If you come to see me I’ll be clean shaven – but it doesn’t have to be that way. If you like a bit of stubble just let me know and I can oblige…
John
To shave or not to shave?
Reply
Author Archives: John
Hilary Caldwell, sex work, research, and her book about reclaiming your sexuality
I’ve known Hillary Caldwell for a few years now and am proud to have participated in her research. I’m happy that I was able to contribute in a small way to her writing. She has recently published a book
Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-free Sexuality.
When women are enjoying better sex, the people they have sex with will too. Sexual equality is good for everyone.’
Despite decades of activism, women are still burdened with the effects of slut shaming in everyday life. Finally, there is a book that argues convincingly and passionately for women’s enjoyment of sex as a force to advance gender equality.
Delving into topics such as pleasure, pain, empowerment, and including real women’s stories and saucy tips, sexologist and academic Hilary Caldwell is uniquely placed to understand what women want – and, importantly, what women deserve.
Deeply researched and drawn from the author’s own life experience, Slutdom is controversial, celebratory and courageous.
For anyone struggling with their sexuality and trying to find a way to be happy and whole with it I think this is worth a read.
John
In the eye of the beholder
Being born possessing genes that conform ones appearance to a current, arbitrary standard of beauty is lucky.
True luck is friends and lovers who see you as beautiful regardless of your physical appearance.
John
Some winter Sydney delight
If you are looking for a beautiful spot in Sydney to spend a quiet moment or two then I recommend Observatory Hill Lookout in Miller Point. Summer or winter (weather permitting) it’s a fabulous view – especially at night.
John
Sex work, disability, and the NDIS – again…
13 years ago a young woman with cerebral palsy contacted me. She had never had sex before and wanted to try it with me because she felt that seeing a sex worker would be safe and give her control over the encounter.
She has continued to see me every month since then and is to this day my longest standing client. Being able to see me regularly is an important part of her well being and enjoyment of life. We literally have more sex than many married couples!
She is in the very lucky position of being able to afford to see a sex worker regularly. Many if not most people with a disability are not. That’s where the National Disability Insurance Scheme has been very helpful for some people with disabilities. It has given them the financial ability to pay for sex that they otherwise would be unable to have.
And now we have this from NDIS minister Bill Shorten:
“Sex work will be banned from being funded through the National Disability Insurance Scheme under NDIS Minister Bill Shorten’s planned reforms, the minister has confirmed.
The decision to exclude sex work has prompted deep concern from the disability sector, who warn it will rob participants of free choice, and could be a sign of a broader tightening on what participants can access.
On Sunday, Mr Shorten told Sky News he intended to change the rules.
“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.
“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”
Specialised sex services have been available through the NDIS since 2020 when the federal court ruled in a legal challenge that the National Disability Insurance Agency should approve those services where deemed reasonable and necessary.”
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-07-07/sex-worker-ndis-funding-ban/104068652
I expect this sort of unsympathetic nickle-and-diming of government spending from the LNP, but hearing this from a Labor minister is extremely depressing. Shorten’s quote to Sky News doesn’t even make any sense…
“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.
“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”
If there are really only “one or two examples” of people using NDIS funds to access sex work services then it’s hardly a burden on society. But he also said “It’s just not a sustainable proposition”.
An “unstainable proposition” how Mr Shorten? Financially? You just said that almost no-one uses it, so that doesn’t make sense.
Did he mean it’s a “[morally] unsustainable proposition”? If so does that mean that the federal Labor government is planning to ban all sex work? Or is it just “morally unsustainable” for people with a disability to be enabled to experience sex – like every able bodied person in the community (which is literally the purpose of the NDIS – to enable people with disabilities to be able to live their lives as normally as possible).
I just don’t understand where this coming from. I absolutely expect these sorts of prudish, mean spirited decisions from an LNP government, but Labor knows better and should do better.
It’s a sad day. People with disabilities deserve sex too.
John
Well that’s not at all disturbing…
“Microplastics discovered in human penises for the first time“
https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/06/19/health/microplastics-human-penises-study-scli-intl-scn-wellness
So… we have micro-plastics turning up in our penises now. Given how pervasive they are in the environment it’s not really surprising that they show up there as well, but it’s still discomforting.
