about yourself and your partner? To borrow (and reframe) a saying from Muhammad Ali: everyone has a plan until they see their partner having sex with another person. What I mean by that is we think that we know how we would feel in a threesome, but when we get there we might have a very different response. It could be better than we expected, or not. Neither is right or wrong, we are just learning about ourselves – but you need to be ready for the unexpected

So that is a short list that I think about and discuss with your partner if you are planning on trying a threesome. And if you are ready then drop me a line and lets have some consensual fun!

John

P.S. I looked for a stock photo that I could use for this article, since I haven’t ever taken any “threesome” relevant photos – and boy does the internet have opinions about threesomes and what they look like (almost always two women and one man). I always enjoy seeing men secure and comfortable enough in themselves and their relationship to be ready to make their partner the focus of a threesome rather than themselves.

Sex and disability

This video popped up in my YouTube feed today and I thought I might share it. It’s by a woman who has a lower leg amputation and she discusses her journey with her sexuality after her amputation. I have enjoyed her discussion of disability in general, but this one about sex and disability in particular. You can watch the video here:

https://youtu.be/aGc19FROIUs

I have been working with women with disabilities for as long as I have been a male escort for women. I believe that people with disabilities having access to sex workers is an important social service that allows them to experience their lives more fully.

If you live in Australia and have a disability, or are assisting someone who does then the first thing for you to do is contact Touching Base (https://www.touchingbase.org/). From their website:

Touching Base Inc is a charitable organisation, based in Sydney NSW Australia, that has been active since October 2000. Touching Base developed out of the need to assist people with disability and sex workers to connect with each other, focusing on access, discrimination, human rights and legal issues and the attitudinal barriers that these two marginalised communities can face.

https://www.touchingbase.org/

They do great work and have a referral list of sex workers to suit a wide range of needs, trained in working with people with disabilities. I highly recommend them.

John

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to see a male escort?

Many of the women who contact me ask the question: “So what would a booking with you be like?”. I’m pleased to say that now I can show you…

The back story…

Back in 2020 when we were just getting through the first wave of covid I had a conversation with a woman in the comments on my Photos page about how my erotic films have all been shot with women who are conventionally attractive. She said:

Your videos are all with slim women which would make me much too self conscious to contact you. How about picking a client in her 40s or 50s with a more normal and average body and filming an intimate scene to put me at ease?

She made a very good point and we had a productive conversation about why it has been hard for me to find older women to shoot with (you can see the full thread here). So I made the following commitment:

I will state for the record here though – to any woman who would like to create a film with me to be displayed on this website – you are very welcome to let me know. Age, ethnicity, size, body type, or disability are not limiting factors, so please don’t feel that you are not suitable because of some physical feature. I always ensure anonymity and engage in filming with the utmost respect and care for the well being of the person working with me. Finally, in all my films my costar the right of veto if they are not happy with my depiction of them.

Two whole years passed, then I received this comment:

Hi John Oh,
are you still looking for a mid-age, normal looking, not really a plus size, but definitely the usual expectations of women, and not one that is as trim taught and terrific as the beautiful girls in your current videos,
May I say, your videos are absolutely beautiful and very professional,
if so, that you are still considering to make a video as in the above conversations, I am happy to discuss the probabilities at anytime,
It will be largely depend on the financials of my out of pocket expenses, being that I would be traveling from Brisbane purposely to validate your fantastic website, and maybe be of assistance to other ladies who may have doubts with being at peace with their own bodies,
Incidentally, I have only ever been with one man in my whole life and have never been on any websites like yours before, Your talents and website were offered to me by a friend and I have had the great pleasure of perusing through and found this section, It has taken a huge amount of courage to write to you, but I am happy to discuss further if you are still looking for an alliance for your video, Thank you very much Zoe,

So I contacted Zoe and we arranged a time for her to visit and we made a film! As often happens it takes a while to arrange to meet and shoot the film, then there’s editing and we went back and forth adjusting the film to be sure that we were happy with it. But now it is done.

This film is special for many reasons – it is the first time that I have ever filmed an actual booking with a woman, rather than the films that I usually make which are shot quite deliberately to tell a story and to protect the woman’s identity and privacy. As a result I have added a privacy screen to protect Zoe’s identity and allow us to just enjoy the session without worrying every minute about camera angles.

It was also not only Zoe’s first time making an erotic film, but I was also only the second man that she had ever been with. So you can imagine just how huge a deal making this film was for her. She was amazingly brave and generous to offer to help me make this film and she hopes that it will help women who may be worried about their appearance or age to realise that those things don’t have to stop them experiencing pleasure and enjoying a healthy sex life.

So thank you Zoe! I am extremely grateful for your participation and patience.

John

Disability and first time sex/virginity

I realised that I have left somewhat of a gap in my writing for women with a disability.  That is that for some women with a disability looking to book my services it will also be the first time that they have sex.

So I think that it’s worth acknowledging that fact as it complicates two situations that are already challenging – booking a male sex worker and having sex for the first time while working around a disability of some kind.

I have negotiated this hurdle with three women with disabilities in the past and with a bit of planning and conversation beforehand and plenty of patience and communication during the booking it has always worked out well.

From my experience it is generally just a matter of lots of foreplay, going extra slow, and checking in regularly. Do that and it’s going to be a pain free experience of sex for the first time is.

If you would like to talk to me about first time sex and disability issue please feel free to drop me an email or text. I’m always happy to discuss your needs and work out a solution that you are comfortable with.

John

For my American readers

I think it’s fair to say that the US as a society has a dysfunctional relationship with sex work. Conservative politics and conservative religion make sex work almost entirely illegal, in a country where there is just as much sex work as anywhere else in the world. It’s bad for sex workers, client of sex workers, and the society as a whole.

It also has other effects – one being that I can’t risk visiting the US, not even for a holiday.

Facial recognition technology is widely used at the US boarder to match Canadian sex workers with photographs scraped from their online advertising and they are barred from entering the US. I don’t know if this same technique is used against sex workers from other nations, but being turned back at the border and potentially being denied entry again for up to ten years is something that I’m not keen to risk.

So, sadly, I have to turn down the requests that I receive to visit the US – or to even visit as a tourist. I would love to see more of the US, but while I’m a sex worker it’s just not going to happen.

However – if you are from the US and would like to meet me, then the best option is for you to take a trip down under and visit me here in Sydney, Australia. I have a neat and private apartment and Sydney is a great spot to explore from, whether it’s local or around the rest of the nation.

So if you would are from the US and would like to book me, then consider taking a trip to Oz. You will be very welcome!

John