Author Archives: John

A sexual revolution in 600 pages – The Hite Report

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I was recently sent this link to an article in The Conversation:

https://theconversation.com/orgasms-are-a-marvellous-happiness-shere-hite-gave-voice-to-female-sexuality-in-a-landmark-book-but-the-backlash-was-fierce-246150

It talks about Shere Hite and the book that she wrote in 1976 about women’s sexuality:

It did something nobody had considered worth doing: investigating women’s sexuality by asking them to share their thoughts and feelings, then relaying those reflections to readers in women’s own words.

It’s hard to imagine the importance of women’s orgasm being so misunderstood in this day and age. It’s also hard to imagine that it is only fifty years ago that Hite’s work was considered controversial. We have come a long, long way just in the span of my life.

And it also has be recognised that we live in a time where gains that we have made in that time are starting to be unwound – something that I never expected to happen, ever!

I think that now is an excellent time for us all to consider finding a copy of The Hite Report to read and reflect of how far we have come and how much we have to lose. Even here in Australia.

For instance the Queensland government has blocked trans people under 18 from “accessing puberty blockers and cross sex hormones” (https://equalityaustralia.org.au/qlds-hormone-ban-for-trans-youth-slammed-by-medical-experts-and-human-rights-groups/). Which is a backhanded way of denying young people the ability to control their lives and their bodies. Not because there is a demonstrated risk or harm:

“Only last year a review in Queensland found that practices in the state’s gender clinics were safe and evidence based, recommending increased funding and capacity to reach regional areas.  

“Governments should stay out of these deeply personal decisions and leave it to young people, their parents and the expert doctors treating them.”

We live in dangerous times where populism and political expediency are being set above people’s well being and healthcare. We must recognise that and respect the risk we face.

John

When you have a bad first experience with a male sex worker

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The vast majority of women who come to see me are seeing a straight male sex worker for the first time. Most of those women will see me more than once. Which is great – I think that it is fair to say that when someone comes back for a second, third, fourth booking that I must be doing something right.

But not everyone has good experiences the first time that they see a male sex worker for women. I have met several women who “tried it once” and had a bad experience. From guys turning up stoned, to having poor social skills, to having poor sexual skills.

I am always disappointed when I hear about these experiences. Disappointed for the women and disappointed for the industry – because while a bad experience at a restaurant is unlikely to put you off eating out forever, having a bad experience with a sex worker may well put a woman off ever seeing a sex worker again. Which I think would be a terrible shame because for the right person, seeing the right sex worker can be a powerful, even transformative experience. 

There are a lot more male workers in the industry now than there were 15 years ago when I started. This is good in that there is more choice for women to find a man who suits them best. However there is a downside too in that too many of the men who get into the industry do so for their own gratification, not understanding – or caring – that their clients’ pleasure, and welfare must come first.

So, what to do if you have had a bad experience with a male sex worker?

The first thing is to request a refund. If you aren’t happy with a service then by law here in NSW and most of Australia you are entitled to at least a partial refund and possibly a full refund. Any serious, professional male sex worker will acknowledge and respect the fact that you weren’t happy with his service and provide a refund.

The second thing to do is know that just because it didn’t work with one guy doesn’t mean that it won’t work with another. We are a very varied group with often very different takes on sex work, what it means, and how we go about providing our service.

So the key is to take however much time you need to get a good feel for the next worker that you choose to see. If he won’t invest the time and effort to talk to you and let you get to know him, then walk away. If he is difficult to contact and doesn’t reply promptly, then walk away. If you have any kind of “bad feeling” with him, then way.

Lastly I would suggest that if you have had a bad experience previously and want to try again – then tell the new worker that you choose that you had a bad experience. He should be respectful of that and work with you to make your next experience with him better. Telling him will also let him know where you are at emotionally and allow him to connect better and be more responsive to your needs.

If you have had a bad experience and a finding it hard to find another worker, or to trust another worker, then drop me a line. I am happy to talk and take the time to build the trust that you need to be able to enjoy seeing a sex worker.

John 

Sunday photography

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Since I’m in Sydney on a Sunday afternoon with no commitments I thought I’d pull out my camera gear and try some more self portraits. This time I wanted to do some standing shots, but that required a proper backdrop and most of all a remote flash. It’s remarkable the effects you can achieve with flash photography.

I hope you enjoy the photos…

John

Cinq à Sep

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I was recently introduced to a new term “Cinq à Sept” – specifically the French meaning (not the Quebec, Canada meaning).

From Wikipedia…

“Cinq à sept originally referred to a time for a tryst, and consequently is a metonym for a visit to one’s mistress, an extramarital affair, and the mistress involved. It derived from the time of day French people would make such a visit. It is still commonly considered as the time of day to meet one’s mistress or lover, and the term implies a sexual liaison (as opposed to the Québécois habit).”

Here in Australia Cinq à Sept has never really been a thing. We are far more likely to be voluntarily putting in overtime, going to the pub after work, or playing sport, but not ducking off for “a tryst”.

Which is a bit of a shame really. I’ve often said that as a society we don’t prioritise sex in our lives and that we are all the more poor for that. So I love the idea of a society that says “we finish work at 5.00pm because overtime would cut into sex time!”

That is something that I can get behind.

John

Curveball – Mid-life straight male sex workers – Part 1 & Part 2

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Back before Christmas I participated in an interview with two other straight male sex workers (Tyler and Samuel) with Beth Armstrong of Curveball Media. It was a fun few hours talking about our industry and sharing our experience and points of view.

Part 1 – you can listen to it here:

https://www.curveballmedia.com.au/podcast/episode/7a99149c/mid-life-straight-male-sex-workers-part-1

Part 2 – is here:

https://www.curveballmedia.com.au/podcast/episode/7a99149c/mid-life-straight-male-sex-workers-part-2

And you can also find Curveball on Applepodcasts and Google Podcasts.

