Welcome to 2014

Welcome to a brand new year.  It seems to me (via observation of friends’ comments on Facebook) that 2013 has been a hard year for a lot of people.  It was a challenge for me too on a number of levels.  But I got through it, and along the way met some fantastic people, had a lot of good experiences and I would like to think, grew as a person.

The challenges that I went through have made it hard to write regularly for a few reasons, but I hope to be able to get back to more regular posts this year.

So in saying farewell to 2013 I would like to thank everyone I met, or continued to see through my work.  At the end of the day, it’s all about you and you continue to make this the best job in the world.

Thank you and I hope that 2014 is a great year for you.

John.

Relationship choices and your sexuality

Everyone knows that: “women want sex less and are less promisuous than men – and men all want sex all the time and with anyone available”.

It’s a standard assumption about male and female sexuality in western society.  It is also untrue.  When you work in my industry your come to realise fairly quickly that most of what society tells you about sex and other people is wrong – you probably felt that it didn’t apply to you anyway, but there is always the suspicion that you might be the odd one out.

Well, thanks to science we have a chance to look beyond the assumptions, beyond the religious dogma, indoctrination, and social expectations.

I read two different articles recently – linked below.  One of them explained that when women answered questions about their sexual history and experience more honestly (when they didn’t feel a social pressure to give “acceptable” answers and thought that lying would be detected) they reported having, on average, 4.4 sexual partners in their lifetime.  Men on the other hand reported only 4.0 partners on average.

This turn our normal perception of men as sexually promiscuous and women as sexually conservative on its head.  Continue reading

Debunking the myths of sex work – from the Sydney Morning Herald

The Sydney Morning Herald’s Daily Life column has an article about sex work today.  You can see it here.

http://www.dailylife.com.au/health-and-fitness/debunking-the-myths-of-sex-work-20130429-2iodn.html

I think that the article is a reasonalbe and sensible wrap up of sex work.  In summary “sex workers are people too, so why not be nice to them”.  Ok, that might be a little glib, but you take my point I hope.

For the first time every I have managed to get a comment published.  I was prompted to firstly by the question raised in the article of whether male sex workers (like myself) and their clients have a different experience of the industry and the general “shaming” that goes on against sex workers.

What has delighted me constantly over the years that I have worked as an escort is the huge amount of support that I have had from both clients and from the few people in my life who I have told about what I do.

So here’s my point, amplified by the many mindless comments on the artile linked above that dismiss prostitution out of hand: being able to come to someone like me for companionship, intimacy, and sex is a vital option for both men and women to have in our society.  Why?  Because all too often the nature of our society doesn’t provide those things for people.  Perhaps they have been in an abusive relationship (emotionally, or physically) and need someone they can absolutely trust to help them repair their self-esteem, or accept intimacy again, or have a disability that prevents them from forming a conventional relationship in the first place.  Or perhaps they just want and need physical company right now, but don’t have a socially acceptable relationship to provide it.

The reasons are many and varied, but you can be absolutely sure that when people start making blanket statements about prostitution being bad/demeaning/imoral etc that the person has never worked in the industry, and probably never actually needed the services themselves (“need” being distinct here from just having indulged).

This isn’t to say that a person has to have a specific need to use my services.  But it begs the question of why can’t we treat sex as something fun to do?  People in relationships have sex for fun all the time, so why shouldn’t someone who isn’t in a relationship choose to buy sex for fun?

At the end of the day I like seeing discussion of sexuality in the media.  It may attract the trolls and nutters to denounce it as evil, but every article raises questions and gets people thinking and talking about the issues.  Which has to be a good thing.

John.

A revolution in condoms

As you can imagine, condoms are my best friend (and at the same time my worst enemy).  I am very familiar with all of the different brands, styles, and thicknesses.  Some of them are great, some of them don’t suit me, and some are not so great.

They are however all pretty much exactly the same.  At least in so far as how they work – close fitting, lubricant on the outside, reservoir tip, roll on, pull off.  The “technology” of condoms hasn’t really changed in centuries, only the materials, we now use latex and silicon instead of animal gut.

So today I came across what is possibly the first real innovation in condoms in well, a very long time.  It comes from a company called Origami Condoms.  You can see their website here:

http://www.origamicondoms.com/

They have a range of three different condoms – for heterosexual sex for men, for heterosexual sex for women, and for anal sex for either gender.  This is very interesting because it shows that Origami understand that desires for pleasure, contraception, and STI prevention require different solutions depending on your gender and what you are doing.

Here’s a video demonstrating the male condom …

The Origami condom for women allows a woman to take complete control of contraception using a barrier method (like a condom where there is a physical barrier preventing unsafe contact).  This is not something women have had before (if you discount the horrid “Femidom” which – having tried them – I would not recommend).  This “condom” is inserted by the woman before sex, so she has complete control over it and its use.

