Sex work, disability, and the NDIS – again…

13 years ago a young woman with cerebral palsy contacted me. She had never had sex before and wanted to try it with me because she felt that seeing a sex worker would be safe and give her control over the encounter.

She has continued to see me every month since then and is to this day my longest standing client. Being able to see me regularly is an important part of her well being and enjoyment of life. We literally have more sex than many married couples!

She is in the very lucky position of being able to afford to see a sex worker regularly. Many if not most people with a disability are not. That’s where the National Disability Insurance Scheme has been very helpful for some people with disabilities. It has given them the financial ability to pay for sex that they otherwise would be unable to have.

And now we have this from NDIS minister Bill Shorten:

“Sex work will be banned from being funded through the National Disability Insurance Scheme under NDIS Minister Bill Shorten’s planned reforms, the minister has confirmed.

The decision to exclude sex work has prompted deep concern from the disability sector, who warn it will rob participants of free choice, and could be a sign of a broader tightening on what participants can access.

On Sunday, Mr Shorten told Sky News he intended to change the rules.

“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.

“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”

Specialised sex services have been available through the NDIS since 2020 when the federal court ruled in a legal challenge that the National Disability Insurance Agency should approve those services where deemed reasonable and necessary.”

I expect this sort of unsympathetic nickle-and-diming of government spending from the LNP, but hearing this from a Labor minister is extremely depressing. Shorten’s quote to Sky News doesn’t even make any sense…

“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.

“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”

If there are really only “one or two examples” of people using NDIS funds to access sex work services then it’s hardly a burden on society. But he also said “It’s just not a sustainable proposition”.

An “unstainable proposition” how Mr Shorten? Financially? You just said that almost no-one uses it, so that doesn’t make sense.

Did he mean it’s a “[morally] unsustainable proposition”? If so does that mean that the federal Labor government is planning to ban all sex work? Or is it just “morally unsustainable” for people with a disability to be enabled to experience sex – like every able bodied person in the community (which is literally the purpose of the NDIS – to enable people with disabilities to be able to live their lives as normally as possible).

I just don’t understand where this coming from. I absolutely expect these sorts of prudish, mean spirited decisions from an LNP government, but Labor knows better and should do better.

It’s a sad day. People with disabilities deserve sex too.


Well that’s not at all disturbing…

Microplastics discovered in human penises for the first time

So… we have micro-plastics turning up in our penises now. Given how pervasive they are in the environment it’s not really surprising that they show up there as well, but it’s still discomforting.

Thankfully there weren’t any immediately obvious harmful effects, but it’s making me reconsider my choice of water bottle. I was recently given a (very thermally effective) stainless steel Thermos cup. I might have to look for a stainless steel water bottle too!


Pjur Woman Nude lube

As you may know I have been testing various lubes in an attempt to find a new lube to replace the Sylk lube that I have literally been using since I started in sex work 14 years ago. This week its Pjur Woman Nudelube, generously supplied by a client to test out.

Firstly – it’s relatively cheap. A 100ml bottle for about $11.95. That’s way, WAY cheaper than any other lube I’ve used. As a comparison the 20ml bottle of Sylk (if you can get any) is about $14.

So what’s it like? It’s actually not too bad. VERY slippery with a good feel, reasonably long lasting, prevents irritation if you are having “vigorous” or long lasting sex.

On the down side – it does get a little sticky when it dries out, but nowhere near as badly as most water based lubes. Probably enough so that I can forgive it that modest failing.

One odd thing about it – it is quite sweet! I thought that was going to be a deal breaker (lube shouldn’t have sugar in it as it can lead to thrush). It turns out that it has saccharine in it. I’m not sure why, but at least it’s not sugar.

So – I’m giving Pure Woman Nude lube a thumbs up. Would buy! (and probably will).


PSA for men: you need to listen to her body

It’s great to be enthusiastic and want to do all of the things to give your partner a great time when you have sex, but guys – you also have to listen to her body (as well as her words).

She might LOVE receiving oral sex, but the way that you are doing it – whatever that may be – might not be right for her at this moment. “Normally” perhaps she likes it firm and direct on her clit – but that might only be after a bunch of low key foreplay kissing and cuddling and touching and rubbing that got her plenty aroused and ready. However this time things advanced faster for whatever reason so here you are going down on her without so much “warm up”.

