Author Archives: John

I don’t think this is going to work out…

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Recently a new hair dresser opened conveniently close to my place. Great! I thought, no more need to go over to Rhodes and do battle with the shopping centre.

Now over the years I have learned that although “short” hair is very convenient, cool in summer, and all round easy, it just doesn’t suit me the way that letting it grow out a bit and curl up does.

Well, the first time I had a hair cut at the new place I thought to myself “I just didn’t give him clear enough instructions”. He made it really short despite me saying “just a trim, leave it over my ears please” – which is normally enough to let an experienced hair dresser know what you want.

The second time I was much more clear: “Last time was too short, I want it over my ears and long enough to curl up please”. What I got made me look something like Beaker from The Muppets.

This time I was really, really explicit: “I want it at least a centimeter over my ears please”. I have come to realise that this hairdresser takes anything less than “short back and sides” as a personal affront.

So I give up. I guess I’ll be going back to Rhodes in the future…

John

Younger men and older women are the least likely to be in relationships

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I came across this article recently:

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating/disturbing-reason-why-six-in-10-young-men-are-single/news-story/c13c94e2fbdb2c19bcf0730601b8f29e

And while the headline and most of the text is concerned with why young men are single (by choice or circumstance), the other statistic that leapt out at me from the included graph is how many women 65 and over are single.

It meshes with something that I am seeing in many of the women that I meet. That is, they have no desire to be in a long term monogamous relationship. They have “been there done that” and are now happy living their own lives.

They are happy to be single and do not want to go back to living with a man. They often have fulfilling careers, a circle of friends, and they come male sex workers or casual partners to have their physical needs met.

It’s an interesting shift in social attitudes and I think it is good that so many women have the confidence to live their lives their own way, not feeling the need to conform to societal expectations.

John

ChatGPT, A.I. and the risks it poses to authenticity in sex work

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I have long believed that one of the keys to my success as a male sex worker/escort here in Sydney is that I write so much on this website. Through the window of these posts, you, my reader can get a picture of who I am as a person. What I care about, what my values are etc.

My writing is the principal way that you get to know me and make the decision that I am right for you. Most women who contact me have spent weeks or months browsing this site on and off and when we finally meet it almost always feels like we are picking up a conversation that started before we even met.

And now, into this happy arrangement step A.I. chat bots.

A.I. chat bots have been in the news a lot recently. From Microsoft’s Bing chat bot “trying to break up a journalist’s marriage” to students turning in essays written by ChatGPT. These A.I.s are getting very powerful (and deranged, although none have gone full Nazi recently which is nice – or possibly ominous…).

Whenever some new wanna-be male escort asks me “what is the trick to getting clients”, I always answer: “build a website and talk about the things you care about and value”. It’s really not a secret. Do that and you will (for better or worse for your career as a male sex worker) tell the world exactly who you are.

But what happens when you can say to ChatGPT or its siblings “write an article about giving oral sex to women in the voice of John Oh”. This is a legitimate instruction that you can give ChatGPT right now (extrapolating from what I have read) and it will spit out an essay that sounds like my voice, and will give you (possibly) reliable information about giving oral sex to women.

If a random man, with no experience, who wants to be a male sex worker publishes a website to market his services and populates it with content created this way – how do you, the potential customer, know who to choose? This is quickly becoming a very real risk.

In the past I always felt incredulous that sex workers would pay other people to write content for them – but at the same time it was obvious that while more content will help a sex worker’s website to rank well on Google, the nuances (or lack there of) won’t help to engage potential clients who are well suited to them, so they were ultimately making their own lives harder.

That however is nothing by comparison with what ChatGPT can achieve. It is in theory now possible for anyone to quickly and cheaply craft and publish a convincing image of an “urbane and sexually experienced male companion for women”, or “the hot young gym junky who’ll rock you all night”, while being none of those things.

Given the horrible experience had by a woman (that I recounted in a recent post: here) I am genuinely worried about where the future lies for women trying to work out who is the right companion for them to see.

I have no doubt that soulless corporations and the mainstream media are already using these tools, but frankly the quality of human made copyrighting and journalism these days probably makes the value of much of what we are served online very low already.

