Being nervous is really good

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Nearly every email or text message that I receive from a someone contacting me for the first time includes in it somewhere:

“I am quite nervous about contacting you”

It’s entirely understandable to be nervous contacting me. After all, it’s not every day that we break societies (mostly) unwritten laws that women aren’t meant to prioritise sex in their lives, let alone go out and seek it – especially from a male escort. Doing so is definitely pushing boundaries, and whether we are comfortable with our personal choice or not, going against the social norm and contacting a stranger to arrange a date – for sex – is almost certainly going to bring out the nerves and the butterflies in the stomach.

We can experience nervousness and treat it as a bad thing and let it make us question ourselves and our choices, or – and this is my favourite – we can embrace it. Being nervous is I think part of the fun of doing something that pushes your boundaries. Being nervous gives you energy, gives you a kind of excitement, it’s recognition that what you are doing isn’t just another hum-drum part of the every day – it’s new.

So let go of the doubt, let go of the desire for control and certainty and do something that’s a little bit scary, something new, something different. Stretch yourself. Challenge yourself. There are so many benefits to be had. And I’m not just talking about seeing an escort like me, or having sex. There is a whole world of challenges – big and small – out there. Why not take one on? There is so much to gain, and really, so little to lose.

John.

Have you ever wondered?

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I semi-regularly meet women who have only ever had sex with one partner in their lives. It’s not at all surprising, as most western cultures are (still) quite big on chastity and monogamy.

The reality of course is that very few people – let alone couples – are able to live happy fulfilling lives this way. So women will sometimes contact me asking for help to expand their horizons and give them a new experience of sex with another partner.

As the saying goes “You don’t know what you don’t know”. This is especially true of sex. Experience is a good thing. And you truly can’t imagine what sex can be like having had only one partner.

That’s not to say that the sex with your first and only partner is necessarily bad. Just that having nothing to compare it to, you really can’t say, one way or the other. Even having some not great sex with some other people can be beneficial – it lets you know exactly how good you already have it. There is no “grass is greener” quandary. You know which side of the fence is best.

My personal observation is that sex is always different with different people. It’s never the same – and with good reason. Different bodies, different desires, different experiences, different places in our lives. All of these things go toward the experience that we have of sex with different people.

So I am all for more experience – and it is of course something that I specialise in. If you have ever wondered what sex could be like with another man and you have reached the point in your life where you are ready, and need that experience, then it would be my pleasure to help.

John.

This image used in this post was created by Leo Hidalgo and is licensed under Creative Commons 2.0 – https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/

Australian census and sex work

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A lot of people have been talking about the census and the ABS’ decision to retain our names and addresses and to use them basically as they see fit to link to other information and databases.

It’s a privacy concern for everyone, but for me – and all other sex workers – it’s immediately worrying.

I just completed the census – and did so honestly.  But by doing so I have put myself at risk.  I stated that I am self employed, and that I am a sex worker providing companionship and sexual services for women.  And I had to put my name and address on that information.

By doing so I created a real risk that one day that data may be used against me in some way.

Living in NSW where sex work is legal, I have less reason to be concerned.  And Australia in general is fairly tolerant of sex work.  But we live in a time of creeping conservatism. Of governments and people becoming less tolerant and more judgmental.  And while today’s government may not care that I am a sex worker, what about next years?

And who knows in the future what data our government will share with other nations like the US in the name of chasing terrorists.  The US, where sex work is a matter of near hysterical fear.  Will my name end up on some TSA watch list in the US to prevent me entering the country?

This sort of thing may sound far fetched.  But really that’s the point.  We fight hard to win our freedoms, but just because we have them doesn’t mean that will always be the case.  So it’s important to think about all of the bad things that can come from giving our governments more power over us.

We were lucky this year, with the state government inquiry into the sex industry.  The government chose not to listen to the conservatives who hate sex work, the churches who hate sex, and the sex work antis who can’t or won’t believe that people can make informed choices about doing sex work.

