Orgasmic Meditation and the 15 minute orgasm

Ok, I admit it, the title of this post is click bait, but the title is important, as is the subject. I was recently shown an article in Sneaky Magazine, here that talked about a growing movement (?) from a US organisation called One Taste that teaches people (men and women working together) what they call orgasmic meditation.

From the One Taste website:

“Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is a practice embracing and utilizing the sexual energy we all possess.

Courses at OneTaste teach you how to acknowledge the energy flowing through you, and then channel it into all areas of your life. The result? Your sex life improves, food tastes better, your connection to yourself and others deepen. Being TurnedOn means feeling the electricity of being alive.

Practitioners experience benefits similar to other mindfulness practices such as sitting meditation, as well as the well-known health benefits associated with orgasm. It’s deliberate and structured with repeatable results.

OM is profound, yet simple and you can have it whether you are single or coupled.”

So far so good. Mindfulness is a good thing. Being aware of one’s self, your emotions, and the sensations that you are experiencing here and now is an excellent foil to the noise, stress, and discord that modern life assails us with virtually all the time these days. Adding orgasm to mindfulness sounds extra good!

So, reading through the article, this is what I discover …

Orgasmic massage is basically clitoral masturbation of the woman (of course) by a partner (usually a man, perhaps its an American thing, but they don’t really talk about women performing the “stroking”, but I can’t see any reason why they couldn’t). For just 15 minutes. And according to the One Taste explanation, the 15 minutes is central to the whole concept.

Now this is where the click bait comes in to play. A session lasts for 15 minutes, from laying down and the woman spreading her legs so that her stroker can begin stroking to the hands off moment when you have to stop. No ifs, no buts. Now I know a few women who could probably reach orgasm in that time from just clitoral stimulation, but that’s a vanishingly small minority. And fair enough, with practice, perhaps you could learn to experience a version of orgasm that is long and slow and deep and last the whole 15 minutes. But this definitely doesn’t qualify as an orgasm as most of us know it. There simply isn’t time for most women to build to the required level of arousal and then peak in what we call orgasm.

In fact, I know plenty of women, who, if they could achieve orgasm within 15 minutes, would be pushing the stroking hand away straight afterward as orgasm leaves their clitoris overly sensitive and further touch is almost painful (much like most men don’t enjoy strong stimulation of their penis straight after orgasm and ejaculation).

So, the name Orgasmic Meditation is misleading. This isn’t about orgasm. It is about sexual pleasure. It is about mindfulness. It is about empowerment for women and taking control of their sexuality. All of these are very good things. But it’s not about orgasm.

So, slightly dodgy name aside, I think Orgasmic Meditation is a REALLY GOOD THING. If you are well in touch with your body, comfortable in your sexuality, and happy with your sex life, then it could be fun and may be useful. However, if things aren’t so great, then orgasmic meditation may be of real help to you. Here’s why:

The structure of the process (15 minutes, very specific touch, no sex, no expectations, total focus on the woman) means that the woman can let go of all of the stresses and expectations that she has learned or had imposed on her around sex. This is her time. It’s all about her. It’s about pleasure (from a sexual source), but it’s not about sex. She doesn’t have to worry about pleasing her partner, or really doing anything at all besides enjoying herself. Perhaps it’s like getting a manicure? Time when you are just indulging yourself and no-one else – and it feels really good too!

And the fact that there (probably) isn’t a recognisable form of orgasm involved for most women has another benefit: having had someone play with your pussy for 15 minutes will leave you “turned on” and wanting sex. That’s completely natural, and it’s no surprise to me that the energising effect of unresolved sexual arousal would flow through to other areas of your life.

At the end of the day I think that orgasmic meditation is a great idea. I can’t see how it can hurt anyone (unlike medication, alcohol, and extreme life changes), so why not try it out? I am planning on attending a course in the near future to get the training (although the instructional video on the One Taste website makes it look pretty simple really). I will make another post to describe the experience.

John.

It’s a matter of trust

Stars of entertainment and sport frequent two Sydney brothels

Headlines like the one above (clickbait of the worst kind) make my blood boil.

To be fair to the journalist Eamonn Duff, he didn’t name names, explode families, ruin careers and create an orgy of public indignation. But the headline makes it sound like that’s what’s behind the link. What is the story actually about? Two “seedy” men fighting over the ownership of a modest brothel empire, and somehow a bunch of client information has been leaked to the press.

People fighting over ownership of businesses isn’t usually news – or not often anyway. So why is this article a headline story? Because it has to do with selling sex to famous people. If the client details of a couple of banks had been leaked would Eamonn have even raised and eyebrow? I doubt it (except to feel outraged to see how much money certain people have perhaps). But I think that most people would say “who cares?”, yes, people have money. Some of them put their money in the bank and have bank accounts.

