Category Archives: Ethics

Women expect too much from men in bed?

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Given my line of work, I really shouldn’t be so surprised to see this article in the Herald today …

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/why-women-expect-too-much-from-men-in-bed-20121114-29cgb.html

We live in a world where men and women seem to be constantly at war over our respective sexualities.  And there is no end in sight.

Articles like the one linked above demonstrate the simplistic views that many people hold.  And then try to foist on the rest of us.

Life is never simple, but if we are prepared to engage with our partner (male or female), understand what they want and need, and put in some effort to give it to them, then we may find that we get more back than we expected.

So lots of women loved Fifty Shades of Grey and it inspired them to start asking their partners for more in the bedroom?  I say that’s a good thing and something to be celebrated, not a cause for complaint.

John.

101 Vaginas – a pictorial project to change perceptions

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I came across an interesting project today on the Pozible crowd source funding website.

About the project: What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

“101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.”

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Ok, firstly, I am not going to take them to task (too much) about the name.  Really, it should be 101 Vulvas, since thats what they are talking about.  It seems to be a very common misconception.  A woman’s external genitals is called her vulva.  The vagina is all internal.

While I am all for breaking taboos and setting people straight on what a “normal” pussy can look like, I am also big on getting the terminology right!

Still, this strikes me as a good project.  Something to strike a blow against the airbrushed anonymity of how pussies have been made to look thanks to John Howard and his ilk passing laws preventing a woman’s inner labia being shown in R18+ rated material sold in this country.

This kind political and moralistic insanity has resulted in countless women undergoing unnecessary surgery to have the size of their inner labia reduced because they have been made to feel insecure about the way that their pussy looks.

I have written about this issue before here, but I love the idea of this book and now that I have a coffee table (!) I most definitely want to have this book on it.

I have pledged $100 to the production of the book, so fingers crossed that it hits its target!

John

What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.

The price of virginity? Too high …

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UPDATE: the auction has now finished and it looks like a woman had the highest bid.  Thankfully! (of $3000).

Thank you to everyone who volunteered to contribute, I really appreciate the compassion and generosity that you showed.

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I came across an article today in the Fairfax Daily Life website:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/how-much-is-a-mans-virginity-worth-20121009-27arz.html

Initially I thought “oh yes, just another virginity for sale story”.  I thought it was going to be about a guy auctioning his virginity as we read about women doing occasionally.  In principle I don’t have a problem with this sort of thing.  We live in a world where everything is driven by money, so if a person is mature enough and self directed to auction their virginity then it’s a genuine way to get ahead, pay for your education, put down a deposit for a house etc.  It makes sense and if you are an adult then no-one can stop you, even if I might advise against it personally.

What was described in this article though is utterly wrong.

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Why is it so wrong to “once have been a prostitute”?

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Bettina Wolff (wife of former German president Christian Wolff) is waging war on Google to try to dissociate herself from a rumor that she was once a prostitute.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/bettina-wulff-prostitute-autocomplete-puts-google-in-hot-water-20120919-265i4.html Continue reading →

Feminist porn

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We just had a presentation from Tristan Taormino at Xplore about feminist porn.

She is a good presenter and makes an interesting topic even more fun.

Short story is that as a genera feminist porn (however you define it) it is growing at a huge rate. Lots of interesting new directors and content out there.

If you are interested to see more from Tristan Taormino have a look at her website:

http://www.puckerup.com

John.

More women opt for genital plastic surgury

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Stories come up in the media from time to time about women having genital (cosmetic) plastic surgery and I am always left feeling really sad by them.  Take this example from the Sydney Morning Herald:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/more-women-opt-for-genital-plastic-surgery-20101107-17j1f.html

The second paragraph was what really surprised me:

The biggest increase in vaginoplasty and labioplasty has been among teenagers and those in their early 20s.

Teenage women (girls as young as 15 the article goes on to say) having labioplasty? (A procedure where a portion of the inner labia are cut off to make them protrude less).  What on earth is going on?

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Sex is not a weapon – or – make love not war on women …

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I have (thanks to parents who taught me about right and wrong, and equality) always seen and treated women as my equals.  Not as better, not as inferior.  We are all human, different in some ways (defined by our DNA and body chemistry), but always deserving of respect and fair treatment.

So it’s sad to me to come across articles like this one “Why Women Still Can’t Enjoy Sex” from Fairfax’s Daily Life:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/why-women-still-cant-enjoy-sex-20120321-1vjgg.html

The article itself makes good points about how both men and women shame women for wanting / having / enjoying sex (and lets not even start on being a sex worker).  Which all reminds me of my recent blog post about a new book by Jacqueline Hellyer on having better sex.

The world conspires against women (and men too) having good sex.  It’s insidious and it’s really detrimental to our relationship and to our happiness.

The answer is to allow sex and sexuality to be a part of our lives (whether you want it personally or not), not to relegate it to the back room, or use it as a stick to beat others with.  Lets talk about sex, have sex, and live sexual lives, rather than give in to the people who fear and hate sex and all of the joy that it can bring to our lives.

John.

What good sex does for us

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To be a happy healthy person you need balance in your life.  Good food in moderation, exercise, companionship, challenges, and yes sex.

Our society is very good at telling us that we need to exercise more, eat better etc.  But sadly there is no-one talking about the role that sexuality can play in improving out lives.  It’s treated by most people as something that happens to some people and (if they are lucky) it’s good.

I have come to realise though that regular sex and sexual play can drastically alter a person’s personality and life in a positive way!  We have all seen it, or experienced it ourselves at one time or another, a workmate or friend turning up with that rosy cheeked look and a smile that just screams “I’ve been having really good sex”.  We treat that though as just a passing thing.  It’s a new relationship, or some life change means that you are having more sex with your partner.  And for a while the world is a rosy place and you are chilled out and happy.  But then the gloss wears off, things get dull, and sex goes back to being ho-hum, or absent.

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Harsh measures!

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I just came across a very amusing article that nicely demonstrates the power of sex …

http://rt.com/news/spain-banks-escorts-sex-198/

High class (female) Spanish escorts are refusing to provide sexual services to bankers until the banks loosen their purse strings and start lending again to Spanish citizens and small to medium size businesses and enterprises.

I don’t think that it’s about to improve Spain’s economic situation, but it’s a nice demonstration of the very real power of sex on the average male!

John.

The thin end of the wedge

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According to an article published in the Sydney Morning Herald today:

http://www.smh.com.au/world/you-know-what-men-are-like-indonesia-to-ban-miniskirts-over-links-to-rape-20120329-1vz7q.html

The Indonesian religious affairs minister is going to ban mini-skirts because they cause men to rape women.

I have no idea where to even start with this non-sense really.  Except to say that this is an excellent example of why allowing fundamentalist religious minorities to have power in any society is always a bad thing for women (it will also be bad for gay men, lesbians, and any other minority that catches the attention of these people)..

Bad for their liberty, bad for their health, bad for their education, and definitely bad for their sexuality.

In Indonesia the problem is fundamentalist Islam, in the US it’s fundamentalist Christianity.  In Australia we are largely immune to these forces, but it has been with a growing sense of dismay in recent times that I have watched people who I have considered intelligent, educated, and open minded fall down the rabbit hole of extreme religious views and start spouting nonsense that is on a par with Indonesia’s obsession with seeing women’s knees.

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