Instead they listened to the voices of sex workers, scientists, police – and I expect the politicians and public servants who remember the bad old days when sex work was illegal and corruption was rife in the NSW police force because of it

My fear is that one day the census will become a treasure trove for a less benign government who sees a few votes in punishing sex workers, or excluding known sex workers from their country.

Paranoid?  Perhaps, but that is how we prevent overreach by our political class.

John.

Being sexy

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The Herald published an article recently by the female escort Samantha X. You can see it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/manis-matching-lingerie-drug-use-samantha-xs-7-lessons-for-escorts-in-training-20160525-gp3e00.html

I like seeing sex workers in the media being given time and listened to, but I felt compelled to talk about a few of the points that she made – as I think they apply more broadly than just to aspiring escorts.

Samantha X is now running an escort agency – two actually, one for women, one for men. In the article she spends a lot of time describing how a female escort needs to present herself. It was interesting, as it is a window into her world as an escort…

Black or white lingerie only (no colours!), subtle nail polished, conservative if classic attire.

It paints a picture, and when you see a photo of her you can see why she chose it. That look REALLY works for her. But it doesn’t mean that it is the only thing that works – and it (rightly) caused something of a storm in our industry for a while there.

I worry however that people considering being escorts might take it to heart and believe that this is the only way you can be successful. The truth is that how you look is much less important than how you treat people. There are vastly more escorts out there in the world who don’t conform to Samantha X’s formula than do (both male and female). And they are doing just fine thank you – even leading our industry. From dominatrix to big beautiful women, to “the girl next door”, to cosplay-gamer, to clown escort (you really must look up Sugar Weasel the Clown, he is hilarious) and everything in between that you could imagine.

There is a broader lesson though I think. And that is: attractive and sexy IS NOT about your appearance. It’s not about your nail polish. It’s not about the clothes you wear. It’s not about style. It’s about substance. It’s about you.

It’s easy to loose our confidence as we get older. Youth may fade, but in reality age is no barrier to being attractive.

Many women in their forties, or older book a date with me to reconfirm that they can still be attractive to a man and to re-engage with their bodies and their sexuality. And it always makes me happy to see someone who perhaps arrived nervous and introverted, leave me standing up straight and looking radiant and sexy!

John.

Available in Sydney, and now regularly in Melbourne and Canberra

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Male escorting in Australia is an ever evolving industry.  From one year to the next it’s certain that things change.  It is, I expect, part of the evolution of our society.  Years ago most of the women who came to me were in their later forties, recently divorced, and looking for an experience to rebuild their confidence in themselves and their sexuality.

A couple of years later and that age had dropped to early forties and many women were still married, but looking for a way to fill their needs and also maintain their relationship – often for the sake of their children.

Then it was couples looking for safe ways to explore their sexuality and expand their experience together.

Suffice to say that sex work is always different!  Part of that this year has been increased interest in my services from both Melbourne and Canberra.  So much so that I am now traveling to both cities regularly.

If you live in Melbourne and don’t fancy flying to Sydney to see me, then keep an eye on my website and I will publish the dates for my upcoming tours – currently I will be back in Melbourne in the first weekend of September.  I intend to visit Melbourne every second month, so you can also expect to see me there in November, January etc.

Canberra is another story.  Being so close to Sydney it’s easier for me to visit at shorter notice.  I won’t be publishing dates for regular tours in Canberra, but if you are interested in seeing me, then please don’t hesitate to contact me and we can arrange a time that suits you.

John.

