Saturday morning post swim/run bliss…
Snapshot #01
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Minister Stuart Robert! The NDIS should fund sex services
You may be aware that an Australian woman living with multiple sclerosis challenged our National Disability Insurance Scheme and won when they rejected her request for the NDIS to fund a therapist to provide her with regular sexual release.
You can read about the case here:
https://www.google.com/amp/amp.abc.net.au/article/11298838
This is a huge step forward in the recognition of sex as a natural and fundamental part of the human condition and that people with disabilities deserve it too.
Sadly though that is where the politician stepped in (from the article).
“Minister for the NDIS, Stuart Robert, said that ruling was out of line with community expectations.
‘The National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) intends to appeal the recent decision,’ he said.
‘The current position continues to be that the NDIS does not cover sexual services, sexual therapy or sex workers in a participant’s NDIS plan.'”
First – can I just say that it is nice to see a politician (particularly a conservative one) using the term “sex worker”. It’s rare and appreciated.
Sadly though Stuart Robert then fails to be a leader and reverts to nebulous conservative morality to justify appealing against the decision.
He claims that the NDIS funding sexual service for people who cannot experience sex because of their disability is not in line with “community expectations”.
There is a lot to unpack here.
The first is the idea that “the community” has a right to tell people what they can and can’t do in the bedroom. I think that we have, through things like the decriminalisation of homosexuality and indeed sex work here in NSW (and the Australian Capital Territory, and New Zealand), established that “the community” has no right to tell consenting adults what they can and can’t do to each other.
The second is that a minister of our government is hide bound to follow “community expectations”. This is absurd. Ministers make unpopular decisions regularly, they do so – they will tell you – for the good of the nation, to protect minorities, the environment etc.
So Stuart Robert claiming that he is duty bound to challenge the ruling because “the community” wouldn’t like people with disabilities being able to enjoy basic sexual release is nothing more than abdicating his responsibility as a minister and failing to be a true leader. Stuart Robert – if you are listening: man up and do your job.
Also – has Robert Stuart actually asked “the community” what we want? I’m fairly sure this question has never been polled anywhere, that being the case it’s even worse than abdication. He’s just deflecting and using the presumed moral authority (of “the community) to avoid having to take a stance that his party and his (presumably conservative) electorate might not like (read: he’s afraid he won’t get re-elected if he lets people with disabilities have an occasional shag).
As a straight male sex worker (escort) for women, I have been working with women with disabilities for almost my entire career. I know absolutely how important having intimate touch and the ability to enjoy and experience their sexuality is.
But personal experience shouldn’t even be necessary. Do we – does Stuart Robert – have no ability to empathise? Has he ever stopped to imagine never having someone touch him again in a sexual way? How about never being touched and being unable to even touch himself?
This is the reality of life for many of my clients with disabilities. And it’s not their fault. It’s just what they live with because life dealt them a shitty hand.
We happily fund or subsidise (through the NDIS) education, physical therapy, medication, accommodation, travel, and more for people who we as a society recognise are unable or disadvantaged to get those things for themselves because of their disability.
The only way that we can justify not funding sexual services as part of an NDIS plan is if we believe that sex isn’t an integral part of the human experience. I know that I personally need sex in my life to be a happy and fulfilled person. If I don’t have it, then it seriously impacts on my quality of life.
This is a message that I hear from my clients – able bodied or otherwise – regularly.
So why would “the community” have a problem with the NDIS allowing people with disabilities to occasionally enjoy what most of us take for granted?
John.
Am I the right male escort for you?
I think that the hardest decision to make when hiring a sex worker like me (a straight male escort for women – and couples) is: am I right for you?
Now I could give you a laundry list of my great features (well traveled, educated etc etc…) but at the end of the day as Peter Steiner wrote in his classic cartoon published in 1993 in the New Yorker… “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.”
You can see the original here: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f8/Internet_dog.jpg
And – while companies like Facebook, Google, Amazon et al have been doing their level best to invalidate that quote – for sex workers it’s still basically true. We are mostly anonymous people who’s online profiles are (deliberately) difficult for anyone but the most determined and well resourced to link to a “real” person. So how do you decide if I am right for you?
My answer has always been that when we speak enough (either directly, through writing, or other media) we cannot hide our true nature. So in the eight odd years I have been running this website I have tried to let my readers hear my true voice. I write about the things that interest me. The things that I care about. The things that I am doing. The things that I would like to do.
All of this writing – done by me, never a shadow writer – is my voice and I believe shows my true nature.
