I am looking at coming to Melbourne next year in February, from Thursday 27th to Sunday 1st of March.
If you would like to book a date with me, I will be available day time and evenings, for short and long bookings.
John.
Author Archives: John
Do you know, you can get help for painful sex?
I received an email recently from Sydney therapist Tanya Koens about a course that she is running for professionals in her field to help treat patients who are dealing with sexual pain. So while this workshop is not for people seeking treatment, i thought it was worth writing about because I may have readers who have issues around painful sex, but don’t know that there are professionals who can help them.
Hello Lovely Colleagues
I’m just dropping you a line to let you know I am running a workshop for those working with clients who experience sexual pain. This group of clients has a particularly difficult time finding practitioners who will believe them and be able to help them. I’m passionate about helping people get the help they need and keen to share all that I have learned in 15 years practice as a sexologist.
The workshop details are here:
https://www.surryhillstherapy.com/whensexhurts
I would be ever so grateful if you could share this with colleagues. Social media don’t like things to do with sex and ban most of my workshop promotions.
Best
Tanya
Tanya’s last last sentence is particularly important I think – in this day and age of (most significantly) American fear and paranoia about sex and sexuality – especially on social media – it’s actually really hard for individuals who have problems around sex and sexuality to get the information that they need to be able to find the treatment or services that they need.
It never ceases to surprise me how many women who book sessions with me tell me that until say, seeing an article in the news paper, they didn’t even know that straight male escorts for women were a thing that existed – let alone were a service that they could use. Sex work has few places to exist “publicly” on the internet (meaning communal spaces like social media) and we can debate the merits of that censorship. But it is without doubt wrong that matters of sexual health be excluded from these spaces.
If you have a need for sexual health services – don’t despair. There are professionals like Tanya out there who can assist you and it’s worth investing the effort to find them and make a start on improving you life!
John
Keeping things in perspective
The old saying “sex sells” is forever true. I have been in this industry for over nine years now and every now and then something stirs up the media, and various newspapers and sites trip over each other to write about the phenomenon of women buying sex – some more sensational than others.
Recently Dr Hillary Caldwell of University of New South Wales published the results of a study that she conducted into women who pay for sex. A number of my clients participated in the study. Unsurprisingly the media jumped on this and there is a small slew of articles that hit the internet over the last few days. I was interviewed for two of them (by the Sydney Morning Herald and the Daily Mail Australia).
What struck me when viewing the Daily Mail article was how dismissive and aggressive the handful of comments were (and how many “likes” they received).
It doesn’t upset me personally – as a sex worker you will always come across people mean of spirit and narrow of mind. But I feel for women who may be interested in hiring a male sex worker but see comments like these and start to question themselves and if they are really doing the right thing.
After all it’s not an easy topic to talk to friends and family about to get reassurance and support. When people condemn sex work out of hand, or laugh at the idea of a woman paying for sex it can be hard to trust the instincts that made you think that maybe this is something that you would like to try.
So I thought I would provide a counterpoint some perspective if you will. This is from an email (with permission) that I received recently from a client – she is 69 years old and has been seeing me regularly for the last six years.
I just wanted to thank you so much for yesterday. It was wonderful (as always), but I also really enjoyed our discussions. You are open and honest with me, and oh so trusting. Guess it goes both ways. Of course it does.
You are a balm to my soul in trying times. Satisfy me in so many ways. The loving, the caring the fun and laughter, the time we spend together is so precious.
You make me feel like a real woman. No contest. You take me to places that I’ve never been. That is amazing!
Some women see me only once, to satisfy a fantasy, or just have some fun. But most of my clients are regular and long term as they find that my service can fill a gap in their lives that they cannot fill any other way.
And as per Dr Caldwell’s study – they find that with me they have a safe, secure, and discreet means of getting the sex that they need to be happy in their lives.
So, if you are contemplating hiring a straight male escort, but you are unsure and feeling the pressure of people who like to put others down, or are scared of challenging the norms of relationships and society, then take heart – you are not alone, many women have come before you and many more will come after.
I offer a safe, discreet, fulfilling service and it would be my pleasure to entertain you.
John.
