Category Archives: Personal

Sex work and burnout

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I was contacted recently by a woman who has had a good but ultimately disappointing experience with using the services of sex workers. She was interested to know what I thought about the problem of “burnout” in sex workers as she has lost two sex workers that she has been seeing to them leaving the industry due to burnout.

There are a few ways to look at this. From the point of view of the individual sex worker, the client, and the industry as a whole.

I have been working as a male sex worker for women for fourteen years (as of 2024). In all of that time I have not “taken a break” from sex work. This is partly because I love the work, because I am committed to my clients, and lastly because I try to manage myself so that I don’t get burnout.

I think that I probably have more natural inclination to this work than most men, but everyone has limits which we need to respect. One of the traps of sex work is that – if you are successful – the money can be very good. This can drive a sex worker to take every booking that comes along. And that’s great if you have the energy and stamina for both the physical aspects of sex work, but also the emotional aspects.

Most people who see a sex worker – and more so women – aren’t there simply to “have sex” and leave. There’s a reason why my two hour booking is my most popular session – it takes time to relax and connect and be “ready” and then it’s nice to have some after-care and time to unwind and enjoy the “after glow”.

All of that requires that a sex worker be physically and emotionally “present” and to not “check-out” from their client. This is something that I am quite good at I believe and respectful of in my sessions. It does require emotional energy though and no matter home much we lover our work there is a finite supply. It is really important that as a sex worker I manage that energy and I monitor myself so that I can give a consistent experience that is up to the standards that I set for myself.

Now there are lots of things that can impact our physical and emotional energy – stress (financial, personal etc), lack of sleep – and taking too many bookings too close together.

So as a sex worker my work and life are intimately connected and I have to be very aware of how each part effects the other and allow for that. If you have been reading my website recently then you may know that I am in the process of losing some weight. I realised that my slowly increasing weight was effecting my fitness and energy levels, so I’ve been working for the last three months to make changes to improve – I’m currently about 13kg down with 6kgs to go to get to my target weight and I am happy with how much better I feel in myself and about myself as a result.

All of this is to say that as a sex worker your job is much, much more closely connected to your life outside of the work than most careers. When I’m running my other small business I can generally get up in the morning, regardless of how I feel emotionally or physically and go and do good work for my clients and it won’t matter if I’m sad, or stressed, or happy. I can still do the job just as well.

That isn’t the case with my sex work. With sex work I have to look ahead to my bookings and plan my life around it. I have to ensure that I get enough rest, that I’m not wrapped up in anything too emotional, or drained by too much work close together. It takes real effort and attention.

Being older helps with that. I just have more life experience, including a lot of experience running my own businesses, managing my time and energy. Not everyone has that experience and I think that is a major risk, especially for younger workers who may be very enthusiastic, but can fall into the trap of just doing too much – in their sex work and/or in their personal life.

Commitment to the work also matters here. I see sex work as a career – not something that I do for fun, or “on the side”, or out of necessity. I love my work, I want to continue doing it for as long as women and couples want to book me. So I am invested in being able to maintain my mental and physical health and to avoid burnout.

From a client’s perspective burnout has some obvious consequences – paying for an experience that isn’t as enjoyable and satisfying as you would expect, losing “the magic” that is part of what clients come to see us for, and in the worst case where burnout causes a worker to quit the industry entirely, they lose a connection that my be very important and built over many years entirely. Which can be a very traumatic experience, akin to losing a conventional relationship even.

So as a sex worker I need to keep in mind the commitment that I make to my clients, especially those whom I see regularly for a long time. While I may not have an explicit commitment beyond individual sessions, I do feel that I need to respect that connection that I have and the investment that my clients make in me. To that end while I have never considered retiring from sex work, if I did then I would probably try to give my clients at least a year – or years – warning so that they weren’t suddenly abandoned.

