“Manly stubble” is a common feature for male fashion photos – and male sex worker photos. However, in my experience while there are some women who love stubble on a man when they are kissing, receiving oral etc – most do not.
So guys – if you don’t know a woman’s preference – ask! And if you can’t ask, then just have a shave, because it’s a safe bet that she probably won’t enjoy your brillow pad face between her legs.
John
I realised that I have left somewhat of a gap in my writing for women with a disability. That is that for some women with a disability looking to book my services it will also be the first time that they have sex.
So I think that it’s worth acknowledging that fact as it complicates two situations that are already challenging – booking a male sex worker and having sex for the first time while working around a disability of some kind.
I have negotiated this hurdle with three women with disabilities in the past and with a bit of planning and conversation beforehand and plenty of patience and communication during the booking it has always worked out well.
From my experience it is generally just a matter of lots of foreplay, going extra slow, and checking in regularly. Do that and it’s going to be a pain free experience of sex for the first time is.
If you would like to talk to me about first time sex and disability issue please feel free to drop me an email or text. I’m always happy to discuss your needs and work out a solution that you are comfortable with.
John
I recently happened across this article from Slate.com (here) that I was quoted in a while back and I thought upon reading it again that it was worth commenting on the reader’s word choice when referring to sex workers.
“Prostitute” is a loaded term. And for people who work in my industry it has a lot of negative connotations. It’s why most people who sells sexual services prefers the term “sex worker”.
It’s a much more clear definition. It’s work. And it involves sex. We are sex workers.
Culturally the term “prostitute” is linked to exploitation, implies a lack of autonomy (individually and financially) and even a lack of legitimacy.
The idea that someone “had to prostitute themselves” to survive, or succeed is an inherently negative statement. “had to”. Not “chose to”. Or “wanted to”. “Had to” is the way we would most likely hear that described.
And this is where people who oppose sex work will say “But what about all of the women who have no choice?” (they rarely acknowledge that men do sex work too). The answer is that those people are generally what we call “survival sex workers”. Forced by economic, personal, or social realities to do work that they may not choose to otherwise – and they are often punished legally and socially because of that.
As sex workers we support these people and their right to survive however they have to, but at the same time what we fight for is to see the work decriminalised so that they can seek any and all physical, legal, and medical help that they may need to do their work in safety and good health.
Every society has sex work. It is a reality of humanity – but how we look at sex work and especially the words we choose when we are talking about it go a long way to how sex workers are treated and perceived.
So while “prostitute” may be a linguistically valid word to describe what I do, it is not the right word for todays society. I am not a “prostitute” I am a “sex worker”, with all of the connotations that carries.
John
Due to spending too much time lifting heavy things when I was a child growing up on my family’s farm I have had a life time of lower back pain. Soft bones and too much heavy work don’t mix (which is why we have child labour laws!) and the result for me is disks that are not as thick as they should be, potentially leading to nerves being pinched, sciatica, back pain, incapacity – the list goes on.
After a particularly bad episode in 2015 I discovered that the extra core strength gained from swimming was very helpful, it reduced flair-ups and kept me mobile and mostly pain free. That was a remarkable discovery. However it never solved the problem entirely and I still needed regular massage and still had occasional bouts of crippling lower back pain.
That was until during the pandemic. When I couldn’t do sex work I started a little business allied to construction work (which I could legally go out to do). At the time it was literally just something I could do to stay busy and bring in some income, but I soon realised that the physical labour involved in loading up and unloading my machines and the physical work itself had an unexpected benefit: it fixed my lower back problem. Completely. Not just improved it or lessened the occurrences but fixed it entirely.
The core strength that I get from lifting loading ramps, and tools, “active” sitting on machines, and doing the inevitable bit of hand work required like swinging a crowbar gives me enough core stability that the pressure is taken off the nerves in my lower back and I can live and work pain free for the first time in over twenty years.
Culturally, in Australia “manual labour” is seen as being “less” when compared to professions that require formal education. And it’s true that working with your hands for a living isn’t going to pay like being a doctor, banker, or consultant of some kind, but there is a lot to be said for honest labour with tangible outcomes *and* the strength and fitness that comes from it – and ultimately for me the physical wellbeing and lack of back pain that I derive from it.
I spend about half of my time each week in Sydney as a sex worker and the other half out of town helping people build their dreams. Two very different trades, but ultimately one supports the other and I am very glad that I made this discovery. I’m a better sex worker for also doing the manual labour – and I don’t have to go to the gym to build a few extra muscles (if you like that sort of thing)!
John
I came across this article recently:
And while the headline and most of the text is concerned with why young men are single (by choice or circumstance), the other statistic that leapt out at me from the included graph is how many women 65 and over are single.
It meshes with something that I am seeing in many of the women that I meet. That is, they have no desire to be in a long term monogamous relationship. They have “been there done that” and are now happy living their own lives.
