Those of you who visit my website regularly my be disappointed that I haven’t been posting here very much recently. For that, I am sorry. I intend to do better in the future!
To be honest, I have been distracted from writing for this site by a lot of things. Traveling with clients for longer bookings has become a large part of my business. I have also been dedicating some of my free time to photography and film making pursuits. And most recently I have been spending time working on a series of daily short films about sex work advocacy. It’s a topic that is very important to me and has become more so in recent times.
So all of these things have combined to leave precious little time and mental energy for writing these blog posts. I intend to redress that balance and post more regularly.
Apropos my advocacy short films, we are living in strange times for sex worker, sex workers, and our clients. Around the world regimes like the US, France, Canada, and others have been becoming more conservative about sex work, cracking down on it in the name of protecting workers (ironic I know) and fighting human trafficking (disingenuous at best).
Here in Australia generally, and New South Wales in particular we are incredibly lucky. For reasons I can only partly explain, Australian politicians have become some of the most forward thinking in the world (along with our friends in New Zealand). They have, for the most part, allowed sex workers and our clients to go about our business without judgement or interference (apart from South Australia where it is still illegal to sell sex and Queensland where, while legal, workers are harassed by police routinely).
I can’t express how important this is to women and to the industry of men like myself providing sex work services to women. It’s a cliche that “men see sex workers”. It’s something that society (sort of) accepts and generally turns a blind eye to – but definitely frowns upon. But the idea of women seeing sex workers is still a “fresh” and controversial one. To confirm that, just take a look at the tone of articles in the main stream media about the subject (it comes up semi regularly). It’s usually somewhat breathless and lauds women paying for sex as leaders and ground breaking. Which to some degree is true at the individual level – but the industry is well established and it’s really time that the conversation moved on from “Wow! She paid for sex…”.
For women in Australia and New Zealand, paying for sex is something they can choose to do at least without having to fear that they are breaking the law. There are multiple reasons that some (most?) men may not be put off by barriers of legality, but I get the feeling that this is a bigger barrier for women. So I am grateful that I live and work in a society that has removed another barrier from equality (or at least equal accessibility to sex work) for women.
As a result more and more women are choosing to explore their sexuality with sex workers (male and female). A week doesn’t go by that I hear someone lament the failure that is “online dating”. Tinder et al promised egalitarian access to sex for women, but in reality have just become deserts of bad male behaviour, even accentuating some of the worst traits. Sex workers by contrast are a safe and convenient way to explore and learn when someone isn’t actively looking for a partner, or has a specific need to fill.
In recent times I have noticed and increase in the number of women looking for lessons on sexual techniques, like kissing, giving oral sex, erotic massage, and more. This may be younger women with less experience wanting to improve their skills for potential partners – or older women, already in relationships who want to add some spice, or just be better lovers for their partners.
I think that it is fantastic that women are taking control of their sexuality, not just for personal pleasure, but as a means of improving their relationships. Once again, sex work is showing that women not only love sex, but are perhaps *more* prepared than men to explore its possibilities. I regularly hear clients say “I wish I could bring my husband to you to learn how to give oral”.
Well men – it’s time you lifted your game. Your partners are out here, putting themselves out to learn how to give you better oral. It’s time you returned the favour! I can teach any man to give better oral sex. To express more passion. To be a better lover.
So while other countries are busy alternately deifying and vilifying sex and ultimately just leaving their citizens confused and unhappy about their sexuality, Australia and New Zealand are simply moving forward, making sexuality just another part of our lives. Something to be respected, but also savored.
Thank you Australia. I am lucky to live – and work – here.