Category Archives: Education

PSA for men and women – Sometimes SHE’S the one who will come too quickly!

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So.  Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm.  Some however can cum much quicker.  There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves.  However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.

As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.

The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up.  So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.

What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her.  I find this really fun to do.  It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…

There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down.  Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.

  1. Open your eyes – this helps to reduce any fantasy that may be running through your head and pushing you along faster. That was a big help to me when I was dealing with this issue myself
  2. Relaaaaaax – specifically your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor tension is a great way for women who have trouble reaching orgasm to push themselves along. If you have the opposite problem, then relaxing your pelvic floor will help to slow things down
  3. Breath out the tension – similar to the point above, breathing helps you to relax your muscles and mind and that helps delay orgasm
  4. Stay in the experience – don’t try to distract yourself by “thinking boring thoughts”, stay with the experience, stay in your body and experience the pleasure, but recognise that it feels good, but not *too* good…
  5. Be aware of your arousal level – spend some time really concentrating on your arousal level and noticing what builds it and reduces it. The better we are at recognising where we are the easier it is to employ the techniques above to moderate or boost our arousal as and when we need and want to
  6. You need a partner to help you practice – you can start this process on your own, but as with men, having an understanding partner to help you develop your skills will make it easier and quicker and probably get you a better result in the end.

Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.

John

Male sex work for women is NOT a game

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Today I am angry – and sad. But mostly angry.

I hate having to write this, because I love my work and my industry and I want everyone who hires a sex worker to have a fun, fulfilling, and safe time. Sadly though it needs to be said: there are too many wanna-be male sex workers for women out there taking people’s money and giving back nothing, or worse hurting vulnerable women for their own ego fantasy of being paid for sex.

I occasionally hear stories from clients about how another male worker they have seen “didn’t do it for them” etc and that’s fine. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea either which is why I go out of my way to make it abundantly clear who I am and what I value through what I write on this website, in the hope that I can give the women who visit a clear enough picture of who I am that they can make an informed decision to book me.

Far more often though I hear stories about the male escort who “turned up coked out of his head and couldn’t even get an erection and still demanded to be paid”, or the guys who just never turn up, or the man who couldn’t go out to dinner with a client who booked an overnight dinner date because he “couldn’t be seen in public with her” and then left at 6.00am to “go to work”.

All of this is unprofessional to say the least and definitely harms the industry and the women who want and need our services.

But it gets worse. Men regularly contact me to ask for help getting into the industry. I tell them all, the same thing: as a male escort (assuming their client is respectful and has good hygiene) it is their job to be able to have sex with anyone who books with them – and if they have any doubt that they can do that reliably then they absolutely should not work as a male sex worker.

Why?

Because rejecting a woman who is paying you for sex because she “isn’t attractive enough for you” will be horribly hurtful to any woman – and a crushing blow to someone who is emotionally fragile.

Someone I have known as a client for many years had exactly that experience recently and – with her permission – I will describe what happened in the hope that it will help anyone who wants to book a male sex worker a better chance of having a good experience.

She booked a session with a male sex worker from one of the popular online directories, then booked a hotel room in the city to see him. The booking started ok, but his oral sex skills were poor and frustrating and his stubble was abrasive.

So they tried to have sex instead. While he was hard to start with, once he put on a condom and started having sex he went soft. That’s a problem and unacceptable in a male sex worker, but what he did then was unforgivable “he said I’m sorry, this has never happened to me before, I’m not attracted to you or your body”. So she ended the booking and asked for a refund of her money. He refused to give her even a partial refund and left.

Left her out of pocket for the booking and the hotel, without the service that had been promised, and with the parting gift of crushing her self-esteem. The following day he messaged her “to apologise and to thank me for making him realise that he was not cut out for the profession after all”.

This is unethical behaviour, it’s exploitative, and it’s emotionally abusive. Being a sex worker for women is not a place to work out your fantasies, or learn about yourself at the expense of other people.

