I’m about four and a half months into my weight loss journey using a keto diet with intermittent fasting. I have in the last week hit 15kgs lost.
I’ve also been doing a lot of physical work and exercise.
I think the results speak for themselves…
I was contacted recently by a woman who has had a good but ultimately disappointing experience with using the services of sex workers. She was interested to know what I thought about the problem of “burnout” in sex workers as she has lost two sex workers that she has been seeing to them leaving the industry due to burnout.
There are a few ways to look at this. From the point of view of the individual sex worker, the client, and the industry as a whole.
I have been working as a male sex worker for women for fourteen years (as of 2024). In all of that time I have not “taken a break” from sex work. This is partly because I love the work, because I am committed to my clients, and lastly because I try to manage myself so that I don’t get burnout.
I think that I probably have more natural inclination to this work than most men, but everyone has limits which we need to respect. One of the traps of sex work is that – if you are successful – the money can be very good. This can drive a sex worker to take every booking that comes along. And that’s great if you have the energy and stamina for both the physical aspects of sex work, but also the emotional aspects.
Most people who see a sex worker – and more so women – aren’t there simply to “have sex” and leave. There’s a reason why my two hour booking is my most popular session – it takes time to relax and connect and be “ready” and then it’s nice to have some after-care and time to unwind and enjoy the “after glow”.
All of that requires that a sex worker be physically and emotionally “present” and to not “check-out” from their client. This is something that I am quite good at I believe and respectful of in my sessions. It does require emotional energy though and no matter home much we lover our work there is a finite supply. It is really important that as a sex worker I manage that energy and I monitor myself so that I can give a consistent experience that is up to the standards that I set for myself.
Now there are lots of things that can impact our physical and emotional energy – stress (financial, personal etc), lack of sleep – and taking too many bookings too close together.
So as a sex worker my work and life are intimately connected and I have to be very aware of how each part effects the other and allow for that. If you have been reading my website recently then you may know that I am in the process of losing some weight. I realised that my slowly increasing weight was effecting my fitness and energy levels, so I’ve been working for the last three months to make changes to improve – I’m currently about 13kg down with 6kgs to go to get to my target weight and I am happy with how much better I feel in myself and about myself as a result.
All of this is to say that as a sex worker your job is much, much more closely connected to your life outside of the work than most careers. When I’m running my other small business I can generally get up in the morning, regardless of how I feel emotionally or physically and go and do good work for my clients and it won’t matter if I’m sad, or stressed, or happy. I can still do the job just as well.
That isn’t the case with my sex work. With sex work I have to look ahead to my bookings and plan my life around it. I have to ensure that I get enough rest, that I’m not wrapped up in anything too emotional, or drained by too much work close together. It takes real effort and attention.
Being older helps with that. I just have more life experience, including a lot of experience running my own businesses, managing my time and energy. Not everyone has that experience and I think that is a major risk, especially for younger workers who may be very enthusiastic, but can fall into the trap of just doing too much – in their sex work and/or in their personal life.
Commitment to the work also matters here. I see sex work as a career – not something that I do for fun, or “on the side”, or out of necessity. I love my work, I want to continue doing it for as long as women and couples want to book me. So I am invested in being able to maintain my mental and physical health and to avoid burnout.
From a client’s perspective burnout has some obvious consequences – paying for an experience that isn’t as enjoyable and satisfying as you would expect, losing “the magic” that is part of what clients come to see us for, and in the worst case where burnout causes a worker to quit the industry entirely, they lose a connection that my be very important and built over many years entirely. Which can be a very traumatic experience, akin to losing a conventional relationship even.
So as a sex worker I need to keep in mind the commitment that I make to my clients, especially those whom I see regularly for a long time. While I may not have an explicit commitment beyond individual sessions, I do feel that I need to respect that connection that I have and the investment that my clients make in me. To that end while I have never considered retiring from sex work, if I did then I would probably try to give my clients at least a year – or years – warning so that they weren’t suddenly abandoned.
Lastly, when sex workers get burnout and can’t give clients the experience that they want, or leave the industry entirely that is detrimental to the reputation of the industry as a whole. The woman who prompted me to write this post – having lost the services of two sex workers in a row has serious reservations about engaging with another sex worker as she just expects that anyone she meets now will in due course quit the industry and leave her to find a new provider once again.