For women, choosing a sex worker though is a much bigger deal. For now I think that it is still safe to say that if his presence online works for you then it’s probably genuine. However that may not be the case in the near future. I suppose time will tell.

John

PSA for men and women – Sometimes SHE’S the one who will come too quickly!

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So.  Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm.  Some however can cum much quicker.  There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves.  However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.

As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.

The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up.  So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.

What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her.  I find this really fun to do.  It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…

There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down.  Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.

  1. Open your eyes – this helps to reduce any fantasy that may be running through your head and pushing you along faster. That was a big help to me when I was dealing with this issue myself
  2. Relaaaaaax – specifically your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor tension is a great way for women who have trouble reaching orgasm to push themselves along. If you have the opposite problem, then relaxing your pelvic floor will help to slow things down
  3. Breath out the tension – similar to the point above, breathing helps you to relax your muscles and mind and that helps delay orgasm
  4. Stay in the experience – don’t try to distract yourself by “thinking boring thoughts”, stay with the experience, stay in your body and experience the pleasure, but recognise that it feels good, but not *too* good…
  5. Be aware of your arousal level – spend some time really concentrating on your arousal level and noticing what builds it and reduces it. The better we are at recognising where we are the easier it is to employ the techniques above to moderate or boost our arousal as and when we need and want to
  6. You need a partner to help you practice – you can start this process on your own, but as with men, having an understanding partner to help you develop your skills will make it easier and quicker and probably get you a better result in the end.

Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.

John

Male sex work for women is NOT a game

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Today I am angry – and sad. But mostly angry.

I hate having to write this, because I love my work and my industry and I want everyone who hires a sex worker to have a fun, fulfilling, and safe time. Sadly though it needs to be said: there are too many wanna-be male sex workers for women out there taking people’s money and giving back nothing, or worse hurting vulnerable women for their own ego fantasy of being paid for sex.

I occasionally hear stories from clients about how another male worker they have seen “didn’t do it for them” etc and that’s fine. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea either which is why I go out of my way to make it abundantly clear who I am and what I value through what I write on this website, in the hope that I can give the women who visit a clear enough picture of who I am that they can make an informed decision to book me.

Far more often though I hear stories about the male escort who “turned up coked out of his head and couldn’t even get an erection and still demanded to be paid”, or the guys who just never turn up, or the man who couldn’t go out to dinner with a client who booked an overnight dinner date because he “couldn’t be seen in public with her” and then left at 6.00am to “go to work”.

All of this is unprofessional to say the least and definitely harms the industry and the women who want and need our services.

But it gets worse. Men regularly contact me to ask for help getting into the industry. I tell them all, the same thing: as a male escort (assuming their client is respectful and has good hygiene) it is their job to be able to have sex with anyone who books with them – and if they have any doubt that they can do that reliably then they absolutely should not work as a male sex worker.

Why?

Because rejecting a woman who is paying you for sex because she “isn’t attractive enough for you” will be horribly hurtful to any woman – and a crushing blow to someone who is emotionally fragile.

Someone I have known as a client for many years had exactly that experience recently and – with her permission – I will describe what happened in the hope that it will help anyone who wants to book a male sex worker a better chance of having a good experience.

She booked a session with a male sex worker from one of the popular online directories, then booked a hotel room in the city to see him. The booking started ok, but his oral sex skills were poor and frustrating and his stubble was abrasive.

So they tried to have sex instead. While he was hard to start with, once he put on a condom and started having sex he went soft. That’s a problem and unacceptable in a male sex worker, but what he did then was unforgivable “he said I’m sorry, this has never happened to me before, I’m not attracted to you or your body”. So she ended the booking and asked for a refund of her money. He refused to give her even a partial refund and left.

Left her out of pocket for the booking and the hotel, without the service that had been promised, and with the parting gift of crushing her self-esteem. The following day he messaged her “to apologise and to thank me for making him realise that he was not cut out for the profession after all”.

This is unethical behaviour, it’s exploitative, and it’s emotionally abusive. Being a sex worker for women is not a place to work out your fantasies, or learn about yourself at the expense of other people.

