Debunking the myths of sex work – from the Sydney Morning Herald

The Sydney Morning Herald’s Daily Life column has an article about sex work today.  You can see it here.

http://www.dailylife.com.au/health-and-fitness/debunking-the-myths-of-sex-work-20130429-2iodn.html

I think that the article is a reasonalbe and sensible wrap up of sex work.  In summary “sex workers are people too, so why not be nice to them”.  Ok, that might be a little glib, but you take my point I hope.

For the first time every I have managed to get a comment published.  I was prompted to firstly by the question raised in the article of whether male sex workers (like myself) and their clients have a different experience of the industry and the general “shaming” that goes on against sex workers.

What has delighted me constantly over the years that I have worked as an escort is the huge amount of support that I have had from both clients and from the few people in my life who I have told about what I do.

So here’s my point, amplified by the many mindless comments on the artile linked above that dismiss prostitution out of hand: being able to come to someone like me for companionship, intimacy, and sex is a vital option for both men and women to have in our society.  Why?  Because all too often the nature of our society doesn’t provide those things for people.  Perhaps they have been in an abusive relationship (emotionally, or physically) and need someone they can absolutely trust to help them repair their self-esteem, or accept intimacy again, or have a disability that prevents them from forming a conventional relationship in the first place.  Or perhaps they just want and need physical company right now, but don’t have a socially acceptable relationship to provide it.

The reasons are many and varied, but you can be absolutely sure that when people start making blanket statements about prostitution being bad/demeaning/imoral etc that the person has never worked in the industry, and probably never actually needed the services themselves (“need” being distinct here from just having indulged).

This isn’t to say that a person has to have a specific need to use my services.  But it begs the question of why can’t we treat sex as something fun to do?  People in relationships have sex for fun all the time, so why shouldn’t someone who isn’t in a relationship choose to buy sex for fun?

At the end of the day I like seeing discussion of sexuality in the media.  It may attract the trolls and nutters to denounce it as evil, but every article raises questions and gets people thinking and talking about the issues.  Which has to be a good thing.

John.

The beauty of breasts

It will come as no surprise I am sure to hear that I like (love) women’s breasts.  They are fabulous.  Large or small, they all have their own charm.

I came across an article today in Fairfax’s Daily Life site about breasts and thought it worth sharing.  You can see the original article here:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-are-we-so-embarrassed-about-breasts-20130206-2dxa3.html

The author of the article (who wrote/edited a book about breasts to support breast cancer research after having cancer herself) found herself troubled by just how prudish our society (western society) is about breasts.  Most significantly the way that womens’ breasts are treated as sexual where as mens’ are not.

Ultimately it’s just one more arbitrary thing in our culture.  Some people develop fetishes for feet, or hands, or being sat on, or … just about anything you can think of.  Our society has create a general fetish for womens’ breasts, but not mens’.  There is plenty to say here about double standards and the objectification of women.

What I would like to say is – given that our society in general has this fetish and it’s not going away any time soon – the best thing that we can all do is learn to enjoy what we have to the full.  Many men don’t appreciate the pleasure that a women can get from having her breasts touched and stimulated.  Also, many women don’t appreciate how enjoyable it can be for them either.  There are so many ways to do it, from massaging the whole breast with fingers and hand, to exquisite nipple play with lips, fingers, or toys.

So, while we wait for equality in bare breasted to happen, lets explore the pleasure to be had from this collective fetish and re-discover breast play as part of a fulfilling sex life!

John

Some good reasons to hire an independent escort (and not go through an agency)

Since becoming a male escort for women I have always worked independently.  I have never worked for an agency and have never wanted to – I feel that if I was part of an agency that it would be impossible for me to provide the service that I want to give  (caring, tailored to each client, and as good as I can make it).  But I haven’t objected to the idea of agencies in the past.  After all, an agency should know their workers, be able to match a man to a client, take the “leg work” out of finding someone suitable for you.

But in reality this may not be the case at all.

I received an email from a long term client of mine the other day that she wants me to share with other women considering hiring a male escort – in the hope that others can avoid her disappointment.