Likewise, yes, people have sex, and sometimes they pay for it – for a whole load of reasons that Joe Average doesn’t know, doesn’t understand, and quite probably doesn’t want to understand (because it’s complex, doesn’t come in neat three word slogans and actually requires people to open their minds to new possibilities and problems with our society). Joe Average just wants to know which celebrity woman pays to have sex at a brothel in Sydney.

Lets get some things straight here: selling and buying sex is legal in NSW (within certain laws), just like selling and buying milk. These businesses are legal (there is no hint in the article that they have done anything wrong). The customers have broken no law by going to these places. Someone HAS however revealed private personal information to a journalist. Information that would if released utterly ruin people’s lives and careers. That’s a breach of trust at the very least. I don’t see Eamonn Duff railing against that though. No, he lapped it up, analysed it, found the juicy parts and made it a national headline.

As you can imagine client confidentiality is paramount to me as a male escort for women. If my clients don’t trust me to protect their identities then I have no business. But lets turn that around for a moment and look at it from the perspective of my clients: if they can’t be sure that I (and other providers of sex services) will protect their identities, then they are prevented from seeking out something that they need and want in their lives, that they can’t get any other way (if they could, then why would they be paying a provider like me).

I don’t do this job just to earn money. I also do it because the service I provide matters to the people I provide it to – and it matters that it is available for them. I can’t make everyone in the world, or even Sydney happy and satisfied, but to the few women who need what I offer, then I can and do make a real and significant difference to their lives.  That matters to me, it gives me significant job satisfaction in an industry that most people look down on and despise.

A journalist handed private information about similarly vulnerable people needs to stop and think VERY hard about the consequences of what they are doing. I expect that Mr Duff would say “no names were mentioned, so it’s fine”, but that’s not the point. The customers, who woke up this morning (who know that they are on that list) have had their day, week (and possibly life) ruined by this non-story. They will have to think long and hard before they go out again in the future to engage a service that (like my customers) may be very important in their lives.

And why do they now have to live in fear? So that Fairfax newspapers can sell some advertising space. Our society needs to think more about values and real people and less about making money by exploiting vulnerable people. Especially when it’s so easy to beat up public interest by splashing a scandalous headline about in the news.

There is only one name that I would like to hear from Mr Duff: the name of the person who betrayed the trust of hundreds (thousands?) of clients of two legal business. Because that person should never be trusted again with people’s private information.

John.

The Sydney Skinny!

On Sunday I was lucky enough to participate in the Sydney Skinny, for those who don’t know it, it is an open water nude swim in Sydney Harbour at Cobbler Beach.  It is run each year around late February.

You can see the website here: http://www.thesydneyskinny.com.au/

The swim has two distances: a 300 meter swim and a 900 meter swim.  It is arranged in “waves” of about 50 swimmers each and this year they ran more than ten waves.  It’s really popular!  It is also really fun.  The atmosphere of the event was truly delightful.  Everyone was very respectful, very relaxed, and appeared to be enjoying themselves.  It’s not a race, there is no timing and no prizes, it’s a challenge only to yourself, to swim, to be nude in public, to accept yourself as you are.  Not always an easy thing to do.

I am lucky enough to have been comfortable with my body, with nudity, for pretty much all of my life.  Not so for everyone who was there.  But I didn’t see anyone back out.  Everyone stripped off and everyone swam.  There is a real comfort in seeing other people around you happily taking off their clothes, and not treating it like a big deal.  Just doing it.  And having fun while they are doing it.  It’s such a different celebration of nudity and the human body (in all shapes and sizes) than the one that is given to us by the media and the rest of society every day.

It is how I think that nudity should be treated.  Not good or bad.  Just natural.  Something that doesn’t have to be commented upon, sexualised, or demonised.  So I think that at the end of the day, this is the value of The Sydney Skinny.  It lets us be ourselves and be comfortable with who we are when there is no barrier between us and the world.

If you want to try a different form of self expression and to get out in the open air then I highly recommend The Sydney Skinny.  It may be challenging for you.  It may be easy.  But I am sure that it will be fun.

John.

Debunking the myths of sex work – from the Sydney Morning Herald

The Sydney Morning Herald’s Daily Life column has an article about sex work today.  You can see it here.

http://www.dailylife.com.au/health-and-fitness/debunking-the-myths-of-sex-work-20130429-2iodn.html

I think that the article is a reasonalbe and sensible wrap up of sex work.  In summary “sex workers are people too, so why not be nice to them”.  Ok, that might be a little glib, but you take my point I hope.

For the first time every I have managed to get a comment published.  I was prompted to firstly by the question raised in the article of whether male sex workers (like myself) and their clients have a different experience of the industry and the general “shaming” that goes on against sex workers.

What has delighted me constantly over the years that I have worked as an escort is the huge amount of support that I have had from both clients and from the few people in my life who I have told about what I do.

