“I never thought that I would be doing this…”

John Oh portrait

A regular refrain that I hear from new clients is: “I never thought that I would be doing this…”.

Growing up, we are fed narratives about how life is going to be, from before we can even understand the concepts. Fairy tales are full of “happily ever after” tropes that the real world simply cannot ever deliver to us.

I want to talk about who we are as humans and how finding yourself in a situation where you are considering paying for sex – that while it might feel like a kind of failure, if we listen to the fairy tales – is in fact the exact opposite. It represents personal power, choice, and liberation. Not lack of choice and failure.

But that’s not how society at large sees the choice of buying sex. Most of my clients won’t confide in anyone that they are seeing a sex worker for fear of judgement. And that is a very reasonable assumption to make. People, especially when they are unsure if they themselves may be judged, will revert to expressing conservative values to be safe.

If you are having a conversation with a group of people about sex and possibly sex work, then the group assumption will be that expressing an overt interest in sex is a bad thing. So everyone will try to avoid sounding too interested.

However, there may be one person who is prepared to take a bit of a stand and challenge the group narrative. And while you can be sure that some people in the group really are conservative about sex, you can also be certain that some, like you, aren’t!

It is a sad truth that many of us (most even?) live our lives wanting to explore our sexuality, but not having people to talk to about it, let alone do it with.

This really needs to change. There are some small signs that things are changing – like therapists starting to refer women to me. But in general, we remain conservative and cautious about sex and sexuality when we are in groups.

For some people though – the women and couples who I meet through my work – they reach a point where they need to act. They don’t want to upend their lives, marriages, or family to be able to explore their sexuality further, but they also don’t want to live their lives wonder “what could be…”.

So, like most problems these days, people turn to Google and some of them land here on my website.

If you have made it this far – congratulations! – that is I think the hardest part. Once we realise that we can take control of our sexuality, then it’s just a matter of finding the right solution for you.

For some people it’s Tinder. Or that person at work you always felt was interested. For others though, a sex worker is ideal – we are safe, we are discrete, we are convenient, we are experienced, and most of all we are non-judgmental.

So what is the lesson here?

For me it is: “society” doesn’t want you to own your sexuality. It definitely doesn’t want you to explore it in ways that don’t align with “traditional values and systems” (like marriage and monogamy). And it will always try to police you to make you conform.

The good news is that once you realise that you don’t have to comply with society, then the options available to you to find sexual fulfillment are wide open – and if sex workers are appropriate for you, then we are here and ready to help.

John.

Scuba diving at Oak Park Beach, Cronulla, Sydney

Twelve months ago I completed my Open Water scuba diver’s certificate. It was something that I have wanted to do for many, many years, and I am very pleased that I finally did it.

scuba diver with underwater camera, over seaweed bed
scuba diver over seaweed bed

I recently had a chance to dive at Oak Park in Cronulla, Sydney. It’s a fascinating and popular dive spot that is relatively easy to access straight from the beach. I dove with a a local group and was “buddied” with a diver who, like me, was also a photographer. So we headed out and spent forty minutes on the bottom photographing the fish life off Oak Park Beach.

I am always surprised by just how “tropical” the fish around Sydney are. And the seemingly never ending variety is quite amazing.

Female blue grouper comes up to check out me and my dive buddy for that day.

The highlight of the dive for me was finally meeting some of Sydney’s famous blue groupers! These fish are HUGE. The males being the biggest, with a striking blue colour, while the females are smaller and a green/brown colour. They are quite comfortable around humans (due to being fed, which is not ideal) and when they spot a diver, will come to investigate and often hang around in the hope of a sea urchin treat!

A male blue grouper hanging around, hoping for a treat of sea urchin
The resident male blue grouper Gus (there is only one male at a time in any given area) hung around, hoping for a treat of sea urchin. When a male blue grouper eventually dies, one of the females with change sex and become the new Gus!

The fish life is so varied – most of which I have never seen, or even know the name of.

These fish stayed close to the rock walls at all times and moved in large highly synchronised schools. I have no idea what they actually are! And fish identification, I have found seems to be even harder than bird identification!

Fish that I have yet to identify – hanging out along the sandstone wall that you follow out from the beach at Oak Park
My dive buddy photographing the “old wives” (Enoplosus armatusthat are very common off Oak Park beach
Another species that I couldn’t identify, doing a great job of camouflaging itself among the plant life on the sandy bottom
“Don’t mind me…” Gus chilling with my dive buddy

If you are a certified scuba diver – or you would like to get your Open Water certification – I am available for adventure bookings, whether it’s a day diving in Sydney, or a week on the Great Barrier Reef, or diving in Fiji. I can am very easy to travel with and will bring you home safe with loads of beautiful photographs of your trip – both above and below the water.

John

Thank you – Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all

Another year is drawing to a close and I want to thank everyone who has supported me this year.

It’s been a long and busy year, with some amazing travel – from Iceland, to Fiji, to Kangaroo Island, to New Zealand. Meeting new clients and seeing more of the clients who I have been seeing for as long as seven years! It continues to be an amazing journey with all of you.