Living our best lives
I have to admit that I live in a bit of a bubble. I don’t watch commercial television or listen to commercial radio. I don’t read newspapers (online, or paper).
I have terms like “Donald Trump”, “Scott Morrison” and “politics” blocked on Twitter.
I really don’t need the ongoing train wreck of Western politics in my face – even occasionally.
And then there’s commercial TV and radio – swamped by cheap to produce reality TV, “current affairs” programs that platform racists in the name of “balance” and ignore the very real problems in the world in favour of tabloid sensationalism.
I’m happy in my bubble honestly. I spend my work times with interesting people who on the whole care about the sort of things I care about – social justice, tolerance, freedom – people who understand that the world is bigger than them and requires an open mind.
As I write this, I am in Canberra. I stopped earlier at a self serve car wash to wash my car and (disappointingly) had to listen to a commercial radio station for the 15 minutes it took me to clean the car.
It reaffirmed to me that I haven’t been missing anything. From the inane banter about clothing to the news items delivered in the most effective way to make a listener feel stressed about things that don’t actually matter.
It was all just noise. Noise that, if you let it, will drown out the things in life that do matter. This is the very real problem with the “modern condition” living in a place like Sydney.
I heard recently of a man, who emigrated to Australia from India and settled in Sydney. He found employment and has been living like so many of us do – working to pay the rent and have some free time and money to enjoy himself.
His realisation though is profound: he has decided to return to the small town that his family comes from in India – because the quality of life there, while modest, is better for him than the kind of life that we live here in Sydney. In his home town he doesn’t have a lot of money, but he has time – time to spend with friends and family doing whatever they want to, or even nothing at all. He may not have great restaurants to go to like we do, but food is cheap and he and his family have time to cook and share good meals.
The list goes on, but I think that you can see the point I am making – we sacrifice a lot living in a place like Sydney. Our lives are driven by work. Our free time is seriously restricted by the daily requirement to earn money to pay rent.
A semi-rural lifestyle with limited money may not seem like the best life to you and me – we have grown up in a different way and have different expectations – but I think that it can still teach us something.
That lesson is: we shouldn’t see work and the assumption that we must all do it all the time as an inherently good thing. For most of us it is a necessary thing, but it tends to draw us away for the fundamentals of human nature – that is connections with the people around us, the sharing of simple pleasures, and time to just “be”, rather than “do”.
I think that this lesson is particularly relevant when considering my industry. Paying for the services of a male escort like myself absolutely costs money. But it’s trading money not for another “thing” in ones life, but for an experience. The older I get, the less interested I become in having things in my life and the more I value the experiences I have with other people.
Much like the gentleman from India, what I really want is to live a life full of people and new experiences with them. I think that, if anything, is the way to live a fulfilling life.
John.
Snapshot #01
Saturday morning post swim/run bliss…
Minister Stuart Robert! The NDIS should fund sex services
You may be aware that an Australian woman living with multiple sclerosis challenged our National Disability Insurance Scheme and won when they rejected her request for the NDIS to fund a therapist to provide her with regular sexual release.
You can read about the case here:
https://www.google.com/amp/amp.abc.net.au/article/11298838
This is a huge step forward in the recognition of sex as a natural and fundamental part of the human condition and that people with disabilities deserve it too.
Sadly though that is where the politician stepped in (from the article).
“Minister for the NDIS, Stuart Robert, said that ruling was out of line with community expectations.
‘The National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) intends to appeal the recent decision,’ he said.
‘The current position continues to be that the NDIS does not cover sexual services, sexual therapy or sex workers in a participant’s NDIS plan.'”
First – can I just say that it is nice to see a politician (particularly a conservative one) using the term “sex worker”. It’s rare and appreciated.
Sadly though Stuart Robert then fails to be a leader and reverts to nebulous conservative morality to justify appealing against the decision.
He claims that the NDIS funding sexual service for people who cannot experience sex because of their disability is not in line with “community expectations”.
There is a lot to unpack here.
The first is the idea that “the community” has a right to tell people what they can and can’t do in the bedroom. I think that we have, through things like the decriminalisation of homosexuality and indeed sex work here in NSW (and the Australian Capital Territory, and New Zealand), established that “the community” has no right to tell consenting adults what they can and can’t do to each other.