It’s a serious job that comes with consequences for the people who pay their hard earned money for your service, if you can’t do your job. Imagine being told that you are the reason someone quit their profession. The lack of even basic empathy is astonishing and horrible.

So how can you increase your chance of making a good choice of male sex worker? Here are a few things to look for and consider:

  • Any truly professional male escort will have his own website. If his only online presence is an add in an escort directory then he is most likely just doing sex work on the side or for fun and may be very inexperienced. An add on these services costs very little so any man that fancies himself as a male escort can put an add up in a matter of minutes
  • Further to the above point – if all you have to go on is a cookie cutter description and some glamorous photos of his “ripped abs”, then know that what you are seeing is a facade and tells you nothing about the actual person, his values, or his abilities in bed
  • If you can’t talk to him easily and feel that he is understanding your needs and limits then don’t book him. As male sex workers we get paid very well for our time and we should make the effort to engage in a real conversation with a client before she commits to a booking with us. If he refuses to invest anything but the minimum of his time in you before the booking then that’s a huge red flag. This man doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you just as a pay check
  • If he is happy to chat, then really listen to the conversation. The more people talk, the more they tell you about themselves unintentionally. This is why I write so much on this website – the thirteen years of writing, photos, and short films that I have on here will give you a very good idea of who I am and what I value. And if who and what I am isn’t for you then ok, there are other men out there who will be better suited to your needs. I would rather that you see someone else than see me and have an unrewarding experience
  • If he wants to see a photo of you, or ID before accepting you booking – walk away, don’t even bother with him. A male escort never needs to know your real name, let alone where you live. Unlike with female sex workers, he is the one who has the power in the transaction and if he is prepared to abuse it like that then he probably isn’t safe to see

There are also things that you can proactively do to help make a better choice of male escort (I know that most of them are fairly obvious, but I also know that sometimes we need to feel like we have permission to ask for these things. Here are a few ideas:

  • Most women who contact me, tell me, if not about themselves, then at least about what they want and need and any issues they have that might be relevant to a booking (like inexperience sexually, or haven’t had sex in several years, don’t want or like a particular act). I can provide for most women’s needs, but many of the men out there doing sex work can’t, or wont. Giving them ample warning of your needs is a good way to pick the right guy in the first instance and a basis to demand a refund from him if he fails to provide what he promised
  • Ask if he will guarantee his service (he’s legally required to here in Australia). This will sort the serious escorts from the playboys. If he has the confidence to say you will be satisfied or it’s free, then you know at the very least that if you aren’t satisfied that you will get your money back
  • If you are worried about your appearance or some aspect of yourself and if you will be attractive to the worker you are thinking of booking, then it’s ok to tell them that and ask for reassurance. He should be enthusiastic, he should try to put you at easy, and he should commit to refunding you if he can’t perform, if he isn’t then that’s a red flag
  • It shouldn’t have to be said, but being punctual, presentable, sober, and ready to work is basic professionalism for a male sex worker. It’s fine to tell a man that you are considering booking that you expect that from him (or in the case of punctuality that if something delays him that he communicate promptly so you know what is happening). If he turns up late, is drunk or high, unshaven and unpresentable, then don’t hesitate to cancel the booking then and there
  • Ask to meet him for a drink or a meal before you book. It’s reasonable to pay a modest fee for the experience (but certainly not his full rate). How he handles that encounter, even if it’s just half an hour with him will tell you a lot about him. Is he punctual? Professional? Considerate? Fun? A small social date will tell you most of what you need to know about the man you have chosen – and it becomes part of the build up to and excitement of the booking itself!
  • Don’t book a male sex worker through an agency. Book an independent worker. Agencies don’t care about you or their workers (even if they say they do). All they care about is getting your money. Agencies won’t let you talk directly to the worker you want to book and may not even send the man that you requested. You have a better chance of good outcome with an independent worker
  • Lastly, this is a big one: while it’s reasonable for a sex worker to ask for a modest (refundable or transferable) deposit – given all of the above I personally think that it is fair for you to expect to pay after the booking is complete – not before. From day one I have worked on this basis as I realise how much of an emotional and financial risk booking an unknown male sex worker is for a woman. I don’t require payment up front because if you are not happy afterwards then you may not feel able to ask for a refund. I would rather have our booking and at the end if you are satisfied then you can pay me the fee we agreed. Any male worker who won’t do this is a risk. If he doesn’t have a clear refund or “no charge” policy then expect that he won’t be offering a refund

