A male contaceptive pill …

The Sydney Morning Herald has an article that caught my eye online today:

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/sci-tech/of-mice-and-men-male-pill-gets-closer-20120816-24biz.html

At first glance I thought “wow, that’s great”.  But on reflection I am not so sure that the statement in the article:

hormone-free contraceptive drugs for men have been elusive, contributing to high rates of unplanned pregnancies across the world, especially among teenagers.

is accurate or useful.  It implies that if a male contraceptive drug is available then the rates of unwanted pregnancies across the world would drop significantly (especially among teenagers).

Why?  Well, there exists now in the world a form of male contraception that is very cheap, very reliable, widely available, can be used at a moments notice, can be stored for long periods, requires no prescription, is immediately reversible and also protects against the majority of STIs.

It’s called a condom.  And if used consistently and with just a little bit of care, then it is very, very effective.  I know this from personal experience.

So, condoms are easy to use, readily available etc etc.  And yet women have unplanned pregnancies.  How is a male pill, that will require (I assume, since it’s not stated in the article), regular doses, a trip to the doctor for prescriptions, and (lets not forget) honesty of the part of the male going to increase the likelihood of effective contraception?

Frankly I can’t see how.  My guess is that the results will be quite the opposite.  I can hear the refrain now … “don’t worry darling, I’m on the pill, it will be fine”.

I would expect an increase in unplanned pregnancies, as well as a rise in the incidence of STIs.

Lets face it, there is very little incentive for men to care about contraception outside of a stable relationship.  This news makes me think that the money spent on the research would be better spent on education.

John.

July 2012 – update

Well, it’s been a while since I posted anything new here and I have been receiving emails asking if everything is ok.  Thank you to everyone who has contacted me, it’s nice to have that kind of support.

Everything is good, but it has been a busy and hard few months with various projects taking up my time and some personal issues of my own making to sort out.  Not to mention that the cold weather just makes me want to stay in bed rather than be out and about!

So.  Stay tuned!  I have some blog posts ready to go and am researching more.

John.

A little tied up …

We have all heard of “bondage” in sexuality culture – and books like Fifty Shades of Grey have brought bondage and discipline (almost) into the mainstream.  It conjures up images of black leather, wrist cuffs, and spanking paddles.  And for some of us (many in fact) who are not part of that scene, a little buzz of curiosity.

So lets clear a few things up: bondage only means restraint and it comes in a wide array of forms.  It doesn’t require or need to cause pain and it most certainly shouldn’t be abusive.

Lots of people like the idea of being restrained, especially when having sex, or as part of foreplay.  Giving up control can be a powerful aphrodisiac for men and women and can totally change the experience of sex and of a relationship.  Too often we see sex as a physical act with orgasm as the goal – there is nothing wrong with that (good honest sex is my stock in trade and I love it), but it is only one part of the story of sexuality and sticking just to that may leave us missing out on interesting, exciting, and enjoyable experiences.

The first thing that you must have if you are going to explore bondage (or any fetish that takes you outside of your normal boundaries) is trust in the person you are doing it with.  Trust is what lets you explore and have confidence that things won’t go too far, that limits will be respected, and when you say “enough” that your partner will respect your wishes.

Bondage comes in many different forms and like most things cerebral and emotional it “means” different things to different people.  I would like to just introduce some basics here to give you a taste of some of the different styles of bondage.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

The logical starting point is handcuffs (like a policeman might carry).  They are virtually a cliche, but they are packed with symbolism and can be a (cheap) simple and effective way of restraining someone.  Don’t forget that bondage is (mostly) about how it makes you (and your partner) feel, so the symbolism and cultural meaning in things like handcuffs can be a very big part of the experience.  Also we can usually get away with having a pair of handcuffs in the bedside table (people can usually laugh that off), but it might be a little harder to explain cuffed spreader bars …

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

More advanced bondage of limbs comes from wrist and ankle cuffs.  I won’t begin to try to explain the variety of products available out there, there is simply too much.  The bottom line though is that wrist and ankle cuffs are great for serious players.  They can look sexy, feel good, provide serious entertainment and pleasure through the ritual of buckles and clasps, and they are safe and easy to work with allowing for fast release of restraint when desired.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found by the link on the image

Rope is probably the oldest method of bondage and the shear variety of materials and techniques is overwhelming.  As a rock climber and sailer I have a natural affinity for rope, so of all of the methods of bondage, I would have to say that it is the one that appeals most to me.  I have recently been introduced (via the Xplore Sydney Festival) to the Japanese style of rope bondage called Shibari.  As with most things Japanese Shibari has become a highly ritualised, formalised and studied art. I have read that it was derived from techniques used by Samuri to restrain captives.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

Shibari goes beyond just restraint and makes binding the human body a work or art and beauty.  Shibari requires significant time and effort to learn as a practitioner to be able to do it well and safely (this is a very important aspect of Shibari), especially for advanced work like this suspension piece shown to the left.