Not everyone who reads my website likes what they see. I’m sure that to some people I seem boring. Or of the wrong political persuasion. Or not “alpha” enough. You get the idea I’m sure.
To most businesses that is a problem. Most businesses want to appeal to everyone – so we end up with generic advertising that tries to offend no-one, but in doing so fails to excite anyone and certainly never differentiates itself.
To me – that is a very good thing. I am not all-things-to-all-women. I’m just one man. And for a certain group of women and couples I am what they want and need. And when those women and couples read my website, they see a person they feel they can trust and who holds values that they can connect with.
This is exactly how I want it to be. I do not want someone coming to see me who thought I was one thing, but I turned out to be another and I have consequently left them disappointed. I only want to see the people who I am right for and who are right for me.
Does it work? Having written two hundred and sixty five posts and forty two articles on this site, I can say with absolute certainty that yes it does. I have lost count of the number of people I have met who have read all or much of my website! And by the time they have done that, they know, quite well, who I am and if I am right for them.
It is very rare that I ever meet a client and find that I am not compatible with them. If you like my writing, then it is highly likely that we will like each other.
So answer the question: “am I right for you?” all you need to do is read on…
John.
I’m a male sex worker for women – but what is my purpose?
The obvious answer to this questions is: to give pleasure, sex, companionship, and comfort.
I do all of these things and those things as goals in and of themselves are perfectly reasonable and valuable.
But.
The longer that I do this job, the more I realise that for the women and couples who come to me, I am doing those things, but I am also doing something deeper. I’m helping them to find a way to live better lives.
It’s a rule (sort of) in writing dialog for a story that the characters never just say what they are thinking, or what they mean. Because in real life we don’t do that. Human beings are complex. We have fears. We have desires and needs. And these are things that we often cannot just say out loud for fear of judgement. Of loss. Of embarrassment.
So rather than saying what we need or want, we say what we think will help us get what we want without exposing our vulnerabilities.
In a similar way, people who come to me may not be able to say to their partner, or perhaps even articulate for themselves that what they need is a certain kind of human connection. A certain kind of fulfillment. But they know that having sex, spending time with someone who won’t judge them, being able to release the things that they normally feel compelled to hold in, will give them something that they don’t otherwise get.
It will make them happier, more fulfilled, more relaxed, and able to live their lives a little better.
I have the privilege to be able to help people to do that and while the giving of temporary pleasure is rewarding, what is even better in the long term is seeing people grow and find a better life. Not everyone who comes to see me has such catharsis – and not everyone even needs to. Sex can just be sex. But it can also be much, much more.
John.
Your travel companion
About three years ago – in Australia – women hiring male escorts to travel with them as companions became a thing.
I have been lucky enough to see places like New Zealand, Iceland, Italy, Fiji, and more with my clients. It isn’t something that everyone can afford, but it’s also something that not all women who are or would be clients of sex workers even know is possible. So I thought I would write an article about it to outline what it is and how it works.
Every one who offers travel companion services has their own style of course, so the way I do it will be different to what my peers offer – but there’s sure to be someone out there who will suit you.
New Zealand
I think that we tend to overlook New Zealand as a travel destination. It’s just New Zealand… not as exciting as somewhere in Asia, not as rich in history and culture as Europe…
New Zealand is absolutely totally worth visiting (more than once!). It’s close, affordable, breathtakingly beautiful, is easy to get around. It will never disappoint.
The natural beauty of this country is undeniable. The food is good. The wine is excellent. The people are friendly.
What it is:
I offer a service as a “travel companion”. That means that I will travel with you, just like a partner would. I’m going to be company during the travel part getting from here to there if we have to fly, catch a train, or drive. I’m going to help with your bags if you need it. We are going to explore our destination together. We are going to share all of the experiences that are on offer. I am a decent photographer with professional equipment, so I am going to document our adventure together so you don’t have to if you just want to concentrate on the experience. If something goes wrong, I am going to do my best fix it. And because I’m a sex worker, of course we can have sex too!
As a professional companion I won’t:
- Get stressed about travelling – I’ve done plenty in my life and am very calm and collected, even in the face of lost baggage and cancelled flights!
- Have a meltdown over some trivial thing and spoil the holiday.
- Be demanding about where we eat and what we do – it’s your holiday, that I’m sharing with you, your preferences and desires come first and honestly I’m going to be fine with whatever you would like to do.
Italy
No one needs to sell Italy as a travel destination – but we can also overlook the well known destinations when we think about travel, feeling that they are a bit passe, or not exciting enough.
Can I just say to this: Italy will never, ever be boring. As a country with literally thousands of years of history, culture, food, architecture and more, it will be forever interesting.