They are happy to be single and do not want to go back to living with a man. They often have fulfilling careers, a circle of friends, and they come male sex workers or casual partners to have their physical needs met.
It’s an interesting shift in social attitudes and I think it is good that so many women have the confidence to live their lives their own way, not feeling the need to conform to societal expectations.
John
So. Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm. Some however can cum much quicker. There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves. However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.
As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.
The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up. So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.
What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her. I find this really fun to do. It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…
There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down. Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.
Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.
John
Today I am angry – and sad. But mostly angry.
I hate having to write this, because I love my work and my industry and I want everyone who hires a sex worker to have a fun, fulfilling, and safe time. Sadly though it needs to be said: there are too many wanna-be male sex workers for women out there taking people’s money and giving back nothing, or worse hurting vulnerable women for their own ego fantasy of being paid for sex.
I occasionally hear stories from clients about how another male worker they have seen “didn’t do it for them” etc and that’s fine. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea either which is why I go out of my way to make it abundantly clear who I am and what I value through what I write on this website, in the hope that I can give the women who visit a clear enough picture of who I am that they can make an informed decision to book me.
Far more often though I hear stories about the male escort who “turned up coked out of his head and couldn’t even get an erection and still demanded to be paid”, or the guys who just never turn up, or the man who couldn’t go out to dinner with a client who booked an overnight dinner date because he “couldn’t be seen in public with her” and then left at 6.00am to “go to work”.
All of this is unprofessional to say the least and definitely harms the industry and the women who want and need our services.
But it gets worse. Men regularly contact me to ask for help getting into the industry. I tell them all, the same thing: as a male escort (assuming their client is respectful and has good hygiene) it is their job to be able to have sex with anyone who books with them – and if they have any doubt that they can do that reliably then they absolutely should not work as a male sex worker.
Why?
Because rejecting a woman who is paying you for sex because she “isn’t attractive enough for you” will be horribly hurtful to any woman – and a crushing blow to someone who is emotionally fragile.
Someone I have known as a client for many years had exactly that experience recently and – with her permission – I will describe what happened in the hope that it will help anyone who wants to book a male sex worker a better chance of having a good experience.
She booked a session with a male sex worker from one of the popular online directories, then booked a hotel room in the city to see him. The booking started ok, but his oral sex skills were poor and frustrating and his stubble was abrasive.
So they tried to have sex instead. While he was hard to start with, once he put on a condom and started having sex he went soft. That’s a problem and unacceptable in a male sex worker, but what he did then was unforgivable “he said I’m sorry, this has never happened to me before, I’m not attracted to you or your body”. So she ended the booking and asked for a refund of her money. He refused to give her even a partial refund and left.
Left her out of pocket for the booking and the hotel, without the service that had been promised, and with the parting gift of crushing her self-esteem. The following day he messaged her “to apologise and to thank me for making him realise that he was not cut out for the profession after all”.
This is unethical behaviour, it’s exploitative, and it’s emotionally abusive. Being a sex worker for women is not a place to work out your fantasies, or learn about yourself at the expense of other people.
It’s a serious job that comes with consequences for the people who pay their hard earned money for your service, if you can’t do your job. Imagine being told that you are the reason someone quit their profession. The lack of even basic empathy is astonishing and horrible.
So how can you increase your chance of making a good choice of male sex worker? Here are a few things to look for and consider:
There are also things that you can proactively do to help make a better choice of male escort (I know that most of them are fairly obvious, but I also know that sometimes we need to feel like we have permission to ask for these things. Here are a few ideas:
What if it all goes wrong or it just doesn’t work? We all hope this never happens, but sometimes it just doesn’t work. It has happened a few times for me over the thirteen years (at time of writing) that I have been a male sex worker and my response is always the same: I apologise, don’t request payment (or give them a refund if they chose to pay ahead), and offer to leave after making sure that they are ok.
I met a young woman once who unbeknown to me had never had sex, made the booking at the suggestion of her psychologist, and was absolutely mentally and physically not ready to have sex. After some time of foreplay with her I realised that it just wasn’t working for her, so asked her if she wanted to stop. She said yes, so we stopped. I gave her back her money, and left after making sure that she was ok.
Bookings won’t always work out. But as a professional sex worker, it’s our responsibility to do the right thing for a vulnerable person who may not be able to make the right decisions for themselves or feel able to enforce their rights.
So what can you do when it doesn’t work out? Here are some suggestions:
This has become quite a long post and I hope that it is helpful to women considering booking a male escort in Sydney or anywhere else. If you have suggestions or ideas that you think that I should add to the lists above please feel free to post a comment below or email me: john@john-oh-escort.com .
None of this is to say that you should book me and not another worker. I am well suited to some women, but not to others. What I want to do here is help women the right worker for them.