The Origami condom for men is quite similar to the women’s version, but it is fitted by the man over his penis.  It is different to regular condoms in that instead of clinging tightly to the man’s penis and being lubricated on the outside, it is a looser fit and lubricated on the inside.  This means that when you are having sex the condom stays still inside the woman’s vagina and the penis moves in and out of it (although I believe that it holds onto and moves with the base of the penis).

I can imagine that this arrangement may well make sex with a condom feel more natural for the man.  I don’t know if it would be better or worse for the woman.  Given Origami’s aim to improve the experience of protected sex I am hoping that they are considering this, as they are clearly considering men’s pleasure.

One thing I note that is a potential downside is that their condoms are made of silicon.  Personally I don’t much like the feel of silicon, but that may be different in these condoms.

As for the anal sex condom, this looks like a real winner.  Giving control to the partner receiving, providing a strong condom that reduces the risk of breakage and a style of condom that is impossible to “lose”.  It may also help to prevent potential damage by reducing friction.

Now the bad news: they won’t be available until somewhere in late 2014.  These things have to go through FDA approval in the US sadly, so don’t expect to see them any time soon.  That said, the year is flying by once again and 2015 will be hear before you know it!

Ultimately time will tell if these things are any good, but honestly I think that it is GREAT that someone out there is taking condoms seriously and looking for ways to improve them.

John.

The beauty of breasts

It will come as no surprise I am sure to hear that I like (love) women’s breasts.  They are fabulous.  Large or small, they all have their own charm.

I came across an article today in Fairfax’s Daily Life site about breasts and thought it worth sharing.  You can see the original article here:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-are-we-so-embarrassed-about-breasts-20130206-2dxa3.html

The author of the article (who wrote/edited a book about breasts to support breast cancer research after having cancer herself) found herself troubled by just how prudish our society (western society) is about breasts.  Most significantly the way that womens’ breasts are treated as sexual where as mens’ are not.

Ultimately it’s just one more arbitrary thing in our culture.  Some people develop fetishes for feet, or hands, or being sat on, or … just about anything you can think of.  Our society has create a general fetish for womens’ breasts, but not mens’.  There is plenty to say here about double standards and the objectification of women.

What I would like to say is – given that our society in general has this fetish and it’s not going away any time soon – the best thing that we can all do is learn to enjoy what we have to the full.  Many men don’t appreciate the pleasure that a women can get from having her breasts touched and stimulated.  Also, many women don’t appreciate how enjoyable it can be for them either.  There are so many ways to do it, from massaging the whole breast with fingers and hand, to exquisite nipple play with lips, fingers, or toys.

So, while we wait for equality in bare breasted to happen, lets explore the pleasure to be had from this collective fetish and re-discover breast play as part of a fulfilling sex life!

John

The Sydney Skinny

Well, I would choose this weekend of all the weekends of the year to be away in Melbourne!  As a result, I missed the inaugural Sydney Skinny.  That being a 900m mass nude swim in Middle Harbour.  I was very disappointed to miss it.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/no-bathers-no-worries-for-worlds-first-nude-ocean-swim-20130217-2eks3.html

Nudity (especially shared) can be so much fun.  Sigh, well, I guess that I will just have to wait for next year now …

John.

 

Some good reasons to hire an independent escort (and not go through an agency)

Since becoming a male escort for women I have always worked independently.  I have never worked for an agency and have never wanted to – I feel that if I was part of an agency that it would be impossible for me to provide the service that I want to give  (caring, tailored to each client, and as good as I can make it).  But I haven’t objected to the idea of agencies in the past.  After all, an agency should know their workers, be able to match a man to a client, take the “leg work” out of finding someone suitable for you.

But in reality this may not be the case at all.

I received an email from a long term client of mine the other day that she wants me to share with other women considering hiring a male escort – in the hope that others can avoid her disappointment.

Recently I was unavailable, so she hired a male escort via an agency in Sydney (I don’t know which one).  Below are her words about her experience …

“I recently booked an escort through a local agency. I rang around to inquire who was particularly skilled with oral sex, and one agency recommended a particular escort very highly, so I booked him for one hour. They said that the cost was $350 per hour but that I had to pay his cab fare which was an additional $50. I suggested I pick him up from the city but they said that wasn’t allowed. I asked if I could email him or talk on the phone first, and they said that no contact was allowed prior to the date, so I asked the woman at reception to tell me about him. She told me he had been working for a year, had regular clients most nights, and that he was successful in theatre but did this on the side for cash as he was so good at it. It was like drawing blood from a stone. She wouldn’t tell me more. She kept saying that he was fine and I’d like him. I felt really awkward about having this man over knowing so little, for so much money (of which he only gets half). I also didn’t like that I had to go through this woman. I prefer to deal with people directly, and it felt like she was his wife or something, and I had to get past her.