The second is that a minister of our government is hide bound to follow “community expectations”. This is absurd. Ministers make unpopular decisions regularly, they do so – they will tell you – for the good of the nation, to protect minorities, the environment etc.
So Stuart Robert claiming that he is duty bound to challenge the ruling because “the community” wouldn’t like people with disabilities being able to enjoy basic sexual release is nothing more than abdicating his responsibility as a minister and failing to be a true leader. Stuart Robert – if you are listening: man up and do your job.
Also – has Robert Stuart actually asked “the community” what we want? I’m fairly sure this question has never been polled anywhere, that being the case it’s even worse than abdication. He’s just deflecting and using the presumed moral authority (of “the community) to avoid having to take a stance that his party and his (presumably conservative) electorate might not like (read: he’s afraid he won’t get re-elected if he lets people with disabilities have an occasional shag).
As a straight male sex worker (escort) for women, I have been working with women with disabilities for almost my entire career. I know absolutely how important having intimate touch and the ability to enjoy and experience their sexuality is.
But personal experience shouldn’t even be necessary. Do we – does Stuart Robert – have no ability to empathise? Has he ever stopped to imagine never having someone touch him again in a sexual way? How about never being touched and being unable to even touch himself?
This is the reality of life for many of my clients with disabilities. And it’s not their fault. It’s just what they live with because life dealt them a shitty hand.
We happily fund or subsidise (through the NDIS) education, physical therapy, medication, accommodation, travel, and more for people who we as a society recognise are unable or disadvantaged to get those things for themselves because of their disability.
The only way that we can justify not funding sexual services as part of an NDIS plan is if we believe that sex isn’t an integral part of the human experience. I know that I personally need sex in my life to be a happy and fulfilled person. If I don’t have it, then it seriously impacts on my quality of life.
This is a message that I hear from my clients – able bodied or otherwise – regularly.
So why would “the community” have a problem with the NDIS allowing people with disabilities to occasionally enjoy what most of us take for granted?
John.
Am I the right male escort for you?
I think that the hardest decision to make when hiring a sex worker like me (a straight male escort for women – and couples) is: am I right for you?
Now I could give you a laundry list of my great features (well traveled, educated etc etc…) but at the end of the day as Peter Steiner wrote in his classic cartoon published in 1993 in the New Yorker… “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”
You can see the original here: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f8/Internet_dog.jpg
And – while companies like Facebook, Google, Amazon et al have been doing their level best to invalidate that quote – for sex workers it’s still basically true. We are mostly anonymous people who’s online profiles are (deliberately) difficult for anyone but the most determined and well resourced to link to a “real” person. So how do you decide if I am right for you?
My answer has always been that when we speak enough (either directly, through writing, or other media) we cannot hide our true nature. So in the eight odd years I have been running this website I have tried to let my readers hear my true voice. I write about the things that interest me. The things that I care about. The things that I am doing. The things that I would like to do.
All of this writing – done by me, never a shadow writer – is my voice and I believe shows my true nature.
Not everyone who reads my website likes what they see. I’m sure that to some people I seem boring. Or of the wrong political persuasion. Or not “alpha” enough. You get the idea I’m sure.
To most businesses that is a problem. Most businesses want to appeal to everyone – so we end up with generic advertising that tries to offend no-one, but in doing so fails to excite anyone and certainly never differentiates itself.
To me – that is a very good thing. I am not all-things-to-all-women. I’m just one man. And for a certain group of women and couples I am what they want and need. And when those women and couples read my website, they see a person they feel they can trust and who holds values that they can connect with.
This is exactly how I want it to be. I do not want someone coming to see me who thought I was one thing, but I turned out to be another and I have consequently left them disappointed. I only want to see the people who I am right for and who are right for me.
Does it work? Having written two hundred and sixty five posts and forty two articles on this site, I can say with absolute certainty that yes it does. I have lost count of the number of people I have met who have read all or much of my website! And by the time they have done that, they know, quite well, who I am and if I am right for them.
It is very rare that I ever meet a client and find that I am not compatible with them. If you like my writing, then it is highly likely that we will like each other.
