The vast majority of women who come to see me are seeing a straight male sex worker for the first time. Most of those women will see me more than once. Which is great – I think that it is fair to say that when someone comes back for a second, third, fourth booking that I must be doing something right.

But not everyone has good experiences the first time that they see a male sex worker for women. I have met several women who “tried it once” and had a bad experience. From guys turning up stoned, to having poor social skills, to having poor sexual skills.

I am always disappointed when I hear about these experiences. Disappointed for the women and disappointed for the industry – because while a bad experience at a restaurant is unlikely to put you off eating out forever, having a bad experience with a sex worker may well put a woman off ever seeing a sex worker again. Which I think would be a terrible shame because for the right person, seeing the right sex worker can be a powerful, even transformative experience. 

There are a lot more male workers in the industry now than there were 15 years ago when I started. This is good in that there is more choice for women to find a man who suits them best. However there is a downside too in that too many of the men who get into the industry do so for their own gratification, not understanding – or caring – that their clients’ pleasure, and welfare must come first.

So, what to do if you have had a bad experience with a male sex worker?

The first thing is to request a refund. If you aren’t happy with a service then by law here in NSW and most of Australia you are entitled to at least a partial refund and possibly a full refund. Any serious, professional male sex worker will acknowledge and respect the fact that you weren’t happy with his service and provide a refund.

The second thing to do is know that just because it didn’t work with one guy doesn’t mean that it won’t work with another. We are a very varied group with often very different takes on sex work, what it means, and how we go about providing our service.

So the key is to take however much time you need to get a good feel for the next worker that you choose to see. If he won’t invest the time and effort to talk to you and let you get to know him, then walk away. If he is difficult to contact and doesn’t reply promptly, then walk away. If you have any kind of “bad feeling” with him, then way.

Lastly I would suggest that if you have had a bad experience previously and want to try again – then tell the new worker that you choose that you had a bad experience. He should be respectful of that and work with you to make your next experience with him better. Telling him will also let him know where you are at emotionally and allow him to connect better and be more responsive to your needs.

If you have had a bad experience and a finding it hard to find another worker, or to trust another worker, then drop me a line. I am happy to talk and take the time to build the trust that you need to be able to enjoy seeing a sex worker.

John