It’s a serious job that comes with consequences for the people who pay their hard earned money for your service, if you can’t do your job. Imagine being told that you are the reason someone quit their profession. The lack of even basic empathy is astonishing and horrible.

So how can you increase your chance of making a good choice of male sex worker? Here are a few things to look for and consider:

  • Any truly professional male escort will have his own website. If his only online presence is an add in an escort directory then he is most likely just doing sex work on the side or for fun and may be very inexperienced. An add on these services costs very little so any man that fancies himself as a male escort can put an add up in a matter of minutes
  • Further to the above point – if all you have to go on is a cookie cutter description and some glamorous photos of his “ripped abs”, then know that what you are seeing is a facade and tells you nothing about the actual person, his values, or his abilities in bed
  • If you can’t talk to him easily and feel that he is understanding your needs and limits then don’t book him. As male sex workers we get paid very well for our time and we should make the effort to engage in a real conversation with a client before she commits to a booking with us. If he refuses to invest anything but the minimum of his time in you before the booking then that’s a huge red flag. This man doesn’t see you as a person, he sees you just as a pay check
  • If he is happy to chat, then really listen to the conversation. The more people talk, the more they tell you about themselves unintentionally. This is why I write so much on this website – the thirteen years of writing, photos, and short films that I have on here will give you a very good idea of who I am and what I value. And if who and what I am isn’t for you then ok, there are other men out there who will be better suited to your needs. I would rather that you see someone else than see me and have an unrewarding experience
  • If he wants to see a photo of you, or ID before accepting you booking – walk away, don’t even bother with him. A male escort never needs to know your real name, let alone where you live. Unlike with female sex workers, he is the one who has the power in the transaction and if he is prepared to abuse it like that then he probably isn’t safe to see

There are also things that you can proactively do to help make a better choice of male escort (I know that most of them are fairly obvious, but I also know that sometimes we need to feel like we have permission to ask for these things. Here are a few ideas:

  • Most women who contact me, tell me, if not about themselves, then at least about what they want and need and any issues they have that might be relevant to a booking (like inexperience sexually, or haven’t had sex in several years, don’t want or like a particular act). I can provide for most women’s needs, but many of the men out there doing sex work can’t, or wont. Giving them ample warning of your needs is a good way to pick the right guy in the first instance and a basis to demand a refund from him if he fails to provide what he promised
  • Ask if he will guarantee his service (he’s legally required to here in Australia). This will sort the serious escorts from the playboys. If he has the confidence to say you will be satisfied or it’s free, then you know at the very least that if you aren’t satisfied that you will get your money back
  • If you are worried about your appearance or some aspect of yourself and if you will be attractive to the worker you are thinking of booking, then it’s ok to tell them that and ask for reassurance. He should be enthusiastic, he should try to put you at easy, and he should commit to refunding you if he can’t perform, if he isn’t then that’s a red flag
  • It shouldn’t have to be said, but being punctual, presentable, sober, and ready to work is basic professionalism for a male sex worker. It’s fine to tell a man that you are considering booking that you expect that from him (or in the case of punctuality that if something delays him that he communicate promptly so you know what is happening). If he turns up late, is drunk or high, unshaven and unpresentable, then don’t hesitate to cancel the booking then and there
  • Ask to meet him for a drink or a meal before you book. It’s reasonable to pay a modest fee for the experience (but certainly not his full rate). How he handles that encounter, even if it’s just half an hour with him will tell you a lot about him. Is he punctual? Professional? Considerate? Fun? A small social date will tell you most of what you need to know about the man you have chosen – and it becomes part of the build up to and excitement of the booking itself!
  • Don’t book a male sex worker through an agency. Book an independent worker. Agencies don’t care about you or their workers (even if they say they do). All they care about is getting your money. Agencies won’t let you talk directly to the worker you want to book and may not even send the man that you requested. You have a better chance of good outcome with an independent worker
  • Lastly, this is a big one: while it’s reasonable for a sex worker to ask for a modest (refundable or transferable) deposit – given all of the above I personally think that it is fair for you to expect to pay after the booking is complete – not before. From day one I have worked on this basis as I realise how much of an emotional and financial risk booking an unknown male sex worker is for a woman. I don’t require payment up front because if you are not happy afterwards then you may not feel able to ask for a refund. I would rather have our booking and at the end if you are satisfied then you can pay me the fee we agreed. Any male worker who won’t do this is a risk. If he doesn’t have a clear refund or “no charge” policy then expect that he won’t be offering a refund

What if it all goes wrong or it just doesn’t work? We all hope this never happens, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. It has happened a few times for me over the thirteen years (at time of writing) that I have been a male sex worker and my response is always the same: I apologise, don’t request payment (or give them a refund if they chose to pay ahead), and offer to leave after making sure that they are ok.

