Author Archives: John

PSA for couples – how to have a good threesome

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There are plenty of pitfalls for couples wanting to try a threesome.  Here’s a short list to help you have the best experience possible:

  • Do you both want to do it?  I have seen many couples who are both into the experience and have a great time.  I have also seen couples where the woman clearly was just going along with what her partner wanted.  It’s awkward and is rarely satisfying for anyone involved.  If your partner isn’t enthusiastic about the idea – or at the very least happy to give it a go then it’s not going to be great
  • Do you know what each other’s limits are (and those of the third person)?  Limits, knowing them, and sharing them is essential.  If you don’t tell your partner that you aren’t comfortable with something happening in your threesome and they assume that you are then the whole experience can be ruined.  You all need to work out where your limits are and then stick to them
  • Do you have a plan?  So you are both keen to try a threesome, but do you know how you want it to go?  It’s fine to say “lets just start with a massage and see where it goes” if you have already worked out your limits and you can all just explore within them.  Personally, I’m straight, so if I’m with a male/female couple, then I won’t be playing with him and expect that both of us will be concentrating on his partner, that’s a hard limit for me in a threesome.  Conversely I have had sessions with couples that are highly scripted where we explore a fantasy that they have taken lots of time to work out and know exactly what they want. Either of these – or anywhere in between is fine, just so long as you are all on the same page
  • Do you know what you will do if it’s not working for either of you?  It’s ok if things don’t go exactly as you had hoped in your threesome, but if that happens then you need to have agreed ahead of time how you will deal with that.  It’s ok for things to not go as planned – especially when you are new to threesomes – just be sure that you are ready if it doesn’t work and have a strategy to pause or end the play
  • Are you ready to make discoveries about yourself and your partner? To borrow (and reframe) a saying from Muhammad Ali: everyone has a plan until they see their partner having sex with another person. What I mean by that is we think that we know how we would feel in a threesome, but when we get there we might have a very different response. It could be better than we expected, or not. Neither is right or wrong, we are just learning about ourselves – but you need to be ready for the unexpected

So that is a short list that I think about and discuss with your partner if you are planning on trying a threesome. And if you are ready then drop me a line and lets have some consensual fun!

John

P.S. I looked for a stock photo that I could use for this article, since I haven’t ever taken any “threesome” relevant photos – and boy does the internet have opinions about threesomes and what they look like (almost always two women and one man). I always enjoy seeing men secure and comfortable enough in themselves and their relationship to be ready to make their partner the focus of a threesome rather than themselves.

My body and how I want it to be

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I’m pretty comfortable with my body – extremely comfortable really.  I am lucky to have been pretty healthy my entire life and had the opportunity and inclination to exercise and participate in sports.

However over time everyone’s metabolism slows and we are inclined to put on weight. I’m no exception and it’s something that I have worked hard at over the years to manage.

Another aspect that I wasn’t expecting is that in recent times I have developed a lot more upper body mass – muscle.  When I was in my thirties I was always lean and very light.  It was a real advantage for me when I was rock climbing on faces that were not an overhang (where absolute strength really comes into play and having a low centre of gravity isn’t so important).  It was also good for me when I was cycling and running.

Then about ten years ago for no reason that I know of my body decided that upper body muscle was new goal and my shoulders and arms filled out.  I’ll never be “big” like some men are, which I’m very happy about honestly, but I’m a lot more solid and stronger than I once was.

The last few years of physical work required by the business that I started during the pandemic has only built on those gains and I have to say that I remain very happy with my body in general.

However.  I am not overly happy with my bodies more recent propensity to build up it’s fat reserves.  So it’s time for some directed action to reverse the trend.

As someone who is tall and relatively broad, I can put on ten kilograms and it is not particularly noticeable, which is a trap.  It’s easy to ignore how my body is changing, especially since it’s only gradual.  But enough is enough.  It’s time for action.

I’m not going to tell anyone how to lose weight.  Your personal history, medical issues, food culture that you grew up with etc are all going to effect what does and doesn’t work for you – this isn’t medical advice of any sort!  For me what I know is this: carbohydrates are my enemy – and as someone who loves few things more than rice, pasta, potatoes (in all their forms), and bread (I literally ran a bakery once), that’s a real blow.

I know that if I am going to lose some weight and keep it off then I need to be significantly reducing, or better yet eliminating carbohydrates from my diet.

