I was sent me a link a while back to this sex work themed comedy short film. It’s hilarious and sweet, and very entertaining. I want to talk about one scene near the start – so you have been warned, spoilers ahead, I suggest you watch it before reading on (it’s only 15 minutes long).

https://youtu.be/8iCW7aLc8bQ

The story opens with a young woman Enid researching male sex workers and booking Ricky. When Ricky arrives he sweeps Enid up in his arms and kisses her deeply – much to her disgust! Ricky apologises and tells her he thought she selected “the ravishment option” when she booked (which she did not).

Now it’s a funny scene and well played in the film – but it also made me chuckle because this is literally a real thing – not a check box when you book, but I have had several clients will sometimes ask (in different words) for The Ravishment Option.

The vast majority of women who come to see me, whether it’s the first time or the 20th time like to have time to relax, chat, and connect before anything more intimate happens. That is totally understandable. Some women though, when they are in the mood want something different – and if they feel comfortable and secure with me then they may well ask to be “ravished” the moment they walk through the door.

I think that this is a good thing – not just individually, but more broadly. Many people don’t feel that they can ask for what they want. Worse I think that many people can’t even give themselves permission to want what they want.

Which is even worse and possibly harder to change. So lets talk about that.

I have come to the conclusion over my years working as a straight male escort for women that there is no such thing as “normal” and “abnormal” when it comes to a person’s sexuality. Just distributions of people who like similar things.

While I am sure that there are some traits, like being gay, or gender dysphoria that are rooted in biology, I think that much of our sexuality is created through our experiences. Like a man who, having the experience of being captured and sat on by some girls his age when he was going through puberty, to this day finds being sat on by a dominant woman to be a powerful turn on. I have come across many cases like this that while at the more distant ends of the sexual spectrum serve to illustrate how someone like me ended up with fairly “average” sexual inclinations. I never had unusual or extreme experiences of sex and sexuality when I was younger and so my tastes and preference now reflect that.

I like to compare sexuality to a book. When we first open our book there are certain things written in there – personally my book has always said “straight male”. But most things that come after that I can look back on my life and my experiences from early teens into my twenties and find correlations between what I experienced and what I now find interesting/arousing/motivating/distracting sexually.

It took me a long time though – until my early thirties to reconcile what I wanted and responded to instinctively and what I thought I should want. That gap was a source of unhappiness that I wasn’t really aware of. When I did finally “come out” to myself and start to accept and embrace my sexuality I found a kind of inner peace that I had never had before.

I didn’t have to hide what I wanted anymore. I didn’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. It was a revelation. And it was without doubt one of the things that lead me to sex work as a career, something that has changed and improved my life in many ways.

So what is the lesson? I think it is that we need to listen to ourselves. Hear what our bodies and minds are asking for, then find a way to give that to ourselves. If we can do that then we will be happier, healthier, and better-rounded people.

John