What if it all goes wrong or it just doesn’t work? We all hope this never happens, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. It has happened a few times for me over the thirteen years (at time of writing) that I have been a male sex worker and my response is always the same: I apologise, don’t request payment (or give them a refund if they chose to pay ahead), and offer to leave after making sure that they are ok.

I met a young woman once who unbeknown to me had never had sex, made the booking at the suggestion of her psychologist, and was absolutely mentally and physically not ready to have sex. After some time of foreplay with her I realised that it just wasn’t working for her, so asked her if she wanted to stop. She said yes, so we stopped. I gave her back her money, and left after making sure that she was ok.

Bookings won’t always work out. But as a professional sex worker, it’s our responsibility to do the right thing for a vulnerable person who may not be able to make the right decisions for themselves or feel able to enforce their rights.

So what can you do when it doesn’t work out? Here are some suggestions:

  • If he turns up drunk, high, or unprepared, don’t invite him in, or leave if you are visiting him
  • If you’re in the booking and it’s not working then you should tell him to stop, and if you think it won’t get better then you have every right to end the booking and leave/ask him to leave. He must respect that and comply
  • Ask for an appropriate refund. Consumer protection laws in Australia apply to sex work so he or the agency that booked him is obligated to refund your money if you are not happy with the service
  • If they refuses to refund you, then in NSW and other states you are entitle to make a claim for compensation through NSW Department of Fair Trading here: https://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/help-centre/online-tools/make-a-complaint under the buying Products and Services heading. You should let the worker know that you intend to make a claim before doing so as this may circumvent the need to
  • Above all, put your safety and well being first (physically and mentally)

This has become quite a long post and I hope that it is helpful to women considering booking a male escort in Sydney or anywhere else. If you have suggestions or ideas that you think that I should add to the lists above please feel free to post a comment below or email me: john@john-oh-escort.com .

None of this is to say that you should book me and not another worker. I am well suited to some women, but not to others. What I want to do here is help women the right worker for them.

FInally – sex work should be safe and rewarding for workers and clients. We (workers and clients) shouldn’t tolerate men who behave unprofessionally. You have the right to a safe, fulfilling experience, or reasonable compensation if you don’t get it.

John

PSA for men – when you are giving her oral and she is close to orgasm…

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Giving oral sex to women is one of my favourite things to do.  It always has been and I am generally told I am pretty good at it.  And most women can reach orgasm with me that way.

But there’s a trick to helping a woman orgasm from oral sex – it’s something that I think I have always done instinctively, but according to a number of women I have asked, many men just don’t understand it.

The trick, is to be consistent – don’t change your style when she is getting close to orgasm!

So you need to be aware of what that looks and feels like. There are many signs (but be aware that not all women will show them, so a little help sometimes from her saying she’s getting close can be good), arching her back, tensing her stomach muscles and thighs, her vagina clenching, change in pitch and tone of her voice and breathing…

It’s all there to read if you pay attention – and that is when you really, really need to just keep doing what you are doing for her. No need to go faster or harder – what you are doing is working, so just KEEP DOING IT!

Most of the time with most women she will continue to sail on to have an orgasm and all will be right in the world.

There’s a lot more I could say about giving good oral sex, but that’s a story for another time. This PSA was just about the ending – and making it as happy as possible!

John

Is there something that you particularly love, hate, or just wish that men new about sex? Drop a comment or an email john@john-oh-escort.com and I’ll do a PSA on it.

The rest of the world doesn’t understand sex work in Australia (and New Zealand)

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Sex work in most of Australia is now decriminalised.  Current states and territories that have decriminalised sex work include: New South Wales, Victoria, Northern Territory, and the Australian Capital Territory. That covers the majority of the population of Australia.  Other states have some form of “legalised” sex work which is still better than nothing, but we are waiting for them to catch up.