Recently I was unavailable, so she hired a male escort via an agency in Sydney (I don’t know which one).  Below are her words about her experience …

“I recently booked an escort through a local agency. I rang around to inquire who was particularly skilled with oral sex, and one agency recommended a particular escort very highly, so I booked him for one hour. They said that the cost was $350 per hour but that I had to pay his cab fare which was an additional $50. I suggested I pick him up from the city but they said that wasn’t allowed. I asked if I could email him or talk on the phone first, and they said that no contact was allowed prior to the date, so I asked the woman at reception to tell me about him. She told me he had been working for a year, had regular clients most nights, and that he was successful in theatre but did this on the side for cash as he was so good at it. It was like drawing blood from a stone. She wouldn’t tell me more. She kept saying that he was fine and I’d like him. I felt really awkward about having this man over knowing so little, for so much money (of which he only gets half). I also didn’t like that I had to go through this woman. I prefer to deal with people directly, and it felt like she was his wife or something, and I had to get past her.

So when he turned up, it became clear immediately that everything the woman at the agency had told me was a lie. First, he drove in his own car, and had never been informed that he had to take a cab–he said he always drove himself. He’d been working part time for six months, not a year. He had no regular clients, and was a stagehand, one night a week, hardly big in the theatre industry.

I paid him, because he’d come all that way. He had to ring this woman when he arrived, and then again exactly on the hour. I felt rushed. There was no time to chat or get to know each other. We literally had 60 minutes, since I didn’t want to spend an additional $300 for the second hour not knowing anything about him in advance. So we quickly got undressed. He was not particularly fit, and not well endowed.  His body type wasn’t anything like I had been lead to expect (including heaps of body hair and lots of piercings).

Oral sex was ok, but not the amazing experience I’d been promised. He couldn’t maintain an erection very long in the condom. His phone buzzed to remind him the hour was up, then he rang the agency and left. I felt cheated. I mean, it was sort of like ordering pizza, there was nothing personal about it.

Fortunately I have John Oh. Everything about him is different. I could email, ring, skype, whatever, as much as I wanted before the date. In fact, I never felt like I needed to become best friends with the escort I was booking, but just felt entitled to some basic personal communication to know what the man is like. It’s reassuring. I got that with John. And he is exactly what he says–no deception.

His skills are undeniable. From oral sex, to just touching, and intercourse, he does it all with expertise, and can have sex as many times as I wanted. There is just no bullshit, and frankly, I’ve got a busy life. I don’t have time or money to try out all the men out there for their skills, and go through some woman at an agency who feeds me lies. I would never try an agency again, I would only ever go for independent escorts (and in Sydney I would only ever choose John Oh).”

I have never been critical of agencies before (despite hearing a similar story a couple of years ago from a couple who booked a date with me for their first threesome, then with an agency worker a few weeks later).  I have always thought “live and let live”.  But having heard this I think that it is time to take a stand for all of us independent escorts (male and female).

Hire one of us, don’t go to an agency.

It’s a simple as this: when you choose an independent escort you can have a very good idea of what you are getting (good or bad) and you can easily avoid an escort who isn’t suited to you.  Go to an agency and you are at the mercy of people who quite possibly just don’t care if you get what you paid (lots!) for.

John.

P.S. it’s worth mentioning that I am not criticising escorts who work for agencies (there will be good and bad workers regardless of whether they are independent or not).  What I object to here is the behaviour of the people who run the agencies.

Women expect too much from men in bed?

Given my line of work, I really shouldn’t be so surprised to see this article in the Herald today …

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/why-women-expect-too-much-from-men-in-bed-20121114-29cgb.html

We live in a world where men and women seem to be constantly at war over our respective sexualities.  And there is no end in sight.

Articles like the one linked above demonstrate the simplistic views that many people hold.  And then try to foist on the rest of us.

Life is never simple, but if we are prepared to engage with our partner (male or female), understand what they want and need, and put in some effort to give it to them, then we may find that we get more back than we expected.

So lots of women loved Fifty Shades of Grey and it inspired them to start asking their partners for more in the bedroom?  I say that’s a good thing and something to be celebrated, not a cause for complaint.

John.

101 Vaginas – a pictorial project to change perceptions

I came across an interesting project today on the Pozible crowd source funding website.

About the project: What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

“101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.”