I do love an omelette

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There are few things I enjoy more for breakfast than a good omelette – with buttered toast and a cup of tea.  This is how I make mine…

  1. Slice mushrooms and saute in a pan with butter, then put asside
  2. beat two eggsmushroom
  3. Finely chop a rasher of bacon and a quarter of a capsicum, then fry with butter, put aside with the mushroombacon
  4. Pour the beaten egg into a well greased small frying pan and cook on medium heategg
  5. When the egg is approximately half cooked spread the mushroom, capsicum, and bacon on top
  6. Grate on tasty cheese for extra flavour!
  7. Season with pepper (no need for salt, the bacon and cheese should provide plenty)combined
  8. When the egg is almost fully cooked, use a spatula to gently fold the omelette in half.  Press down gently along the sides to help seal it together
  9. Cook for a few more minutes to finish the egg and re-warm the fillingfold
  10. Serve with buttered toast and some baby spinach leaves for garnish!finished

Enjoy!

John.

Canberra in July

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2016-07-21 21.12.45Two weeks ago I was in Melbourne. This week I’m in Canberra for a couple of day!

2016-07-22 10.16.28 20160722_110630I haven’t been so lucky with the weather – it’s pretty wet and blowy down here today – but it just makes it a nice day to sit in a cafe, drink tea, and write. Something of a luxury really.

The aesthetic of cities changes with the season. Having lived in Canberra a couple of times, the thing I remember most about winter is the stark beauty of the European trees, stripped of their leaves by the cold…

Walking to the cafe this morning I saw a bus with a bike rack on the front (and two bikes attached). I have never seen this before and it struck me as a very clever idea! Especially in a city like Canberra where public transport and you intended destination may not line up well. Being able to take your bike “on” the bus seems like a splendid idea.

A black truffle

It’s truffle season here in Canberra – and while I am not traditionally a fan of truffle oil – I have been sampling some fresh truffle and found it quite delightful. If you love truffles then Canberra is a great place to be in July, not just to eat truffles, but I am told that there are people who will take you out truffle hunting in a Truffière (the French name for a truffle orchard).

Since truffles grow underground on the roots of trees (often oaks), the hunt is conducted by truffle hounds (yes dogs! What can’t they do I ask you?) – or some people I have heard off use pigs (who love truffles too). The dogs can smell the truffle from above ground and lead the hunters right too them. It’s a rather quaint kind of industry, but given the price that black truffles fetch in restaurants (up to AUD$3000 per kilogram), it also a very serious business.

So, if you were thinking of a trip away somewhere for a weekend and are happy in a cool climate then I think that a truffle tour in Canberra would be a lot of – tasty – fun.

John.

A clear Melbourne winter day

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For some reason the last few months have seen lots of bookings for me in Melbourne.  It’s nice to come down here, even in winter.

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It’s been a fun weekend, with a variety of Melbourne weather as one would expect.  I came prepared though and have remained warm and dry.

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I had forgotten just how beautiful Albert Park can be!  It’s a lovely spot.  I used to cycle around Albert Park with a cycling group when I lived in Prahran once upon a time.  It’s hard to forget the crisp Melbourne mornings.

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The things you see from up high!  The office building beside my hotel was in the process of being smashed apart, very slowly.  It’s strange to see buildings that seem perfectly useful being demolished.  It’s a similar situation around Olympic Park where I live – the office buildings being slowly bought up and then knocked down to build apartment blocks.

20160709_131533If I had a dollar for every time I have peered down a tram line trying to decide if that dot is actually a tram…  I miss Melbourne trams.  They really are part of the culture.  And so much more civilised than buses.

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It was a crisp sunny morning in Melbourne, the trees bare, and a cold breeze, but the sun keeping things warm!

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An excellent chance for a trip to the National Gallery of Victoria!  I haven’t been in years.

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The water wall at the entrance of the NGV is one of my favourite pieces of architecture.  It really is compelling.
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And this is why you should never sneak up on a Volkswagen Beetle!  Needless to say it’s not good for your resale value…
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I really have to say it’s a fabulous piece of art!

Next I spent some time walking through the Asian art collection.  I love seeing functional objects that are also made beautiful.  Asian cultures seem especially adept at this.

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Then we have the…

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I found the preponderance of religious iconography, heavy guilt frames, and sheer weight of oil rather oppressive and claustrophobic.