Yes, you need to expect more tourists, but that also comes with, more available flights, greater choice of hotels etc.
How it works:
Duration – A trip away can be anywhere from a couple of days, to weeks. Whatever suits your budget and taste for adventure.
Destination – I can travel within Australia, or overseas. There are a few places that I do not currently travel: the US, due to their draconian laws that means they will deport anyone they think is a sex worker at the border – even when we are travelling just for a holiday. I also refuse to travel to Saudi Arabia due to their human rights abuses and treatment of women.
Most of my clients have places in mind that they want to travel to – however If you don’t know where to go and would like ideas, I can help plan an adventure for us to share based on things you might enjoy. I am always happy to be a part of the planning process.
I’m up for anything from an adventure trip like hiking, diving, skiing, sailing, and more, to classic site seeing, to a relaxing time laying on the beach – or anything in between.
Usually I am traveling together with clients from Australia, but I am also happy to have you “fly me to you” for your trip, if you don’t live near me.
Tasmania
Tasmania makes for a great destination – especially if you live in Australia. It’s easy to get to, small enough to see a lot of in a week. And has plenty of attractions, both man made and natural.
Hike to Cradle Mountain, explore Freycinet National Park, visit MONA – the museum of Old and New Art on the Derwent River near Hobart, and see the ruins of the first white settlement in Tasmania at Port Arthur.
Of course this doesn’t even scratch the surface and Tasmania is as beautiful as it is varied.
What it costs – you can see my fees for extended travel bookings on my Price and Booking page. It is also expected that you will cover the cost of travel, food, and accommodation during the trip.
Cooking – If we are staying somewhere with cooking facilities and access to groceries then I am very happy to cook for us. It’s a nice way to relax together after a day of sight seeing, or to help get us on the way in the morning. Eating out is often expensive, so cooking for us can be a great way to reduce the cost of the trip if circumstances allow.
Driving – I am a safe and experienced driver (over twenty seven years of driving and riding on the road, with a perfect safety record!), so if you are thinking of doing a driving holiday then I can be your chauffeur as required. I hold an international drivers license and have experience (and confidence) driving on both sides of the road. I have driven clients in Australia, New Zealand, and Iceland, with South Africa, Canada, and Norway planned over the next year.
Sleeping arrangements – I am happy to share a bed with you when we travel – I don’t need my own room or bed. But I do require some time and space to myself each day to allow me to keep my energy up!
FIji
If you like warm waters, soft sand, snorkelling, scuba diving, and taking things slow, then Fiji is a great choice
It is easy and affordable to get to, there is accommodation to suit all budgets, and with a little effort you can find places that are quiet and relaxed without throngs of other tourists.
As a scuba diver and snorkeler, I found Fiji to have fantastic clear water, fabulous sea life, and amazing coral. If you like the ocean and want to explore it, then Fiji is a great choice.
My availability – I take bookings for up to four trips a year, those spots tend to fill up fast, so booking well ahead is vital. My next availability as I write is mid 2020. If you have a specific time in mind to travel, please don’t hesitate to contact me to discuss my availability.
After the trip – when we get home I process all of the photos that I took and provide you with electronic copies of them. I also assemble a stylish hard cover photo book of the best images. My photo books typically run to 100 pages or more, visually telling the story of our trip.
I don’t charge extra for my photo books, they are included in the cost of the trip.If you would like prints of any of the photos that I take then I am happy to arrange that too. I especially love creating large format prints of landscape photographs captured when I travel.
So, if you think a trip – big or small – with me would be fun, then drop me a line and let’s have an adventure together!
John.
Do you want to know a secret?
A lot of people want to star in their own erotica – usually for their own enjoyment and private consumption. It’s a lot like boudoir photography really, only… more so.
And why not? Why wouldn’t we want to create something beautiful of ourselves – alone, or with another person? It’s fun. And it’s a celebration of our sexuality. These are good things. Valuable things to have in our lives that all too often are put last in our day to day priorities.
It is odd to me that while we live in a society where sexuality and beauty are promoted and used in the media all the time that – as individuals – we are also discouraged from creating our own erotica. It’s like we are being told about (and sold) our own beauty, while being discouraged from celebrating that beauty and enjoying it.
One of the best things I have learned about human nature working in my industry is this: you are more attractive than you believe. Every day, through sex work Twitter I see my peers – of all shapes, sizes, and ages taking the risk of putting themselves out there in the world to offer their services. And while we can’t please everyone, I am inevitably delighted by the flood of people who love whatever someone is.