That’s ok – but you may need to go slower and more gently until she is ready for that full on clit stimulation – and her body (if not her words) will be telling you that. Is she as wet as you would expect? Is she more sensitive? Ok, then slow down and spend more time circling around her inner thighs, mons pubis, and labia before you “…rush like a bull at a gate for her clitoris!” (to quote Monty Python).

Conversely, when you are in the middle of oral, or sex and you feel her muscles tensing in her thighs and abdomen – don’t stop what you are doing – it’s working! And don’t change what you are doing – don’t go faster/harder/slower/softer – what you are doing is working, just keep doing that. If she wants more or less, then, again, her body will let you know.

Sex isn’t something that we are naturally born good at. It is a skill that we learn – and an important way to learn is to listen to all of the feedback that you are getting.


Do you want to be more confident in bed?

I know – it sounds like the subject line from a spam email, but it’s a serious question. Over the years I have met many women who lacked confidence in their bodies, their attractiveness, their sexual knowledge, and their abilities to please a lover.

These concerns are so common that I even offer a course to help teach the skills and give women the opportunity to practice them in a safe, controlled environment.

Many people make the assumption that sex – being natural and normal between people – is something that everyone (except for them!) just knows how to do. In reality none of us know anything more than what we see others doing (usually porn of some form) and what we experience ourselves.

So if you have little or no experience then sex can be really intimidating.

This is why I offer my course. I want everyone who wants to be confident in bed to have a place they can go to learn the skills they want to have.

This is the course outline that I use as a starting point to plan out lessons when you book with me…

Potential topics:

  • Touch (clothed)
  • Kissing (lips)
  • Undressing
  • Touch (naked)
  • Cuddling
  • Hair
  • Erotic massage
  • Body slide/full body touch
  • Kissing (full body)
  • Reading your partner
  • Intimate touch
  • Giving oral sex
  • Receiving oral sex
  • Masturbation
  • Edging
  • “Showing off” / being seen
  • Penetrative sex, positions, rhythm, flow
  • Anal play, giving and receiving
  • Anal sex, giving and receiving
  • Spanking
  • After care

You can pick as many or as few items as you want. If it’s a short list then we can probably cover it in one or two sessions of two hours each. If it’s a longer list then it will require more.

You can of course add any topic that you might be interested in that isn’t listed here.

I prefer to keep lessons to two hours with a break in the middle as that is a length of time that is enough without being too much to handle physically and mentally.

So if you want to improve your confidence, or broaden your knowledge then why not drop me a line with your educational wish list!


One woman’s experience

My recent post about social anxiety and isolation and how a sex worker might be able to help you is, at the end of the day, a bit “theoretical”.  Yes I say things about how I can help, but can I really?  So I asked a client I’ve known for several years now what her (entirely virtual) experience with me has been like as someone with social anxiety. This is her response.

“I’ve lived with severe social anxiety disorder since age twelve, so I don’t often talk to people socially, especially men. I had no idea how to flirt let alone go on dates, and sex seemed impossible when my only reaction to a (very rare) man’s interest was ‘oh god, please stop talking. I’m so uncomfortable. Please go away.’

Enter John Oh. I contacted John during the start of the pandemic when pretty much every country was locked down. But I live in the U.S., so why was I emailing an escort from Australia when travel was absolutely out of the question? I started reading John’s blog after I learned about him in Hallie Lieberman’s BuzzFeed article about straight male sex workers for women, and I felt like he could handle my ‘situation.’

Reading his blog, I discovered that older virgins like myself are not the freakish anomaly society makes us out to be, and we have a variety of reasons for our circumstances. This made me feel less alone and even a little hopeful, so I decided to see if I could handle just talking to John.

And that’s what it really came down to: could I talk to a man–about myself, my life, my wants and desires–like a regular human being without being crushed and ultimately silenced by anxiety? This is what we worked on starting with email and casual topics like my love of cats or the novels of Terry Prattchet, things you might talk about on a first date or chatting with a new friend. We started with email and moved on to exchanging texts and pictures a few times a week, the regularity of which gave me something to look forward to and made my feel more relaxed and open with the things I was willing and able to discuss.

But video chat was a whole other level. The element of virtual face-to-face meeting and the fact that I actually had to speak filled me with dread. How would I avoid looking ridiculous or saying something wrong when communicating in real time?! I forced myself to do it. There’s something about John’s smile that’s disarming. As soon as I saw his smiling face looking at me across time zones and the camera, my heart rate slowed. I remembered ‘this is someone you’ve talked to before, someone you talk to often. He knows you’re awkward; it will be okay’ And it, of course, was okay.