Lastly, when sex workers get burnout and can’t give clients the experience that they want, or leave the industry entirely that is detrimental to the reputation of the industry as a whole. The woman who prompted me to write this post – having lost the services of two sex workers in a row has serious reservations about engaging with another sex worker as she just expects that anyone she meets now will in due course quit the industry and leave her to find a new provider once again.

That is bad for everyone (clients and workers) long term and while I understand the role that sex work plays socially (allowing people with few skills or options to earn good money where they otherwise might not be able to), there is a benefit to our industry becoming more stable and “professional”. I don’t expect that to change, but I will do my part to provide a long term reliable service to anyone who wants to see me.

John

Happy Christmas to all!

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I wanted to wish everyone a happy Christmas and say thank you to all of the people who I have been lucky enough to meet and see as clients this year. I am extremely grateful for you support and I look forward to more fun in 2024.

I hope everyone has a safe and restful holiday.

John

Why I have no desire to write a memoir

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Living in the society and economy that we do there is always a temptation to capitalise on any perceived “value” that we may hold. Because why wouldn’t you in a world that is constantly trying to take as much money out of our pockets as possible. If there’s an easy way to earn some extra dollars then it makes sense.

As a male escort with over thirteen years of experience helping women in Australia it is fair to say that I have a story that has some “value”. People will occasionally ask me if I’m ever going to write a memoir. And my answer to that is: no, I have no plans to write a memoir.

There are two reasons why.

The first: I don’t actually think that my work makes for a compelling story. The vast majority of what I do is pretty simple. Someone contacts me, tells me a little about who they are and why they want to see me. We arrange a time to meet. We meet, spend some time getting comfortable with each other, usually over a glass of wine, or a cup of tea, or perhaps a meal. We spend some time having sex. Then they go on their way.

My work is not dining in fancy restaurants, going to shows, staying in expensive hotels, and having wild sex – there may be a little of “the high life” thrown in there occasionally, but for the most part it’s meeting normal women and couples and helping them to have a sexual experience that they need or want. No more or less than that.

And honestly that is perfect for me. I really enjoy this work, but as a natural introvert I wouldn’t enjoy “partying” five days a week.

So my sex work “story” isn’t going to be gossip about scandalous parties and high profile celebrities etc (which I wouldn’t share anyway). It would have to be about real people and their lives and challenges and experiences.

Which brings me to the second reason: that is something that I will never share – because I am sure that in anything that I write about my work, the clients involved would be able to see themselves, even if I didn’t mention them directly, they would still know that I was talking about them.

I feel that would be a betrayal of the trust that every woman puts in me to protect her privacy and her well being when she makes a booking. I don’t believe that there is any need for me to share this sort of personal story beyond what I already share in a small way on this website – always with permission from the person concerned. It wouldn’t make the world a better place if I were to share these stories. It would only be cynical grab for some cash by me.

The only thing that I can think of that might be worth writing is – with the permission of the people involved – some kind of documentation of their personal journey in regards to seeing a sex worker. That wouldn’t really be a memoir of mine, but more likely very specific miniature biographies of my clients – and the purpose would be to help other women in a similar situation to improve their lives.

I can’t think of any other justification honestly.

John

Ask me anything…

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If you could ask me any question what would it be? About me, about male escorts, about the industry, about a date with me, or something else?

Drop a comment below, email john@john-oh-escort.com, or text 0437 520 539 and I’ll do my best to answer it for you.

So I have a few questions that have come in overnight. Thank you to everyone who contributed! I’ll add more questions and answers as they arrive.

Here are a couple to get started, but you can read them all here.

Q. What happens if you don’t find me attractive?

A. In the thirteen years I have been working as a male escort this has never happened. No, all of my clients are not super models! Most of my clients are normal women with all of the variety of looks and body type that comes with.