—-

Ok, firstly, I am not going to take them to task (too much) about the name.  Really, it should be 101 Vulvas, since thats what they are talking about.  It seems to be a very common misconception.  A woman’s external genitals is called her vulva.  The vagina is all internal.

While I am all for breaking taboos and setting people straight on what a “normal” pussy can look like, I am also big on getting the terminology right!

Still, this strikes me as a good project.  Something to strike a blow against the airbrushed anonymity of how pussies have been made to look thanks to John Howard and his ilk passing laws preventing a woman’s inner labia being shown in R18+ rated material sold in this country.

This kind political and moralistic insanity has resulted in countless women undergoing unnecessary surgery to have the size of their inner labia reduced because they have been made to feel insecure about the way that their pussy looks.

I have written about this issue before here, but I love the idea of this book and now that I have a coffee table (!) I most definitely want to have this book on it.

I have pledged $100 to the production of the book, so fingers crossed that it hits its target!

John

What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.

The price of virginity? Too high …

UPDATE: the auction has now finished and it looks like a woman had the highest bid.  Thankfully! (of $3000).

Thank you to everyone who volunteered to contribute, I really appreciate the compassion and generosity that you showed.

—-

I came across an article today in the Fairfax Daily Life website:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/how-much-is-a-mans-virginity-worth-20121009-27arz.html

Initially I thought “oh yes, just another virginity for sale story”.  I thought it was going to be about a guy auctioning his virginity as we read about women doing occasionally.  In principle I don’t have a problem with this sort of thing.  We live in a world where everything is driven by money, so if a person is mature enough and self directed to auction their virginity then it’s a genuine way to get ahead, pay for your education, put down a deposit for a house etc.  It makes sense and if you are an adult then no-one can stop you, even if I might advise against it personally.

What was described in this article though is utterly wrong.

Continue reading

Why is it so wrong to “once have been a prostitute”?

Bettina Wolff (wife of former German president Christian Wolff) is waging war on Google to try to dissociate herself from a rumor that she was once a prostitute.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/technology-news/bettina-wulff-prostitute-autocomplete-puts-google-in-hot-water-20120919-265i4.html Continue reading

Feminist porn

We just had a presentation from Tristan Taormino at Xplore about feminist porn.

She is a good presenter and makes an interesting topic even more fun.

Short story is that as a genera feminist porn (however you define it) it is growing at a huge rate. Lots of interesting new directors and content out there.

If you are interested to see more from Tristan Taormino have a look at her website:

http://www.puckerup.com

John.

More women opt for genital plastic surgury

Stories come up in the media from time to time about women having genital (cosmetic) plastic surgery and I am always left feeling really sad by them.  Take this example from the Sydney Morning Herald:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/more-women-opt-for-genital-plastic-surgery-20101107-17j1f.html

The second paragraph was what really surprised me:

The biggest increase in vaginoplasty and labioplasty has been among teenagers and those in their early 20s.

Teenage women (girls as young as 15 the article goes on to say) having labioplasty? (A procedure where a portion of the inner labia are cut off to make them protrude less).  What on earth is going on?

Continue reading

Sex is not a weapon – or – make love not war on women …

I have (thanks to parents who taught me about right and wrong, and equality) always seen and treated women as my equals.  Not as better, not as inferior.  We are all human, different in some ways (defined by our DNA and body chemistry), but always deserving of respect and fair treatment.

So it’s sad to me to come across articles like this one “Why Women Still Can’t Enjoy Sex” from Fairfax’s Daily Life:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/why-women-still-cant-enjoy-sex-20120321-1vjgg.html

The article itself makes good points about how both men and women shame women for wanting / having / enjoying sex (and lets not even start on being a sex worker).  Which all reminds me of my recent blog post about a new book by Jacqueline Hellyer on having better sex.

The world conspires against women (and men too) having good sex.  It’s insidious and it’s really detrimental to our relationship and to our happiness.

The answer is to allow sex and sexuality to be a part of our lives (whether you want it personally or not), not to relegate it to the back room, or use it as a stick to beat others with.  Lets talk about sex, have sex, and live sexual lives, rather than give in to the people who fear and hate sex and all of the joy that it can bring to our lives.

John.