Why I have no desire to write a memoir

Living in the society and economy that we do there is always a temptation to capitalise on any perceived “value” that we may hold. Because why wouldn’t you in a world that is constantly trying to take as much money out of our pockets as possible. If there’s an easy way to earn some extra dollars then it makes sense.

As a male escort with over thirteen years of experience helping women in Australia it is fair to say that I have a story that has some “value”. People will occasionally ask me if I’m ever going to write a memoir. And my answer to that is: no, I have no plans to write a memoir.

There are two reasons why.

The first: I don’t actually think that my work makes for a compelling story. The vast majority of what I do is pretty simple. Someone contacts me, tells me a little about who they are and why they want to see me. We arrange a time to meet. We meet, spend some time getting comfortable with each other, usually over a glass of wine, or a cup of tea, or perhaps a meal. We spend some time having sex. Then they go on their way.

My work is not dining in fancy restaurants, going to shows, staying in expensive hotels, and having wild sex – there may be a little of “the high life” thrown in there occasionally, but for the most part it’s meeting normal women and couples and helping them to have a sexual experience that they need or want. No more or less than that.

And honestly that is perfect for me. I really enjoy this work, but as a natural introvert I wouldn’t enjoy “partying” five days a week.

So my sex work “story” isn’t going to be gossip about scandalous parties and high profile celebrities etc (which I wouldn’t share anyway). It would have to be about real people and their lives and challenges and experiences.

Which brings me to the second reason: that is something that I will never share – because I am sure that in anything that I write about my work, the clients involved would be able to see themselves, even if I didn’t mention them directly, they would still know that I was talking about them.

I feel that would be a betrayal of the trust that every woman puts in me to protect her privacy and her well being when she makes a booking. I don’t believe that there is any need for me to share this sort of personal story beyond what I already share in a small way on this website – always with permission from the person concerned. It wouldn’t make the world a better place if I were to share these stories. It would only be cynical grab for some cash by me.

The only thing that I can think of that might be worth writing is – with the permission of the people involved – some kind of documentation of their personal journey in regards to seeing a sex worker. That wouldn’t really be a memoir of mine, but more likely very specific miniature biographies of my clients – and the purpose would be to help other women in a similar situation to improve their lives.

I can’t think of any other justification honestly.


2 thoughts on “Why I have no desire to write a memoir

  1. This is a very timely post. I’m sure you and many others are aware of a biography/memoir self published and released by a recently “retired” sex worker who is now out and about promoting his book, writing articles and doing podcasts. At the same time this person has been threatening others in the industry and riding roughshod over their privacy and safety. He has also threatened and abused people on his social media platforms and is currently under police investigation.

    My frustration with the situation is not just that people I know have suffered from the actions of this person but also with the blind acceptance of experienced journalists when it comes to his stories. He is the complete antithesis of a good sex worker. He has zero integrity and credibility yet he is manipulating the media constantly..

    My experience with people in the sex industry, such as you John, has been very positive and balanced. For that reason, it would be great to see more blogs and books from the “good guys.” Sex work is such a unique and nuanced profession and to be great at it, you have be so much more than someone who can be physically intimate. You have to have a very high level of emotional intelligence, empathy, patience and integrity. When you meet with a client, you need to be fully present on all levels and in order to be able to that, self care is critical because it is so draining to function at that high level.

    The current “face of mature sex workers,” is actually nothing like he professes to be and his disrespect for his former clients which he openly displays both in his book and across the media outlets is disgusting. He gives the industry the worst possible name and that will only get worse as he makes mistake after mistake and continues to threaten people because he is threatened by the very things he hasn’t got and doesn’t even realise it – respect and integrity. I feel very sorry for him because it is clear that he needs professional help but I am also angry because he paints the whole industry in a bad light.

    Please keep putting out the true picture of the kinds of men who take their work seriously and see every client with the awareness and understanding that is the keystone of your profession.

    • Hi Sue, thank you for taking the time to write such a detailed reply. I wasn’t aware that what you say has been happening and I am really disappointed to hear it. I am not at all surprised that journalists would be uncritical.

      Thank you, I’m glad that there are some of us who can provide an ethical and fulfilling service.

      I will do my best to continue to be a good example and I will absolutely continue with my posts here!

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