Category Archives: Ethics

Cinq à Sep

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I was recently introduced to a new term “Cinq à Sept” – specifically the French meaning (not the Quebec, Canada meaning).

From Wikipedia…

“Cinq à sept originally referred to a time for a tryst, and consequently is a metonym for a visit to one’s mistress, an extramarital affair, and the mistress involved. It derived from the time of day French people would make such a visit. It is still commonly considered as the time of day to meet one’s mistress or lover, and the term implies a sexual liaison (as opposed to the Québécois habit).”

Here in Australia Cinq à Sept has never really been a thing. We are far more likely to be voluntarily putting in overtime, going to the pub after work, or playing sport, but not ducking off for “a tryst”.

Which is a bit of a shame really. I’ve often said that as a society we don’t prioritise sex in our lives and that we are all the more poor for that. So I love the idea of a society that says “we finish work at 5.00pm because overtime would cut into sex time!”

That is something that I can get behind.

John

ShortTake – Types of sex work – seven part series

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There are three main forms of sex work regulation. This series of short videos gives you an introduction to what they are and how they work.

Episodes are released one day at a time and I will update this post each day.

Part 1 of 7:

Part 2 of 7:

Part 3 of 7

Part 4 of 7

Part 5 of 7

Part 6 of 7

Part 7 of 7

If there is a topic that you would like me to cover, please let me know!

John

ShortTakes – a series of short educational films about sex work

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Several years ago (back in 2018) I made a series of short films discussing sex work and the various legal, ethical, and practical issues surrounding it. For a number of reasons I ended up taking those films down, but I think it’s time that they received another airing.

So for the next few few months I will be publishing them on YouTube and linking them here on my blog. They will also be collated on my Sex work ShortTakes page

Hopefully you will find them interesting and informative.

I haven’t made any new films recently – so if there is a topic that I haven’t already covered that you would like to hear about please feel free to drop me a comment about it and I’ll see what I can do.

John

Being naked changes us

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Clothing is possibly one of the most significant social influences in our societies.  You can be openly gay, or atheist or religious, or socialist, or conservative in public and it’s all acceptable (in Australia at least) – protected even.  But you can’t be naked in public.

France Keyser for The New York Times

Think about that.

Intentional nudity in public is literally illegal, while espousing extreme political or religious views is not.

I will add at this point that:

“It’s not an offence to be naked in public in England and Wales but it does become an offence if it can be proved the person stripped off with the intention to upset and shock. The complainant has to prove this.”

This is more than a little surprising for a relatively conservative society, so well done them.  It’s not without it’s problems though as Stephen Gough “The Naked Rambler” has discovered.  He has walked from Lands End to John O’Groats twice – naked.  In doing so he’s been arrested and even jailed multiple time.  So it’s an imperfect law, imperfectly applied.

Anyway, all of that, I think, goes to the main point here. Nudity is a central taboo in the vast majority of our societies – even when it is literally legal.

I was recently sent a link to an article (thank you Denise):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/27/arts/design/naturism-exhibition-naked-mucem-marseille.html?unlocked_article_code=1.dk4.Krv_.GJLLt5TAlReM&smid=url-share

about an exhibition at the Museum of the Civilizations of Europe and the Mediterranean in France dedicated to the history of social nudity.  On five nights during its run the visitors are all naked.

We could look at this as a marketing stunt, but I see something else here.

I have had the experience on several occasions in my life to be lounging around with a mixed group of people, naked. Here’s what I have observed:

Loud people become less loud.
Quiet people speak up.
Social pressures seem to evaporate.
There is much more of a sense of equality.
People seem to be more respectful of each other.

So I can absolutely see how interacting with a sociological study of nudity with a group of naked people would give a different experience – and perhaps insight into – “naturalism” and nudity in public.

Clothing lets us project an image. Clothing is a mask that we wear to make a statement – to project authority, sexuality (ironically), demonstrate status, wealth, or “piety”, and many other things. It has practical applications for protection of course but even when practicality isn’t an issue we still choose to wear clothes.

Nudity takes away much of our ability to project an image to those around us and while being naked all of the time is impractical, I do think that as a society we would benefit from the humility that I observe comes with nudity.

John

Something that I get disproportionate satisfaction from

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So I was doing some work with my truck the other day and as I was walking past the back of the tray one of my gloves caught on a protrusion and RIP! The stitches along the side just pulled straight out.

Now I usually get a good three to four months out of a pair of gloves, even when I’m spending a lot of time on my machines. This pair I only pulled out of my reserve two weeks ago! So I am seriously disappointed to have ripped on open.

Now I’m not going to talk about how everything these days is poorly made and doesn’t last. That’s old news and I just grudgingly expect it.

Instead I’m going to talk about fixing thing and how much pleasure it gives me as opposed to buying something new. 

Sorry, I can’t help myself, I am going to talk about!