It was the unfamiliar that felt familiar. Yes there were silences in the conversation. They felt uncomfortable, and I survived. We had more video chats, and I learned that silences do not have to be filled with my panic. I learned through listening to John and observing his patience how one can have slower, more thoughtful conversations with a person–that a topic does not desperately have to be grasped from thin air lest we ‘have nothing to talk about.’ With practice, I learned how to have an authentic conversation, discuss, listen, and not get distracted by the voices in my head shrieking that I’ll say or do something stupid.

Now, it wasn’t lost on me during this time that I was paying John to talk to me and, in a sense, make me feel good. But that line of argument didn’t ruin or invalidate anything for me. I was getting comfortable and confident talking to a man about myself and therein getting confident in myself. It didn’t matter whether or not John was blowing smoke up my ass because it was changing the way I felt about being myself when talking with another human being.”

So if you have social anxiety and/or feel isolated in your life – physically or mentally – then you are welcome to reach out to me.


Social anxiety and isolation and what a male sex worker can do for you

In these post covid days social anxiety and isolation are on the rise. Perhaps we work from home – which can be a good thing – but that comes with more isolation. Cost of living increases make it harder to afford to go out regularly like we might have done in the past.

This can make life extra difficult when you are already dealing with social anxiety but want to meet a partner. Isolation can create a downward spiral that just makes it harder and harder to effect change and get what you want.

So here is my offer to you if you have social anxiety or are feeling isolated and lacking confidence to make connections with men:

For a modest fee I can talk with you – by text, email, phone, or video chat. You can be anywhere in the world. We can work out a program that works for you and allows you to build your skills and confidence.

I can give you an experience with zero risk and I’d hope, some fun too.


Astroglide water based lube

After my recent posts about lube one of my clients very generously brought a tube of Astroglide water based lube for us to try.

While it has a good texture and is very slippery Astroglide has one major failing that makes it a “would not recommend” for me – as it dries out it gets sticky! That has to be my least favourite type of lube.

I don’t know why so many water based lubricants do this, but it’s not a trait I enjoy. So the “Yes WB” is still top of my list!


“Yes Water Based” brand lube – an update

So the new lube I decided to try while looking for something to replace the Sylk lube that I have used for the last twelve years turned up very promptly – thank you I appreciate the rapid service.

If you haven’t seen my previous post here’s a summary: the company that manufactures Sylk lubricant in New Zeeland has lost its way since it was bought out be a foreign company, culminating in three batches of Sylk being recalled last year. They seem to no longer be manufacturing any significant quantity of their product now and it is effectively impossible to buy.

So I looked around for a replacement and found Yes Water Based lube. People seem to think that it is the closest thing to Sylk available.

I bought a tube (first difference, it comes in a tube, not a rigid bottle, which isn’t really a big deal) and have tried it out and I’m here to report the results!

So Yes Water Based lube is quite similar to Sylk at first glance. Similar colour. Similar texture. However while Sylk is a loose gel, Yes is definitely a liquid. If you turn the tube upside down Yes will drip out. If you turn a bottle of Sylk upside down the lube will stay put until you squeeze. You need to keep this in mind as it’s easy to lose a lot of Yes if you’re not careful!

How does it feel? Between your fingers Yes feels pretty similar to Sylk. It last well and seems to wet up again ok, but not as well as Sylk perhaps.

Now from my point of view – wearing a condom – it is very hard to notice any real difference in the texture and feel of Yes to Sylk. However it doesn’t seem to last quite as long. And I have also noticed that when it finally dries out Yes does tend to feel a little bit “sticky” which is disappointing!

I have also tried it for masturbation and I think that while it is thinner than Sylk, it doesn’t feel quite as slippery and requires more applications more frequently.

At the end of the day Yes seems to be a reasonable alternative to Sylk. It will do the job and isn’t much more expensive – but I really hope that one day Sylk get their act together and I can go back to the old faithful…


Condoms and Road trippin.

Now it’s been a while since I took a good road trip and I will say that I’ve forgotten the quirks of bathrooms in country pubs and in this case truck stops.

Who else remembers the venerable bathroom condom vending machine?

Good to see they’re still thinking about the ladies pleasure and stocking the “super ribbed and textured” variety! (or am I misreading the target market here?)