Sleep and sex

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I doubt that anyone would disagree that being well rested can improve your libido, but my observation personally is that lack of sleep affects women’s libidos more strongly than men.

A study was done recently in the US into the effect of sleep on female libido and while the results are predictable (falling into the “common sense” category), it’s always good to have actual empirical evidence to back up our assumptions.  From the study:

Good sleep is important for maintaining healthy sexual functioning. Decreases in desire and genital response, as well as reduced likelihood of partnered sexual activity, are predicted by both nightly and habitual sleep duration. Notably, these effects were independent of age, sexual distress, daytime affect and fatigue, or presence of menstruation. These findings suggest that acute sleep disturbance may contribute to sexual complaints and reduced sexual activity.

So, while this isn’t new information to us, it does give us a good reason to look at our lives and ask the question: what is it that we want for ourselves?

“Work/life balance” has almost become a cliche these day – mostly because of it’s absence from most people’s lives.  We work longer hours and even second jobs because we have to, but as this study shows, we pay a price that is often higher than we should.

Having a healthy and enjoyable sex life is too often seen as a luxury, one that is incompatible with modern life.  And it can certainly be hard to make it happen.  But personally I think that it’s worthwhile making the time (and getting the sleep) that is needed for a great sex life.

Life is too short for always being tired and not having great sex!

John.

The Sydney Skinny – 2015

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Well, the Sydney Skinny has been and gone for another year!
I swam in the fifth wave (I think) this year, which (totally accidentally) turned out to be the Body Image group.  It somehow seems appropriate given “me”.  Anyway, it was, as with last year, a fun group of people who all stripped off on the beach and swam either 900, or 300 meters.
Sydney Skinny 2015

I found the swim a lot easier than last year, but it was still a lot harder than I expected.  There was a reasonable amount of chop and some bigger waves (of perhaps 50cms) from ferries or other boats.  My main problem was that I actually started to feel sea sick about one third of the way through!  I was trying to move with the waves, rather than bashing through them and it turned out to be a pretty sickening rythm.

So, next year I am thinking that I need to do more open water swimming in preparation.

Anyway, it was a fun experience yet again and great to see so many people getting out and enjoying the sunshine, the water, and the freedom of being nude!

John.

 

There is another Sydney…

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We think that we know the places that we live.  They are familiar to us by site, sound, smell, and feel.  But (if you are lucky) every now and then you come across a side of your home town that you have never seen before, and your eyes are opened…

I was lucky enough to be taken to visit a very unusual building.  It is almost in the CBD of Sydney, but the owners (whoever they are!) don’t seem to care about it.  It is home to a mix of people, but it is as far from your average apartment building as you could imagine, half squat, half artists commune, half… something else (yes, that’s three halves, but it seems strangely appropriate for this place).

The roof of the building has become an amazing art space for graffiti.  Uncontrolled, no rules, yet civilised in a manner that society at large may be uncomfortable with.  Don’t forget to click on each image to see them full size and enjoy the photos.

graffiti 1

graffit 2 John.

A bit of hard work…

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Ok, it’s an excuse to post a photo with no top on, but what they heck, I’ll do it anyway.

I am working on a project to build a large cupboard at the moment and it was pretty hot last week, so no shirt!  Ripping a 2.4 meter long sheet of 18mm thick ply wood into two pieces was really hard work by hand, but prefer to use hand tools.  Reliable, simple, and a skill that I think is worth having.  By contrast, cutting these shelves was easy going.

cutting woodJohn.

The mons pubis

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Every year (or is that week?) there’s a new “fashion thing”, usually it’s just something superficial like g-string whale tails that at the end of the day don’t mean a thing, but occasionally it’s something like the “thigh gap”, or in this case:

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/were-doing-this-to-ourselves-ladies-20150222-13kfj3.html

… it’s having a flat mons pubis.  I think that the linked article pretty much says it all, but I want to go a little deeper on one point.  That is: the fat pad on top of a woman’s pubic bone that gives the mons pubis its shape is there for a reason.  It’s a bumper bar.  Seriously.

It’s job is to make sex more comfortable for you and your partner.  If your partner is a guy, then chances are that he doesn’t have the same level of padding on the front of his pelvis as you do.  So a shapely and well padded mons pubis is a real asset for both of you.

It could be compared to the fat pad in your heels.  They are an entirely brilliant piece of evolution that makes walking possible by cushioning the heel bone as your foot comes down with each step.  No-one would ever consider trying to make their heels skinny, so why would you want the same for your mons pubis?  It makes no sense, except to make women insecure about themselves and rush to the nearest plastic surgeon, diet, or gym.

I said this many years ago about labiaplasty (the practice of trimming a woman’s inner labia so that they don’t protrude beyond her outer labia): if you are worried about how your mons pubis looks (that it’s “too fat”, not flat enough etc) and want to change it through surgery or something, then come and see me first.  I will be happy to show you what real men (not the cruel judgmental types who don’t deserve to be in your life, let alone your bed) think of a beautiful curved mons pubis.  If you are still unhappy, then I will give you your money back.

Seriously, give me an hour of your time and I will change how your see your body and yourself.

John.

The world just became a slightly better place

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I saw the following article online today:

Potential new vaccine blocks every strain of HIV

http://www.sciencealert.com/potential-new-vaccine-blocks-every-strain-of-hiv

A new drug candidate is so potent against all strains of HIV, researchers think it could work as a new kind of vaccine.

