Sex in relationships

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If you keep an eye on sexuality related trivia like I do, then you may have noticed a few months ago that a French woman successfully sued her husband (and was awarded AUD$13,500 in damages) because he failed to fulfill his duty as a husband to provide sex to his wife during their marriage.

http://www.smh.com.au/world/strangebuttrue/husband-ordered-to-pay-wife-for-lack-of-sex-20111130-1o5oj.html

The husband appealed the decision and lost.  The ruling and the damages stand.

When I first read about this I was amazed.  This sort of situation is very familar to me (as is the reverse).  But the French legal system has potentially just set a precident that has absolutely huge implications, at least in their own country.

The first thing that comes to mind is: this opens the flood gates for men, unsatisfied with their sex lives to sue their wives for damages.  The second is: what about our right as individuals to say “no”?

The more you pick at this issue the more complex it gets, and I expect that in the short term at least, only the lawyers are going to win from it.

What I do see though is that this ruling (in France at least) puts a spotlight on our relationships and how we treat each other sexually.  I recently made a post offering a Master Class in giving great oral sex to women and I think that this court case confirms my thinking.  Guys: we need to put a lot more effort into pleasing our partners (and being able to give great oral sex is a much appreciated skill).  And it’s not hard to do.  Yes it takes effort and a little thought, but honestly it’s not that hard.

What you need is:

  1. To understand you partner and your own sexuality (what you each like, what you don’t like, what turns you on, what satisfies you)
  2. A few specific skills (how to give oral sex, how give your partner an orgasm, what she likes when it comes time to have penetrative sex)
  3. A plan that delivers what each of you need and want

I have had occassion to discuss these issues with women and couples and often it is relatively easy to find ways to help overcome the hurdles.  A little bit of understanding, a little bit of effort and flexibility can transform the situation.

I am not a sex therapist, or medial professional, but I do have a lot of real world experience, that I am able to share.  I also have the big advantage as a sex worker over a health professional that I am ethically able to demonstrate and directly teach men and women the physical techniques that I use and know.

So, here’s an open invitation to men, women, and couples.  Do you want to improve your sex life?  If you do, then contact me; post a comment below, send me an email, or give me a call and we can talk about what might work for you.  If you don’t think that your partner would want to be involved, don’t worry, we can still talk and find solutions that you can implement on your own.

Lets keep the courts out of our bedrooms and start having better sex!

John.

Sexpo – 1

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I only made a short visit in to Sexpo on Saturday as the day was compressed by a delayed flight from Sydney and having a big evening planned, so I went back again on Sunday.

If you have never been to Sexpo, here’s a short run down …

Mostly Sexpo is a chance for anyone who does “stuff” in the “adult industry” to show off to the public over four days.  On top of that, there is an ongoing stage show of adult oriented acts (like the Tokio Shock Boys, male and female strippers, audience participation and more) and curiously this time they had a motorcycle stunt show … not quite sure how that fits, but I guess that it appeals to the main audience demographic!  Granted they did some pretty impressive stuff, but it’s not exactly about sex.

Some of the stands on display included:

  • More sex toy vendors than you could poke a (erm …) stick at, ranging in quality from the really cheap to the really expensive.  There were a lot of good deals on offer though, so it makes for a fun way to buy a vibrator as just about everything on the market was there and available at prices as good as you would get online (or better sometimes)
  • Show bags – $60 for a bag full of goodies for wome, or men, or couples.  They contained things like vibrators, lube, ligerie, male masturbators (of which there are now lots more on the market), various sex toys, and more
  • Fetish wear – from the mild (riding crops and suspenders) to the serious (body restrains, ball gags, nipple clamps), to the seriously bizar (gimp costumes, speculums, and more).  Interestingly, the people who run these businesses are often the easiest to talk to, very open minded, and lots of fun
  • Lingerie – definitely sexy
  • Personal grooming – I saw hair crimping tools and intimate shavers
  • Photography – glamour and intimate, there were at least four different businesses with stands there
  • ClubX – one of the largest chains of adult stores had a very big stand with a large range of products from their catalogue.  ClubX has gone a long way up-market from their early days and put together a very nice stand with lots of staff and lots of interesting products
  • Charities – there were a couple of organisations there drumming up support for their adult related causes, which was good to see
  • Pole dancing equipment – just one stand, but they can set up with everything you need!

I am sure to have missed out on some stuff, but that gives you a good overview. One thing that seemed quite abscent though were retailers of DVDs.  I may have just overlooked them, but I don’t think so.  I expect that the Internet is busy destroying the DVD delivery business model, so perhaps that is the reason.

Both Saturday and Sunday when I visited were absolutely packed.  Heaps of people, in equal numbers for male and female.  Average age was probably around thirty.

I will wrap this post up now.  I have a bunch of toys and products to review and give away, so I will get on with that next and give you more details and photos!

John.

Back in Sydney!

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This is just a short update post, I am back in Sydney after my trip to Melbourne for the weekend.  The trip was great, Sexpo was a lot of fun and I have heaps to write about this week as a result.