I met a young woman once who unbeknown to me had never had sex, made the booking at the suggestion of her psychologist, and was absolutely mentally and physically not ready to have sex. After some time of foreplay with her I realised that it just wasn’t working for her, so asked her if she wanted to stop. She said yes, so we stopped. I gave her back her money, and left after making sure that she was ok.

Bookings won’t always work out. But as a professional sex worker, it’s our responsibility to do the right thing for a vulnerable person who may not be able to make the right decisions for themselves or feel able to enforce their rights.

So what can you do when it doesn’t work out? Here are some suggestions:

  • If he turns up drunk, high, or unprepared, don’t invite him in, or leave if you are visiting him
  • If you’re in the booking and it’s not working then you should tell him to stop, and if you think it won’t get better then you have every right to end the booking and leave/ask him to leave. He must respect that and comply
  • Ask for an appropriate refund. Consumer protection laws in Australia apply to sex work so he or the agency that booked him is obligated to refund your money if you are not happy with the service
  • If they refuses to refund you, then in NSW and other states you are entitle to make a claim for compensation through NSW Department of Fair Trading here: https://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/help-centre/online-tools/make-a-complaint under the buying Products and Services heading. You should let the worker know that you intend to make a claim before doing so as this may circumvent the need to
  • Above all, put your safety and well being first (physically and mentally)

This has become quite a long post and I hope that it is helpful to women considering booking a male escort in Sydney or anywhere else. If you have suggestions or ideas that you think that I should add to the lists above please feel free to post a comment below or email me: john@john-oh-escort.com .

None of this is to say that you should book me and not another worker. I am well suited to some women, but not to others. What I want to do here is help women the right worker for them.

FInally – sex work should be safe and rewarding for workers and clients. We (workers and clients) shouldn’t tolerate men who behave unprofessionally. You have the right to a safe, fulfilling experience, or reasonable compensation if you don’t get it.

John

From Russia but no love…

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While browsing the analytics for my website I made a completely unexpected discovery today. The country with the third highest number of “impressions” in web searches about male sex workers for women that displayed a link to this website is Russia (after Australia and the US).

That was a surprise to me. Also surprising was the zero click throughs – 829 impressions in the last month, but zero click throughs. I don’t know how many Russians read English so that’s a barrier, but google translate is a thing so…

A little googling of my own reveals (unsurprisingly) that while sex work is illegal in Russia, there is a significant industry, so perhaps there are enough male workers for women in Russia already. Or perhaps we are just worlds apart – physically and metaphorically – and Australian men aren’t to the taste of Russian women? Who can say.

John

PSA for men – when you are giving her oral and she is close to orgasm…

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Giving oral sex to women is one of my favourite things to do.  It always has been and I am generally told I am pretty good at it.  And most women can reach orgasm with me that way.

But there’s a trick to helping a woman orgasm from oral sex – it’s something that I think I have always done instinctively, but according to a number of women I have asked, many men just don’t understand it.

The trick, is to be consistent – don’t change your style when she is getting close to orgasm!

So you need to be aware of what that looks and feels like. There are many signs (but be aware that not all women will show them, so a little help sometimes from her saying she’s getting close can be good), arching her back, tensing her stomach muscles and thighs, her vagina clenching, change in pitch and tone of her voice and breathing…

It’s all there to read if you pay attention – and that is when you really, really need to just keep doing what you are doing for her. No need to go faster or harder – what you are doing is working, so just KEEP DOING IT!

Most of the time with most women she will continue to sail on to have an orgasm and all will be right in the world.

There’s a lot more I could say about giving good oral sex, but that’s a story for another time. This PSA was just about the ending – and making it as happy as possible!