This is good for both sex workers and our clients.  Sex workers can go to the police for protection if we need, clients also are protected by consumer protection law from sex workers who may behave unethically.  And most of all – because of this protection potential abusers no longer considered sex workers (or our clients) “easy targets” that no one will care about.

People from other countries generally have no understanding of what this means for sex work and sex workers.  Case in point, a video that I came across the other day. 

https://www.facebook.com/ItsGoneViralOfficial/videos/456528303190628

This post looks to be ripped off the TikTok of the original creator – a female sex worker in Sydney, Australia called Jasmine (https://www.tiktok.com/@gentle_aura).

What is relevant here is the comments on the Facebook repost.  They are for the most part judgemental, ignorant, moralistic (or some combination of the above), and show no awareness of decriminalisation of sex work and understanding of how it changes the industry.

Decriminalisation of sex work makes the work much, much safer for women – as sex workers and as clients. It is frustrating when I am contacted by women (especially from the US) who want to see a male sex worker but are unable to find a suitable man in their area. I would like to be able to refer them to someone known in the industry with a good reputation and plenty of online presence to allow potential clients to decide if they are suitable. But where sex work is criminalised workers have to hide themselves.

For most women who might choose to pay a sex worker this makes the entire transaction just too much of a risk. So they are locked out of the opportunity to explore their sexuality in that way.

It’s easy for us to take for granted what we have here in Australia. So I’m taking this moment to recognise the privilege that we have compared to our peers (workers and clients) around the world. We are incredibly lucky – but never forget that all of these advances can be taken away from us if we fail to defend our hard won rights from the ignorant masses who reflexively lash out at sex work whenever it is presented to them.

John

There is no “normal”, just what’s normal to you

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People often ask me “what’s the weirdest thing you have ever been asked to do by a client”. The very vanilla answer to that question is “most women who come to me just want some good basic sex”.

But it does lead me to think about what “weird” really means.

My observation of people, sex, and sexuality over the last twelve years as a male escort for women (and couples) is that our sexuality – the things that “excite” us as opposed to our orientation, gender identity etc – exist on a spectrum and that what we like comes about in large part from what we are exposed to as we begin to explore sex.

In my teens I was exposed to heteronormative ideas and the images and practices that go with it – nuclear family, 80’s pop culture, Playboy and Penthouse magazines, the book The Joy of Sex (which I still think is a good read for heterosexual people), and very little else.

So that became my “normal”.  As I was discovering sex those things were imprinted in my psyche and remain there to this day underpinning what is arousing for me. A lot of people have very similar experiences as they become sexually aware and engaged – so we reflexively assume that because most people are like us that this is somehow “normal” – with the inference that interests elsewhere on the sexual spectrum are somehow “weird”, or worse – “abnormal”.

In reality though – as long as something is consensual and legal – declaring what is and isn’t “normal” is an arbitrary value judgement – not an objective truth. I may not be aroused by what another person is aroused by, but that says nothing about its value, or validity. It’s just my perception. The key that fits their sexual lock doesn’t fit mine and vice versa.

Some women who contact me are embarrassed to tell me what they find arousing, what works for them. So I think that it is important to say that – as long as what you want is consensual and legal – that I am always happy for someone to ask me for what they want. I’m open to most things – but even if I’m not comfortable with something, then I’m not going to judge you for asking. You are entitled to enjoy what you enjoy, and I will respect that. 

Want to call me “daddy”? Well ok then. Need to be spanked on the bottom? That’s fine. Like to go out for dinner with no underwear to spice things up? By all means. You aren’t going to shock me, and I will not judge you for what you want.

And neither should the rest of society!

