Disability and first time sex/virginity

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I realised that I have left somewhat of a gap in my writing for women with a disability.  That is that for some women with a disability looking to book my services it will also be the first time that they have sex.

So I think that it’s worth acknowledging that fact as it complicates two situations that are already challenging – booking a male sex worker and having sex for the first time while working around a disability of some kind.

I have negotiated this hurdle with three women with disabilities in the past and with a bit of planning and conversation beforehand and plenty of patience and communication during the booking it has always worked out well.

From my experience it is generally just a matter of lots of foreplay, going extra slow, and checking in regularly. Do that and it’s going to be a pain free experience of sex for the first time is.

If you would like to talk to me about first time sex and disability issue please feel free to drop me an email or text. I’m always happy to discuss your needs and work out a solution that you are comfortable with.

John

At my daggy best!

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Finding myself in Sydney on Monday (a rarity for me, as I’m usually down in the Southern Highlands for the first few days each week) I decided to go for a walk. Headphones to listen to an audio book and my favourite walking shorts – little did I know that somewhere along that 10km walk the entire crotch of my shorts would disintegrate! Luckily I was wearing black underwear. Anyway – now I need some new shorts!

John

For my American readers

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I think it’s fair to say that the US as a society has a dysfunctional relationship with sex work. Conservative politics and conservative religion make sex work almost entirely illegal, in a country where there is just as much sex work as anywhere else in the world. It’s bad for sex workers, client of sex workers, and the society as a whole.

It also has other effects – one being that I can’t risk visiting the US, not even for a holiday.

Facial recognition technology is widely used at the US boarder to match Canadian sex workers with photographs scraped from their online advertising and they are barred from entering the US. I don’t know if this same technique is used against sex workers from other nations, but being turned back at the border and potentially being denied entry again for up to ten years is something that I’m not keen to risk.

So, sadly, I have to turn down the requests that I receive to visit the US – or to even visit as a tourist. I would love to see more of the US, but while I’m a sex worker it’s just not going to happen.

However – if you are from the US and would like to meet me, then the best option is for you to take a trip down under and visit me here in Sydney, Australia. I have a neat and private apartment and Sydney is a great spot to explore from, whether it’s local or around the rest of the nation.

So if you would are from the US and would like to book me, then consider taking a trip to Oz. You will be very welcome!

John

We need to have a conversation about terminology

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I recently happened across this article from Slate.com (here) that I was quoted in a while back and I thought upon reading it again that it was worth commenting on the reader’s word choice when referring to sex workers.

“Prostitute” is a loaded term.  And for people who work in my industry it has a lot of negative connotations.  It’s why most people who sells sexual services prefers the term “sex worker”.

It’s a much more clear definition. It’s work. And it involves sex. We are sex workers.

Culturally the term “prostitute” is linked to exploitation, implies a lack of autonomy (individually and financially) and even a lack of legitimacy.

The idea that someone “had to prostitute themselves” to survive, or succeed is an inherently negative statement. “had to”. Not “chose to”. Or “wanted to”. “Had to” is the way we would most likely hear that described.

And this is where people who oppose sex work will say “But what about all of the women who have no choice?” (they rarely acknowledge that men do sex work too). The answer is that those people are generally what we call “survival sex workers”. Forced by economic, personal, or social realities to do work that they may not choose to otherwise – and they are often punished legally and socially because of that.

As sex workers we support these people and their right to survive however they have to, but at the same time what we fight for is to see the work decriminalised so that they can seek any and all physical, legal, and medical help that they may need to do their work in safety and good health.

Every society has sex work. It is a reality of humanity – but how we look at sex work and especially the words we choose when we are talking about it go a long way to how sex workers are treated and perceived.

So while “prostitute” may be a linguistically valid word to describe what I do, it is not the right word for todays society. I am not a “prostitute” I am a “sex worker”, with all of the connotations that carries.

John

The benefits of manual labour are underrated

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Due to spending too much time lifting heavy things when I was a child growing up on my family’s farm I have had a life time of lower back pain.  Soft bones and too much heavy work don’t mix (which is why we have child labour laws!) and the result for me is disks that are not as thick as they should be, potentially leading to nerves being pinched, sciatica, back pain, incapacity – the list goes on.