I am extremely lucky though that I really only meet decent people who are respectful of me and I can make a connection with. I think that this comes in large part from the fact that the vast majority of women who book with me take the time to read a lot of my posts here on this website and in doing so they get a clear picture of who I, what I value, and what I offer. The women who choose to see me generally share my values and therein lies the key – if we can get along and have fun together out of bed, then that for me is the foundation of attraction in bed.

Q. Is sex work legal?

A. The answer to that question is “it depends”. Australia is one the most progressive nations in the world when it comes to sex work. New Zealand is as well, but they were a bit slower off the mark!

The bottom line is that here in New South Wales in Australia (and Victoria, The Australian Capital Territory, and the Northern Territory) sex work is decriminalised – meaning that it is treated like any other job and not regulated in any way specific to sex work (there are minor exceptions to this but they won’t effect you as a client).

Queensland, Tasmania, and Western Australia all allow sex work, but it is regulated or or less harshly in those states. South Australia remains the only state to effectively criminalise any form of sex work (South Australia needs to do better).

Q. Do the interactions with clients feel transactional?

A. No they don’t feel that way for me and I do my level best to make sure that they don’t feel that way for my clients. I like to be informal, to chat and have fun together. I treat every booking like I’m on a date with someone I’ve just met and am looking forward to getting to know better.

Q. Do you talk dirty to your clients? Do you mind if a woman wants you to talk dirty to her?

A. Dirty talk can be a fun part of sex – if that is something that works for you! I have no problem with being asked to talk dirty and will happily oblige, but it’s not something I will initiate as not everyone likes or wants it. So please feel free to ask!

Read all the questions and answers here!

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A night out in Newtown

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I love Newtown in Sydney. It’s a bit grungy (still. It used to be a lot more so!) and on a Friday night it has plenty going on. From a wide variety of restaurants, to ice-cream shops, the Dendy theatre, to pubs, adult shops, and of course lots of people.

So last night – after visiting the excellent Sushi Train Newtown (on the corner of King and William St) I spent a couple of hours walking King St and taking photos.

Now I don’t consider myself to have the right personality for street photography – street photographers tend to be either really gregarious or pushy and obnoxious, so it takes me out of my comfort zone to take photos this way. It was fun though and I managed to capture some images that I quite like, so I thought I’d share some of them…

John

My body and how I want it to be

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I’m pretty comfortable with my body – extremely comfortable really.  I am lucky to have been pretty healthy my entire life and had the opportunity and inclination to exercise and participate in sports.

However over time everyone’s metabolism slows and we are inclined to put on weight. I’m no exception and it’s something that I have worked hard at over the years to manage.

Another aspect that I wasn’t expecting is that in recent times I have developed a lot more upper body mass – muscle.  When I was in my thirties I was always lean and very light.  It was a real advantage for me when I was rock climbing on faces that were not an overhang (where absolute strength really comes into play and having a low centre of gravity isn’t so important).  It was also good for me when I was cycling and running.

Then about ten years ago for no reason that I know of my body decided that upper body muscle was new goal and my shoulders and arms filled out.  I’ll never be “big” like some men are, which I’m very happy about honestly, but I’m a lot more solid and stronger than I once was.

The last few years of physical work required by the business that I started during the pandemic has only built on those gains and I have to say that I remain very happy with my body in general.

However.  I am not overly happy with my bodies more recent propensity to build up it’s fat reserves.  So it’s time for some directed action to reverse the trend.

As someone who is tall and relatively broad, I can put on ten kilograms and it is not particularly noticeable, which is a trap.  It’s easy to ignore how my body is changing, especially since it’s only gradual.  But enough is enough.  It’s time for action.

I’m not going to tell anyone how to lose weight.  Your personal history, medical issues, food culture that you grew up with etc are all going to effect what does and doesn’t work for you – this isn’t medical advice of any sort!  For me what I know is this: carbohydrates are my enemy – and as someone who loves few things more than rice, pasta, potatoes (in all their forms), and bread (I literally ran a bakery once), that’s a real blow.

