Category Archives: Public service announcements

PSA for women – yes we can kiss!

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It’s something of a trope that “sex workers don’t kiss because it’s too intimate”. I guess that came about from Pretty Woman.

I’ve never really understood it myself. How is kissing more “intimate” than having penetrative sex? Or even oral sex? It’s just kissing – literally something that you can do in public and barely generate a look from passers by.

But it’s a persistent idea and one that some women who come to see me aren’t sure about. So I’d like to set the record straight – yes we can kiss! (Because kissing is fabulous and sexy and it really wouldn’t be sex without it).

John

PSA for men: you need to listen to her body

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It’s great to be enthusiastic and want to do all of the things to give your partner a great time when you have sex, but guys – you also have to listen to her body (as well as her words).

She might LOVE receiving oral sex, but the way that you are doing it – whatever that may be – might not be right for her at this moment. “Normally” perhaps she likes it firm and direct on her clit – but that might only be after a bunch of low key foreplay kissing and cuddling and touching and rubbing that got her plenty aroused and ready. However this time things advanced faster for whatever reason so here you are going down on her without so much “warm up”.

That’s ok – but you may need to go slower and more gently until she is ready for that full on clit stimulation – and her body (if not her words) will be telling you that. Is she as wet as you would expect? Is she more sensitive? Ok, then slow down and spend more time circling around her inner thighs, mons pubis, and labia before you “…rush like a bull at a gate for her clitoris!” (to quote Monty Python).

Conversely, when you are in the middle of oral, or sex and you feel her muscles tensing in her thighs and abdomen – don’t stop what you are doing – it’s working! And don’t change what you are doing – don’t go faster/harder/slower/softer – what you are doing is working, just keep doing that. If she wants more or less, then, again, her body will let you know.

Sex isn’t something that we are naturally born good at. It is a skill that we learn – and an important way to learn is to listen to all of the feedback that you are getting.

John

PSA for men – Vibrators are an ally, not competition

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I was talking to a woman recently on the matter of penis size.  She was confirming that yes indeed she and pretty much every other woman she knows much prefers a modest size penis and that large ones are just uncomfortable or painful when having penetrative sex.  What matters far more to the pleasure of sex is the confidence of the owner of the penis than its actual size.

To that end the discussion turned to vibrators and an experience that she had with a man who while he was reasonably confident with his penis he was vastly threatened by her owning a vibrator!  He felt that it was an attack on his prowess as a lover.

So lets be really clear guys – you need to let that insecurity go.  A woman you are dating would prefer to get her pleasure from you rather than a device if at all possible.  Just like you would rather receive pleasure from that woman than masturbate alone.

Everyone responds to sexual stimulation differently and has their own preferences.  If a woman needs or just enjoys stronger clitoral stimulation than you can provide, then that is just a fact of who she is and not a failing on your part. If she wants to use a vibrator while having sex, then treat that as just a part of the fun and find ways to make that work for both of you.

John

PSA for men – size does not matter

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I talked more than once about labiaplasty and how – unless there is a genuine medical reason for it – that no woman needs to worry about the appearance of her labia. Well, apparently, post covid (and young men watching waaaay too much porn) there is a crisis in male confidence that has caused many, many men to go under the knife to have penis “enhancement” surgery (see the article Penile Cosmetic Surgery is Booming, But… Does Size Really Matter?” from the Sunday Telegraphy Body + Soul, October 15, 2023)

It shouldn’t need to be said. It really shouldn’t. But sadly it does.

Men: except in the most extreme situation – the size of your penis – does. Not. MATTER!

To put penis size in perspective: just 0.6 percent of people who have a penis have what is considered a “micro-penis” (defined as the stretched length between the tip and the base of the gently stretch penis on the body side of less than 9.32 cm (3.67 in.)).

That’s only just above one in two hundred people have a “micro penis” – and even that definition doesn’t mean that the owner can’t enjoy sex or that a woman cant get pleasure from it!

But apparently this message has been lost to the fire hose of internet porn featuring massive cocks. And young men are going under the knife – encouraged by advertising from a cosmetic surgery industry that uses highly manipulative tactics to attack men’s self confidence.

Now, if this were a consequence and risk free procedure, then that would be one thing. But it’s not. There are now surgeons who spend significant amounts of time operating to rectify botched penile surgery!

So men – here are some things that are much worse than having anxiety about the size of your penis:

  • Post surgery infection
  • Blood clots
  • Implant failure (remember what happens when silicone breast implants rupture?)
  • Scaring
  • Uneven or lumpy results

Not to mention the approximately $15,000 cost.

