Category Archives: Education

Relationships, dating, and sex work in these times

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I came across this article recently and thought it worth commenting on in the context of my work as a male escort in Sydney, Australia.

The gist of the article is that older women (and also younger generations) are moving away from the model of conventional romantic relationships and instead finding happiness in deeper friendships (possibly with people of the same sex) rather than trying to get that from a romantic relationship.

This is I suspect influenced by changes in social norms and the decline of women’s financial dependence on men. (Many) women no-longer need to be in a relationship with a man to be able to provide for children, or just to get by.

So this opens up the opportunity for women to find different ways of satisfying their emotional needs and according the research quoted in the article many women are doing this through close friendships rather than romantic relationships with men.

I think that on the whole this is a positive thing. It is good to challenge conventional ideas about how we find happiness in life – and realising that it is possible to separate things like emotional fulfillment, intellectual fulfillment/challenge, and sexual fulfillment makes it much, much easier in my opinion to be able to fill your life with those things without being forced to compromise.

I literally see women doing this with my work. Women who have no-sexual relationships with a committed partner come to me for the sex that the relationship doesn’t give them. Others don’t have a committed relationship, but do have a strong friend network who give them emotional fulfillment, but not sex, so they come to me to get the physical intimacy that they don’t get elsewhere.

This isn’t a passing thing either. I have clients who have been coming to me for between five to ten years. So some women really do see my service as a long term part of their lives.

This won’t work for everyone, but I’m glad that sex work is decriminalised (mostly) here in Australia and can therefore help women to create better lives for themselves.

John

Sexstortion?

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Ok, this wasn’t something I had on my 2023 bingo card – “Sextortion”. But I really shouldn’t be surprised I suppose. In this day and age of ever expanding online scamming, hacking, and spamming, lonely people looking for a connection really are an ideal target for people with no scruples and a desire for quick money.

So what is “sextortion”? From the article:

“…scammers are known to use sophisticated tactics to ensnare and exploit unwary love-seekers, engaging in what is increasingly known as “sextortion.” This worrying trend sees deceivers using emotional leverage to coerce individuals into sharing personal and often sensitive information or images, which can then be used as a means of extortion”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/11/10/is-online-dating-making-you-an-easy-target-for-sextortion-a-psychologist-explains/

I remember when scam emails claiming to have “hacked my web cam” started doing the rounds a while ago. The email claimed they had video of my doing unmentionable things and were going to share the videos of me with my family and friends and work colleges if I didn’t pay them a sum of bitcoin.

At the time I had a bit of a laugh about it because my webcam isn’t plugged in unless I’m using it, so it was clearly just a shotgun spray of emails to thousands or millions of email addresses in the hope of finding a few people who could be convinced to hand over money.

Clearly the tactics have evolved (even though I still get the “webcam scam” emails occasionally). So since many of the women I meet are actively using dating sites, or planning to, I think this is a good topic to cover.

I think that most people are aware of the basics of online safety, but it bares repeating in this case – be careful, trust your instincts, if something feels off (or too good to be true) then walk away.

Stay safe out there!

John

Ask me anything…

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If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?

Drop a comment below, email john@john-oh-escort.com, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.

So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.

Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.

Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?

A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.

I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.

Q. Is sex work legal?

A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!

The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).

Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).

Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?

A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.

Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?

A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!

Read all the questions and answers here!

Continue reading →

PSA for men – Vibrators are an ally, not competition

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I was talking to a woman recently on the matter of penis size.  She was confirming that yes indeed she and pretty much every other woman she knows much prefers a modest size penis and that large ones are just uncomfortable or painful when having penetrative sex.  What matters far more to the pleasure of sex is the confidence of the owner of the penis than its actual size.

To that end the discussion turned to vibrators and an experience that she had with a man who while he was reasonably confident with his penis he was vastly threatened by her owning a vibrator!  He felt that it was an attack on his prowess as a lover.

So lets be really clear guys – you need to let that insecurity go.  A woman you are dating would prefer to get her pleasure from you rather than a device if at all possible.  Just like you would rather receive pleasure from that woman than masturbate alone.

Everyone responds to sexual stimulation differently and has their own preferences.  If a woman needs or just enjoys stronger clitoral stimulation than you can provide, then that is just a fact of who she is and not a failing on your part. If she wants to use a vibrator while having sex, then treat that as just a part of the fun and find ways to make that work for both of you.

John

How a sex worker can help

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A client messaged me recently and (with her permission) I want to share some of what she said.

“I do truly believe that my experience with you has taken a whole heap of weight off … I know how I want to be treated and respected”

That perhaps is the most important part of any sex worker’s job – to be what the other person needs when they need it. As a male sex worker for women I meet a lot of women who aren’t seeing me just because they feel like having sex. Often seeing me is a stepping stone to getting back into dating, or a break from the complications and disappointments of dating. Or a safe way to re-engage with their sexuality after a long period without sex, or after some sort of trauma.