After a particularly bad episode in 2015 I discovered that the extra core strength gained from swimming was very helpful, it reduced flair-ups and kept me mobile and mostly pain free.  That was a remarkable discovery.  However it never solved the problem entirely and I still needed regular massage and still had occasional bouts of crippling lower back pain.

That was until during the pandemic.  When I couldn’t do sex work I started a little business allied to construction work (which I could legally go out to do).  At the time it was literally just something I could do to stay busy and bring in some income, but I soon realised that the physical labour involved in loading up and unloading my machines and the physical work itself had an unexpected benefit: it fixed my lower back problem.  Completely.  Not just improved it or lessened the occurrences but fixed it entirely.

The core strength that I get from lifting loading ramps, and tools, “active” sitting on machines, and doing the inevitable bit of hand work required like swinging a crowbar gives me enough core stability that the pressure is taken off the nerves in my lower back and I can live and work pain free for the first time in over twenty years.

Culturally, in Australia “manual labour” is seen as being “less” when compared to professions that require formal education.  And it’s true that working with your hands for a living isn’t going to pay like being a doctor, banker, or consultant of some kind, but there is a lot to be said for honest labour with tangible outcomes *and* the strength and fitness that comes from it – and ultimately for me the physical wellbeing and lack of back pain that I derive from it.

I spend about half of my time each week in Sydney as a sex worker and the other half out of town helping people build their dreams.  Two very different trades, but ultimately one supports the other and I am very glad that I made this discovery. I’m a better sex worker for also doing the manual labour – and I don’t have to go to the gym to build a few extra muscles (if you like that sort of thing)!

John

PSA for men – Erotic massage for women

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To all of men out there who would like to give their wife or partner a special experience – suggesting she see a full service sex worker is probably not the fist thing that she would like to do!

However there is every chance that she might enjoy an erotic massage.

Most people are familiar with massage and plenty of people have probably wondered what it would be like to have a massage from someone attractive who might go – a little bit further…

So what does an erotic massage involve and include?

Location: personally I like to give an erotic massage on a bed rather than a massage table as it allows for a wider range of activities, but either works.

(Un)dress: here’s one of the nicest things (I think) about an erotic massage – you get to do away with the strategically placed towels and avoiding of areas that we would really like to be massaged, but never get touched. Your masseur can be dressed, or naked too, whichever you desire.

How it feels: Gentle massage that is designed to arouse. It might include not just hands, but forearms, trailing hair, and even full body slide…

Where it goes: wherever she wants it to. It could be as little a fully naked massage just of her back, or of her front too. There can be breast massage and nipple play. There can be massage of inner thighs and outer labia. There can be clitoral play, finger play, and even oral sex.

Where it doesn’t go: anywhere that you are not comfortable for it to go.

Where it ends: with an orgasm for her if that is where she wants it to end.

Erotic massage with me is a sensual indulgence that lets a woman have as much or as little intimacy as she desires.

So – to all of the men out there who want to give their partner a special experience, an erotic massage is a great option!

John

I don’t think this is going to work out…

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Recently a new hair dresser opened conveniently close to my place. Great! I thought, no more need to go over to Rhodes and do battle with the shopping centre.

Now over the years I have learned that although “short” hair is very convenient, cool in summer, and all round easy, it just doesn’t suit me the way that letting it grow out a bit and curl up does.

Well, the first time I had a hair cut at the new place I thought to myself “I just didn’t give him clear enough instructions”. He made it really short despite me saying “just a trim, leave it over my ears please” – which is normally enough to let an experienced hair dresser know what you want.

The second time I was much more clear: “Last time was too short, I want it over my ears and long enough to curl up please”. What I got made me look something like Beaker from The Muppets.

This time I was really, really explicit: “I want it at least a centimeter over my ears please”. I have come to realise that this hairdresser takes anything less than “short back and sides” as a personal affront.

So I give up. I guess I’ll be going back to Rhodes in the future…

John

Younger men and older women are the least likely to be in relationships

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I came across this article recently:

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating/disturbing-reason-why-six-in-10-young-men-are-single/news-story/c13c94e2fbdb2c19bcf0730601b8f29e

And while the headline and most of the text is concerned with why young men are single (by choice or circumstance), the other statistic that leapt out at me from the included graph is how many women 65 and over are single.