I also have lots of toys and things from Sexpo that I will be giving away, so come back soon, or subscribe to my RSS feed to find out how to score yourself something fun, including grooming, vibrators, lube, and ClubX gift vouchers!

I am available in Sydney tonight as I am staying overnight before heading home tomorrow, so drop me a line if you would like to experience some pleasure and I will throw in a a toy as a bonus :-)

John.

Hold him to account

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I normally try to keep my posts positive, but I think that it is worth making a statement about the radio presenter Kyle Sandilands, who has been behaving very badly (again) of late.

Plenty of people in the press have dissected his behavior, so I don’t need to do it here.

As someone who often sees the results of emotional abuse of women by men I say that it is time for men to step up and tell their badly behaved mates “no, it’s not ok to treat women this way”.

I was raised by my parents to “never hit a girl”.  When I was young I took that rule at face value, but as I grew up I realised that there is a much wider meaning.  That is … when you are stronger, or more powerful than someone else, you have a responsibility to use that power if a wise and fair way.  You don’t abuse it.

Kyle Sandilands is given enormous power by his employers and sponsors.  Sadly his parents don’t seem to have taught him the lesson “not to hit girls”.  Which brings us to the dubious morality of his employers and sponsors.

If anything good can come of Kyle Sandilands’ abuse of women it’s that our society realises that we don’t want and shouldn’t reward attitudes like his.

John.

Voyeurism

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Voyeurism

I have always been a voyeur at heart.  I love the female form, the way a woman’s body looks when she moves, or reclines … the way a couple’s bodies look together …

But the act of looking goes beyond the observer’s pleasure.  As the owner of the club in Shortbus said: “voyeurism is participation (darling)”.  Just as in physics where the “Observer Effect” means that the act of observation will make changes to the phenomenon being observed, so too when we look we influence those who we observe.

For many people, being watched in a sexual context is as arousing for them as it may be for the observer.  This is something that I quite enjoy myself.  If I am having a shower, for instance when I am on a date, then I will invite you to watch.  Some people love it and I quite enjoy being seen.

Voyeurism can be much more intimate too.  Australian Crawl said in their song Beautiful People … “they won’t admit it, but they make love in the dark”.  Sex with the lights off has it’s own pleasures (take away the sense of sight and and your mind will heighten all of your other senses to compensate), but personally I think that it’s a good thing to keep at least a little light when making love.  Site is our strongest sense and we rely on it so thoroughly in every other aspect of day to day life that it is a shame to miss out on it during sex.

I find the combination of seeing as well as feeling to be extremely arousing.  It’s also a very intimate way of communicating with your lover … when you can see them drinking in the sight of you and enjoying it, then it’s hard not to feel good about yourself.

So don’t be shy about your body ladies (and men).  I know that many of you feel that you are less than perfect and perhaps not so confident to show off for your partner, but take it from me: men love looking at women.  And when it comes to great sex, a woman who is confident enough to show off her body a little to her lover is going to please him greatly.  Confidence is sexy.

John.

Good evening from the land of nod …

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When I wrote the title to this post it was just a throwaway line because I am feeling a bit sleepy.  However I decided to Google the term out of curiosity, just to see if anything interesting came up.  The first hit was the Wikipedia reference …

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Land_of_Nod

I have to say, I had no idea that The Land of Nod (according to religious tales) is actually on the east of Eden.  Or a small hamlet in the East Riding of Yorkshire in the UK …

The things that you can learn on the Internet!

Well, I hope that everyone has been staying out of the rain and having a good week.  I am off to Melbourne on Saturday, so if you are dropping in to Sexpo in the afternoon, then you might spot me there!  If so, give me a wink, or say hello if your feeling brave!

John.

Masterclass: giving great oral sex to women

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Really good oral sex is great for women, and it’s the easiest way for a man to give his partner an orgasm.  Personally I love to give oral sex and I find that giving serious pleasure to my partner is enjoyable for me too.  It’s satisfying and rewarding beyond description to me when my partner reaches orgasm and I feel the waves of her pleasure pulse through her body beneath my tongue and hands.

Sadly not all men know how to do what their partners need to bring them to orgasm.  And it is a skill that has to be learned and practiced. No-one is born with it.

I have spent most of my adult life learning the techniques that I know, learning to read the signs that a woman is enjoying what I am doing with her, and finding new ways to give pleasure.

If you and your partner want to learn my techniques, then join my Master Class: Giving great oral sex to women.

WARNING!
This class involves being nude and the female partner receiving
oral sex from me and her partner as part of the process of instruction.

How does it work:

  • The class runs for two hours
  • Involves one or more couples
  • Begins with basic anatomy (you have to know what the parts of a woman’s genitals are to be able to give maximum pleasure)
  • Description of basic techniques
  • Demonstration of basic techniques (so she knows what you should be doing and you get to see it being done)
  • Practice (with my guidance).

Who can attend:

  • Any couple who want to learn about giving great oral sex to women.

What does it cost:

  • $350 per couple (if just one couple attends)
  • $200 per couple (for two or more couples at the same time).