Some clients have moved on, their lives taking new – and I hope – fun and fulfilling directions. It is my pleasure and my honour to have known you and I hope that I have been able to add fun and happiness to your life.

I am extraordinarily lucky to be supported in my work by so many generous and wonderful women.

John Oh with camera

This year has seen me launch of a regular short video series on Twitter and Youtube about sex work, aiming to raise awareness of the industry, its benefits, problems, and challenges. It has been a huge challenge putting out a short film every day, but I have learned a lot from the effort and it has brought me into contact with people both inside and outside the industry that I would not have met otherwise.

I intend to keep publishing my “ShortTakes” on sex work into the foreseeable future – but they have also inspired me to do more as a filmmaker and this year I hope to begin publishing a series of educational films about sex and sexuality that are frank and also beautiful.

The year ahead has more exciting travel booked and my diary is filling up, which gives me a sense of security that I cannot thank all of you enough for. The support that you give me has made my life secure and given me opportunities to explore my passion for photography and film making that I have never had in the past.

So in conclusion – thank you! To everyone I am lucky enough to have met this year – clients and peers – I hope you have a wonderful holiday, stay safe, and I look forward to another exciting year with you all!

John.

Stopping to “smell life’s roses”

I’m sure that like me, for most of you reading this, the end of the year is a busy period. This year hasn’t been as bad for me, as I have had some travel to New Zealand to break up the usual end of year busy period.

Franz Joseph glacier – New Zealand

But even with less things to consume our time and attention, it’s still easy to get caught up in being “busy”.

I learned a while ago that I am happiest and most productive if I make a point of not doing any one thing for too long. So each week I try to take a couple of days away from work and my various personal project to do something completely different.

I haven’t been doing much photography for my own pleasure recently, so I decided this week, that I would make the time to look for and photograph some beautiful and interesting landscapes and city scenes. I didn’t have my good camera with me though, but I did have my phone, so while exploring, I shot some images that will remind me to go back to these places in the future and shoot them again properly!

Llankelly Place – Potts Point, Sydney

Southern Highlands creek view

John.

I love my work

It may seem like an obvious question – why am I a straight male escort for women?  I’m university educated, with 20 years of experience running businesses.  The short answer is that I love my work.  It’s the best job in the world, for me.

But there is a longer answer too.  It touches on why many people choose this industry.  And why many of us stay in this industry for a long time.  It also speaks to our nature as people and the nature of this job.

I chose to be a sex worker because both times that I started (in 1998 and again in 2010) I needed more money than my work in the IT industry could provide.  Especially in 2010, after the GFC, much of the kind of web design and basic IT services work that I provided dried up as businesses cut back and their budgets shrank.  I lived outside of Sydney, in an area where heavy industry was shrinking and there was little work for *anyone* let alone someone with my skill set.

Sex work offered me a simple way to boost my income that was compatible with continuing my IT work at the same time.  Which I did for another four or so years, before sex work became my full time job.  

Lots of people get into sex work this way.  It’s a convenient and powerful way to solve a financial problem that doesn’t require a big investment of money, or time to try.  For many people though, that’s all it is – something that they dip into once or a few times in their lives, a handy tool to fix a problem.

But for some of us – like myself, we find that it is the thing that we have been looking for.  An industry that lets us express who we are without judgement from my peers.  That provides us with a reliable income that may be much more than we would be able to earn in other industries – or, if not more, then earn at a lower personal cost.

If I had stayed in the IT industry, I may have been able to build a business, over enough time, to equal or exceed what I earn as a sex worker.  But it would have been a 10 hour a day, six day a week job that would have crushed my spirit.  It would never have allowed me the time and creative space to study writing, photography, and film making.  Or given me the opportunities to travel that this job has brought to me.

Nor would it have lead me to meet the wonderful people that I have met as a male escort.  Or allowed me to grow as a person in the same way.

I also like to think that I have been able to provide a service that is needed.  That there are women out there who’s lives I have been able to improve in way that others could not.  I certainly feel that it is a privilege and a responsibility to work with the women and couples who come to see me.

John.

Sex and bullying

It is not an overstatement, I believe, to say that for many of us, society often bullies us out of having the sex that we want to have.

My memories of my late teens and twenties was of profound curiosity about sex. Granted, it was a relatively shallow, mostly hetero curiosity – but we can only be curious about the things that we know exist, so I don’t beat myself up about that. If society refuses to educate you, then ignorance isn’t your fault. Just your challenge to overcome.

As a straight male sex worker for women, I am exposed to a far wider variety of sexualities than I ever was growing up. It’s something that I am very grateful for. Even though I have no interest in and get no arousal from most of them, it has made me a more worldly and (most important) tolerant person.

I would derive no pleasure from ball busting. And have no interest in sex with another man. But I FULLY support the rights of other people to indulge in those things – even if just the thought of some of them makes my eyes water!

