Category Archives: Education

Why would a doctor prescribe a vibrator?

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So today I learned that as women age the nerves in their clitoris that detect soft touch can deteriorate and degrade a woman’s ability to feel soft and gentle stimulation. However – there is another type of nerve that detects strong stimulation like vibration that is more durable and less likely to be damaged over time.

This is good news for women who through the process of aging find themselves less able to enjoy soft, gentle stimulation. Vibrators exist and it’s ok to use one and enjoy the results.

I learned this very useful information from this article:

https://www.aarpethel.com/health/why-would-a-doctor-prescribe-a-vibrator

I think that it is worth a read for any woman who finds herself in this situation, experiencing a loss of sensation as she gets older.

There is an addendum to add here though!

If you use a very strong vibrator and you use it a lot and you find that it is becoming less effective – then it’s time to dial it down and reset your responsiveness. Very strong stimulation will cause your body and brain to react and “turn down the volume”. It’s not permanent and is easy enough to reset by lowering the stimulation level and letting your body adjust to the new, lower level of stimulation.

John

Banning books and the games the media the media play

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This is an old story (six months old now) reported by 9 News, but I think that is still worthy of exploring.

The summary:

“In March, Queensland conservative campaigner Bernard Gaynor complained to Logan City Council that [the graphic novel] Gender Queer [by Maia Kobabe] was on its shelves.”

This lead the Australian Classification Board to conduct a review and they have…

“given the book an “unrestricted classification”, paired with “consumer advice” that it may not be suitable for younger readers.”

There’s a lot that could be explored here, from social “conservatism”, to the myriad issues that young people encounter exploring their sexuality, to literature and how our classification system works. All worthy topics. But I’d like to talk about something small in the way 9 News reported the story.

Firstly, the original article: Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board on March 13th is a reasonable piece or reporting that seems to be mostly neutral about the subject and fairly represents the situation.

And credit to 9 News, they did a follow up piece Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book on the 21st of July that is also fairly neutral and just reports the news.

What caught my attention is the difference between the visible title of the articles:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

and…

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

and the URLs of the articles:

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-a-memoir-book-under-review-classification-board-faces-potential-ban/

and…

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-book-classified-as-m-mature-not-recommended-for-readers-under-15-years/

I’ll expand them to make it easier to read.

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

and…

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as M mature not recommended for readers under 15 years”

Lets line up the titles with their URLs.

First article title visible to readers:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

Second article title visible to readers:

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as m mature not recommended for readers under 15 years

In both cases the URL uses significantly more “conservative” and inflammatory language.

The question of why is open to debate, but given that 9 News is chaired by a group including Peter Costello (former right wing politician, deputy leader of the Liberal Party (1994 to 2007) and Australian federal government treasurer (1996 to 2007)) the implication is that 9 News has a conservative bias that it wants to hide from the people reading its articles, but not from the search engines that feed us all our fire hose of media content.

In that landscape these sorts of small details matter.

While the inner workings of Google’s search algorithms are opaque to the likes of you and me, they are closely studied by the kinds of people who run media empires and like to influence the viewing public’s opinion on of matters of “morality”.

I don’t think that I need to break this down further, but I do think that it’s a timely reminder to us all to not trust any media source completely. We need to read widely and try to understand the inherent biases that media of all kinds (even my writings) bring to the stories that they choose to tell, how they tell them, and even how they attempt to influence how they are delivered and to whom.

John

Dating – you don’t have to settle

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I recently had a booking with a woman who I have known as a client for several years.  I hadn’t seen her in over a year and was pleasantly surprised when she contacted me again.  While chatting on the couch over a glass of wine she described to me the ups and downs of dating some men on and off over the last year.  There had been some successes and some failures, but on the whole, enough successes that she hadn’t felt the need to come and see me.

However an experience with a new date changed her mind.  He left her feeling a little worried about his trustworthiness and that got her thinking – “Do I take the risk? Or do I not?”.

Ultimately she decided not to take the risk – and part of the reason why was that she knew that she could simply come to see me instead.  Which she did.

I think that this is a really important lesson – it’s good to have an option so that you don’t succumb to “fear of missing out”, whether you exercise that option or not, just knowing that it’s there can help to make better decisions.

As per the title of this post – if you know that you can reliably get the intimacy and sex that you want and need (from someone like me) then you don’t have to “settle”.

