Music 2

Today has been an interesting day.  Firstly I had an appointment with a new physio about an ongoing issue that I have with my lower back.  Being 6’2″ is a blessing and a curse.  But I think that we might have finally found the right combination of stretching and exercises to resolve the problem.  The one weird thing I have noticed over the years is that sex makes lower back pain vanish completely (at least for a while!).

So, as part of my “core” strength building program to help support my back, I went to the pool here at Olympic Park and swam some laps.  Not the three kilometres I would once have done, but I was happy with the outcome.  Tomorrow I will swim again and go a bit further.  I came home from that feeling like I had no bones in my body.  That delightful feeling of being completely exhausted physically and floppy all over.

So, having had a quiet evening (and iTunes taking forever to download a movie on my very slow ADSL2 internet connection) I decided to pick up the guitar and practice some of the tunes I have been learning.  Not having a piano down here in the apartment means that I have to wait until I go home again to continue that adventure and that’s not going to happen for another week or two until my back is in better shape.  It’s one of the downsides of motorcycles.  They are hard on your back if it’s not in great shape.

So, one hour and totally worn out fingers later I am on my way to being able to play the first line of Beethoven’s Tempest Sonata Movement 3 and the most excellent riff from Dire Straights Sultans of Swing.  The only downside: my left hand fingertips (which are all numb and compressed from holding down guitar strings) now fail to work reliably on my laptop track pad for some weird reason!

Anyway, my musical adventures continue and I am having real fun with them.  One day soon I may even be able to play a full song.

John.

Music

I have never had a happy relationship with playing music.  Like most Australian children in the 70’s, the first instrument I picked up at school was a recorder.  I didn’t learn to play it well and eventually moving on to clarinet and guitar never helped!  Although I will say that I had a brief stint with the xylophone that was outstanding at around age 8!

Xylophone aside I just never managed to connect with playing music.  I was similarly handicapped when it came to mathematics.  Both were banes of my childhood.  I really wanted to be good at both, but unlike friends and family around me I didn’t have that musical knack, or intuition, or connection that they had.

Years passed.

Now, here I am at age 42 and the music is calling me!  Have you ever had that feeling of looking at something and thinking: “I know I can do that!”.  I bought an acoustic guitar some time ago and have enjoyed tinkering and teaching myself how to play it – and I genuinely feel that there is now something different in my brain, because for the first time I genuinely “feel” the music.  Guitar is still proving a significant challenge and one that I will continue working on, because guitar is such a great instrument to be able to play.  It’s portable, sounds great on its own and is always popular.

My new discovery though is that I love piano.  If you have read previous posts you will know that my partner has a piano (I made a post here about tuning the one key that was out of tune).  So two days ago I sat down and started learning to play the very beautiful classical piece of music (Beethoven’s Tempest 3rd movement) that featured in the remake of the movie Total Recall.  It’s a stupendous challenge for someone who A. has never played piano and B. isn’t great an patting their head while rubbing their tummy!  However I have discovered that I can still read music fairly well (even if I can’t make my fingers do what the notes say – yet!).  The result is that with about four sessions of practice over two days, I can basically play the first line and a half.

I am under no illusions that what I am doing is any good really, but I just LOVE being able to sit down in front of a piano and produce from it, something that actually sounds like real music.  It is a fabulous experience that makes life a richer and more enjoyable thing to live.  As I write this, my partner is playing the theme song from the movie Amelie (by the composer Yann Tiersen) in the living room (she is much, much better than I am), filling the house with music that is beautiful and of her own making, imperfections, hesitations and all.

There is something about live music and the people who can create it that has always captured me.  From seeing cover bands in Melbourne pubs when I was at university to an individual sitting down at the public pianos that occasionally get placed around Circular Quay in Sydney.  It has been one of my lifelong desires to join those ranks.  Even at this late stage in my life (relatively speaking) perhaps it’s possible.

