Kissing, sex, and conversation

Kissing is cool. How cool? Really cool. Like make your entire day WAY better cool. I have been reminded of this fact twice recently when I was booked to give a Kissing Lesson – yes, seriously, that’s a thing that I can do for you.

Google “benefits of kissing” and you will find a wealth of research and explanations about the effects and benefits of kissing – like boosting seratonin, decreasing cortisol, improving immunity, and much more. So we know for a fact that kissing is genuinely, measurably good for us.

The problem though is that for most of us kissing isn’t really given any priority in our live – or love lives. It’s the kind of thing that you do with a new partner right? Because you can do it in public when your still in that stage of wanting to rip each others clothes off every five minutes.

But as a relationship grows and the passionate heat turns into more of a warm comfortable glow, then kissing just becomes a greeting – hello, goodbye, or a quick prelude to the really good part (sex).

Well not so fast. It’s time to exert some discipline. While you are reading books about tantra and looking for ways to make sex richer, you really, really need to incorporate kissing. Not just short or occasional kisses, but real deep, long kisses. Nothing perfunctory, but kisses that are a “conversation” between you both in their own right.

When I talk to clients about kissing and how it should be, I describe it as “a conversation between you, but using your lips, tongue, your hands – and your body!”.

And don’t think that it kissing is just a matter of a set of “moves”. If you were talking to your partner, you wouldn’t repeat the same sentences over and over, instead you listen to what the other person has said and you reply in a way that makes sense and furthers the conversation. It should be the same for kissing. Feel what your partner is doing and respond to it in a way that makes sense.

So a soft slow kiss shouldn’t be responded to with mashing of lips and heaps of tongue (that should be obvious, but some guys just don’t get it). Likewise, a passionate kiss demands a passionate response! If you’re not into it, then fair enough, but if you are, then don’t hesitate to give as good as you get. You can also lead a kiss from slow and gentle, to deep and hard, then back again.

As you kiss, you need to be active. Pucker your lips, move your tongue – Use your hands, use your body. Everything you do reinforces the message of the kiss (or contrasts with it!).

So don’t treat kissing as perfunctory, or just a step toward sex. See it as a whole experience. Take ten minutes – or half and hour, with your partner just to kiss. Explore the sensations and the communication that you can have through it. Then pay attention to how you feel afterward. I’m betting that like me, you will find that the sun shines a little brighter, the day seems better, and life seems a little sweeter!

John.

2 thoughts on “Kissing, sex, and conversation

  1. I totally agree John. I think that kissing can be a sensual experience especially if you are hugging a person you care about without having sex. Long slow passionate kisses lets you come in touch with each other intimately. It’s even better if the person you are kissing is a great kisser.
    Take the elderly some may not be able to have sex anymore but they can share a hug and kiss to keep the intimacy alive.
    I do believe John you are a great kisser. Hopefully one day I will experience a passionate kiss and the intimacy it brings and who knows that tender moment can then lead to other things.

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