Lets be clear – I’m not a miracle worker. I don’t have any secrets to getting over the bad things that have happened in a person’s life. I’m just a person with some physical skills and experience and a willingness to listen and prioritise another person’s needs.

And I think that actually goes a long, long way for many people who are tired of everything being conditional and feeling that they have to fight even for a little pleasure and comfort.

John

Sex and disability

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This video popped up in my YouTube feed today and I thought I might share it. It’s by a woman who has a lower leg amputation and she discusses her journey with her sexuality after her amputation. I have enjoyed her discussion of disability in general, but this one about sex and disability in particular. You can watch the video here:

https://youtu.be/aGc19FROIUs

I have been working with women with disabilities for as long as I have been a male escort for women. I believe that people with disabilities having access to sex workers is an important social service that allows them to experience their lives more fully.

If you live in Australia and have a disability, or are assisting someone who does then the first thing for you to do is contact Touching Base (https://www.touchingbase.org/). From their website:

Touching Base Inc is a charitable organisation, based in Sydney NSW Australia, that has been active since October 2000. Touching Base developed out of the need to assist people with disability and sex workers to connect with each other, focusing on access, discrimination, human rights and legal issues and the attitudinal barriers that these two marginalised communities can face.

https://www.touchingbase.org/

They do great work and have a referral list of sex workers to suit a wide range of needs, trained in working with people with disabilities. I highly recommend them.

John

PSA for men – size does not matter

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I talked more than once about labiaplasty and how – unless there is a genuine medical reason for it – that no woman needs to worry about the appearance of her labia. Well, apparently, post covid (and young men watching waaaay too much porn) there is a crisis in male confidence that has caused many, many men to go under the knife to have penis “enhancement” surgery (see the article Penile Cosmetic Surgery is Booming, But… Does Size Really Matter?” from the Sunday Telegraphy Body + Soul, October 15, 2023)

It shouldn’t need to be said. It really shouldn’t. But sadly it does.

Men: except in the most extreme situation – the size of your penis – does. Not. MATTER!

To put penis size in perspective: just 0.6 percent of people who have a penis have what is considered a “micro-penis” (defined as the stretched length between the tip and the base of the gently stretch penis on the body side of less than 9.32 cm (3.67 in.)).

That’s only just above one in two hundred people have a “micro penis” – and even that definition doesn’t mean that the owner can’t enjoy sex or that a woman cant get pleasure from it!

But apparently this message has been lost to the fire hose of internet porn featuring massive cocks. And young men are going under the knife – encouraged by advertising from a cosmetic surgery industry that uses highly manipulative tactics to attack men’s self confidence.

Now, if this were a consequence and risk free procedure, then that would be one thing. But it’s not. There are now surgeons who spend significant amounts of time operating to rectify botched penile surgery!

So men – here are some things that are much worse than having anxiety about the size of your penis:

  • Post surgery infection
  • Blood clots
  • Implant failure (remember what happens when silicone breast implants rupture?)
  • Scaring
  • Uneven or lumpy results

Not to mention the approximately $15,000 cost.

If you do have anxiety about the size of your penis then here’s a better solution: talk to a psychologist about it. Spend some of that $15,000 on therapy so you can find a way to be happy with what you have.

Finally – I remember seeing a video of a female American porn star talking about what was ideal for her in a partner. Her preference: four inches – that’s 10.1 centimeters. That’s literally only just bigger than a “micro-penis” – and for her – a former porn star – it was ideal.

John

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to see a male escort?

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Many of the women who contact me ask the question: “So what would a booking with you be like?”. I’m pleased to say that now I can show you…

The back story…

Back in 2020 when we were just getting through the first wave of covid I had a conversation with a woman in the comments on my Photos page about how my erotic films have all been shot with women who are conventionally attractive. She said:

Your videos are all with slim women which would make me much too self conscious to contact you. How about picking a client in her 40s or 50s with a more normal and average body and filming an intimate scene to put me at ease?

She made a very good point and we had a productive conversation about why it has been hard for me to find older women to shoot with (you can see the full thread here). So I made the following commitment:

I will state for the record here though – to any woman who would like to create a film with me to be displayed on this website – you are very welcome to let me know. Age, ethnicity, size, body type, or disability are not limiting factors, so please don’t feel that you are not suitable because of some physical feature. I always ensure anonymity and engage in filming with the utmost respect and care for the well being of the person working with me. Finally, in all my films my costar the right of veto if they are not happy with my depiction of them.