John

We build our own prisons…

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Netflix recently released season two of the animated television series Arcane. It may not be to your taste as it is based on the computer game League of Legends, however it absolutely transcends those origins. It has truly excellent story telling, in a detailed world, with complex compelling characters who grow and change throughout the story.

This image from Arcane is copyright Riot Games

It really is a remarkable achievement in these days of risk averse studios and writing/editing by committee.

I came across this quote while watching the last episode of season two from one of the main characters:

“We build our own prisons.  Bars forged of oaths, codes, and commitments.  Walls of self doubt and accepted limitation.  We inhabit these cells, these identities, and call them ‘us’.”

Silco – Arcane, Season 2, Episode 8

This quote really touched me. In context it was extremely powerful, exposing the inner conflict of one of the protagonists. But it also well describes the lives that many of us live – lives that we may mistakenly interpret as being representative of who we literally are.

But we are not these things. Our oaths, codes, and commitments are choices that we make, often without understanding their significance, or how they will effect us. Self doubt and the failure to imagine that we can be more, do more, keep us tied to lives that may ultimately be unrewarding or unhappy.

However – all it takes to change our lives and to discover who we are is to examine those things and to question the assumptions that they are built on.

I have re-invented my life and my career many times in my life. Mostly it has been through necessity. Sometimes through curiosity and choice. Every time it was more or less difficult and scary. But I have learned a lot about myself in that time by examining my failures and my successes and searching for what brought actual happiness to me through all of that. 

I know: that I can adapt. That I can work hard. That I can find solutions when things get difficult.

Most of all though I have discovered that who I am – “me” – is not about money, or status, or what I own. What really matters – what is really the heart of “me” is freedom, creativity, building, creating, learning, and challenging myself.

What I know is that when my life is arranged in such a way that I can pursue those things then I can be happy and fulfilled.

I often meet women who are living in a situation where their relationships or their lives don’t bring them the intimacy and physical pleasure that they want and need. Taking the step of visiting a male escort like myself to fill that need may bring you up against the “bars” and “walls” of Silco’s quote. And they are certainly difficult to move past. But if we can start to identify them – question them, then we are one step closer to stepping past them and creating the life that we really want to lead.

John

For my readers in the USA

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Most of my readers are (understandably) in Australia – but the next most common country of origin for a reader is the USA.

Now I’ve met quite a few women (and some couples!) from the USA and have always enjoyed their company. So when I noticed just how *terrible* the exchange rate is at the moment between the Australian dollar and the US dollar I thought “well that sucks for us – but it’s a golden opportunity for anyone in the US who might be thinking of booking me!”

To be exact, the exchange rate is currently 1.61 Australian dollars per US dollar – that is insanely good value. In short – if you are thinking about taking a holiday to Australia and would like the pleasure of a companion for some or all of your trip, then there has never been a better time. If you’re taking a holiday, but not coming here then you can always fly me to wherever you are going and still reap the benefit of the excellent exchange rate when paying for my services.

So if you are in the USA and would like to explore the possibilities of a booking with me then please feel free to drop me an email.

John

The new year

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So here we are – it’s 2025! And I find myself having Chinese food for dinner in Narrandera in Southern NSW, where I’m staying overnight before picking up a tractor that I have just bought, and I’ve gotten to thinking about the year ahead…

Now the world may not have the certainty that we would like, but this year, like every year, will be what we make of it. I’m not one for “new years resolution” as such, but I do like to think about priorities and goals for the new year.

So the things that I have in mind this year…

I definitely want to do more photography. I have some travel with clients coming up this year, so I’m looking forward to more wildlife and northern lights photos. But I’d also like to take more photos here in Australia, be that self portraits (building on this!). Birds and other wildlife – I’d really like to take more photos of our native animals and birds especially. That will fit in well with my next point below as well as landscape images. Photography has been and is a big part of my life and my identity and I haven’t been making enough time for it, which I plan to change this year.

Touring within Australia. While I love overseas travel there is so, SO much to see here in Australia. Back in February 2020 I spent five days at Lake Mungo in south west New South Wales. It was an amazing experience and one that I really want to repeat (both there and other places). 

When I drove back from Victoria after Christmas I took a more inland route (via Narrandera). It was a fantastic drive – no pressure to be anywhere and an opportunity to see a part of the country that I haven’t seen before. I would have liked to take more time to explore the Murray and Murrumbigee Rivers. 

My car is currently having “work done”, but once I have it back I will be able to travel in more remote and rough places more easily, as well as camping rather than having to stay in motels. So that will give me more opportunities to do photography which I really look forward to. 

Film making. This one is harder, as film making – especially the erotic kind – is difficult to do on your own (although I do have at least one idea in that regard!). I am going to keep thinking about it though and hopefully opportunities may present themselves this year.

Scuba diving. I haven’t been in the water diving in over a year. I had a couple of incidents with claustrophobia the last time I went diving (at Lord Howe Island) that put me off it a bit, but I think that it’s time for me to get back in the water and put that behind me. It’s very much a matter of mindfulness and relaxation, not letting the situation overpower me. I know that I can do it and more practice will help with that. I also really want to see cool underwater stuff! I have a friend who wants to get his diving certificate, so I might have a talk with him about it and see if we can do some diving together. Having a good diving buddy makes it a lot easier and safer.

Diving is also a chance for both photography and film making and I would really like to do more of that. Underwater photography is a very challenging form of the art that I would like to work on and improve my skills in.

So there are a few things that will be on my list this year! I hope you have fun and productive things on your list too – who knows, you might even decide to include me on your list! And if you do I promise to do my very best to make it a fantastic experience.

John