So that’s what I’ve done. Along with reducing my eating to two meals per day, implementing intermittent fasting (I eat my two meals at 1.00pm and 5.00pm), increasing my exercise, increased my water intake, and supplementing electrolytes, magnesium (which I’m always low on and leads to muscle fatigue), B group vitamins, and a multi-vitamin.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

  • I’m not hungry between meals
  • I had headaches for the first couple of days.  Adding the electrolytes, and B group vitamins fixed that
  • I don’t have any cravings for sweet things.  In fact I don’t have any cravings at all and when I get to a meal time I’m still not hungry
  • When I exercise I have a lot more energy.  I typically swim 1000 meters two or three times per week and feel exhausted afterwards. This week I’ve consistently swum 1500 meters and get out feeling like I could do the same again.  I’m also walking fifteen kilometers per day rather than my usual nine – and still feeling fine afterwards
  • And the result in terms of my weight: I’m down by 1.5 kilograms.

More importantly though I can see the change in my body when I look in the mirror and I like where it’s going.  To anyone reading this – please don’t feel that this post is making any demands on you.  It’s nothing more than my personal journey to reach a body shape that I am happy with that lets me do the things that I want to do.  I see women of all shapes and sizes and I enjoy all of your bodies!

I hope that for anyone undertaking, or considering their own weight loss journey that it might be helpful and provide some inspiration.

John

How a sex worker can help

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A client messaged me recently and (with her permission) I want to share some of what she said.

“I do truly believe that my experience with you has taken a whole heap of weight off … I know how I want to be treated and respected”

That perhaps is the most important part of any sex worker’s job – to be what the other person needs when they need it. As a male sex worker for women I meet a lot of women who aren’t seeing me just because they feel like having sex. Often seeing me is a stepping stone to getting back into dating, or a break from the complications and disappointments of dating. Or a safe way to re-engage with their sexuality after a long period without sex, or after some sort of trauma.

Lets be clear – I’m not a miracle worker. I don’t have any secrets to getting over the bad things that have happened in a person’s life. I’m just a person with some physical skills and experience and a willingness to listen and prioritise another person’s needs.

And I think that actually goes a long, long way for many people who are tired of everything being conditional and feeling that they have to fight even for a little pleasure and comfort.

John

Sex and disability

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This video popped up in my YouTube feed today and I thought I might share it. It’s by a woman who has a lower leg amputation and she discusses her journey with her sexuality after her amputation. I have enjoyed her discussion of disability in general, but this one about sex and disability in particular. You can watch the video here:

https://youtu.be/aGc19FROIUs

I have been working with women with disabilities for as long as I have been a male escort for women. I believe that people with disabilities having access to sex workers is an important social service that allows them to experience their lives more fully.

If you live in Australia and have a disability, or are assisting someone who does then the first thing for you to do is contact Touching Base (https://www.touchingbase.org/). From their website:

Touching Base Inc is a charitable organisation, based in Sydney NSW Australia, that has been active since October 2000. Touching Base developed out of the need to assist people with disability and sex workers to connect with each other, focusing on access, discrimination, human rights and legal issues and the attitudinal barriers that these two marginalised communities can face.

https://www.touchingbase.org/

They do great work and have a referral list of sex workers to suit a wide range of needs, trained in working with people with disabilities. I highly recommend them.

John

PSA for men – size does not matter

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I talked more than once about labiaplasty and how – unless there is a genuine medical reason for it – that no woman needs to worry about the appearance of her labia. Well, apparently, post covid (and young men watching waaaay too much porn) there is a crisis in male confidence that has caused many, many men to go under the knife to have penis “enhancement” surgery (see the article Penile Cosmetic Surgery is Booming, But… Does Size Really Matter?” from the Sunday Telegraphy Body + Soul, October 15, 2023)

It shouldn’t need to be said. It really shouldn’t. But sadly it does.

Men: except in the most extreme situation – the size of your penis – does. Not. MATTER!

To put penis size in perspective: just 0.6 percent of people who have a penis have what is considered a “micro-penis” (defined as the stretched length between the tip and the base of the gently stretch penis on the body side of less than 9.32 cm (3.67 in.)).

That’s only just above one in two hundred people have a “micro penis” – and even that definition doesn’t mean that the owner can’t enjoy sex or that a woman cant get pleasure from it!

But apparently this message has been lost to the fire hose of internet porn featuring massive cocks. And young men are going under the knife – encouraged by advertising from a cosmetic surgery industry that uses highly manipulative tactics to attack men’s self confidence.

