It’s something of a trope that “sex workers don’t kiss because it’s too intimate”. I guess that came about from Pretty Woman.
I’ve never really understood it myself. How is kissing more “intimate” than having penetrative sex? Or even oral sex? It’s just kissing – literally something that you can do in public and barely generate a look from passers by.
But it’s a persistent idea and one that some women who come to see me aren’t sure about. So I’d like to set the record straight – yes we can kiss! (Because kissing is fabulous and sexy and it really wouldn’t be sex without it).
Way back in 1995 New South Wales became the first jurisdiction in the world to decriminalise sex work. I’m proud that my home state was so advanced – even if it was done in response to the dire police corruption that the criminalisation of commercial sex caused.
More states and territories in Australia have followed suit and our New Zealand cousins as well.
I have been able to work in this industry without legal risk for my entire fourteen years as a male sex worker for women – and my clients have been able to enjoy my services with the same confidence. A fact that I am eternally grateful for.
The rest of the world though, is not so lucky. Sex work and sex workers, thanks to religious fundamentalism, social conservatism, and a generous dose of hypocrisy still makes workers and clients pariahs.
So I was delighted to stumble across this article today:
I wasn’t aware of this, but back in 2022 Belgium also decriminalised sex work. Shout out to the Belgians! That’s great work.
But it gets better. They have now enshrined laws that give sex workers (employed by brothels for instance) the protections and benefits that any other worker enjoys – things like sick leave, paid maternity leave and pensions. They also enshrine a workers right to say “no” and to set the conditions of their service with a client.
We don’t have the same level of protection here in Australia, but this is part of the nature of social change. It takes time and the steps tend to be modest. So NSW as the first jurisdiction to decriminalise sex work could only go “so far”. But this in turn sets a bar for every jurisdiction that follows New South Wales down the decriminalisation path – and more importantly, it gives them permission to go just as far, and a little bit further! Which is what Belgium has done.
In time New South Wales will look at Belgium and see an oportunity to improve our own laws. And I would fully expect that they will take a step further than Belgium. Perhaps more robust anti-discrimination protection for sex workers could make it onto the books.
Anyway, it may not effect us here in Australia, but I am deeply glad to see that sex workers – and clients – in Belgium now have the protections and rights that all workers deserve.
Several years ago (back in 2018) I made a series of short films discussing sex work and the various legal, ethical, and practical issues surrounding it. For a number of reasons I ended up taking those films down, but I think it’s time that they received another airing.
So for the next few few months I will be publishing them on YouTube and linking them here on my blog. They will also be collated on my Sex work ShortTakes page
Hopefully you will find them interesting and informative.
I haven’t made any new films recently – so if there is a topic that I haven’t already covered that you would like to hear about please feel free to drop me a comment about it and I’ll see what I can do.
Many years ago I came across a photographer who took amazing self portraits. I’ve always thought “I could do that too”. But you know how things go. Life is busy, bills need to be paid, work gets in the way of the creative process…
In short, I never really made the time.
Until today. I pulled out the trusty Canon 1DXii with my favourite lens, popped it on the tripod, connected the remote shutter/interval timer and took some photos.
Well. I wasn’t really expecting too much from this first real foray into self portraiture. It’s a difficult thing to do as you have no direction, no way to frame and preview the shot, you have to visualise the pose and how it will look, then enact it. So much to think about and play with that would be so much easier if someone else was taking the photo…
But I was honestly very pleasantly surprised! I think this is one of the best photos that I have ever taken. But I’ll let you be the judge.
Clothing is possibly one of the most significant social influences in our societies. You can be openly gay, or atheist or religious, or socialist, or conservative in public and it’s all acceptable (in Australia at least) – protected even. But you can’t be naked in public.
France Keyser for The New York Times
Think about that.
Intentional nudity in public is literally illegal, while espousing extreme political or religious views is not.
I will add at this point that:
“It’s not an offence to be naked in public in England and Wales but it does become an offence if it can be proved the person stripped off with the intention to upset and shock. The complainant has to prove this.”
This is more than a little surprising for a relatively conservative society, so well done them. It’s not without it’s problems though as Stephen Gough “The Naked Rambler” has discovered. He has walked from Lands End to John O’Groats twice – naked. In doing so he’s been arrested and even jailed multiple time. So it’s an imperfect law, imperfectly applied.
Anyway, all of that, I think, goes to the main point here. Nudity is a central taboo in the vast majority of our societies – even when it is literally legal.
I was recently sent a link to an article (thank you Denise):
about an exhibition at the Museum of the Civilizations of Europe and the Mediterranean in France dedicated to the history of social nudity. On five nights during its run the visitors are all naked.
We could look at this as a marketing stunt, but I see something else here.
I have had the experience on several occasions in my life to be lounging around with a mixed group of people, naked. Here’s what I have observed:
Loud people become less loud. Quiet people speak up. Social pressures seem to evaporate. There is much more of a sense of equality. People seem to be more respectful of each other.