If you do have anxiety about the size of your penis then here’s a better solution: talk to a psychologist about it. Spend some of that $15,000 on therapy so you can find a way to be happy with what you have.

Finally – I remember seeing a video of a female American porn star talking about what was ideal for her in a partner. Her preference: four inches – that’s 10.1 centimeters. That’s literally only just bigger than a “micro-penis” – and for her – a former porn star – it was ideal.

John

PSA for men – you need to ask her if she likes your stubble

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“Manly stubble” is a common feature for male fashion photos – and male sex worker photos. However, in my experience while there are some women who love stubble on a man when they are kissing, receiving oral etc – most do not.

So guys – if you don’t know a woman’s preference – ask! And if you can’t ask, then just have a shave, because it’s a safe bet that she probably won’t enjoy your brillow pad face between her legs.

John

PSA for men – Erotic massage for women

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To all of men out there who would like to give their wife or partner a special experience – suggesting she see a full service sex worker is probably not the fist thing that she would like to do!

However there is every chance that she might enjoy an erotic massage.

Most people are familiar with massage and plenty of people have probably wondered what it would be like to have a massage from someone attractive who might go – a little bit further…

So what does an erotic massage involve and include?

Location: personally I like to give an erotic massage on a bed rather than a massage table as it allows for a wider range of activities, but either works.

(Un)dress: here’s one of the nicest things (I think) about an erotic massage – you get to do away with the strategically placed towels and avoiding of areas that we would really like to be massaged, but never get touched. Your masseur can be dressed, or naked too, whichever you desire.

How it feels: Gentle massage that is designed to arouse. It might include not just hands, but forearms, trailing hair, and even full body slide…

Where it goes: wherever she wants it to. It could be as little a fully naked massage just of her back, or of her front too. There can be breast massage and nipple play. There can be massage of inner thighs and outer labia. There can be clitoral play, finger play, and even oral sex.

Where it doesn’t go: anywhere that you are not comfortable for it to go.

Where it ends: with an orgasm for her if that is where she wants it to end.

Erotic massage with me is a sensual indulgence that lets a woman have as much or as little intimacy as she desires.

So – to all of the men out there who want to give their partner a special experience, an erotic massage is a great option!

John

PSA for men and women – Sometimes SHE’S the one who will come too quickly!

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So.  Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm.  Some however can cum much quicker.  There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves.  However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.

As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.

The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up.  So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.

What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her.  I find this really fun to do.  It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…

There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down.  Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.

  1. Open your eyes – this helps to reduce any fantasy that may be running through your head and pushing you along faster. That was a big help to me when I was dealing with this issue myself
  2. Relaaaaaax – specifically your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor tension is a great way for women who have trouble reaching orgasm to push themselves along. If you have the opposite problem, then relaxing your pelvic floor will help to slow things down
  3. Breath out the tension – similar to the point above, breathing helps you to relax your muscles and mind and that helps delay orgasm
  4. Stay in the experience – don’t try to distract yourself by “thinking boring thoughts”, stay with the experience, stay in your body and experience the pleasure, but recognise that it feels good, but not *too* good…
  5. Be aware of your arousal level – spend some time really concentrating on your arousal level and noticing what builds it and reduces it. The better we are at recognising where we are the easier it is to employ the techniques above to moderate or boost our arousal as and when we need and want to
  6. You need a partner to help you practice – you can start this process on your own, but as with men, having an understanding partner to help you develop your skills will make it easier and quicker and probably get you a better result in the end.

Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.

John

PSA for men – when you are giving her oral and she is close to orgasm…

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Giving oral sex to women is one of my favourite things to do.  It always has been and I am generally told I am pretty good at it.  And most women can reach orgasm with me that way.

But there’s a trick to helping a woman orgasm from oral sex – it’s something that I think I have always done instinctively, but according to a number of women I have asked, many men just don’t understand it.

The trick, is to be consistent – don’t change your style when she is getting close to orgasm!

So you need to be aware of what that looks and feels like. There are many signs (but be aware that not all women will show them, so a little help sometimes from her saying she’s getting close can be good), arching her back, tensing her stomach muscles and thighs, her vagina clenching, change in pitch and tone of her voice and breathing…

It’s all there to read if you pay attention – and that is when you really, really need to just keep doing what you are doing for her. No need to go faster or harder – what you are doing is working, so just KEEP DOING IT!

Most of the time with most women she will continue to sail on to have an orgasm and all will be right in the world.

There’s a lot more I could say about giving good oral sex, but that’s a story for another time. This PSA was just about the ending – and making it as happy as possible!

John

Is there something that you particularly love, hate, or just wish that men new about sex? Drop a comment or an email john@john-oh-escort.com and I’ll do a PSA on it.