I could segue into something about sex here and perhaps I should.  A comparison between learning a new skill like playing an instrument and learning about sex and what we can enjoy with our bodies.  I do think that it’s a fair comparison, since most of us never get the chance to learn about sex, we just go along with the general assumption that it is something that just happens and you don’t need to learn or practice.

Well, like any instrument, the human body needs to be tuned and the skills practised if you want to create really beautiful music.

John.

The Sydney Skinny!

On Sunday I was lucky enough to participate in the Sydney Skinny, for those who don’t know it, it is an open water nude swim in Sydney Harbour at Cobbler Beach.  It is run each year around late February.

You can see the website here: http://www.thesydneyskinny.com.au/

The swim has two distances: a 300 meter swim and a 900 meter swim.  It is arranged in “waves” of about 50 swimmers each and this year they ran more than ten waves.  It’s really popular!  It is also really fun.  The atmosphere of the event was truly delightful.  Everyone was very respectful, very relaxed, and appeared to be enjoying themselves.  It’s not a race, there is no timing and no prizes, it’s a challenge only to yourself, to swim, to be nude in public, to accept yourself as you are.  Not always an easy thing to do.

I am lucky enough to have been comfortable with my body, with nudity, for pretty much all of my life.  Not so for everyone who was there.  But I didn’t see anyone back out.  Everyone stripped off and everyone swam.  There is a real comfort in seeing other people around you happily taking off their clothes, and not treating it like a big deal.  Just doing it.  And having fun while they are doing it.  It’s such a different celebration of nudity and the human body (in all shapes and sizes) than the one that is given to us by the media and the rest of society every day.

It is how I think that nudity should be treated.  Not good or bad.  Just natural.  Something that doesn’t have to be commented upon, sexualised, or demonised.  So I think that at the end of the day, this is the value of The Sydney Skinny.  It lets us be ourselves and be comfortable with who we are when there is no barrier between us and the world.

If you want to try a different form of self expression and to get out in the open air then I highly recommend The Sydney Skinny.  It may be challenging for you.  It may be easy.  But I am sure that it will be fun.

John.

The pubic hair debate

Pubic hair and the question of whether to have lots, a little, or none is a perennial conversation. It pops up every now and then and draws plenty of debate about fashion, manipulation of women, self esteem, and more.

You can see the latest installment in the Guardian here:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/19/year-of-the-bush-female-body-hair-cameron-diaz-pubic

These are all good questions to be asking and the debate is always worth having. But I believe that it falls short, because I have never seen anyone discuss the merits of pubic hair in regard to actually having sex.  Neatly trimmed pubic hair versus a wild bush may may give certain “signals” to a potential partner, but what about when the signaling is over and you are in bed with someone?

Well, the short answer is that pubic hair or the lack there of can make sex a very different experience for both partners.  There are other factors involved too of course, like the amount of lubrication involved (natural or artificial) and condoms.

If a woman has no public hair on her outer labia, then it changes the sensations of penetration for both her and her partner.  For her partner (assuming adequate lubrication) it creates a much smoother, more slippery sensation.  Not more intense, not less intense – or better or worse even necessarily – but different.  For the woman there may be less stimulation of the outer labia, since there is no hair to be pulling on them.

Pubic hair and its lack can become quite significant in longer sex (say more than 15 or 20 minutes).  Depending upon the position/s that you are having sex in, pubic hair above the genitals (so on one’s pubic mound) can be problematic.  If you have it and your partner doesn’t, or vice versa, then over time it can become abrasive.  Having “neatened” pubic hair in this region I have found on occasion that I will get a little skin irritation in this area if my partner has more public hair than I do.  Of course this is only really a problem when having sex in missionary position or similar where there is very close contact.

At the end of the day, I am not inclined to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t have. But I will say this: experimenting can be fun!  If you have never shaved, then I highly recommend giving it a go.  Try it and see what you think and don’t let fashion or anyone else tell you what is right for you.

If you do decide that being partly, mostly, or completely bare works for you, then I highly recommend laser hair removal.  It is quick, mostly permanent and getting to be quite cheap these days.  It has worked well for me and once done avoids the difficulties of ingrown hairs and the need for regular shaving.