I know that if I am going to lose some weight and keep it off then I need to be significantly reducing, or better yet eliminating carbohydrates from my diet.

So that’s what I’ve done. Along with reducing my eating to two meals per day, implementing intermittent fasting (I eat my two meals at 1.00pm and 5.00pm), increasing my exercise, increased my water intake, and supplementing electrolytes, magnesium (which I’m always low on and leads to muscle fatigue), B group vitamins, and a multi-vitamin.

Here’s what’s happened so far:

  • I’m not hungry between meals
  • I had headaches for the first couple of days.  Adding the electrolytes, and B group vitamins fixed that
  • I don’t have any cravings for sweet things.  In fact I don’t have any cravings at all and when I get to a meal time I’m still not hungry
  • When I exercise I have a lot more energy.  I typically swim 1000 meters two or three times per week and feel exhausted afterwards. This week I’ve consistently swum 1500 meters and get out feeling like I could do the same again.  I’m also walking fifteen kilometers per day rather than my usual nine – and still feeling fine afterwards
  • And the result in terms of my weight: I’m down by 1.5 kilograms.

More importantly though I can see the change in my body when I look in the mirror and I like where it’s going.  To anyone reading this – please don’t feel that this post is making any demands on you.  It’s nothing more than my personal journey to reach a body shape that I am happy with that lets me do the things that I want to do.  I see women of all shapes and sizes and I enjoy all of your bodies!

I hope that for anyone undertaking, or considering their own weight loss journey that it might be helpful and provide some inspiration.

John

At my daggy best!

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Finding myself in Sydney on Monday (a rarity for me, as I’m usually down in the Southern Highlands for the first few days each week) I decided to go for a walk. Headphones to listen to an audio book and my favourite walking shorts – little did I know that somewhere along that 10km walk the entire crotch of my shorts would disintegrate! Luckily I was wearing black underwear. Anyway – now I need some new shorts!

John

The benefits of manual labour are underrated

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Due to spending too much time lifting heavy things when I was a child growing up on my family’s farm I have had a life time of lower back pain.  Soft bones and too much heavy work don’t mix (which is why we have child labour laws!) and the result for me is disks that are not as thick as they should be, potentially leading to nerves being pinched, sciatica, back pain, incapacity – the list goes on.

After a particularly bad episode in 2015 I discovered that the extra core strength gained from swimming was very helpful, it reduced flair-ups and kept me mobile and mostly pain free.  That was a remarkable discovery.  However it never solved the problem entirely and I still needed regular massage and still had occasional bouts of crippling lower back pain.

That was until during the pandemic.  When I couldn’t do sex work I started a little business allied to construction work (which I could legally go out to do).  At the time it was literally just something I could do to stay busy and bring in some income, but I soon realised that the physical labour involved in loading up and unloading my machines and the physical work itself had an unexpected benefit: it fixed my lower back problem.  Completely.  Not just improved it or lessened the occurrences but fixed it entirely.

The core strength that I get from lifting loading ramps, and tools, “active” sitting on machines, and doing the inevitable bit of hand work required like swinging a crowbar gives me enough core stability that the pressure is taken off the nerves in my lower back and I can live and work pain free for the first time in over twenty years.

Culturally, in Australia “manual labour” is seen as being “less” when compared to professions that require formal education.  And it’s true that working with your hands for a living isn’t going to pay like being a doctor, banker, or consultant of some kind, but there is a lot to be said for honest labour with tangible outcomes *and* the strength and fitness that comes from it – and ultimately for me the physical wellbeing and lack of back pain that I derive from it.

I spend about half of my time each week in Sydney as a sex worker and the other half out of town helping people build their dreams.  Two very different trades, but ultimately one supports the other and I am very glad that I made this discovery. I’m a better sex worker for also doing the manual labour – and I don’t have to go to the gym to build a few extra muscles (if you like that sort of thing)!

John