Now, if this were a consequence and risk free procedure, then that would be one thing. But it’s not. There are now surgeons who spend significant amounts of time operating to rectify botched penile surgery!

So men – here are some things that are much worse than having anxiety about the size of your penis:

  • Post surgery infection
  • Blood clots
  • Implant failure (remember what happens when silicone breast implants rupture?)
  • Scaring
  • Uneven or lumpy results

Not to mention the approximately $15,000 cost.

If you do have anxiety about the size of your penis then here’s a better solution: talk to a psychologist about it. Spend some of that $15,000 on therapy so you can find a way to be happy with what you have.

Finally – I remember seeing a video of a female American porn star talking about what was ideal for her in a partner. Her preference: four inches – that’s 10.1 centimeters. That’s literally only just bigger than a “micro-penis” – and for her – a former porn star – it was ideal.

John

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to see a male escort?

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Many of the women who contact me ask the question: “So what would a booking with you be like?”. I’m pleased to say that now I can show you…

The back story…

Back in 2020 when we were just getting through the first wave of covid I had a conversation with a woman in the comments on my Photos page about how my erotic films have all been shot with women who are conventionally attractive. She said:

Your videos are all with slim women which would make me much too self conscious to contact you. How about picking a client in her 40s or 50s with a more normal and average body and filming an intimate scene to put me at ease?

She made a very good point and we had a productive conversation about why it has been hard for me to find older women to shoot with (you can see the full thread here). So I made the following commitment:

I will state for the record here though – to any woman who would like to create a film with me to be displayed on this website – you are very welcome to let me know. Age, ethnicity, size, body type, or disability are not limiting factors, so please don’t feel that you are not suitable because of some physical feature. I always ensure anonymity and engage in filming with the utmost respect and care for the well being of the person working with me. Finally, in all my films my costar the right of veto if they are not happy with my depiction of them.

Two whole years passed, then I received this comment:

Hi John Oh,
are you still looking for a mid-age, normal looking, not really a plus size, but definitely the usual expectations of women, and not one that is as trim taught and terrific as the beautiful girls in your current videos,
May I say, your videos are absolutely beautiful and very professional,
if so, that you are still considering to make a video as in the above conversations, I am happy to discuss the probabilities at anytime,
It will be largely depend on the financials of my out of pocket expenses, being that I would be traveling from Brisbane purposely to validate your fantastic website, and maybe be of assistance to other ladies who may have doubts with being at peace with their own bodies,
Incidentally, I have only ever been with one man in my whole life and have never been on any websites like yours before, Your talents and website were offered to me by a friend and I have had the great pleasure of perusing through and found this section, It has taken a huge amount of courage to write to you, but I am happy to discuss further if you are still looking for an alliance for your video, Thank you very much Zoe,

So I contacted Zoe and we arranged a time for her to visit and we made a film! As often happens it takes a while to arrange to meet and shoot the film, then there’s editing and we went back and forth adjusting the film to be sure that we were happy with it. But now it is done.

This film is special for many reasons – it is the first time that I have ever filmed an actual booking with a woman, rather than the films that I usually make which are shot quite deliberately to tell a story and to protect the woman’s identity and privacy. As a result I have added a privacy screen to protect Zoe’s identity and allow us to just enjoy the session without worrying every minute about camera angles.

It was also not only Zoe’s first time making an erotic film, but I was also only the second man that she had ever been with. So you can imagine just how huge a deal making this film was for her. She was amazingly brave and generous to offer to help me make this film and she hopes that it will help women who may be worried about their appearance or age to realise that those things don’t have to stop them experiencing pleasure and enjoying a healthy sex life.

So thank you Zoe! I am extremely grateful for your participation and patience.

John

Why would a doctor prescribe a vibrator?

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So today I learned that as women age the nerves in their clitoris that detect soft touch can deteriorate and degrade a woman’s ability to feel soft and gentle stimulation. However – there is another type of nerve that detects strong stimulation like vibration that is more durable and less likely to be damaged over time.

This is good news for women who through the process of aging find themselves less able to enjoy soft, gentle stimulation. Vibrators exist and it’s ok to use one and enjoy the results.

I learned this very useful information from this article:

https://www.aarpethel.com/health/why-would-a-doctor-prescribe-a-vibrator

I think that it is worth a read for any woman who finds herself in this situation, experiencing a loss of sensation as she gets older.

