Sex work, disability, and the NDIS (again)

Back in May of 2020 the federal court of Australia ruled that the National Disability Insurance Scheme should not deny disabled people the right to use their NDIS insurance to pay for sex work services if they could show that it was “reasonable and necessary”.

I can’t emphasise enough how important this recognition of both sex work and the rights of people with disabilities is.  It cannot be understated.

Governments world wide have long pushed sexuality and sex work to the margins of society, with hugely detrimental consequences.  New South Wales in Australia, where I work, in fact was so plagued by corruption of it’s police force and politicians, due to the criminalisation of sex work that it became the first place in the world to decriminalise sex work (and thus remove that blight of corruption).

It seemed for a brief moment there that as the states and territories in Australia embrace and/or implement decriminalisation that the tide was turning.  Even the federal court has recognised sexual expression as an integral part of human existence.

Then last week federal minister for the NDIS, Stuart Robert went on a conservative radio show to once again display his ugly conservatism. 

“I never thought you and I would be talking about prostitutes.”

Robert said NDIS participants were “welcome to avail themselves of anything that is lawful and they can pay for themselves” but not with taxpayer funds.

The Guardian – Stuart Robert Condemned

Firstly it’s worth noting the derogatory language.  Stuart Robert knows that the preferred and respectful term is “sex worker”.  He has used it in the past here (https://amp.abc.net.au/article/11298838).  So his choice of words when talking to Ray Hadley on the radio was intended to rile up listeners and shame people who pay for and provide sexual services in front of a conservative radio audience.  It was deliberate.

The federal court stated that if a person with a disability can make a case for the NDIS to cover the cost of sex work services then those services should be covered.  Which seems quite reasonable.  It’s not giving anyone with a recognised disability a blank cheque to see sex workers every day of the week on the government’s dime.  It is simply recognising that there are people in our community who’s disability means that they can’t safely and readily participate in an integral part of the human experience – their sexuality – that the rest of us take for granted. 

What most people who oppose the NDIS funding sex workers don’t stop to consider is the risks that people with disabilities take when they try to engage with people for a relationship and especially sex.

Most of the clients I see and have seen over the years who have a disability are extremely physically vulnerable and require significant care 24 hours a day.  It is virtually impossible for a person in this position to “just get on Tinder” for instance.  Most have never experienced sex at all when they contact me and are looking for someone who understands their disability, how to communicate and work with them safely.

This isn’t something you get with a random stranger off the Internet.  Imagine being wheelchair bound and unable to speak trying to meet someone to have sex with – for the first time.

This is what Stuart Robert ignores.  And it’s a huge over site for the minister in charge of the NDIS. 

The only way that you can justify excluding sexual services for people with a disability is if you believe that sex and sexual expression is a privilege.

From the NDIS website:

The main objective of the NDIS is to provide all Australians who acquire a permanent disability before the age of 65 which substantially impacts how they manage everyday activities with the reasonable and necessary supports they need to live an ordinary life.

NDIS – Operational Guidelines

So the test that the NDIS claims it applies to supporting people with disabilities is “does this disability prevent you from living an ordinary life?”

I would suggest that a life devoid of sex is not an ordinary life – and I have over ten years of experience working with people, both able bodied and with disabilities who tell me all the time how important being able to have sex is to them and much it improves their lives.

Sex is a part of our ordinary lives and if minister Robert Stuart was honest with Australians he would accept the federal court’s ruling and stop fighting against people with disabilities.

His latest attack on people with disabilities is try to force through a definition of “reasonable and necessary” that will exclude sex work from NDIS cover.

“I will move to actually define what is reasonable and necessary so we can meet community standards, because I do not believe … that the federal government using taxpayer’s money to pay for prostitutes meets that standard, I just can’t see it,” Robert said.

The Guardian – Stuart Robert Condemned

Every time he claims that it would be against “community standards” he is applying his own moral, religious, and/or political beliefs to a question that should not be influenced by any of those things ever.

And claiming authority by citing “the community” is nothing more than cowardice. At least own your discrimination Stuart.

John.

Keeping up with the competition…

Every few years I take a look around the internet to see who is out here offering male escort services for women. Australia – and especially NSW where sex work in general is decriminalised – has really become a leader in visible male sex workers for women. There are some independent guys, a number of agencies, a few “directories” that offer male services for women, and there’s me.

I was surprised when I looked recently to only find a handful of websites for straight male escorts in Sydney other than my own. That said, there are now a few escort directories that have a selection of men as well. So there is some choice out there.

I’ve been working in this industry for over ten years now full time and I have worn my own little groove in it so to speak. I have a look that is definitely not what people might expect from a male escort (I don’t do lot of abs and muscle flexing and I’m not doing the debonair suit and tie thing). I am much more comfortable in my trademark denim jeans and white t-shirt honestly.

When I look at other male escorts in their suits and ties, or oiled up for the gym I will have a moment and wonder if perhaps I need to be trying to compete with that. Some of those guys look good!

But then I think about who I am and the service that I provide best – that is the opportunity to spend time with a real person – a whole person, not just a fantasy body or face.

What I’m interested in is you and your needs and making you feel great. If you are nervous, then I will put you at ease. If you want to spend time with someone who is fun to be with, share a meal, wine, and conversation, then I’m a good choice. If you just want some good honest sex, then I excel at that. If you want to explore your fantasies and push your boundaries, then I’m a safe and respectful choice with significant experience and no ego. If you just want someone to “see” you and make you feel special for once, then I will absolutely do that for you.

We all have our moments of insecurity in life and I am no different to anyone else in that regard. But I believe 100% that if I tried to be something that I am not then it won’t ring true. I know that most people who contact me have spent a lot of time researching male escorts in general and me in particular, so that effort deserves my respect and my honesty in how I present myself.

I will continue to be myself. And to offer my services my way. If that sounds good to you, then drop me a line – if not, then that’s ok too. There are as I have discovered, some more – if not plenty – of fish in this ocean! Which is good for everyone.

John.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been six years…

I received an email today with a lovely testimonial from a woman with cerebral palsy who I have been seeing regularly now for SIX years.  It’s hard to believe that it has been that long.

I have been seeing John for six years, now.
John is the gentlest man who I have ever known and he’s really genuine. He’s a really beautiful man.

I always look forward to seeing John because he’s so sweet man and the sex if always tremendous and the oral.

He always makes me to feel comfortable in his presence, when I’m in his presence I feel that I’m only the woman on the earth.  There is only one John on the earth.

Thank you, John, for your excellent service.

 

It’s moments like this that I try to stop and contemplate what it means to the women I see to have access to the services of a professional male escort.  We are few and far between – compared to the many talented and caring women who also work in my industry.  So it is even more important that we are available and do our job well.

Life without sex is a reality for many people.  I am very lucky to live and work in a place and time where sex work is legal and so it is satisfying to be able make a difference – even if it is small – to women, young, old, with disabilities, or without.

In some ways I wish I had been a sex worker from earlier in my life, but I am here now and I am hoping that I still will be in another six years time.

John.

Sydney autumn Sunday

There are few times of the year in Sydney that are as fabulous as autumn. Mild weather, sunshine without the baking heat! If you are thinking of visiting – now is the time.

I am making the most of it and taking a ride around Rhodes and the Parramatta River.

John. 

Spanking – for pleasure and pain

When you think of “kinky stuff” spanking is probably one of the first things that comes to mind.  What may surprise you is that in real life spanking is a very popular form of play.  It’s easy, it can be very fun and it’s about as safe as kink gets.

I decided to write this article as spanking is something that I am getting more and more requests for.  Possibly due to the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon …

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