Is it ok to see a sex worker indefinitely?

When we think of seeing a sex worker I think that there is an assumption that it’s something that we do (amongst other reasons) to get through a period where we are single, don’t have time for a relationship, need to work through issues around sex, or would like a special treat. We don’t tend to look at seeing a sex worker as something that we might do indefinitely.

The reality though is that many people (men and women) see sex workers – even the same sex worker – for extended periods. As of writing this article in 2021, one of my clients has been seeing me for almost ten years. Every month for ten years. And she is not alone.

To answer the question in the title of this post – yes it is ok to see a sex worker for as long as you want to, assuming the following things:

  • It is affordable for you. This is understandably one of the biggest obstacles for seeing a sex worker regularly. I am happy to see most anyone – but not if doing so would be financially ruinous
  • Seeing your sex worker is a positive thing that makes your life better. This may seem obvious, but sometimes it is hard to maintain perspective. Checking yourself and whether the arrangement is still a good thing in your life is vital
  • Seeing your sex worker doesn’t stop you from building other relationships that might be more fulfilling in the long term. I have had a few clients – who enjoyed seeing me – stop doing so as they realised that seeing me was stopping them from looking for a partner, which was something that they really wanted in their lives.

Some people see their sex worker for many years. Some never plan to stop seeing them. Perhaps because they have a disability which makes regular dating hard, dangerous, or impossible. Others because while they love their partner and are happy in their relationship, they simply cannot get the sex that they want and need to be happy. Or perhaps just because they choose to and that’s what works for their life.

John.

Will you see me if I’m pregnant?

I was recently asked the question “will you take a booking from someone who is pregnant?”. I realised that I have never addressed this question directly here on my website – so it’s definitely time to do that.

The answer is yes I am happy to see a client who is pregnant – but with this proviso: if you haven’t already done so – I ask you to talk to your doctor and midwife first and educate yourself about any possible risks to your pregnancy that having sex might incur and to only proceed if you are prepared to accept those risks.

This topic is timely as it fits in with my recent posts “I’ts ok to want what you want” – Part 1 and Part 2.

Wanting sex while you are pregnant is a normal and healthy thing. Yes it’s ok to have sex when you are pregnant. And it’s definitely ok to pay a person like me for sex if that is what you want.

For the people who jump to “How could someone do that to her husband when they are having a baby together!?” I would remind them – not all women who are pregnant are married. Not all women who are pregnant are in a heterosexual relationship. Not all people are jealous, or insecure, or possessive of their partner – some people actually have functional open relationships. And not all women who are pregnant can get the sex that they want and need from their partner.

At the end of the day, if you are pregnant and want to pay for sex – that is your decision and your’s alone – and I will be happy to take your booking.

John.

Sharing our stories helps others feel better about their lives

It happens often that I will meet a client who says to me “I thought I was the only one who…”.

It is counter intuitive that in this age of “connectedness”, via social media, phone, Zoom et al that people can still be left feeling that their situation and problems and challenges are unique.

But it’s true. And time and time again people tell me that they read a post on my website that included a story from someone I have met and in it they saw themselves – or an aspect of their lives – and in seeing that they realised that there was hope to change their situation and have a better, healthier life and (usually) sex life.

The reality is that although we are hyper connected through smart phones and the Internet – it is generally a superficial connection. We see the curated version of our friends and families lives. Not the hard realities of managing relationships. Of loneliness. Of bad sex. Or no sex. Of our inner conflicts over what we want versus what society tells us we can have.

It’s only when you dig deeper into the Internet (and end up somewhere like my website) that you start to find the stories of people who are prepared to share their real selves. And when you find that there is a chance to see yourself reflected and find validation of something that you may have been carrying for years with shame, or guilt, or sadness.

You are not the only one who has never kissed another person.

You are not the only woman who can’t orgasm easily – or at all.

You are not the only one who likes anal play or sex.

You are not the only person who doesn’t need to be in love to enjoy sex with another person.