John.

Thwarted!

I have been a cyclist of varying degrees of fitness for most of my life, but in recent years, I haven’t ridden as much as I would like to.  Other exercise, like Pilates, free weights, walking, and interval sprints have been the norm.

But today I felt like cycling.  So, seizing the moment I donned the appropriate clothing and headed for the garage.  Only to find that some inconsiderate person had managed to steal the frame pump off my bike which was locked up inside my security cage in the garage!  Disappointing doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling.

It is upsetting to have stuff that you have worked hard to buy stolen from you.  But it’s worse having good habits like exercise interrupted.  Things can be replaced, but that ride is lost to me forever.

Thankfully I was able to walk and do some interval sprints instead, so I got my exercise for the day, but I was really looking forward to going for a roll.

John.

You can do a lot in a day …

As Justin Timberlake’s character said in the movie In Time: “You can do a lot in a day”.

It’s true, you can do a lot in a day.  You can do even more in a year.  And we have a brand new one ahead of us.  The hard part is knowing what to do with it.  All too often in life we find ourselves trapped in the mundane requirements of existing: work, bills, stuff that never seems to add anything meaningful to our lives beyond day to day survival.

All too often we are suppressing the things that we really feel and want, to allow ourselves to get along.  All too often one of those things is our sexuality.  It is almost inevitable that sex will come last given the way our society treats it – something that is wrong, or that we should be guilty about.  But it’s not.

Our sexuality is a core part of who we are.  When we deny that part of ourselves we distort our personality and our lives, often in unexpected and detrimental ways.

When we explore our sexuality, enjoy it, and give it a fair share of our time and energy then we can relieve hidden pressures, feel happier, and actually be able to engage with the world more effectively in other areas of our life.

Why not make this the year that your sexuality is a priority?  You can do a lot in a year.  Or even in a day.

John.

 

A revolution in condoms

As you can imagine, condoms are my best friend (and at the same time my worst enemy).  I am very familiar with all of the different brands, styles, and thicknesses.  Some of them are great, some of them don’t suit me, and some are not so great.

They are however all pretty much exactly the same.  At least in so far as how they work – close fitting, lubricant on the outside, reservoir tip, roll on, pull off.  The “technology” of condoms hasn’t really changed in centuries, only the materials, we now use latex and silicon instead of animal gut.

So today I came across what is possibly the first real innovation in condoms in well, a very long time.  It comes from a company called Origami Condoms.  You can see their website here:

http://www.origamicondoms.com/

They have a range of three different condoms – for heterosexual sex for men, for heterosexual sex for women, and for anal sex for either gender.  This is very interesting because it shows that Origami understand that desires for pleasure, contraception, and STI prevention require different solutions depending on your gender and what you are doing.

Here’s a video demonstrating the male condom …

The Origami condom for women allows a woman to take complete control of contraception using a barrier method (like a condom where there is a physical barrier preventing unsafe contact).  This is not something women have had before (if you discount the horrid “Femidom” which – having tried them – I would not recommend).  This “condom” is inserted by the woman before sex, so she has complete control over it and its use.

The Origami condom for men is quite similar to the women’s version, but it is fitted by the man over his penis.  It is different to regular condoms in that instead of clinging tightly to the man’s penis and being lubricated on the outside, it is a looser fit and lubricated on the inside.  This means that when you are having sex the condom stays still inside the woman’s vagina and the penis moves in and out of it (although I believe that it holds onto and moves with the base of the penis).

I can imagine that this arrangement may well make sex with a condom feel more natural for the man.  I don’t know if it would be better or worse for the woman.  Given Origami’s aim to improve the experience of protected sex I am hoping that they are considering this, as they are clearly considering men’s pleasure.

One thing I note that is a potential downside is that their condoms are made of silicon.  Personally I don’t much like the feel of silicon, but that may be different in these condoms.

As for the anal sex condom, this looks like a real winner.  Giving control to the partner receiving, providing a strong condom that reduces the risk of breakage and a style of condom that is impossible to “lose”.  It may also help to prevent potential damage by reducing friction.