John

Is there something that you particularly love, hate, or just wish that men new about sex? Drop a comment or an email john@john-oh-escort.com and I’ll do a PSA on it.

The rest of the world doesn’t understand sex work in Australia (and New Zealand)

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Sex work in most of Australia is now decriminalised.  Current states and territories that have decriminalised sex work include: New South Wales, Victoria, Northern Territory, and the Australian Capital Territory. That covers the majority of the population of Australia.  Other states have some form of “legalised” sex work which is still better than nothing, but we are waiting for them to catch up.

This is good for both sex workers and our clients.  Sex workers can go to the police for protection if we need, clients also are protected by consumer protection law from sex workers who may behave unethically.  And most of all – because of this protection potential abusers no longer considered sex workers (or our clients) “easy targets” that no one will care about.

People from other countries generally have no understanding of what this means for sex work and sex workers.  Case in point, a video that I came across the other day. 

https://www.facebook.com/ItsGoneViralOfficial/videos/456528303190628

This post looks to be ripped off the TikTok of the original creator – a female sex worker in Sydney, Australia called Jasmine (https://www.tiktok.com/@gentle_aura).

What is relevant here is the comments on the Facebook repost.  They are for the most part judgemental, ignorant, moralistic (or some combination of the above), and show no awareness of decriminalisation of sex work and understanding of how it changes the industry.

Decriminalisation of sex work makes the work much, much safer for women – as sex workers and as clients. It is frustrating when I am contacted by women (especially from the US) who want to see a male sex worker but are unable to find a suitable man in their area. I would like to be able to refer them to someone known in the industry with a good reputation and plenty of online presence to allow potential clients to decide if they are suitable. But where sex work is criminalised workers have to hide themselves.

For most women who might choose to pay a sex worker this makes the entire transaction just too much of a risk. So they are locked out of the opportunity to explore their sexuality in that way.

It’s easy for us to take for granted what we have here in Australia. So I’m taking this moment to recognise the privilege that we have compared to our peers (workers and clients) around the world. We are incredibly lucky – but never forget that all of these advances can be taken away from us if we fail to defend our hard won rights from the ignorant masses who reflexively lash out at sex work whenever it is presented to them.

John

There is no “normal”, just what’s normal to you

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People often ask me “what’s the weirdest thing you have ever been asked to do by a client”. The very vanilla answer to that question is “most women who come to me just want some good basic sex”.

But it does lead me to think about what “weird” really means.

My observation of people, sex, and sexuality over the last twelve years as a male escort for women (and couples) is that our sexuality – the things that “excite” us as opposed to our orientation, gender identity etc – exist on a spectrum and that what we like comes about in large part from what we are exposed to as we begin to explore sex.

In my teens I was exposed to heteronormative ideas and the images and practices that go with it – nuclear family, 80’s pop culture, Playboy and Penthouse magazines, the book The Joy of Sex (which I still think is a good read for heterosexual people), and very little else.

So that became my “normal”.  As I was discovering sex those things were imprinted in my psyche and remain there to this day underpinning what is arousing for me. A lot of people have very similar experiences as they become sexually aware and engaged – so we reflexively assume that because most people are like us that this is somehow “normal” – with the inference that interests elsewhere on the sexual spectrum are somehow “weird”, or worse – “abnormal”.

In reality though – as long as something is consensual and legal – declaring what is and isn’t “normal” is an arbitrary value judgement – not an objective truth. I may not be aroused by what another person is aroused by, but that says nothing about its value, or validity. It’s just my perception. The key that fits their sexual lock doesn’t fit mine and vice versa.

Some women who contact me are embarrassed to tell me what they find arousing, what works for them. So I think that it is important to say that – as long as what you want is consensual and legal – that I am always happy for someone to ask me for what they want. I’m open to most things – but even if I’m not comfortable with something, then I’m not going to judge you for asking. You are entitled to enjoy what you enjoy, and I will respect that. 

Want to call me “daddy”? Well ok then. Need to be spanked on the bottom? That’s fine. Like to go out for dinner with no underwear to spice things up? By all means. You aren’t going to shock me, and I will not judge you for what you want.

And neither should the rest of society!

John