John

“The Ravishment Option” and owning our sexuality

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I was sent me a link a while back to this sex work themed comedy short film. It’s hilarious and sweet, and very entertaining. I want to talk about one scene near the start – so you have been warned, spoilers ahead, I suggest you watch it before reading on (it’s only 15 minutes long).

https://youtu.be/8iCW7aLc8bQ

The story opens with a young woman Enid researching male sex workers and booking Ricky. When Ricky arrives he sweeps Enid up in his arms and kisses her deeply – much to her disgust! Ricky apologises and tells her he thought she selected “the ravishment option” when she booked (which she did not).

Now it’s a funny scene and well played in the film – but it also made me chuckle because this is literally a real thing – not a check box when you book, but I have had several clients will sometimes ask (in different words) for The Ravishment Option.

The vast majority of women who come to see me, whether it’s the first time or the 20th time like to have time to relax, chat, and connect before anything more intimate happens. That is totally understandable. Some women though, when they are in the mood want something different – and if they feel comfortable and secure with me then they may well ask to be “ravished” the moment they walk through the door.

I think that this is a good thing – not just individually, but more broadly. Many people don’t feel that they can ask for what they want. Worse I think that many people can’t even give themselves permission to want what they want.

Which is even worse and possibly harder to change. So lets talk about that.

I have come to the conclusion over my years working as a straight male escort for women that there is no such thing as “normal” and “abnormal” when it comes to a person’s sexuality. Just distributions of people who like similar things.

While I am sure that there are some traits, like being gay, or gender dysphoria that are rooted in biology, I think that much of our sexuality is created through our experiences. Like a man who, having the experience of being captured and sat on by some girls his age when he was going through puberty, to this day finds being sat on by a dominant woman to be a powerful turn on. I have come across many cases like this that while at the more distant ends of the sexual spectrum serve to illustrate how someone like me ended up with fairly “average” sexual inclinations. I never had unusual or extreme experiences of sex and sexuality when I was younger and so my tastes and preference now reflect that.

I like to compare sexuality to a book. When we first open our book there are certain things written in there – personally my book has always said “straight male”. But most things that come after that I can look back on my life and my experiences from early teens into my twenties and find correlations between what I experienced and what I now find interesting/arousing/motivating/distracting sexually.

It took me a long time though – until my early thirties to reconcile what I wanted and responded to instinctively and what I thought I should want. That gap was a source of unhappiness that I wasn’t really aware of. When I did finally “come out” to myself and start to accept and embrace my sexuality I found a kind of inner peace that I had never had before.

I didn’t have to hide what I wanted anymore. I didn’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. It was a revelation. And it was without doubt one of the things that lead me to sex work as a career, something that has changed and improved my life in many ways.

So what is the lesson? I think it is that we need to listen to ourselves. Hear what our bodies and minds are asking for, then find a way to give that to ourselves. If we can do that then we will be happier, healthier, and better-rounded people.

John

Towards a healthier view of our sexuality

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Drawn in by the headline of this article “Bizarre sex challenge men need to stop” I clicked and I read…

Apparently there are men out there who abstain for ejaculation during the month of November. 

They claim (with no evidence the article says) that it has sex/health benefits. Which seems unlikely. After all we know that regular ejaculation is good for prostate health if nothing else (reducing lifetime risk of prostate cancer by 33% and that benefit is greater the older we get).

While the article is rather all-over-the-place it does make the point that fads/challenges/rules etc about sex are more likely to encourage unhealthy thinking about our bodies and sex than they are to improve our sexual function.

That seems like a reasonable statement to me.

We all have baggage from our lives, from growing up, to learning about sex, to relationships, to marriage, having children. It all effects us, shapes who we are, including sexually.

Abstaining from sex for one month each year isn’t going to solve anyone’s problems or give them god-like powers in bed.

What will help though is looking inside ourselves and listening to the voice that tells you what you really want in your sex life. it took me personally fifteen years from puberty to really accept my sexuality and embrace it (then another ten to become a straight male escort for women, but that’s another story).

That voice may be telling you that all you want is some basic sex every now and then, or it might be saying that you want wild sex with multiple partners every weekend – and it doesn’t matter where you are on that spectrum, it’s all valid. What matters is that you listen to it and accept where your sexuality is at right now (because its going to change throughout our lives).