Now the bad news: they won’t be available until somewhere in late 2014.  These things have to go through FDA approval in the US sadly, so don’t expect to see them any time soon.  That said, the year is flying by once again and 2015 will be hear before you know it!

Ultimately time will tell if these things are any good, but honestly I think that it is GREAT that someone out there is taking condoms seriously and looking for ways to improve them.

John.

The beauty of breasts

It will come as no surprise I am sure to hear that I like (love) women’s breasts.  They are fabulous.  Large or small, they all have their own charm.

I came across an article today in Fairfax’s Daily Life site about breasts and thought it worth sharing.  You can see the original article here:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-are-we-so-embarrassed-about-breasts-20130206-2dxa3.html

The author of the article (who wrote/edited a book about breasts to support breast cancer research after having cancer herself) found herself troubled by just how prudish our society (western society) is about breasts.  Most significantly the way that womens’ breasts are treated as sexual where as mens’ are not.

Ultimately it’s just one more arbitrary thing in our culture.  Some people develop fetishes for feet, or hands, or being sat on, or … just about anything you can think of.  Our society has create a general fetish for womens’ breasts, but not mens’.  There is plenty to say here about double standards and the objectification of women.

What I would like to say is – given that our society in general has this fetish and it’s not going away any time soon – the best thing that we can all do is learn to enjoy what we have to the full.  Many men don’t appreciate the pleasure that a women can get from having her breasts touched and stimulated.  Also, many women don’t appreciate how enjoyable it can be for them either.  There are so many ways to do it, from massaging the whole breast with fingers and hand, to exquisite nipple play with lips, fingers, or toys.

So, while we wait for equality in bare breasted to happen, lets explore the pleasure to be had from this collective fetish and re-discover breast play as part of a fulfilling sex life!

John

Women expect too much from men in bed?

Given my line of work, I really shouldn’t be so surprised to see this article in the Herald today …

http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/why-women-expect-too-much-from-men-in-bed-20121114-29cgb.html

We live in a world where men and women seem to be constantly at war over our respective sexualities.  And there is no end in sight.

Articles like the one linked above demonstrate the simplistic views that many people hold.  And then try to foist on the rest of us.

Life is never simple, but if we are prepared to engage with our partner (male or female), understand what they want and need, and put in some effort to give it to them, then we may find that we get more back than we expected.

So lots of women loved Fifty Shades of Grey and it inspired them to start asking their partners for more in the bedroom?  I say that’s a good thing and something to be celebrated, not a cause for complaint.

John.

101 Vaginas – a pictorial project to change perceptions

I came across an interesting project today on the Pozible crowd source funding website.

About the project: What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

“101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.”

—-

Ok, firstly, I am not going to take them to task (too much) about the name.  Really, it should be 101 Vulvas, since thats what they are talking about.  It seems to be a very common misconception.  A woman’s external genitals is called her vulva.  The vagina is all internal.

While I am all for breaking taboos and setting people straight on what a “normal” pussy can look like, I am also big on getting the terminology right!

Still, this strikes me as a good project.  Something to strike a blow against the airbrushed anonymity of how pussies have been made to look thanks to John Howard and his ilk passing laws preventing a woman’s inner labia being shown in R18+ rated material sold in this country.

This kind political and moralistic insanity has resulted in countless women undergoing unnecessary surgery to have the size of their inner labia reduced because they have been made to feel insecure about the way that their pussy looks.

I have written about this issue before here, but I love the idea of this book and now that I have a coffee table (!) I most definitely want to have this book on it.

I have pledged $100 to the production of the book, so fingers crossed that it hits its target!

John

What is 101 Vagina?

Please see the main project website here: http://101vagina.com

101 Vagina is about breaking down the taboos and shame around our bodies in general and vaginas in particular, to celebrate diversity and generate dialogue.

It will be a coffee table photo book with 101 black & white photos and an accompanying message from or about the woman’s vagina.