So I can absolutely see how interacting with a sociological study of nudity with a group of naked people would give a different experience – and perhaps insight into – “naturalism” and nudity in public.
Clothing lets us project an image. Clothing is a mask that we wear to make a statement – to project authority, sexuality (ironically), demonstrate status, wealth, or “piety”, and many other things. It has practical applications for protection of course but even when practicality isn’t an issue we still choose to wear clothes.
Nudity takes away much of our ability to project an image to those around us and while being naked all of the time is impractical, I do think that as a society we would benefit from the humility that I observe comes with nudity.
I was recently invited to participate in the Curveball Podcast (run by Beth Armstrong) with two other straight male sex workers.
We met up today in Sydney at their recording studio and spent a few hours talking about the industry, our experiences, and more. It was a fun interview and great to spend a bit of time with some peers who are just as passionate and dedicated to the industry and the work as I am.
It will be a while before it’s edited and released, but I’ll be sure to post a link when it’s ready!
So I was doing some work with my truck the other day and as I was walking past the back of the tray one of my gloves caught on a protrusion and RIP! The stitches along the side just pulled straight out.
Now I usually get a good three to four months out of a pair of gloves, even when I’m spending a lot of time on my machines. This pair I only pulled out of my reserve two weeks ago! So I am seriously disappointed to have ripped on open.
Now I’m not going to talk about how everything these days is poorly made and doesn’t last. That’s old news and I just grudgingly expect it.
Instead I’m going to talk about fixing thing and how much pleasure it gives me as opposed to buying something new.
Sorry, I can’t help myself, I am going to talk about!
In my life I have seen our economy and industry go from (mostly) trying to make things that were durable and did what they were meant to do, to making products that barely do their job and fail even before the warranty has expired. Disposable products not intended to last let alone be fixed!
I frankly find it disgusting. Why shouldn’t furnature – if it’s looked after – last literally forever? Why don’t we fix our fridges and washing machines? I still remember my mother and her sister-in-law taking an old dining room setting and restoring the chairs, replacing the upholstery on the seats. Then recovering a pair of arm chairs and a couch for the lounge.
They were all lovely pieces of furniture that despite needing new coverings every few decades can and should go on indefinitely. Yet take a drive around a suburb when it’s hard rubbish collection week and you will see piles of furnature being thrown away.
So while one pair of gloves doesn’t really mean anything in the scheme of things I will be pulling out the needle and thread to sew up the split seam so that I can continue using them until the leather finally wears through – which is the way that it should be. And that will make something deep inside of me very happy, despite it being trivial.
I get a lot of pleasure from fixing things and putting them back to work when other people simply throw them away. Another example is my chainsaw. It broke down due to a fuel issue and actually damaged the piston. The shop that services it told me it “wasn’t worth fixing”. They wanted me to buy a new $600 chainsaw. I discovered that I can buy the required replacement parts for $160 (thank you eBay) and about three hours work will see (an almost new) chainsaw put back to work probably for many years to come.
Not everyone can fix things. I’m lucky to have the tools and the skills to be able to do so. And I find the process of mending something broken rather than just buying a replacement extremely satisfying.
Anyone who has read at all deeply on this website knows that I am a strong supporter of sex worker rights and women’s rights.
As of Wednesday 6th of November 2024 the USA is facing another four years with Donald Trump and the right-wing of USA politics in charge of the country. And it is not going to be a good time for sex workers – or our clients.
Newsweek.com published an article on Nov 6th, 2024 with the following quote about “Project 2025”:
“Project 2025 makes it clear that they will be coming after porn under a First Amendment suit.
The introduction to the manifesto reads: “Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance, is not a political Gordian knot inextricably binding up disparate claims about free speech, property rights, sexual liberation, and child welfare. It has no claim to First Amendment protection.”
While this comment from the Project 2025 manifesto only mentions “pornography” we can be sure that these people won’t differentiate between “porn stars” and any other kind of sex work. They hate it all and will suppress and prosecute it all equally when they have the power to do so.
So firstly – to all of my USA sex working peers: please stay safe. I really hope that things don’t get as bad as they look like they could.
Secondly – this is a moment for sober reflection. Here in Australia we have the best, most rational, and permissive sex work laws in the world. We have them because for decades people faught for them. And there is the justifiable belief that once we have a right it won’t be taken away. But the USA has clearly demonstrated how that assumption is fundamentally incorrect.
Our rights are only safe for the current election cycle – and make no mistake, there are plenty of people and politicians in Australia who would leap at the chance to criminalise sex work once again and take us back to the bad old days where police brutalised sex workers and controlled politicians who used sex work services.
All it takes is moral panic and populist politics to tear down decades of incremental gains. Just look at the USA and their ending of Roe V wade. If it happened there, then it can happen here too. If you value your ability to read this blog – let alone actually make a booking to see me – then you need to support the rights of sex workers because minority rights are also your rights.
