There are plenty of pitfalls for couples wanting to try a threesome. Here’s a short list to help you have the best experience possible:
- Do you both want to do it? I have seen many couples who are both into the experience and have a great time. I have also seen couples where the woman clearly was just going along with what her partner wanted. It’s awkward and is rarely satisfying for anyone involved. If your partner isn’t enthusiastic about the idea – or at the very least happy to give it a go then it’s not going to be great
- Do you know what each other’s limits are (and those of the third person)? Limits, knowing them, and sharing them is essential. If you don’t tell your partner that you aren’t comfortable with something happening in your threesome and they assume that you are then the whole experience can be ruined. You all need to work out where your limits are and then stick to them
- Do you have a plan? So you are both keen to try a threesome, but do you know how you want it to go? It’s fine to say “lets just start with a massage and see where it goes” if you have already worked out your limits and you can all just explore within them. Personally, I’m straight, so if I’m with a male/female couple, then I won’t be playing with him and expect that both of us will be concentrating on his partner, that’s a hard limit for me in a threesome. Conversely I have had sessions with couples that are highly scripted where we explore a fantasy that they have taken lots of time to work out and know exactly what they want. Either of these – or anywhere in between is fine, just so long as you are all on the same page
- Do you know what you will do if it’s not working for either of you? It’s ok if things don’t go exactly as you had hoped in your threesome, but if that happens then you need to have agreed ahead of time how you will deal with that. It’s ok for things to not go as planned – especially when you are new to threesomes – just be sure that you are ready if it doesn’t work and have a strategy to pause or end the play
- Are you ready to make discoveries about yourself and your partner? To borrow (and reframe) a saying from Muhammad Ali: everyone has a plan until they see their partner having sex with another person. What I mean by that is we think that we know how we would feel in a threesome, but when we get there we might have a very different response. It could be better than we expected, or not. Neither is right or wrong, we are just learning about ourselves – but you need to be ready for the unexpected
So that is a short list that I think about and discuss with your partner if you are planning on trying a threesome. And if you are ready then drop me a line and lets have some consensual fun!
P.S. I looked for a stock photo that I could use for this article, since I haven’t ever taken any “threesome” relevant photos – and boy does the internet have opinions about threesomes and what they look like (almost always two women and one man). I always enjoy seeing men secure and comfortable enough in themselves and their relationship to be ready to make their partner the focus of a threesome rather than themselves.