This doesn’t mean you have to act of those feelings – but the act of accepting that our sexuality is a certain way, rather than denying it can be a powerful thing. There’s a release to be had from not constantly denying ones nature – even if you never indulge that nature.

And I think that is probably the right message to be taking away from all of this

John

Movie – Good Luck to You, Leo Grande – Part II

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So I watched Good Luck to You, Leo Grande tonight. And on the whole it filled the expectations that I mentioned in my first post about this movie.

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who hasn’t watched it and might like to, so I’ll try to be general here rather than talking about specifics of the plot

If you are looking for an authentic picture of what an experience with a male sex worker is like, then Leo Grande is a reasonable portrayal (if overly dramatised). But I have to say that it is representative.

It’s not a bad film, generally it’s pretty good. It touches on real issues that I have dealt with – like consent, privacy, boundaries, communication, body image, low self esteem, difficulty achieving orgasm, and personal growth.

I will accept the conflict. That probably had to be in there for dramatic effect – but know this, your male sex worker should always be professional, no matter what.

I guess at the end of the day it felt good for me, a sex worker, to be represented in a realistic and mostly accurate and sympathetic fashion.

I think that it was also good to see Emma Thompson’s character – while vastly (somewhat unrealistically) over anxious – depicting so many things that women I often meet are going through.

On the whole I think that this movie is positive and a valuable contribution to education about sex work, sex workers, and why people – especially women – choose to see us.

John

Consent training and education – we are taking a step forward

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As a male sex worker for women, consent – giving it, getting it, and ensuring that it is still there – is something that I have to do with every client, especially when I don’t know them well, or with women with disabilities who may not be able to communicate effectively.

I also go out of my way with women who have little or no experience – or sometimes bad experiences – with sex and consent to try to help them learn how to ask for what they want and reassure them that they are allowed to say no, to withdraw consent for things that they may not want.

I believe that I do this well and provide a service that is safe and respectful.

That this is even worthy of note indicates just how big a problem “consent”, its practice, and our understanding of it is in this country.

So I am delighted to see (via this article – https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-08-29/consent-education-mandatory-australia/101375564) that the teaching of consent is to be federally mandated in all schools in Australia.

This is exactly how we make our society a better place. We teach our children in school and it creates generational change. Over time the young people who have learned what consent means, how to ask for it, and how to give it become the majority and “the old ways” die a natural death.

Some people fear this sort of education by the state and will claim that it’s the job of parents to teach these sorts of values. To that I say “You can’t teach what you don’t know”. Which doesn’t mean that all parents don’t necessarily understand consent – just that knowing something that you probably learned more by watching what other people did than actually being shown isn’t a great basis for teaching that thing effectively.

We very obviously have issues with consent in our society – I literally hear it from women regularly – and I for one am very happy that we are taking real steps toward addressing it.

It won’t be an easy road though. As mentioned in the linked article teachers involved in this kind of education need to be taught themselves about how to provide it, how to be sensitive to the impacts that what they are teaching may have on students who have suffered abuse for instance.

It’s a complicated problem that requires sophisticated thinking and solutions. It won’t be resolved over night, but every year that students receive this training we will be making a better society and giving kids the chance to live better, healthier, safer lives.

John

A male contraceptive pill – part two

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Well the results are in and no it wasn’t just me. Several women have let me know in no uncertain terms that they would not trust a man to take responsibility for contraception by taking a male contraceptive pill – none have said that they would.

I thought this would be the case, but it’s good to get confirmation. One woman even related her story of a male partner attempting to sabotage her contraceptive pills, so the fear is definitely justified.

While more contraceptive options can only be a good thing I still don’t see the mass market success that the manufacturers are probably hoping for.

This also highlights the importance of our society investing in education around sex, sexuality, relationships, and most of all – respect. If we spent half as much money on educating children about these things as we do on pure science research (as important as that is) then we would be a much healthier society – and perhaps a male contraceptive pill might be more palatable to women…

John