You are definitely not the only person who is bi – or feels conflicted or excluded because of it.

You are not the only person who is bored of sex with their partner.

You are not the only person who wants a better sex life and is asking “should I book a straight male escort?”. The answer to that is “maybe” – but I’m happy to talk to you if you have questions about the services that male escorts for women provide and help to allay any fears you may have over privacy and safety.

John.

Back to work

As of July 1st, sex work will be legal again in NSW. So if you have been thinking of making a booking with me, then now is the time to drop me an email, or a text!

I am continuing to socially distance in my personal life (as well as wear a mask and hand sanitise regularly when in public) to reduce your risk if you come to see me.

John.

Sex for the first time – for best results, do it more than once!

Every year I see about five or so women who want to experience penetrative sex for the first time. Now if this topic is of interest to you and you have read my posts and articles about it, you will know that I recommend a longer date – preferably overnight, but at least a full evening. The reason I do is that is it allows you to try sex more than once – preferably up to three or four times. That’s basically impossible to do in a one or two hour booking.

But why does it matter? If you’ve done it once, then you’ve done it right?

That is true – but it’s not the path to the best experience, and personally I think trying sex multiple times puts you in a much better position to enjoy sex the next time you have it.

Some background: when you have sex for the first time you are probably going to be tense and at least a bit nervous. You aren’t going to be really relaxed, even if you really want to do it. All of that is perfectly natural, but it means that the experience of having something as big as a penis in your vagina for the first time is going to be a challenge. It shouldn’t be badly painful – if it is then there is a problem and you and your partner need to slow down and perhaps go back to finger play and things that let you get used to the sensation and experience of penetration. At worst it should be just uncomfortable, with some occasional twinges.

Then there is the simple biological reality of the muscles of your vagina learning to stretch as required. In this regard, they are like any other muscle in your body – if you want to do the splits, then it takes time and patience to lengthen the muscles in your legs so that they can stretch easily without pain. Granted, vaginal muscles do this quicker and more easily, but it still takes time.

So. The first time you succeed having penetrative sex, you have mostly covered all of the stuff above. But it wasn’t going to be great sex – just like doing stretching exercises aren’t as much fun as getting to your goal.

And if that is where you leave the experience – especially if you are seeing me and don’t have options to try sex again soon – then you are going to look back on the experience and at best say “oh well, it was ok, but nothing special, what’s the big deal about sex?”

Well, the “big deal” may start to become apparent the second time, or the third time you have sex. I have seen it happen so many times – a woman having sex for the third time and saying “oh… now I get it! Yeah it’s still a bit uncomfortable, but it’s starting to feel gooooood!”.

So this is what lead me to recommending that women wanting to have sex for the first time book a longer date. When it’s over, you are going to walk away seeing the pleasure potential of sex and probably having actually enjoyed it. And that to me is the goal – not just to give you an experience that lets you say “well that’s done” but to leave you ready to explore your body and looking forward to finding out just how great sex can be.

I do realise though that a long booking may be financially difficult for you, or you simply may not want to commit to doing the whole thing in one go. In that case I recommend three or four short (two hour) bookings instead. Arranged close together, say over a few weeks, you basically get the same outcome and we can arrange it so it doesn’t cost more.

In conclusion: our society fetishises “virginity” way too much, to the point of it being unhealthy. But that statement also fails to recognise that having sex for the first time genuinely is a big deal for most women, regardless of their age or other experiences, and it really should be treated as such. Most men don’t respect that fact enough and society as a whole needs to find a balance between *OH MY GOD YOU’RE A VIRGIN” and “Virginity is a social construct!”.

It makes me happy to be a part of this conversation and to be able to offer an experience that many women want and need.

John.

You don’t have to meet me at a hotel

It’s not cheap seeing a male escort for women like myself and while some people like to have their booking at a hotel, that adds another cost to the encounter. That may be ok for a one off booking or for the first time, but most of my clients like to see me semi-regularly, so hotels can become a serious extra expense.