That is bad for everyone (clients and workers) long term and while I understand the role that sex work plays socially (allowing people with few skills or options to earn good money where they otherwise might not be able to), there is a benefit to our industry becoming more stable and “professional”. I don’t expect that to change, but I will do my part to provide a long term reliable service to anyone who wants to see me.
John
From time to time people send me links to articles about sexuality – which I’m always happy to receive! I was sent this one overnight and I thought it was worth sharing:
https://www.glamour.com/story/hottest-erogenous-zones-women
I doubt that most people will be surprised by most of these erogenous zones – but I think that it’s always good to be reminded that they exist and to be mindful of them the next time that we are with a partner.
That’s especially true with someone that we have been with for some time. It’s very easy to fall into a rhythm with sex – we know what our partner likes, they know what we like, we give that to each other and that’s it. Which is fine as far as it goes, but it does leave a lot “on the table” so to speak.
Yes we know what our partner likes and doesn’t like. But there is a gap between those two extremes that creates an opportunity to explore and learn and perhaps discover new experiences and new pleasures together.
I have many, many years of experience, but I’m not too proud to admit that I can still learn more.
John
I came across this article recently and thought it worth commenting on in the context of my work as a male escort in Sydney, Australia.
The gist of the article is that older women (and also younger generations) are moving away from the model of conventional romantic relationships and instead finding happiness in deeper friendships (possibly with people of the same sex) rather than trying to get that from a romantic relationship.
This is I suspect influenced by changes in social norms and the decline of women’s financial dependence on men. (Many) women no-longer need to be in a relationship with a man to be able to provide for children, or just to get by.
So this opens up the opportunity for women to find different ways of satisfying their emotional needs and according the research quoted in the article many women are doing this through close friendships rather than romantic relationships with men.
I think that on the whole this is a positive thing. It is good to challenge conventional ideas about how we find happiness in life – and realising that it is possible to separate things like emotional fulfillment, intellectual fulfillment/challenge, and sexual fulfillment makes it much, much easier in my opinion to be able to fill your life with those things without being forced to compromise.
I literally see women doing this with my work. Women who have no-sexual relationships with a committed partner come to me for the sex that the relationship doesn’t give them. Others don’t have a committed relationship, but do have a strong friend network who give them emotional fulfillment, but not sex, so they come to me to get the physical intimacy that they don’t get elsewhere.
This isn’t a passing thing either. I have clients who have been coming to me for between five to ten years. So some women really do see my service as a long term part of their lives.
This won’t work for everyone, but I’m glad that sex work is decriminalised (mostly) here in Australia and can therefore help women to create better lives for themselves.
John
Continuing to pursue my weight loss goals I took a (fast) walk this evening. 10 kilometers in 1.5 hours. A little slower than my target of seven kilometers per hour, but it will do for today.
And I got to enjoy an absolutely stupendously beautiful sunset as well…
If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?
Drop a comment below, email john@john-oh-escort.com, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.
So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.
Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.
Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?
A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.
I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.
Q. Is sex work legal?
A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!
The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).
Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).
Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?
A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.
Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?
A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!
Read all the questions and answers here!
Continue readingThere are plenty of pitfalls for couples wanting to try a threesome. Here’s a short list to help you have the best experience possible:
So that is a short list that I think about and discuss with your partner if you are planning on trying a threesome. And if you are ready then drop me a line and lets have some consensual fun!
John
P.S. I looked for a stock photo that I could use for this article, since I haven’t ever taken any “threesome” relevant photos – and boy does the internet have opinions about threesomes and what they look like (almost always two women and one man). I always enjoy seeing men secure and comfortable enough in themselves and their relationship to be ready to make their partner the focus of a threesome rather than themselves.
I’m pretty comfortable with my body – extremely comfortable really. I am lucky to have been pretty healthy my entire life and had the opportunity and inclination to exercise and participate in sports.
However over time everyone’s metabolism slows and we are inclined to put on weight. I’m no exception and it’s something that I have worked hard at over the years to manage.