Photography and film making are a big part of my life and I have really enjoyed working with people I have met to create beautiful, erotic images with them.
So if you have ever wondered… If you have ever thought that maybe you would like to see the sexy you… Then I would be happy help.
John.
The chance to say goodbye
Just to clarify before I continue – I am not retiring! This post is a celebration of my ongoing experiences as a sex worker and a reflection on the ebb and flow of people from my professional life.
I have been a straight male escort for women and couples for almost ten years continuously. In that time I have met and had the good fortune to spend time with many, many lovely people. It has been a transformative experience for me in many ways. It lead me to a balanced and happy relationship with my sexuality. It made me financially stable and secure. It has allowed me to explore my other passions like photography and film making.
Sex work has been an enormous net benefit to my life.
I like to also think that – based on what many of my clients say – I make a difference to their lives as well.
As a sex worker I am not owed anything by my clients beyond the terms of our booking and the basic respect of any interaction with another person. This means that I give my clients privacy and allow them to dictate things like when we communicate. I am there for them when they need and want me. That’s the deal that I accept and respect as a sex worker.
Clients have come and gone as the years have passed. Some I see just a handful of time, others stay for many years. But because I don’t feel that it is appropriate for me to intrude, when a client moves on with their life I rarely get the chance to say goodbye.
This week saw the last booking that I will have with a client who has been seeing me regularly for almost five years. She is moving overseas, so this is a natural end to our professional relationship. I was lucky in this case, because the circumstances allowed us the opportunity to say goodbye, to reminisce, and to close out a chapter of our lives with smiles, hugs, fond memories, and some tears.
It’s a relatively rare thing for me to have this privilege. I understand that I am not owed it. So when it does happen it makes it even more special.
When it doesn’t happen, I am satisfied with the knowledge that a person is moving on with their life, hopefully with good memories, perhaps with new confidence. Some will have found a partner, fallen in love perhaps. Others have outgrown the need for companionship of the kind that I offer.
But I always feel a little wistful looking back over the last nine odd years and wondering where those people, who I was lucky enough to share a little piece of their lives with, are now.
I hope that they are happy. And I want to say thank you, even if I can’t reach out and say it directly.
John.
No one needs to, or should live without the sex that they desire
My entire life society has been telling me a lie. I’m sure that you have heard this lie too. And if you are aware of your needs as a sexual human being – and especially if they are not being fulfilled – then you are probably acutely aware of that lie.
The lie:
Sex doesn’t matter. It should come after every other responsibility in your life.
We hear this lie all the time. Everywhere. It usually won’t be explicit – unless we actually say that we want and need the sex that we are not getting – it’s usually a more subtle pressure…
Study has to be your priority, you don’t have time for a girlfriend/boyfriend.
Work comes first – you have to build a career…
As a parent you have to make sacrifices…
Each of these things are important. We do have to study if we want to improve our chances of getting the education and job that we want. We do have to build a career to provide for ourselves and our family. We do need to look after and provide for our children.
But these things shouldn’t always come at the expense of having a rewarding and satisfying sex life. If they do, then where is the room for having a sex life at all? Because we can always study more. Always work harder. Family will never stop making demands on us…
Part of the problem is that society tells us that we are only allowed to have sex under certain circumstances (in a relationship primarily). But what if we don’t want to have a relationship? Or what if we have a relationship, but it’s sexless? What if we are trying to find a relationship, but we can’t?
Why should a person be excluded from having physical intimacy just because we can’t be what society wants us to be?
At the end of the day, if you are a person who likes and needs sex in their life, then being denied sex will have real consequences emotionally. I know this, because I have been there. For much of my life I couldn’t have the sex that I wanted to. Now as a male sex worker for women, I have enough sex that I am satisfied – and I can see how it makes a difference to my mental health, my ability to concentrate.
Having a fulfilling sex life has literally changed the way my mind works, where once sex was a distraction that ate into my attention every day, now it is something that is in balance with the rest of my life. Letting me concentrate on other things as well that bring joy to my life that may once have been excluded by an unsatisfied need.
I know that I am not alone in feeling this way – because it is something that I hear semi-regularly from the women I meet through my work.
So, if you feel that you need more sex in your life – don’t let anyone tell you that it is not a valid way to feel. It’s ok to own your feelings. And it’s ok to want sex
John.
New South Wales and New Zealand – sex work paradise for clients and workers
As the only places in the world to have officially decriminalised sex work, NSW and NZ are simply the best places to be a sex worker for women, like me – or to be a client of sex workers.
If you are reading this article, then you are at least aware of the existence of sex work for women as an industry, which is great. But you probably don’t know much about its regulation – for which you can be completely forgiven.