So it’s saddening to look around at society and see so much judgement by people of others just because of what turns them on.

It’s frankly disgusting that people think it’s ok to police other people’s consensual pleasure.

This of course dovetails neatly with sex work. I love my job. My clients enjoy a service that fills a need in their lives that they cannot satisfy another way.

But always there are people braying on about how all sex work is exploitation, or abuse, or immoral. They seek to police what two (or more) consenting adults can do together in private, with no more authority than saying “I think this, so you must obey me”.

It is the most shallow of thinking and the most self-indulgent kind of activism that, while denying sex workers their autonomy and livelihood also tries to bully clients of sex workers into doubting themselves and the things they feel they need to make themselves whole.

John.

“Virginity” and having sex for the first time – ShortTakes

Having sex for the first time is rarely not a “big thing”.  For some people though it can become a huge thing in their lives.  Sex workers, are here to help.  In this series of ShortTakes I talk about how being left behind sexually can impact a person’s life – and how sex workers can help set things right.

As as straight male escort for women, I see up to half a dozen women a year who want to have sex for the first time – and to take control of that experience by seeing a sex worker like me.

We are here to help and we understand just how hard it can be getting over that hurdle of having sex for the first time!

Continue reading

Fight Club, art, and meaning

I re-watched the film Fight Club by David Fincher recently. I did so because of a comment I heard about Fight Club being a “satire of toxic masculinity”. This didn’t resonate with me and I needed to take another look. It’s easy to dismiss new ideas and interpretations of art – especially if it’s art that you love – and to be fair I do like Fight Club (both the movie and the original book by Chuck Palahniuk).

But is it still relevant in this age of #meToo and calling out bad male behaviour?

Some art does not age well. Enquiring minds (well mine anyway) would like to know if this is the case with Fight Club…

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Kangaroo Island

To the South of Adelaide in South Australia lies Kangaroo Island. Small and green, it looks out to the Southern Ocean. It may not seem like the ideal place for a holiday in the dying days of winter, but a client recently convinced me that it would be a fun place to visit. We spent four nights there, staying near the centre of the island, and each day we drove one way or another and explored Kangaroo Island’s often breathtaking beauty.

It was a truly beautiful place to visit and a fun trip.

You can get to Kangaroo Island by car, on a ferry, which makes a few trips per day, or (as we did), you can fly there from Adelaide if you are more pressed for time.

I didn’t think that we would be able to fill five days, but (if you have a car) you can comfortably see two sites per day – and there are easily more than ten places to go!

  • Two different light houses
  • An open range koala park
  • A general wildlife zoo (not my favourite as I don’t much like things in cages)
  • A raptor zoo
  • Tall sand dunes (which you can “sand board” on)
  • Horse riding
  • Lots of wilderness hiking
  • Seal, dolphin, and whale watching tours by boat
  • Scuba diving
  • Wineries

This isn’t an exhaustive list by any means, but I think it gives you an idea of just how much there is to do on Kangaroo Island.

It’s a beautiful place and – if you are lucky like we were – is even great fun to visit during winter – but you definitely need to bring your warm clothing!

If you know me at all, then you know that I always travel with a camera (or three).  And Kangaroo Island is a photographers dream.  Here are just a handful of the photos that I took during the trip…

Red Banks headland looking east to the mainland
Red Banks headland looking east to the mainland
Red Banks headland, looking west as the sun sets
Red Banks headland, looking west as the sun sets
The sun sets over Kangaroo Island, from Red Banks headland
The sun sets over Kangaroo Island, from Red Banks headland
Full moon rises...
Full moon rises…
AKangaroo Island Kangaroo
Kangaroo Island kangaroos are their own sub-species. They are darker coloured, have thicker coats, and are more hunched
A wombat
Wombats are common on Kangaroo Island
An echidna
The echidnas on Kangaroo Island are more pale than their mainland counterparts and have more hair to keep them warm as well
A blue faced honeyeater
A blue faced honeyeater
A small bay and breakwater
A launching place on the Bay of Shoals, north of Kingscote
Australian pelicans standing in shallow water
Australian pelicans at dusk on the Bay of Shoals
Pelican Lagoon, Kangaroo Island
Evening mist over Pelican Lagoon
Sea lion mother nursing her pup
A sea lion mother nursing her pup in the dunes above Seal Bay
Sea lion pup and terns
An older seal lion pup watched terns land on the beach
Southern right whale skeleton
Southern right whale skeleton in the sand dunes behind Seal Bay
New Zealand fur seal pup sleeping
New Zealand fur seal pup sleeping
A pelican
A lone pelican beside the Bay of Shoals
The light house at Admirals Arch
The light house at Admirals Arch in Flinders National Park
Sunrise over Pelican Lagoon
Sunrise over Pelican Lagoon
Cape Willoughby Light house
Approaching the Cape Willoughby Light house…
Southern right whale tail
A southern right whale slides back beneath the waves…
Pelican face
Here’s looking at you!

John.