Developed by researchers from more than a dozen research institutions and led by a team at the Scripps Research Institute in the US, the drug is effective against doses of HIV-1, HIV-2 and SIV (simian immunodeficiency virus) that have been extracted from humans or rhesus macaques – including what researchers consider to be the ‘hardest-to-stop’ variants. It worked against doses of HIV that are way higher than what would be transmitted between humans, and works for at least eight months after injection.

This is great news for everyone around the world.  As someone who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s and now works in the sex industry HIV/AIDS has been an ever present fear (for good reason), so news that there may be a way to block HIV entirely with a vaccination is fantastic.

The reality of that solution is still a way off though and of course that only covers one of a range of STi’s that are out there.  Safe(r) sex is of course the very best thing that we can do to protect ourselves, but the thing that often isn’t mentioned is testing.  Many people carry STI’s without knowing it and while it may be uncomfortable to get tested and wait for results, at the end of the day if everyone was tested regularly during their lives, then the risk of STI’s would be cut almost to zero.  If there is a problem, then you can do something about it.  This is why I am tested regularly and why I recommend that everyone (whether you book a date with me or not) should get tested too.

Knowledge is power.

John.

My favourite hotel in Sydney

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I just noticed this article in the Herald …

http://www.traveller.com.au/shangrila-sydney-hotel-renovation-first-look-at-8-million-revamp-12kcyz

Looks like my favourite hotel in Sydney has had a makeover!  Seriously though, for the best harbour views from a hotel in Sydney I can’t recommend a better choice than the Shanri-La.  They also do an excellent breakfast.

The staff are also extraordinarily professional.  I once arrived (in fancy dress – painted blue from head to toe and wearing a kilt) for a book launch and the parking valet didn’t even bat an eyelid.

John.

Orgasmic Meditation, orgasm from penetration, and your vibrator

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It’s time to write the post that needs to be written.

My first post about Orgasmic Meditation was on the whole positive. Since then I have attended one of their training courses (fun) and come to realise that the concepts behind OM are powerful, beneficial, and something that every woman and man should know about and understand. And preferably practice! I have used orgasmic meditation (or variations of it) with a number of my clients with success. My partner has declared that it is “ridiculously enjoyable” and that it has been transformative for our sex life (you are never too old to learn new ways to enjoy sex!).

So, orgasmic meditation gets a big tick. I highly recommend that you learn about it, perhaps attend one of their courses, join their online community if you need to find someone to do it with. And start enjoying being stroked!

There is however, in my opinion, one thing that you need to do first: THROW AWAY YOUR VIBRATOR!

Why? It’s this simple: vibrators are too powerful. They train your brain to be LESS sensitive to clitoral stimulation. They take away your ability to engage with and enjoy your body and the most specific pleasure that you can enjoy, that is stimulation of your clit.

When you try orgasmic meditation you will understand why. The whole technique is based around the lightest, most gentle touch possible of the woman’s clitoris. By contrast using a vibrator is like putting too much salt on your food. In the end you can only taste salt and you lose the ability to enjoy the subtle flavours and variations of unsalted food. Like wise, your vibrator is destroying your connection with your clit. Let me explain how. I read a recent study summarised here:

http://www.cell.com/current-biology/abstract/S0960-9822(14)01487-0

It showed that regular fine detail work with fingers – including playing musical instruments, or using a smart phone – resulted in greater brain activity in the areas of the brain related to sensing touch. I.e. when you use your finger tips to do something that requires a delicate touch, your brain responds by ramping up it’s sensitivity to the signals coming from that part of your body.

Your clitoris has upward of 8000 nerve endings, all packed into a tiny space. It is exquisitely receptive – more so than even your fingertips. But what you “feel” is dependent up whether or not your brain is “listening” to the signals properly. Extrapolating from the finding of the study mentioned above, it is reasonable to expect that using a vibrator, especially a powerful one for clitoral stimulation will allow your brain to become less attuned to the signals from you clit. After all, if you were extremely sensitive, then it could actually be painful to have that level of stimulation, so your body dials down the sensitivity progressively.

So. Orgasmic meditation – through the use of very, very gentle stimulation of the clitoris with the finger tip – should, I believe, result in an increase in brain activity and hence sensation and pleasure that a woman feels, in the same way that smart phone, or instrument use increases the sensitivity of people’s finger tips.

Practice orgasmic meditation enough, without undoing the good work by using a vibrator in between and I believe that it may actually allow almost any women to reach orgasm via penetration. I haven’t been able to test this theory yet, but I am seriously intent on finding out!

John.

Christmas and a thank you

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It’s always a surprise when Christmas rolls around again.  It’s out there in the future, then it’s right up close and suddenly everything is tinsel, presents, food, parties, and holidays.  It’s also time to look back and take some stock.

This year has had some challenges for me (including back trouble that cost me almost two months of mobility).  But I have also had the chance to meet many new people and to continue to enjoy the company of many more.

I want to say thank you to everyone.  It is a pleasure and an honor to know you and your support and trust is greatly appreciated.  I have the best job in the world and I will continue to do my best to live up to that.

I hope that everyone has a great Christmas and New Year.  I am taking a couple of weeks off for a serious rest, but I am looking forward to getting back to work in January.

John.

Rain!

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image

It’s been raining on and off most of the day here. The garden is loving it! And both of the water tanks are just about full. A good respite and preparation for a long hot summer to come.

John.