So here’s my point, amplified by the many mindless comments on the artile linked above that dismiss prostitution out of hand: being able to come to someone like me for companionship, intimacy, and sex is a vital option for both men and women to have in our society.  Why?  Because all too often the nature of our society doesn’t provide those things for people.  Perhaps they have been in an abusive relationship (emotionally, or physically) and need someone they can absolutely trust to help them repair their self-esteem, or accept intimacy again, or have a disability that prevents them from forming a conventional relationship in the first place.  Or perhaps they just want and need physical company right now, but don’t have a socially acceptable relationship to provide it.

The reasons are many and varied, but you can be absolutely sure that when people start making blanket statements about prostitution being bad/demeaning/imoral etc that the person has never worked in the industry, and probably never actually needed the services themselves (“need” being distinct here from just having indulged).

This isn’t to say that a person has to have a specific need to use my services.  But it begs the question of why can’t we treat sex as something fun to do?  People in relationships have sex for fun all the time, so why shouldn’t someone who isn’t in a relationship choose to buy sex for fun?

At the end of the day I like seeing discussion of sexuality in the media.  It may attract the trolls and nutters to denounce it as evil, but every article raises questions and gets people thinking and talking about the issues.  Which has to be a good thing.

John.

The Sydney Skinny

Well, I would choose this weekend of all the weekends of the year to be away in Melbourne!  As a result, I missed the inaugural Sydney Skinny.  That being a 900m mass nude swim in Middle Harbour.  I was very disappointed to miss it.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/no-bathers-no-worries-for-worlds-first-nude-ocean-swim-20130217-2eks3.html

Nudity (especially shared) can be so much fun.  Sigh, well, I guess that I will just have to wait for next year now …

John.

 

The Petra Joy – Joy Awards … first prize!

Back in April a client asked me if I would help her to make a short erotic film about her experience of hiring me.  Our date was one step in moving forward in her life and getting over a bad marriage.  The film was to be entered in the Petra Joy – Joy Award, a short film contest for first time female directors of erotica.

The journey through script writing, storyboarding, filming, post production editing, sound recording, score production, and then rendering of the finished movie was an amazing experience.  Not something that I have ever done at such a serious level.

The result was a short film (3 minutes 40 second long) that was unanimously voted to be the best submitted to the award this year.  Interestingly the second prize went to a woman in Melbourne!  So Australia was well represented in the Joy Awards this year.

John.

Work in the nude day (Australia)

What can I say … this one was made for me!

It is officially Australian, Work In The Nude Day.  At least that’s what the Sydney Morning Herald is reporting – and I am not about to argue.

http://www.smh.com.au/small-business/managing/blogs/enterprise/naked-ambition-baring-all-for-small-business-20121206-2awva.html

Frankly though it’s just business as usual for me!  I have worked for myself – usually from home – for almost all of my working life – and being able to strip off on a hot day is one of the great advantages of working for yourself.

So, here’s a photo to prove that I am well and truly getting into the spirit of Work In The Nude Day!

Continue reading

Women expect too much from men in bed?

Given my line of work, I really shouldn’t be so surprised to see this article in the Herald today …

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/why-women-expect-too-much-from-men-in-bed-20121114-29cgb.html

We live in a world where men and women seem to be constantly at war over our respective sexualities.  And there is no end in sight.

Articles like the one linked above demonstrate the simplistic views that many people hold.  And then try to foist on the rest of us.

Life is never simple, but if we are prepared to engage with our partner (male or female), understand what they want and need, and put in some effort to give it to them, then we may find that we get more back than we expected.

So lots of women loved Fifty Shades of Grey and it inspired them to start asking their partners for more in the bedroom?  I say that’s a good thing and something to be celebrated, not a cause for complaint.

John.

G-Spot non-sense

In line with the commercial worlds love of turning every little thing into a “problem” to be commercialised and exploited we now have g-spot collagen injections:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2221321/Hitting-G-Spot–800-injection-improve-orgasms-LAs-latest-lunchtime-craze.html

There were two things that caught my eye about this article (that basically sounded like bull-shit – pardon my language!).

‘I attended a consultation, where Professor Dartey explained that injecting collagen into my normal, pea-sized G-spot would enlarge it for up to four months. The results would mean longer, more intense orgasms.’

In my experience a woman’s g-spot is actually quite large.  The area on the front wall of the vagina that we call the g-spot is most definitely not the size of a pea.  It is actually more like the size of the end of you thumb.  It’s an area that when stimulated enlarges and feels pleasurable.  But it does take sustained effort of stimulation and genuine arousal for it to really start feeling good.  It also take practice to learn to really enjoy the sensation and for it to become part of your arousal to orgasm.  So instantly getting long intense orgasms from a collagen injection seems unlikely to me.  Continue reading

Feminist porn

We just had a presentation from Tristan Taormino at Xplore about feminist porn.

She is a good presenter and makes an interesting topic even more fun.

Short story is that as a genera feminist porn (however you define it) it is growing at a huge rate. Lots of interesting new directors and content out there.

If you are interested to see more from Tristan Taormino have a look at her website:

http://www.puckerup.com

John.