Two whole years passed, then I received this comment:

Hi John Oh,
are you still looking for a mid-age, normal looking, not really a plus size, but definitely the usual expectations of women, and not one that is as trim taught and terrific as the beautiful girls in your current videos,
May I say, your videos are absolutely beautiful and very professional,
if so, that you are still considering to make a video as in the above conversations, I am happy to discuss the probabilities at anytime,
It will be largely depend on the financials of my out of pocket expenses, being that I would be traveling from Brisbane purposely to validate your fantastic website, and maybe be of assistance to other ladies who may have doubts with being at peace with their own bodies,
Incidentally, I have only ever been with one man in my whole life and have never been on any websites like yours before, Your talents and website were offered to me by a friend and I have had the great pleasure of perusing through and found this section, It has taken a huge amount of courage to write to you, but I am happy to discuss further if you are still looking for an alliance for your video, Thank you very much Zoe,

So I contacted Zoe and we arranged a time for her to visit and we made a film! As often happens it takes a while to arrange to meet and shoot the film, then there’s editing and we went back and forth adjusting the film to be sure that we were happy with it. But now it is done.

This film is special for many reasons – it is the first time that I have ever filmed an actual booking with a woman, rather than the films that I usually make which are shot quite deliberately to tell a story and to protect the woman’s identity and privacy. As a result I have added a privacy screen to protect Zoe’s identity and allow us to just enjoy the session without worrying every minute about camera angles.

It was also not only Zoe’s first time making an erotic film, but I was also only the second man that she had ever been with. So you can imagine just how huge a deal making this film was for her. She was amazingly brave and generous to offer to help me make this film and she hopes that it will help women who may be worried about their appearance or age to realise that those things don’t have to stop them experiencing pleasure and enjoying a healthy sex life.

So thank you Zoe! I am extremely grateful for your participation and patience.

John

Why would a doctor prescribe a vibrator?

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So today I learned that as women age the nerves in their clitoris that detect soft touch can deteriorate and degrade a woman’s ability to feel soft and gentle stimulation. However – there is another type of nerve that detects strong stimulation like vibration that is more durable and less likely to be damaged over time.

This is good news for women who through the process of aging find themselves less able to enjoy soft, gentle stimulation. Vibrators exist and it’s ok to use one and enjoy the results.

I learned this very useful information from this article:

https://www.aarpethel.com/health/why-would-a-doctor-prescribe-a-vibrator

I think that it is worth a read for any woman who finds herself in this situation, experiencing a loss of sensation as she gets older.

There is an addendum to add here though!

If you use a very strong vibrator and you use it a lot and you find that it is becoming less effective – then it’s time to dial it down and reset your responsiveness. Very strong stimulation will cause your body and brain to react and “turn down the volume”. It’s not permanent and is easy enough to reset by lowering the stimulation level and letting your body adjust to the new, lower level of stimulation.

John

Banning books and the games the media the media play

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This is an old story (six months old now) reported by 9 News, but I think that is still worthy of exploring.

The summary:

“In March, Queensland conservative campaigner Bernard Gaynor complained to Logan City Council that [the graphic novel] Gender Queer [by Maia Kobabe] was on its shelves.”

This lead the Australian Classification Board to conduct a review and they have…

“given the book an “unrestricted classification”, paired with “consumer advice” that it may not be suitable for younger readers.”

There’s a lot that could be explored here, from social “conservatism”, to the myriad issues that young people encounter exploring their sexuality, to literature and how our classification system works. All worthy topics. But I’d like to talk about something small in the way 9 News reported the story.

Firstly, the original article: Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board on March 13th is a reasonable piece or reporting that seems to be mostly neutral about the subject and fairly represents the situation.

And credit to 9 News, they did a follow up piece Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book on the 21st of July that is also fairly neutral and just reports the news.

What caught my attention is the difference between the visible title of the articles:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

and…

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

and the URLs of the articles:

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-a-memoir-book-under-review-classification-board-faces-potential-ban/

and…

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-book-classified-as-m-mature-not-recommended-for-readers-under-15-years/

I’ll expand them to make it easier to read.

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

and…

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as M mature not recommended for readers under 15 years”

Lets line up the titles with their URLs.

First article title visible to readers:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

Second article title visible to readers:

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as m mature not recommended for readers under 15 years

In both cases the URL uses significantly more “conservative” and inflammatory language.

The question of why is open to debate, but given that 9 News is chaired by a group including Peter Costello (former right wing politician, deputy leader of the Liberal Party (1994 to 2007) and Australian federal government treasurer (1996 to 2007)) the implication is that 9 News has a conservative bias that it wants to hide from the people reading its articles, but not from the search engines that feed us all our fire hose of media content.

In that landscape these sorts of small details matter.

While the inner workings of Google’s search algorithms are opaque to the likes of you and me, they are closely studied by the kinds of people who run media empires and like to influence the viewing public’s opinion on of matters of “morality”.

I don’t think that I need to break this down further, but I do think that it’s a timely reminder to us all to not trust any media source completely. We need to read widely and try to understand the inherent biases that media of all kinds (even my writings) bring to the stories that they choose to tell, how they tell them, and even how they attempt to influence how they are delivered and to whom.

John