There is an addendum to add here though!

If you use a very strong vibrator and you use it a lot and you find that it is becoming less effective – then it’s time to dial it down and reset your responsiveness. Very strong stimulation will cause your body and brain to react and “turn down the volume”. It’s not permanent and is easy enough to reset by lowering the stimulation level and letting your body adjust to the new, lower level of stimulation.

John

Banning books and the games the media the media play

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This is an old story (six months old now) reported by 9 News, but I think that is still worthy of exploring.

The summary:

“In March, Queensland conservative campaigner Bernard Gaynor complained to Logan City Council that [the graphic novel] Gender Queer [by Maia Kobabe] was on its shelves.”

This lead the Australian Classification Board to conduct a review and they have…

“given the book an “unrestricted classification”, paired with “consumer advice” that it may not be suitable for younger readers.”

There’s a lot that could be explored here, from social “conservatism”, to the myriad issues that young people encounter exploring their sexuality, to literature and how our classification system works. All worthy topics. But I’d like to talk about something small in the way 9 News reported the story.

Firstly, the original article: Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board on March 13th is a reasonable piece or reporting that seems to be mostly neutral about the subject and fairly represents the situation.

And credit to 9 News, they did a follow up piece Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book on the 21st of July that is also fairly neutral and just reports the news.

What caught my attention is the difference between the visible title of the articles:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

and…

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

and the URLs of the articles:

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-a-memoir-book-under-review-classification-board-faces-potential-ban/

and…

https://www.9news.com.au/national/maia-kobabe-gender-queer-book-classified-as-m-mature-not-recommended-for-readers-under-15-years/

I’ll expand them to make it easier to read.

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

and…

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as M mature not recommended for readers under 15 years”

Lets line up the titles with their URLs.

First article title visible to readers:

“Gender identity memoir removed from Queensland library shelf, referred to classification board”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer a Memoir book under review classification board faces potential ban”

Second article title visible to readers:

“Classification review rejects push to ban Gender Queer book”

versus URL visible to search engines:

“Maia Kobabe Gender Queer book classified as m mature not recommended for readers under 15 years

In both cases the URL uses significantly more “conservative” and inflammatory language.

The question of why is open to debate, but given that 9 News is chaired by a group including Peter Costello (former right wing politician, deputy leader of the Liberal Party (1994 to 2007) and Australian federal government treasurer (1996 to 2007)) the implication is that 9 News has a conservative bias that it wants to hide from the people reading its articles, but not from the search engines that feed us all our fire hose of media content.

In that landscape these sorts of small details matter.

While the inner workings of Google’s search algorithms are opaque to the likes of you and me, they are closely studied by the kinds of people who run media empires and like to influence the viewing public’s opinion on of matters of “morality”.

I don’t think that I need to break this down further, but I do think that it’s a timely reminder to us all to not trust any media source completely. We need to read widely and try to understand the inherent biases that media of all kinds (even my writings) bring to the stories that they choose to tell, how they tell them, and even how they attempt to influence how they are delivered and to whom.

John

Dating – you don’t have to settle

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I recently had a booking with a woman who I have known as a client for several years.  I hadn’t seen her in over a year and was pleasantly surprised when she contacted me again.  While chatting on the couch over a glass of wine she described to me the ups and downs of dating some men on and off over the last year.  There had been some successes and some failures, but on the whole, enough successes that she hadn’t felt the need to come and see me.

However an experience with a new date changed her mind.  He left her feeling a little worried about his trustworthiness and that got her thinking – “Do I take the risk? Or do I not?”.

Ultimately she decided not to take the risk – and part of the reason why was that she knew that she could simply come to see me instead.  Which she did.

I think that this is a really important lesson – it’s good to have an option so that you don’t succumb to “fear of missing out”, whether you exercise that option or not, just knowing that it’s there can help to make better decisions.

As per the title of this post – if you know that you can reliably get the intimacy and sex that you want and need (from someone like me) then you don’t have to “settle”.

John

For the men currently interested in becoming a male sex worker for women…

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I have recently had a slew of men contacting me asking for advice about becoming a male sex worker for women. While I support men joining the industry generally, if you are planning to do so and want advice (which is admirable) then here is a good place to start:

Male sex work for women is NOT a game

Please – read this whole post that I made earlier this year. Think hard about it and what it is saying before you continue the journey of becoming a sex worker – because there is much, much more at stake here than just your ego and desire to do something that might be fun and earn you money.

John