Another aspect that I wasn’t expecting is that in recent times I have developed a lot more upper body mass – muscle. When I was in my thirties I was always lean and very light. It was a real advantage for me when I was rock climbing on faces that were not an overhang (where absolute strength really comes into play and having a low centre of gravity isn’t so important). It was also good for me when I was cycling and running.
Then about ten years ago for no reason that I know of my body decided that upper body muscle was new goal and my shoulders and arms filled out. I’ll never be “big” like some men are, which I’m very happy about honestly, but I’m a lot more solid and stronger than I once was.
The last few years of physical work required by the business that I started during the pandemic has only built on those gains and I have to say that I remain very happy with my body in general.
However. I am not overly happy with my bodies more recent propensity to build up it’s fat reserves. So it’s time for some directed action to reverse the trend.
As someone who is tall and relatively broad, I can put on ten kilograms and it is not particularly noticeable, which is a trap. It’s easy to ignore how my body is changing, especially since it’s only gradual. But enough is enough. It’s time for action.
I’m not going to tell anyone how to lose weight. Your personal history, medical issues, food culture that you grew up with etc are all going to effect what does and doesn’t work for you – this isn’t medical advice of any sort! For me what I know is this: carbohydrates are my enemy – and as someone who loves few things more than rice, pasta, potatoes (in all their forms), and bread (I literally ran a bakery once), that’s a real blow.
I know that if I am going to lose some weight and keep it off then I need to be significantly reducing, or better yet eliminating carbohydrates from my diet.
So that’s what I’ve done. Along with reducing my eating to two meals per day, implementing intermittent fasting (I eat my two meals at 1.00pm and 5.00pm), increasing my exercise, increased my water intake, and supplementing electrolytes, magnesium (which I’m always low on and leads to muscle fatigue), B group vitamins, and a multi-vitamin.
Here’s what’s happened so far:
More importantly though I can see the change in my body when I look in the mirror and I like where it’s going. To anyone reading this – please don’t feel that this post is making any demands on you. It’s nothing more than my personal journey to reach a body shape that I am happy with that lets me do the things that I want to do. I see women of all shapes and sizes and I enjoy all of your bodies!
I hope that for anyone undertaking, or considering their own weight loss journey that it might be helpful and provide some inspiration.
John
A client messaged me recently and (with her permission) I want to share some of what she said.
“I do truly believe that my experience with you has taken a whole heap of weight off … I know how I want to be treated and respected”
That perhaps is the most important part of any sex worker’s job – to be what the other person needs when they need it. As a male sex worker for women I meet a lot of women who aren’t seeing me just because they feel like having sex. Often seeing me is a stepping stone to getting back into dating, or a break from the complications and disappointments of dating. Or a safe way to re-engage with their sexuality after a long period without sex, or after some sort of trauma.
Lets be clear – I’m not a miracle worker. I don’t have any secrets to getting over the bad things that have happened in a person’s life. I’m just a person with some physical skills and experience and a willingness to listen and prioritise another person’s needs.
And I think that actually goes a long, long way for many people who are tired of everything being conditional and feeling that they have to fight even for a little pleasure and comfort.
John
This video popped up in my YouTube feed today and I thought I might share it. It’s by a woman who has a lower leg amputation and she discusses her journey with her sexuality after her amputation. I have enjoyed her discussion of disability in general, but this one about sex and disability in particular. You can watch the video here:
I have been working with women with disabilities for as long as I have been a male escort for women. I believe that people with disabilities having access to sex workers is an important social service that allows them to experience their lives more fully.
If you live in Australia and have a disability, or are assisting someone who does then the first thing for you to do is contact Touching Base (https://www.touchingbase.org/). From their website:
Touching Base Inc is a charitable organisation, based in Sydney NSW Australia, that has been active since October 2000. Touching Base developed out of the need to assist people with disability and sex workers to connect with each other, focusing on access, discrimination, human rights and legal issues and the attitudinal barriers that these two marginalised communities can face.
https://www.touchingbase.org/
They do great work and have a referral list of sex workers to suit a wide range of needs, trained in working with people with disabilities. I highly recommend them.
John