FInally – sex work should be safe and rewarding for workers and clients. We (workers and clients) shouldn’t tolerate men who behave unprofessionally. You have the right to a safe, fulfilling experience, or reasonable compensation if you don’t get it.
John
Giving oral sex to women is one of my favourite things to do. It always has been and I am generally told I am pretty good at it. And most women can reach orgasm with me that way.
But there’s a trick to helping a woman orgasm from oral sex – it’s something that I think I have always done instinctively, but according to a number of women I have asked, many men just don’t understand it.
The trick, is to be consistent – don’t change your style when she is getting close to orgasm!
So you need to be aware of what that looks and feels like. There are many signs (but be aware that not all women will show them, so a little help sometimes from her saying she’s getting close can be good), arching her back, tensing her stomach muscles and thighs, her vagina clenching, change in pitch and tone of her voice and breathing…
It’s all there to read if you pay attention – and that is when you really, really need to just keep doing what you are doing for her. No need to go faster or harder – what you are doing is working, so just KEEP DOING IT!
Most of the time with most women she will continue to sail on to have an orgasm and all will be right in the world.
There’s a lot more I could say about giving good oral sex, but that’s a story for another time. This PSA was just about the ending – and making it as happy as possible!
John
Is there something that you particularly love, hate, or just wish that men new about sex? Drop a comment or an email john@john-oh-escort.com and I’ll do a PSA on it.
People often ask me “what’s the weirdest thing you have ever been asked to do by a client”. The very vanilla answer to that question is “most women who come to me just want some good basic sex”.
But it does lead me to think about what “weird” really means.
My observation of people, sex, and sexuality over the last twelve years as a male escort for women (and couples) is that our sexuality – the things that “excite” us as opposed to our orientation, gender identity etc – exist on a spectrum and that what we like comes about in large part from what we are exposed to as we begin to explore sex.
In my teens I was exposed to heteronormative ideas and the images and practices that go with it – nuclear family, 80’s pop culture, Playboy and Penthouse magazines, the book The Joy of Sex (which I still think is a good read for heterosexual people), and very little else.
So that became my “normal”. As I was discovering sex those things were imprinted in my psyche and remain there to this day underpinning what is arousing for me. A lot of people have very similar experiences as they become sexually aware and engaged – so we reflexively assume that because most people are like us that this is somehow “normal” – with the inference that interests elsewhere on the sexual spectrum are somehow “weird”, or worse – “abnormal”.
In reality though – as long as something is consensual and legal – declaring what is and isn’t “normal” is an arbitrary value judgement – not an objective truth. I may not be aroused by what another person is aroused by, but that says nothing about its value, or validity. It’s just my perception. The key that fits their sexual lock doesn’t fit mine and vice versa.
Some women who contact me are embarrassed to tell me what they find arousing, what works for them. So I think that it is important to say that – as long as what you want is consensual and legal – that I am always happy for someone to ask me for what they want. I’m open to most things – but even if I’m not comfortable with something, then I’m not going to judge you for asking. You are entitled to enjoy what you enjoy, and I will respect that.
Want to call me “daddy”? Well ok then. Need to be spanked on the bottom? That’s fine. Like to go out for dinner with no underwear to spice things up? By all means. You aren’t going to shock me, and I will not judge you for what you want.
And neither should the rest of society!
John
Some years ago I wrote this post: The Chance to Say Goodbye. It talked about my experience as a sex worker meeting my clients and in time them moving on. I also wrote this post: Is it ok to See a Sex Worker Indefinitely discussing the merits and considerations of seeing a sex worker long term.
I’ve been thinking about these two posts recently as a number of my long-term clients have recently moved on.
As per the first article, it’s a bittersweet moment for me to hear that. Bitter because I don’t get to see someone I have gotten to know, sometimes over years and who’s company I enjoy. Sweet because I am happy that their life is now more complete than it was when they first came to me and they no longer need what I provided to them.
“My life is full and I am content. A lot of that is due to you and the confidence you imbued in me over the last 18 months.”
It is gratifying that my service can give someone confidence in themselves and help them to arrive at a better place than they were before they came to see me.
But then there are the women I see every month, year on year who have found the place that they want or need to be, with me. An uncomplicated connection, physical fulfilment, that is safe and secure, and an intimate experience that is dedicated solely to their pleasure.
In this (sort of) post covid era many people have been reassessing their lives, trying to find a new balance that makes them happy. And that has included deciding to see a sex worker where they might not have in the past, or alternatively, not seeing a sex worker that they might have seen regularly.
While this has at times meant handling cancellations, I want to say that if you are a client to a sex worker – it is always ok for you to change your mind. The last three years have brought a lot of change to all of our lives and we have to be ready to respect and support the people around us and their choices.
John