So answer the question: “am I right for you?” all you need to do is read on…
John.
I’m a male sex worker for women – but what is my purpose?
The obvious answer to this questions is: to give pleasure, sex, companionship, and comfort.
I do all of these things and those things as goals in and of themselves are perfectly reasonable and valuable.
But.
The longer that I do this job, the more I realise that for the women and couples who come to me, I am doing those things, but I am also doing something deeper. I’m helping them to find a way to live better lives.
It’s a rule (sort of) in writing dialog for a story that the characters never just say what they are thinking, or what they mean. Because in real life we don’t do that. Human beings are complex. We have fears. We have desires and needs. And these are things that we often cannot just say out loud for fear of judgement. Of loss. Of embarrassment.
So rather than saying what we need or want, we say what we think will help us get what we want without exposing our vulnerabilities.
In a similar way, people who come to me may not be able to say to their partner, or perhaps even articulate for themselves that what they need is a certain kind of human connection. A certain kind of fulfillment. But they know that having sex, spending time with someone who won’t judge them, being able to release the things that they normally feel compelled to hold in, will give them something that they don’t otherwise get.
It will make them happier, more fulfilled, more relaxed, and able to live their lives a little better.
I have the privilege to be able to help people to do that and while the giving of temporary pleasure is rewarding, what is even better in the long term is seeing people grow and find a better life. Not everyone who comes to see me has such catharsis – and not everyone even needs to. Sex can just be sex. But it can also be much, much more.
John.
Your travel companion
About three years ago – in Australia – women hiring male escorts to travel with them as companions became a thing.
I have been lucky enough to see places like New Zealand, Iceland, Italy, Fiji, and more with my clients. It isn’t something that everyone can afford, but it’s also something that not all women who are or would be clients of sex workers even know is possible. So I thought I would write an article about it to outline what it is and how it works.
Every one who offers travel companion services has their own style of course, so the way I do it will be different to what my peers offer – but there’s sure to be someone out there who will suit you.
New Zealand
I think that we tend to overlook New Zealand as a travel destination. It’s just New Zealand… not as exciting as somewhere in Asia, not as rich in history and culture as Europe…
New Zealand is absolutely totally worth visiting (more than once!). It’s close, affordable, breathtakingly beautiful, is easy to get around. It will never disappoint.
The natural beauty of this country is undeniable. The food is good. The wine is excellent. The people are friendly.
What it is:
I offer a service as a “travel companion”. That means that I will travel with you, just like a partner would. I’m going to be company during the travel part getting from here to there if we have to fly, catch a train, or drive. I’m going to help with your bags if you need it. We are going to explore our destination together. We are going to share all of the experiences that are on offer. I am a decent photographer with professional equipment, so I am going to document our adventure together so you don’t have to if you just want to concentrate on the experience. If something goes wrong, I am going to do my best fix it. And because I’m a sex worker, of course we can have sex too!
As a professional companion I won’t:
- Get stressed about travelling – I’ve done plenty in my life and am very calm and collected, even in the face of lost baggage and cancelled flights!
- Have a meltdown over some trivial thing and spoil the holiday.
- Be demanding about where we eat and what we do – it’s your holiday, that I’m sharing with you, your preferences and desires come first and honestly I’m going to be fine with whatever you would like to do.
Italy
No one needs to sell Italy as a travel destination – but we can also overlook the well known destinations when we think about travel, feeling that they are a bit passe, or not exciting enough.
Can I just say to this: Italy will never, ever be boring. As a country with literally thousands of years of history, culture, food, architecture and more, it will be forever interesting.
Yes, you need to expect more tourists, but that also comes with, more available flights, greater choice of hotels etc.
How it works:
Duration – A trip away can be anywhere from a couple of days, to weeks. Whatever suits your budget and taste for adventure.
Destination – I can travel within Australia, or overseas. There are a few places that I do not currently travel: the US, due to their draconian laws that means they will deport anyone they think is a sex worker at the border – even when we are travelling just for a holiday. I also refuse to travel to Saudi Arabia due to their human rights abuses and treatment of women.