John

For the men currently interested in becoming a male sex worker for women…

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I have recently had a slew of men contacting me asking for advice about becoming a male sex worker for women. While I support men joining the industry generally, if you are planning to do so and want advice (which is admirable) then here is a good place to start:

Male sex work for women is NOT a game

Please – read this whole post that I made earlier this year. Think hard about it and what it is saying before you continue the journey of becoming a sex worker – because there is much, much more at stake here than just your ego and desire to do something that might be fun and earn you money.

John

There is a problem with antidepressants

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Disclaimer – I am not a doctor. Please don’t take anything I say here as medical advice. Check with your doctor before you make any decisions about using antidepressants.

Over the years I have met a lot of women who have been taking SSRI antidepressants (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors). Many of them have, as a side effect, found it either very difficult, or impossible to reach orgasm while taking these medication – and the effects don’t just disappear as soon as you stop taking an SSRI, it can take time and may leave you experiencing sexual stimulation differently.

Everyone has to make the decision that is right for them about the medication that they take, whether they can accept the side effects given the benefits etc. My problem is that doctors seem to down play, or not explain – or possibly not even know – many of the side-effects of the medications that they are prescribing. 

In the case of SSRI’s I believe that the effects on sexual function are seen as virtually irrelevant by many doctors and are rarely explained.  You could reasonably say that treating the symptoms of depression, which can be very serious, are more important than a woman being able to have an orgasm.  But that is treating depression in a very narrow way and in my opinion overlooks the benefits of a healthy sex life.

SSRIs tend to smooth out emotional swings, preventing the huge dips and also preventing the highs, but it should also be recognised that taking away what is a very intimate pleasure – being able to achieve orgasm – can be extremely distressing. 

We shouldn’t – in my opinion – be sacrificing one thing for another – or, at the very least, making sure that people are *fully* aware of the consequences of taking the medication that they are being prescribed before they start to take it.

John

Even AI (companies) hate sex work

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You have probably been hearing about artificial intelligence in the media recently.  The company OpenAI in particular has been making a lot of waves with its ChatGPT artificial intelligence service.  And honestly ChatGPT is absolutely astounding in what it can achieve.

So, being the person I am with an interest in technology and how it can help me I thought I’d have a look at ChatGPT and see what it might be able to do for me and my business as a male escort for women.

One of the favourite tests you can see people on Youtube doing with ChatGPT is asking it to give them suggestions for articles to write about a subject.  Knowing virtually nothing about ChatGPT and how to drive it besides what I had seen other people do I thought I’d start with that.  I wanted to write an article for this site today but wasn’t feeling inspired by any of the ideas I’ve jotted down in the last couple of weeks.

So I asked ChatGPT: “Suggest some article subjects about female sexuality and male escorts”.  This is what came back:

While all the suggestions were relatively “high-level” the topics that ChatGPT suggested were definitely on target.  So well done ChatGPT.

However there is a problem.  “This content may violate our content policy…”

Sigh.  Here we go…

I dutifully followed the link provided to OpenAI’s content policy and I find this:

“Disallowed usage of our models

We don’t allow the use of our models for the following:”

Promoting sexual services.  Yup.  That’s me banned then. 

I haven’t been involved in sex work advocacy for several years now, but this sort of thing reminds me that the fight for the rights of sex workers is far, far, FAR from over.

I first bumped into this kind of problem when making erotic films.  Music is an important part of setting the mood in a film and several years ago there was a big boom in online royalty free music libraries (which ironically generative AI may yet kill).  That’s great because you can subscribe, download the music that suits your work, add it in and you are done, nothing more to pay.  But not if you are making erotic content.  That’s *always* excluded in their terms of service.  Last time I checked, none of the big royalty free music sites allowed use of their libraries in anything “adult” related.  As a result there is only a quite small set of music that I can legally choose from when making a new film.

And of course OpenAI have done the same thing.  Western (in particular US and Australian) prudishness is incredibly exclusionary and as stock or AI generated images and music become more and more prevalent, sex workers and our ability to create and promote our work becomes harder.

Now my business isn’t about to fail because I can’t use a song, or have AI generate article topics, but it’s another barrier unfairly place in front of me and every other sex worker in the world. And it demonstrates that the fight for sex work rights – which ultimately translates into your right as a prospective, or actual purchaser of sex work services – is an ongoing battle.

There will always be people who openly and directly oppose us and our work, but the people and businesses who casually oppose us because they are too scared of what the loud people might say about them are just as big a problem and far more insidious.

John

When sex work is criminalised sexual assault increases

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For many years now I’ve been an advocate for the decriminalisation of sex work – which I benefit from here in NSW (and increasingly in other states and territories here in Australia and New Zealand). I encourage decriminalisation because it is very good for the health and safety and general well-being of sex workers and clients.