Ultimately bondage – however you practice it – is about having challenging yourself and your partner, exploring your boundaries, and most of all having fun.  It can also be a good gateway to the fetish community, giving you the chance to discover a whole new world of erotic experiences and people.

If you are curious about bondage, then let me know.  I would be happy to chat about it, or if you are feeling brave to make some light restraint a part of our date.

John.

 

Life is more fun when you’re fit and healthy

There is no denying that life is more fun when we are fit and healthy.  You feel good, you feel virtuous, you can do the things you want to do.  And it makes sex and relationships better.

The list goes on and on.  Sadly, the society that we live in makes it ever harder to look after our diet and exercise needs; putting tempting foods, and longer working hours in our way every day.

My whole life I have been an active person.  I played hockey from age seven and have never looked back: cross-country running, skiing, cycling, swimming, triathlon, sailing, rock climbing and more.  Exercise and a good diet have become the habits of a lifetime for me.

I get out to exercise most days, but usually I am doing it alone.  So, here’s my offer:

Would you like to be a fitter, healthier version of yourself and have fun doing it?  Then employ me as your personal trainer+.

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Fresh tomatoes

It’s late in the season for tomatoes, but my plants are still producing.  I was making a big batch of curry for dinner today, so I picked almost 1.5kgs of lovely red tomatoes to add to the dish.

They were so colourful that I had to take a photo and I thought that I would share it with you!

John.

 

Xplore Sydney Festival – conclusions

I didn’t really know what to expect from Sydney Xplore Festival 2012.  I attended with an open mind ready to learn new things.

Xplore was a welcome surprise to me as I met a lot of interesting and engaging people, learned new things and generally had fun.

If you have ever wondered about spanking, light bondage, and similar things, or wanted to expand and explore your sexuality in general then Xplore is a good place to start.  It’s not threatening.  It’s not weird.  It’s relaxed, positive, and open and a lot of fun.

What you get from Xplore really comes down to what workshops they run (which changes each year) and which of them you attend.  So it’s easy enough to select a set of workshops that are to your taste and interest.

Be warned though that three days of four or five workshops per day is very full on.  Many of the workshops include significant participation which can be physically and emotionally challenging.  So you will need to plan on getting good sleep before hand and each night!

All in all Xplore was worth the $320 for the ticket.  Well worth it.  If you want to open your mind to new possibilities, then give it a go!

John.

Feminist porn

We just had a presentation from Tristan Taormino at Xplore about feminist porn.

She is a good presenter and makes an interesting topic even more fun.

Short story is that as a genera feminist porn (however you define it) it is growing at a huge rate. Lots of interesting new directors and content out there.

If you are interested to see more from Tristan Taormino have a look at her website:

http://www.puckerup.com

John.

Xplore Festival Sydney

Today I am attending the second day of the Xplore Festival. Its been a lot of fun so far, but I was dissapointed to miss the first day.

So far today I have done a workshop on Dirty Talk. Very entertaining, and gave me lots to think about.

The second session was on Domination and Submission and Tantra. I dont get into spirituality, but the breathing and connecting with another person was good.

John.

More women opt for genital plastic surgury

Stories come up in the media from time to time about women having genital (cosmetic) plastic surgery and I am always left feeling really sad by them.  Take this example from the Sydney Morning Herald:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/more-women-opt-for-genital-plastic-surgery-20101107-17j1f.html

The second paragraph was what really surprised me:

The biggest increase in vaginoplasty and labioplasty has been among teenagers and those in their early 20s.

Teenage women (girls as young as 15 the article goes on to say) having labioplasty? (A procedure where a portion of the inner labia are cut off to make them protrude less).  What on earth is going on?

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Sex is not a weapon – or – make love not war on women …

I have (thanks to parents who taught me about right and wrong, and equality) always seen and treated women as my equals.  Not as better, not as inferior.  We are all human, different in some ways (defined by our DNA and body chemistry), but always deserving of respect and fair treatment.

So it’s sad to me to come across articles like this one “Why Women Still Can’t Enjoy Sex” from Fairfax’s Daily Life:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/why-women-still-cant-enjoy-sex-20120321-1vjgg.html

The article itself makes good points about how both men and women shame women for wanting / having / enjoying sex (and lets not even start on being a sex worker).  Which all reminds me of my recent blog post about a new book by Jacqueline Hellyer on having better sex.

The world conspires against women (and men too) having good sex.  It’s insidious and it’s really detrimental to our relationship and to our happiness.

The answer is to allow sex and sexuality to be a part of our lives (whether you want it personally or not), not to relegate it to the back room, or use it as a stick to beat others with.  Lets talk about sex, have sex, and live sexual lives, rather than give in to the people who fear and hate sex and all of the joy that it can bring to our lives.

John.