When can we do it:

  • There is no set schedule.  Just contact me when you are ready and arrange a time
  • If you are comfortable doing the class with another couple please let me know and I will try to arrange a time that suits everyone.

What should we bring:

  • A willingness to learn
  • Patience
  • An open mind

What should we leave behind:

  • Your inhibitions – this class is not for men with issues of possesiveness.  If you are going to learn, then I have to be able to show you what to do, which means finding out what your partner enjoys and demonstrating it with her to you.  If either of you can’t handle that, then this class is not for you
  • Fear that you might fail – these techniques take time to learn.  You need to be prepared to practice and fail and practice again.  I have spent years learning my techniques and I am still learning now
  • An expection that you will be perfect in two hours – see above

Bed time stories for very naughty girls – Fanny Hill – Episode 1

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As promised I have started recording Fanny Hill from the beginning.  I will apologise for the less than perfect rendition, I am still finding my stride when it comes to reading out loud, and to correctly interpreting some of the more arcane aspects of Victorian language and phraseology!

In case you missed my first Podcast post here is some background information …

Fanny Hill by John Cleland – a piece of erotic fiction written in 1748.

Scene from chapter eight of Fanny Hill

Scene from chapter eight of Fanny Hill

From the Wikipedia entry for Fanny Hill:

“Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure (popularly known as Fanny Hill) is an erotic novel by John Cleland first published in England in 1748. Written while the author was in debtor’s prison in London, it is considered “the first original English prose pornography, and the first pornography to use the form of the novel.” One of the most prosecuted and banned books in history”

How could I resist?

It seemed like a great way to let you hear my voice, and if you like it enough (please let me know with a comment below!), then I may just podcast the entire story.

Fanny Hill – Episode 1 – M4A format for iPhone, iPod etc

or

Fanny Hill – Episode 1 – MP3 format for other devices

You can subscribe to my podcast feed here:
http://john-oh-escort.com/category/podcasts/feed/

John.

Shortbus – (erotic) movie review

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On the recommendation of a friend (thanks M!) I bought a copy of the movie Shortbus by John Cameron Mitchell last week (on eBay).  It arrived in the mail today, so I sat down with my partner after lunch to watch it.

Shortbus is rated 18+, it is a funny, entertaining movie about a couples councilor and her husband, a gay couple, a dominatrix, a voyeur, and the former major of New York!  It also has more actual real sex (straight, gay, lesbian, masturbation, domination and more) than I have ever seen outside of something rated XXX.

It’s not a movie of sex with a storyline thrown in as an excuse for the sex.  It’s a well written, directed, and produced movie that doesn’t just fade to black when people do what they actually do in real life.  And that, for me, makes the sex even more interesting.

It left us both thinking about sex and sexuality, about how people relate to each other, and how they love and fuck.  It is a great story and worth watching.

If you would like to borrow my copy of Shortbus, just drop me an email and I will see if I can send it to you.  Otherwise you can get your own on eBay for $25 or so.  It’s worth having in your (private) DVD library!

John.

Prostate cancer and the pill …

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There is no denying that the contraceptive pill has been a huge boon to women, finally giving them reliable control over their fertility.  It seems though that there may be an unexpected price to be paid.

New Scientist has an article here:

http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/shortsharpscience/2011/11/contraceptive-pill-linked-to-p.html?DCMP=OTC-rss&nsref=online-news

Discussing a recent study that has showed a correlation between use of the contraceptive pill by women and increased incidences of prostate cancer in men in the same countries.

The reason for the correlation isn’t clear at all, but the researchers did have this to say:

“One hypothesis is that the level of pill use in a population gives an indication of the amount of sexual activity, which has previously been linked to prostate cancer (Epidemiology, DOI: 10.1097/00001648-200201000-00012). But Margel and Fleshner didn’t find a correlation between prostate cancer and the use of other contraceptives such as condoms or vaginal barriers, which might also indicate levels of sexual activity.

The pair favours a different hypothesis. They think that the oestrogen-like chemicals which are by-products of metabolism of the pill pass into the urine and ultimately make their way into the water supply.”

Now as a man, I have to say that is just a little bit scary.  Thankfully the majority of the water that I drink is rain water that I catch myself.  This is far from perfect, but it does means that I won’t be increasing my risk of prostate cancer in that way.

This leads me to my main point: I have never liked the idea of women having to take the pill any more than they absolutely need to.  I also know a number of women for whom the pill has nasty side effects.

So, when my partner and I decided some time ago that we didn’t want to have children, my response was to have a vasectomy.  It was quick, simple (done under local anaesthetic), basically painless and completely effective.  It is also much safer than a tubal ligation for a woman – which is a fairly major piece of surgery.

I am told however that many men don’t like the idea.  Well guys, if you have a family and aren’t planning on more children, then here’s a good reason to have The Snip.  If it means that your partner gets to go off the pill, then I am guessing that we could dramatically reduce the consumption of the pill and therefore reduce the oestrogen-like chemicals in our water supply.

Most men love sex and require it in their relationship.  If that’s the case then we should be taking more of the responsibility for contraception in our relationships.  And perhaps doing ourselves a favour into the bargain.

John.