The reality is that in most places in the world (including other states in Australia) my work would be either heavily regulated, or outright illegal. Which means that most of my peers – male, female, et al live and work with a lot more risk to their health, and to their legal and physical safety.
This of course also applies to our clients. There are movements around the world (and even here in Australia) trying, more or less successfully, to explicitly criminalise clients of sex workers.
While things are much better for many sex workers these days even outside of NSW and NZ thanks to the Internet, we live in dark times. The same tools that allow sex workers to find and vet clients are used by zelots to expose and out us, to shame us publicly, to entrap us and to block us from the online tools and resources that allow us to work safely
In the US in particular, this hysteria has even started to overflow onto the public in general and women in particular. Hotel chains, jumping on the wildly over blown “sex trafficking” band wagon are blocking single women from their bars (on the premise that if a woman isn’t accompanied by a man, then she must be being exploited by someone). It’s truly like something out of The Hand Maids Tale and genuinely scary to see women’s hard fort for rights being eroded so quickly and easily.
The lack of rigor (lets be honest – sheer stupidity) of this kind of thinking may, to the average Australian seem unbelievable, but it is representative of the general lack of sophistication of the discourse being had around sex work by people who are not sex workers.
So I wanted to take a moment to highlight just how lucky we are – as both sex workers and as clients to live in a place like Australia (or New Zealand). We are (mostly) free to go about our work. (Mostly) protected by the police and the law from harm (don’t forget that as a client of a legal business like mine, you are always protected by consumer law and the police).
At the end of the day, decriminalisation is good for everyone. It’s good for me, it protects you as a my client, and I would argue that it is good for our society in general.
Here in NSW we don’t waste police and government resources harassing consenting adults who just want to exchange some money to have sex in a safe, consensual environment.
When you are inside this system it seems natural and reasonable, logical even – and I think that we should celebrate that. I love my industry and the fact that I have the opportunity to meet the people I do through my work. And I hope that knowing a little bit more about how our work is regulated may help give you the confidence that you need to engage the services of a sex worker who is right for you!
John.
“I never thought that I would be doing this…”
A regular refrain that I hear from new clients is: “I never thought that I would be doing this…”.
Growing up, we are fed narratives about how life is going to be, from before we can even understand the concepts. Fairy tales are full of “happily ever after” tropes that the real world simply cannot ever deliver to us.
I want to talk about who we are as humans and how finding yourself in a situation where you are considering paying for sex – that while it might feel like a kind of failure, if we listen to the fairy tales – is in fact the exact opposite. It represents personal power, choice, and liberation. Not lack of choice and failure.
But that’s not how society at large sees the choice of buying sex. Most of my clients won’t confide in anyone that they are seeing a sex worker for fear of judgement. And that is a very reasonable assumption to make. People, especially when they are unsure if they themselves may be judged, will revert to expressing conservative values to be safe.
If you are having a conversation with a group of people about sex and possibly sex work, then the group assumption will be that expressing an overt interest in sex is a bad thing. So everyone will try to avoid sounding too interested.
However, there may be one person who is prepared to take a bit of a stand and challenge the group narrative. And while you can be sure that some people in the group really are conservative about sex, you can also be certain that some, like you, aren’t!
It is a sad truth that many of us (most even?) live our lives wanting to explore our sexuality, but not having people to talk to about it, let alone do it with.
This really needs to change. There are some small signs that things are changing – like therapists starting to refer women to me. But in general, we remain conservative and cautious about sex and sexuality when we are in groups.
For some people though – the women and couples who I meet through my work – they reach a point where they need to act. They don’t want to upend their lives, marriages, or family to be able to explore their sexuality further, but they also don’t want to live their lives wonder “what could be…”.
So, like most problems these days, people turn to Google and some of them land here on my website.
If you have made it this far – congratulations! – that is I think the hardest part. Once we realise that we can take control of our sexuality, then it’s just a matter of finding the right solution for you.
For some people it’s Tinder. Or that person at work you always felt was interested. For others though, a sex worker is ideal – we are safe, we are discrete, we are convenient, we are experienced, and most of all we are non-judgmental.
So what is the lesson here?
For me it is: “society” doesn’t want you to own your sexuality. It definitely doesn’t want you to explore it in ways that don’t align with “traditional values and systems” (like marriage and monogamy). And it will always try to police you to make you conform.
The good news is that once you realise that you don’t have to comply with society, then the options available to you to find sexual fulfillment are wide open – and if sex workers are appropriate for you, then we are here and ready to help.
John.