However if you want to, you can come to me. I have a nice, modern, air-conditioned apartment in the inner west of Sydney with secure visitor parking.

It has great views and a comfortable couch so that we can chat and have a glass of wine, or a cup of tea when you arrive.

If you are visiting me for lunch or dinner, then I can cook us a meal in my kitchen while we talk, or we can order in, or go out to a local restaurant.

For a longer booking, like overnight, we could watch a movie together, cuddling on the couch before going to bed.

When we are ready my bedroom has a king size bed with soft linen, candle light, massage oil, and everything else we may need.

At the end of our session, when the cuddling is done, I have a nice bathroom with a very enjoyable shower in case you feel like freshening up before you go!

So, if you are considering seeing me, but wondering where we could meet – you are very welcome to come to me

John.

Keeping things in perspective

The old saying “sex sells” is forever true. I have been in this industry for over nine years now and every now and then something stirs up the media, and various newspapers and sites trip over each other to write about the phenomenon of women buying sex – some more sensational than others.

Recently Dr Hillary Caldwell of University of New South Wales published the results of a study that she conducted into women who pay for sex. A number of my clients participated in the study. Unsurprisingly the media jumped on this and there is a small slew of articles that hit the internet over the last few days. I was interviewed for two of them (by the Sydney Morning Herald and the Daily Mail Australia).

What struck me when viewing the Daily Mail article was how dismissive and aggressive the handful of comments were (and how many “likes” they received).

It doesn’t upset me personally – as a sex worker you will always come across people mean of spirit and narrow of mind. But I feel for women who may be interested in hiring a male sex worker but see comments like these and start to question themselves and if they are really doing the right thing.

After all it’s not an easy topic to talk to friends and family about to get reassurance and support. When people condemn sex work out of hand, or laugh at the idea of a woman paying for sex it can be hard to trust the instincts that made you think that maybe this is something that you would like to try.

So I thought I would provide a counterpoint some perspective if you will. This is from an email (with permission) that I received recently from a client – she is 69 years old and has been seeing me regularly for the last six years.

I just wanted to thank you so much for yesterday. It was wonderful (as always), but I also really enjoyed our discussions. You are open and honest with me, and oh so trusting. Guess it goes both ways. Of course it does.

You are a balm to my soul in trying times. Satisfy me in so many ways. The loving, the caring the fun and laughter, the time we spend together is so precious.

You make me feel like a real woman. No contest. You take me to places that I’ve never been. That is amazing!

Some women see me only once, to satisfy a fantasy, or just have some fun. But most of my clients are regular and long term as they find that my service can fill a gap in their lives that they cannot fill any other way.

And as per Dr Caldwell’s study – they find that with me they have a safe, secure, and discreet means of getting the sex that they need to be happy in their lives.

So, if you are contemplating hiring a straight male escort, but you are unsure and feeling the pressure of people who like to put others down, or are scared of challenging the norms of relationships and society, then take heart – you are not alone, many women have come before you and many more will come after.

I offer a safe, discreet, fulfilling service and it would be my pleasure to entertain you.

John.

Living our best lives

I have to admit that I live in a bit of a bubble. I don’t watch commercial television or listen to commercial radio. I don’t read newspapers (online, or paper).

I have terms like “Donald Trump”, “Scott Morrison” and “politics” blocked on Twitter.

I really don’t need the ongoing train wreck of Western politics in my face – even occasionally.

And then there’s commercial TV and radio – swamped by cheap to produce reality TV, “current affairs” programs that platform racists in the name of “balance” and ignore the very real problems in the world in favour of tabloid sensationalism.

I’m happy in my bubble honestly. I spend my work times with interesting people who on the whole care about the sort of things I care about – social justice, tolerance, freedom – people who understand that the world is bigger than them and requires an open mind.

As I write this, I am in Canberra. I stopped earlier at a self serve car wash to wash my car and (disappointingly) had to listen to a commercial radio station for the 15 minutes it took me to clean the car.