Now there is evidence that it is good for the rest of society as well. I was sent a link to an article that reported on a recent study of 31 European countries from 1990 to 2017 which shows that countries that liberalised their sex work laws saw a decrease in instances of rape. Where as countries that cracked down in sex work saw an increase in instances of rape.

So there we have it. Consensual sex work makes society safer (it wasn’t clear from the article if the statistics were gendered or not). 

I’m pleased to hear this news and it adds yet another reason to support decriminalisation. 

One unexpected result from the study was that countries that criminalised the purchase of sex but not the sale of sex had the worst outcomes. I doubt that will make the people who are fighting to “abolish” sex work, especially through the criminalisation of its purchase, stop and think about the harm that they are actually doing to their society. But at least it’s empirical evidence to throw in the face of the lawmakers who listen to them and vote to criminalise sex work on the basis of “protecting women”.

We are extremely lucky here in most of Australia and New Zealand – as sex workers and as clients. It is easy to forget that the all of the rest of the world labours under some sort of criminalisation of sex services. For all our faults as a society here in Australia we have at least gotten that right.

John

PSA for men – you need to ask her if she likes your stubble

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“Manly stubble” is a common feature for male fashion photos – and male sex worker photos. However, in my experience while there are some women who love stubble on a man when they are kissing, receiving oral etc – most do not.

So guys – if you don’t know a woman’s preference – ask! And if you can’t ask, then just have a shave, because it’s a safe bet that she probably won’t enjoy your brillow pad face between her legs.

John

We need to have a conversation about terminology

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I recently happened across this article from Slate.com (here) that I was quoted in a while back and I thought upon reading it again that it was worth commenting on the reader’s word choice when referring to sex workers.

“Prostitute” is a loaded term.  And for people who work in my industry it has a lot of negative connotations.  It’s why most people who sells sexual services prefers the term “sex worker”.

It’s a much more clear definition. It’s work. And it involves sex. We are sex workers.

Culturally the term “prostitute” is linked to exploitation, implies a lack of autonomy (individually and financially) and even a lack of legitimacy.

The idea that someone “had to prostitute themselves” to survive, or succeed is an inherently negative statement. “had to”. Not “chose to”. Or “wanted to”. “Had to” is the way we would most likely hear that described.

And this is where people who oppose sex work will say “But what about all of the women who have no choice?” (they rarely acknowledge that men do sex work too). The answer is that those people are generally what we call “survival sex workers”. Forced by economic, personal, or social realities to do work that they may not choose to otherwise – and they are often punished legally and socially because of that.

As sex workers we support these people and their right to survive however they have to, but at the same time what we fight for is to see the work decriminalised so that they can seek any and all physical, legal, and medical help that they may need to do their work in safety and good health.

Every society has sex work. It is a reality of humanity – but how we look at sex work and especially the words we choose when we are talking about it go a long way to how sex workers are treated and perceived.

So while “prostitute” may be a linguistically valid word to describe what I do, it is not the right word for todays society. I am not a “prostitute” I am a “sex worker”, with all of the connotations that carries.

John

PSA for men – Erotic massage for women

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To all of men out there who would like to give their wife or partner a special experience – suggesting she see a full service sex worker is probably not the fist thing that she would like to do!

However there is every chance that she might enjoy an erotic massage.

Most people are familiar with massage and plenty of people have probably wondered what it would be like to have a massage from someone attractive who might go – a little bit further…

So what does an erotic massage involve and include?

Location: personally I like to give an erotic massage on a bed rather than a massage table as it allows for a wider range of activities, but either works.

(Un)dress: here’s one of the nicest things (I think) about an erotic massage – you get to do away with the strategically placed towels and avoiding of areas that we would really like to be massaged, but never get touched. Your masseur can be dressed, or naked too, whichever you desire.

How it feels: Gentle massage that is designed to arouse. It might include not just hands, but forearms, trailing hair, and even full body slide…

Where it goes: wherever she wants it to. It could be as little a fully naked massage just of her back, or of her front too. There can be breast massage and nipple play. There can be massage of inner thighs and outer labia. There can be clitoral play, finger play, and even oral sex.

Where it doesn’t go: anywhere that you are not comfortable for it to go.

Where it ends: with an orgasm for her if that is where she wants it to end.

Erotic massage with me is a sensual indulgence that lets a woman have as much or as little intimacy as she desires.

So – to all of the men out there who want to give their partner a special experience, an erotic massage is a great option!

John