It meshes with something that I am seeing in many of the women that I meet. That is, they have no desire to be in a long term monogamous relationship. They have “been there done that” and are now happy living their own lives.

They are happy to be single and do not want to go back to living with a man. They often have fulfilling careers, a circle of friends, and they come male sex workers or casual partners to have their physical needs met.

It’s an interesting shift in social attitudes and I think it is good that so many women have the confidence to live their lives their own way, not feeling the need to conform to societal expectations.

John

ChatGPT, A.I. and the risks it poses to authenticity in sex work

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I have long believed that one of the keys to my success as a male sex worker/escort here in Sydney is that I write so much on this website. Through the window of these posts, you, my reader can get a picture of who I am as a person. What I care about, what my values are etc.

My writing is the principal way that you get to know me and make the decision that I am right for you. Most women who contact me have spent weeks or months browsing this site on and off and when we finally meet it almost always feels like we are picking up a conversation that started before we even met.

And now, into this happy arrangement step A.I. chat bots.

A.I. chat bots have been in the news a lot recently. From Microsoft’s Bing chat bot “trying to break up a journalist’s marriage” to students turning in essays written by ChatGPT. These A.I.s are getting very powerful (and deranged, although none have gone full Nazi recently which is nice – or possibly ominous…).

Whenever some new wanna-be male escort asks me “what is the trick to getting clients”, I always answer: “build a website and talk about the things you care about and value”. It’s really not a secret. Do that and you will (for better or worse for your career as a male sex worker) tell the world exactly who you are.

But what happens when you can say to ChatGPT or its siblings “write an article about giving oral sex to women in the voice of John Oh”. This is a legitimate instruction that you can give ChatGPT right now (extrapolating from what I have read) and it will spit out an essay that sounds like my voice, and will give you (possibly) reliable information about giving oral sex to women.

If a random man, with no experience, who wants to be a male sex worker publishes a website to market his services and populates it with content created this way – how do you, the potential customer, know who to choose? This is quickly becoming a very real risk.

In the past I always felt incredulous that sex workers would pay other people to write content for them – but at the same time it was obvious that while more content will help a sex worker’s website to rank well on Google, the nuances (or lack there of) won’t help to engage potential clients who are well suited to them, so they were ultimately making their own lives harder.

That however is nothing by comparison with what ChatGPT can achieve. It is in theory now possible for anyone to quickly and cheaply craft and publish a convincing image of an “urbane and sexually experienced male companion for women”, or “the hot young gym junky who’ll rock you all night”, while being none of those things.

Given the horrible experience had by a woman (that I recounted in a recent post: here) I am genuinely worried about where the future lies for women trying to work out who is the right companion for them to see.

I have no doubt that soulless corporations and the mainstream media are already using these tools, but frankly the quality of human made copyrighting and journalism these days probably makes the value of much of what we are served online very low already.

For women, choosing a sex worker though is a much bigger deal. For now I think that it is still safe to say that if his presence online works for you then it’s probably genuine. However that may not be the case in the near future. I suppose time will tell.

John

PSA for men and women – Sometimes SHE’S the one who will come too quickly!

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So.  Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm.  Some however can cum much quicker.  There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves.  However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.

As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.

The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up.  So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.

What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her.  I find this really fun to do.  It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…

There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down.  Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.

  1. Open your eyes – this helps to reduce any fantasy that may be running through your head and pushing you along faster. That was a big help to me when I was dealing with this issue myself
  2. Relaaaaaax – specifically your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor tension is a great way for women who have trouble reaching orgasm to push themselves along. If you have the opposite problem, then relaxing your pelvic floor will help to slow things down
  3. Breath out the tension – similar to the point above, breathing helps you to relax your muscles and mind and that helps delay orgasm
  4. Stay in the experience – don’t try to distract yourself by “thinking boring thoughts”, stay with the experience, stay in your body and experience the pleasure, but recognise that it feels good, but not *too* good…
  5. Be aware of your arousal level – spend some time really concentrating on your arousal level and noticing what builds it and reduces it. The better we are at recognising where we are the easier it is to employ the techniques above to moderate or boost our arousal as and when we need and want to
  6. You need a partner to help you practice – you can start this process on your own, but as with men, having an understanding partner to help you develop your skills will make it easier and quicker and probably get you a better result in the end.

Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.

John