It reaffirmed to me that I haven’t been missing anything. From the inane banter about clothing to the news items delivered in the most effective way to make a listener feel stressed about things that don’t actually matter.

It was all just noise. Noise that, if you let it, will drown out the things in life that do matter. This is the very real problem with the “modern condition” living in a place like Sydney.

I heard recently of a man, who emigrated to Australia from India and settled in Sydney. He found employment and has been living like so many of us do – working to pay the rent and have some free time and money to enjoy himself.

His realisation though is profound: he has decided to return to the small town that his family comes from in India – because the quality of life there, while modest, is better for him than the kind of life that we live here in Sydney. In his home town he doesn’t have a lot of money, but he has time – time to spend with friends and family doing whatever they want to, or even nothing at all. He may not have great restaurants to go to like we do, but food is cheap and he and his family have time to cook and share good meals.

The list goes on, but I think that you can see the point I am making – we sacrifice a lot living in a place like Sydney. Our lives are driven by work. Our free time is seriously restricted by the daily requirement to earn money to pay rent.

A semi-rural lifestyle with limited money may not seem like the best life to you and me – we have grown up in a different way and have different expectations – but I think that it can still teach us something.

That lesson is: we shouldn’t see work and the assumption that we must all do it all the time as an inherently good thing. For most of us it is a necessary thing, but it tends to draw us away for the fundamentals of human nature – that is connections with the people around us, the sharing of simple pleasures, and time to just “be”, rather than “do”.

I think that this lesson is particularly relevant when considering my industry. Paying for the services of a male escort like myself absolutely costs money. But it’s trading money not for another “thing” in ones life, but for an experience. The older I get, the less interested I become in having things in my life and the more I value the experiences I have with other people.

Much like the gentleman from India, what I really want is to live a life full of people and new experiences with them. I think that, if anything, is the way to live a fulfilling life.

John.

Am I the right male escort for you?

I think that the hardest decision to make when hiring a sex worker like me (a straight male escort for women – and couples) is: am I right for you?

Now I could give you a laundry list of my great features (well traveled, educated etc etc…) but at the end of the day as Peter Steiner wrote in his classic cartoon published in 1993 in the New Yorker… “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”

You can see the original here: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f8/Internet_dog.jpg

And – while companies like Facebook, Google, Amazon et al have been doing their level best to invalidate that quote – for sex workers it’s still basically true. We are mostly anonymous people who’s online profiles are (deliberately) difficult for anyone but the most determined and well resourced to link to a “real” person. So how do you decide if I am right for you?

My answer has always been that when we speak enough (either directly, through writing, or other media) we cannot hide our true nature. So in the eight odd years I have been running this website I have tried to let my readers hear my true voice. I write about the things that interest me. The things that I care about. The things that I am doing. The things that I would like to do.

All of this writing – done by me, never a shadow writer – is my voice and I believe shows my true nature.

Not everyone who reads my website likes what they see. I’m sure that to some people I seem boring. Or of the wrong political persuasion. Or not “alpha” enough. You get the idea I’m sure.

To most businesses that is a problem. Most businesses want to appeal to everyone – so we end up with generic advertising that tries to offend no-one, but in doing so fails to excite anyone and certainly never differentiates itself.

To me – that is a very good thing. I am not all-things-to-all-women. I’m just one man. And for a certain group of women and couples I am what they want and need. And when those women and couples read my website, they see a person they feel they can trust and who holds values that they can connect with.

This is exactly how I want it to be. I do not want someone coming to see me who thought I was one thing, but I turned out to be another and I have consequently left them disappointed. I only want to see the people who I am right for and who are right for me.

Does it work? Having written two hundred and sixty five posts and forty two articles on this site, I can say with absolute certainty that yes it does. I have lost count of the number of people I have met who have read all or much of my website! And by the time they have done that, they know, quite well, who I am and if I am right for them.

It is very rare that I ever meet a client and find that I am not compatible with them. If you like my writing, then it is highly likely that we will like each other.

So answer the question: “am I right for you?” all you need to do is read on…

John.