So when he turned up, it became clear immediately that everything the woman at the agency had told me was a lie. First, he drove in his own car, and had never been informed that he had to take a cab–he said he always drove himself. He’d been working part time for six months, not a year. He had no regular clients, and was a stagehand, one night a week, hardly big in the theatre industry.

I paid him, because he’d come all that way. He had to ring this woman when he arrived, and then again exactly on the hour. I felt rushed. There was no time to chat or get to know each other. We literally had 60 minutes, since I didn’t want to spend an additional $300 for the second hour not knowing anything about him in advance. So we quickly got undressed. He was not particularly fit, and not well endowed.  His body type wasn’t anything like I had been lead to expect (including heaps of body hair and lots of piercings).

Oral sex was ok, but not the amazing experience I’d been promised. He couldn’t maintain an erection very long in the condom. His phone buzzed to remind him the hour was up, then he rang the agency and left. I felt cheated. I mean, it was sort of like ordering pizza, there was nothing personal about it.

Fortunately I have John Oh. Everything about him is different. I could email, ring, skype, whatever, as much as I wanted before the date. In fact, I never felt like I needed to become best friends with the escort I was booking, but just felt entitled to some basic personal communication to know what the man is like. It’s reassuring. I got that with John. And he is exactly what he says–no deception.

His skills are undeniable. From oral sex, to just touching, and intercourse, he does it all with expertise, and can have sex as many times as I wanted. There is just no bullshit, and frankly, I’ve got a busy life. I don’t have time or money to try out all the men out there for their skills, and go through some woman at an agency who feeds me lies. I would never try an agency again, I would only ever go for independent escorts (and in Sydney I would only ever choose John Oh).”

I have never been critical of agencies before (despite hearing a similar story a couple of years ago from a couple who booked a date with me for their first threesome, then with an agency worker a few weeks later).  I have always thought “live and let live”.  But having heard this I think that it is time to take a stand for all of us independent escorts (male and female).

Hire one of us, don’t go to an agency.

It’s a simple as this: when you choose an independent escort you can have a very good idea of what you are getting (good or bad) and you can easily avoid an escort who isn’t suited to you.  Go to an agency and you are at the mercy of people who quite possibly just don’t care if you get what you paid (lots!) for.

John.

P.S. it’s worth mentioning that I am not criticising escorts who work for agencies (there will be good and bad workers regardless of whether they are independent or not).  What I object to here is the behaviour of the people who run the agencies.

The Petra Joy – Joy Awards … first prize!

Back in April a client asked me if I would help her to make a short erotic film about her experience of hiring me.  Our date was one step in moving forward in her life and getting over a bad marriage.  The film was to be entered in the Petra Joy – Joy Award, a short film contest for first time female directors of erotica.

The journey through script writing, storyboarding, filming, post production editing, sound recording, score production, and then rendering of the finished movie was an amazing experience.  Not something that I have ever done at such a serious level.

The result was a short film (3 minutes 40 second long) that was unanimously voted to be the best submitted to the award this year.  Interestingly the second prize went to a woman in Melbourne!  So Australia was well represented in the Joy Awards this year.

John.

Tuning the Beale …

My partner’s piano has (ever since she can remember) had one key (the A6) that was out of tune.  Inevitably it’s a key that many pieces of music require.

Recently (while watching the remake of the movie Total Recall) I heard a piece from Beethovan’s Tempest (Sonata No. 17) and suggested to S that she should learn to play it.  If you don’t know the piece you can see a rendition of the Total Recall version (played much slower than the original) here on Youtube:

Of course Tempest requires A6, so yesterday – in the face of stern warnings to the contrary on a label inside the piano – we set about attempting to tune that key.

The piano is an upright, a Beale Vader semi grand.  It is over 100 years old based on the serial number, and despite not having been tuned in at least 50 years (if ever) it is still surprisingly in good tune (mind you this was the Beale’s claim to fame that it would hold its tune come hell or high water, which seems to be true!).  Apart from one key.

Thanks to modern technology tuning things is much easier than it once was.  For instance, to get the note right, I simply downloaded a tuning app (called G-String) to my phone.

piano_tuning_1

piano_tuning_2

The g-string app works a treat. No need for an expensive dedicated tuner.

Tuning a piano if you have the right tools is not really a difficult task.  It’s like tuning a guitar, only you can’t sit it on your lap.  Each key has three strings behind its hammer and all of the strings have to be tuned to the desired note to create that wonderful, crisp, unique piano sound.

I made up some wedges to mute the two strings that weren’t being tuned and we set to work.  The result was good, not perfect, as one string was fractionally higher than the other two, but definitely a serious improvement over its tone before tuning.

And as to the question: do you always tune pianos in the nude?  Well, maybe ;-)

John.