There were some gems though, including a Turner seascape,

20160709_142331this Monet,

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And some rather handsome marble busts.  I never cease to be amazed by what a capable sculptor can do with marble and some tools.

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If you have been following the news in NSW, then you will know that grey hound racing is being banned due to the appalling training practices of some owners, and the high number of dogs who die simply because they are too slow to race.  This detail (of a much larger painting) encapsulates why I agree with the ban.  Domesticated dogs can’t help but love humans.  They do whatever they can to please us.  So that puts the responsibility on us to make sure that their loyalty and love isn’t abused.  So if you are thinking about a dog, why not adopt a grey hound?

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The NGV has some rather nice restaurants these days.  I had a lovely lunch with a view of my favourite window!

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The Yarra River may have a poor reputation, but it’s a lot cleaner these days and you can’t deny that it’s beautiful on a crisp sunny morning!

I love this stretch particularly beside the boat sheds where I used to row.

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The old…

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And the new…

And with that, I am heading home!  It’s nice to visit Melbourne, but there’s no place like home and I am ready for my own space and most of all, my own bed!  So good bye Melbourne.  I will be back in September!  If you would like to book, please contact me, or keep an eye on this site for my travel dates.

John.

The sex bots are coming (again)

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It seems every year or two we see one of these articles: “THE SEX ROBOTS ARE COMING!” shout the headlines. Read the article though and it’s usually about one or two people working in the industry of robotics, or robotic research talking up the technology or spruking their products.  See here:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-sex-robots-could-revolutionise-bedtime-20160609-gpfy6b.html

The story is changing though, gradually. As per this article (complete with smiling women smooching very plastic looking sci-fi robots) there are interesting and disturbing nuggets of information. for instance…

“Companion devices such as the Pepper robot are increasingly being used to provide company to elderly people, particularly in Asian countries such as Japan”

and…

“Prof Sharkey said there was evidence that companion devices were also being use by parents to keep their children company. Research from California indicated young children had emotionally bonded with the machines”

Now, it’s a vast leap to go from companion devices for the elderly to a robot who rocks your world in bed, but if you grow up as a child with ever more sophisticated companion devices (robots), then perhaps you will grow up to be an adult who is more comfortable with machines and machine sex than dealing with the messy, complicated, often painful world of sex with other humans. It could well happen. In fact I expect that it likely will happen.

But all of this – in my opinion – misses the point. Click bait headlines aside, it makes me ask the question: “what do we want from sex?” and ultimately “what does it mean to be human?”

I am regularly contacted by women who have difficulty in reaching orgasm, or difficulty being “in the moment” and enjoying sex. Our consumer society responds to that by saying that the solution is a new vibrator, or a more powerful vibrator, or an AI vibrator! And that may actually work for some time. Powerful stimulation that simply CANNOT be ignored may get you there for a while. But it’s really only a band-aid, over-riding the basic problem, and potentially causing more of it’s own (as your body decreases clitoral sensitivity in response to the very strong stimulation).

So my response is that if we can’t be “in the moment” for sex, if we can’t reach orgasm easily, then the answer lies not outside of us, but in our heads. We need to go back to basics – work out what is causing the problem in the first place: too busy and stressed with work? Unhappy in our relationship? Tired and stressed by family and commitments?

We need to either change our lives to reduce of remove the cause, or we need to learn how to be at peace anyway. A combination of both is, in my opinion, ideal.

So where does that leave sex robots? Honestly I’m not sure. Until such time as robots are intellectually and emotionally equivalent to humans, I can’t see how a robot can ever be a substitute for the sexual arousal that comes from the close physical and mental stimulation of another person. But if we reach that stage, then what really is the difference besides a synthetic body?

So basically we come full circle. If you want a healthy, satisfying sex life (with a human or a robot) then you are probably going to have to sort out your own head first. A task that I am always happy to help people with in the pursuit of better sex.

John.