Thankfully there weren’t any immediately obvious harmful effects, but it’s making me reconsider my choice of water bottle. I was recently given a (very thermally effective) stainless steel Thermos cup. I might have to look for a stainless steel water bottle too!
John
Pjur Woman Nude lube
As you may know I have been testing various lubes in an attempt to find a new lube to replace the Sylk lube that I have literally been using since I started in sex work 14 years ago. This week its Pjur Woman Nudelube, generously supplied by a client to test out.
Firstly – it’s relatively cheap. A 100ml bottle for about $11.95. That’s way, WAY cheaper than any other lube I’ve used. As a comparison the 20ml bottle of Sylk (if you can get any) is about $14.
So what’s it like? It’s actually not too bad. VERY slippery with a good feel, reasonably long lasting, prevents irritation if you are having “vigorous” or long lasting sex.
On the down side – it does get a little sticky when it dries out, but nowhere near as badly as most water based lubes. Probably enough so that I can forgive it that modest failing.
One odd thing about it – it is quite sweet! I thought that was going to be a deal breaker (lube shouldn’t have sugar in it as it can lead to thrush). It turns out that it has saccharine in it. I’m not sure why, but at least it’s not sugar.
So – I’m giving Pure Woman Nude lube a thumbs up. Would buy! (and probably will).
John
“It feels lame just asking for a cuddle”
A woman I’ve known for a while now saw my recent post about “spontaneity”, but decided that while she felt like having something, she didn’t feel like having sex. Then – as per the title of this post – she felt it was a bit lame thinking of just asking for time with me to cuddle.
Now I’ve talked about this before but it bears mentioning again – you are very welcome to book me just for a cuddle – or even just to sit on the couch and talk with a cup of tea, or a glass of wine!
There is no need for a booking with me to include sex or anything intimate if that’s what you want. A booking can be literally anything that you want it to be – from a relaxed chat to a world trip! It’s entirely up to you and what you need.
John
PSA for men: you need to listen to her body
It’s great to be enthusiastic and want to do all of the things to give your partner a great time when you have sex, but guys – you also have to listen to her body (as well as her words).
She might LOVE receiving oral sex, but the way that you are doing it – whatever that may be – might not be right for her at this moment. “Normally” perhaps she likes it firm and direct on her clit – but that might only be after a bunch of low key foreplay kissing and cuddling and touching and rubbing that got her plenty aroused and ready. However this time things advanced faster for whatever reason so here you are going down on her without so much “warm up”.
That’s ok – but you may need to go slower and more gently until she is ready for that full on clit stimulation – and her body (if not her words) will be telling you that. Is she as wet as you would expect? Is she more sensitive? Ok, then slow down and spend more time circling around her inner thighs, mons pubis, and labia before you “…rush like a bull at a gate for her clitoris!” (to quote Monty Python).
Conversely, when you are in the middle of oral, or sex and you feel her muscles tensing in her thighs and abdomen – don’t stop what you are doing – it’s working! And don’t change what you are doing – don’t go faster/harder/slower/softer – what you are doing is working, just keep doing that. If she wants more or less, then, again, her body will let you know.
Sex isn’t something that we are naturally born good at. It is a skill that we learn – and an important way to learn is to listen to all of the feedback that you are getting.
John
Time to visit me in Sydney!
I grew up in Victoria and lived there until I was 28. I have a lot of fond memories of the state including rock climbing in the Grampians and You Yangs, sailing on Port Philip Bay, studying at Swinburne University, and the beaches along the south coast.
But I always had one big problem with Melbourne and Victoria – I really felt the cold during winter! So back in the year 2000 I moved to Sydney. I’ve lived here on and off ever since and while Sydney has it’s issues like any big city I do have to say – winter in Sydney is GREAT.
I just love these mild, sunny winter days. It’s great for walking and exploring, or sitting on the couch with a book – or someone else and a glass of wine!
So if you feel like getting away from Melbourne – or anywhere else that the winter has set in – then why not consider a visit to Sydney and share some time with me.
John