Most of my clients have places in mind that they want to travel to – however If you don’t know where to go and would like ideas, I can help plan an adventure for us to share based on things you might enjoy. I am always happy to be a part of the planning process.
I’m up for anything from an adventure trip like hiking, diving, skiing, sailing, and more, to classic site seeing, to a relaxing time laying on the beach – or anything in between.
Usually I am traveling together with clients from Australia, but I am also happy to have you “fly me to you” for your trip, if you don’t live near me.
Tasmania
Tasmania makes for a great destination – especially if you live in Australia. It’s easy to get to, small enough to see a lot of in a week. And has plenty of attractions, both man made and natural.
Hike to Cradle Mountain, explore Freycinet National Park, visit MONA – the museum of Old and New Art on the Derwent River near Hobart, and see the ruins of the first white settlement in Tasmania at Port Arthur.
Of course this doesn’t even scratch the surface and Tasmania is as beautiful as it is varied.
What it costs – you can see my fees for extended travel bookings on my Price and Booking page. It is also expected that you will cover the cost of travel, food, and accommodation during the trip.
Cooking – If we are staying somewhere with cooking facilities and access to groceries then I am very happy to cook for us. It’s a nice way to relax together after a day of sight seeing, or to help get us on the way in the morning. Eating out is often expensive, so cooking for us can be a great way to reduce the cost of the trip if circumstances allow.
Driving – I am a safe and experienced driver (over twenty seven years of driving and riding on the road, with a perfect safety record!), so if you are thinking of doing a driving holiday then I can be your chauffeur as required. I hold an international drivers license and have experience (and confidence) driving on both sides of the road. I have driven clients in Australia, New Zealand, and Iceland, with South Africa, Canada, and Norway planned over the next year.
Sleeping arrangements – I am happy to share a bed with you when we travel – I don’t need my own room or bed. But I do require some time and space to myself each day to allow me to keep my energy up!
FIji
If you like warm waters, soft sand, snorkelling, scuba diving, and taking things slow, then Fiji is a great choice
It is easy and affordable to get to, there is accommodation to suit all budgets, and with a little effort you can find places that are quiet and relaxed without throngs of other tourists.
As a scuba diver and snorkeler, I found Fiji to have fantastic clear water, fabulous sea life, and amazing coral. If you like the ocean and want to explore it, then Fiji is a great choice.
My availability – I take bookings for up to four trips a year, those spots tend to fill up fast, so booking well ahead is vital. My next availability as I write is mid 2020. If you have a specific time in mind to travel, please don’t hesitate to contact me to discuss my availability.
After the trip – when we get home I process all of the photos that I took and provide you with electronic copies of them. I also assemble a stylish hard cover photo book of the best images. My photo books typically run to 100 pages or more, visually telling the story of our trip.
I don’t charge extra for my photo books, they are included in the cost of the trip.If you would like prints of any of the photos that I take then I am happy to arrange that too. I especially love creating large format prints of landscape photographs captured when I travel.
So, if you think a trip – big or small – with me would be fun, then drop me a line and let’s have an adventure together!
John.
Do you want to know a secret?
A lot of people want to star in their own erotica – usually for their own enjoyment and private consumption. It’s a lot like boudoir photography really, only… more so.
And why not? Why wouldn’t we want to create something beautiful of ourselves – alone, or with another person? It’s fun. And it’s a celebration of our sexuality. These are good things. Valuable things to have in our lives that all too often are put last in our day to day priorities.
It is odd to me that while we live in a society where sexuality and beauty are promoted and used in the media all the time that – as individuals – we are also discouraged from creating our own erotica. It’s like we are being told about (and sold) our own beauty, while being discouraged from celebrating that beauty and enjoying it.
One of the best things I have learned about human nature working in my industry is this: you are more attractive than you believe. Every day, through sex work Twitter I see my peers – of all shapes, sizes, and ages taking the risk of putting themselves out there in the world to offer their services. And while we can’t please everyone, I am inevitably delighted by the flood of people who love whatever someone is.
Photography and film making are a big part of my life and I have really enjoyed working with people I have met to create beautiful, erotic images with them.
So if you have ever wondered… If you have ever thought that maybe you would like to see the sexy you… Then I would be happy help.
John.