In my life I have seen our economy and industry go from (mostly) trying to make things that were durable and did what they were meant to do, to making products that barely do their job and fail even before the warranty has expired. Disposable products not intended to last let alone be fixed!

I frankly find it disgusting. Why shouldn’t furnature – if it’s looked after – last literally forever? Why don’t we fix our fridges and washing machines? I still remember my mother and her sister-in-law taking an old dining room setting and restoring the chairs, replacing the upholstery on the seats. Then recovering a pair of arm chairs and a couch for the lounge.

They were all lovely pieces of furniture that despite needing new coverings every few decades can and should go on indefinitely. Yet take a drive around a suburb when it’s hard rubbish collection week and you will see piles of furnature being thrown away.

So while one pair of gloves doesn’t really mean anything in the scheme of things I will be pulling out the needle and thread to sew up the split seam so that I can continue using them until the leather finally wears through – which is the way that it should be. And that will make something deep inside of me very happy, despite it being trivial.

I get a lot of pleasure from fixing things and putting them back to work when other people simply throw them away. Another example is my chainsaw. It broke down due to a fuel issue and actually damaged the piston. The shop that services it told me it “wasn’t worth fixing”. They wanted me to buy a new $600 chainsaw. I discovered that I can buy the required replacement parts for $160 (thank you eBay) and about three hours work will see (an almost new) chainsaw put back to work probably for many years to come.

Not everyone can fix things. I’m lucky to have the tools and the skills to be able to do so. And I find the process of mending something broken rather than just buying a replacement extremely satisfying.

John

A message of solidarity and sober reflection

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Anyone who has read at all deeply on this website knows that I am a strong supporter of sex worker rights and women’s rights.

As of Wednesday 6th of November 2024 the USA is facing another four years with Donald Trump and the right-wing of USA politics in charge of the country.  And it is not going to be a good time for sex workers – or our clients.

Newsweek.com published an article on Nov 6th, 2024 with the following quote about “Project 2025”:

“Project 2025 makes it clear that they will be coming after porn under a First Amendment suit.

The introduction to the manifesto reads: “Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance, is not a political Gordian knot inextricably binding up disparate claims about free speech, property rights, sexual liberation, and child welfare. It has no claim to First Amendment protection.”

https://www.newsweek.com/project-2025-porn-ban-trump-presidency-1981587

While this comment from the Project 2025 manifesto only mentions “pornography” we can be sure that these people won’t differentiate between “porn stars” and any other kind of sex work. They hate it all and will suppress and prosecute it all equally when they have the power to do so.

So firstly – to all of my USA sex working peers: please stay safe.  I really hope that things don’t get as bad as they look like they could.

Secondly – this is a moment for sober reflection.  Here in Australia we have the best, most rational, and permissive sex work laws in the world.  We have them because for decades people faught for them.  And there is the justifiable belief that once we have a right it won’t be taken away.  But the USA has clearly demonstrated how that assumption is fundamentally incorrect.  

Our rights are only safe for the current election cycle – and make no mistake, there are plenty of people and politicians in Australia who would leap at the chance to criminalise sex work once again and take us back to the bad old days where police brutalised sex workers and controlled politicians who used sex work services.

All it takes is moral panic and populist politics to tear down decades of incremental gains.  Just look at the USA and their ending of Roe V wade.  If it happened there, then it can happen here too.  If you value your ability to read this blog – let alone actually make a booking to see me – then you need to support the rights of sex workers because minority rights are also your rights.

John

We don’t need to miss out on intimacy – and we shouldn’t

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When I started writing this article it was with a sense of frustration about what I see happening to women in relationships.  I regularly meet women – through my work as a male escort – who come to me because their partners (who they love and respect, and who’s company they enjoy) won’t give them the intimacy and sex that they want and need.

I am frustrated because these men seem to have no idea what they have to loose.  It takes a lot for any person dedicated to their relationship to take the leap to visit an escort.  It is not something done flippantly.  It’s done because for many women this is the only way they feel they can get the sex that they need without compromising themselves and endangering their relationship.

I really wish that as a society we could have a better conversation about relationships, what they mean, what we want and need from them, and how we can all get what we need to allow us to be happy – as opposed to the assumption that we operate under now that one person can and always will be able to fulfill all of our needs. Something that is clearly not true for the majority of people.

John

Hilary Caldwell, sex work, research, and her book about reclaiming your sexuality

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I’ve known Hillary Caldwell for a few years now and am proud to have participated in her research. I’m happy that I was able to contribute in a small way to her writing. She has recently published a book

Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-free Sexuality.

When women are enjoying better sex, the people they have sex with will too. Sexual equality is good for everyone.’

Despite decades of activism, women are still burdened with the effects of slut shaming in everyday life. Finally, there is a book that argues convincingly and passionately for women’s enjoyment of sex as a force to advance gender equality.

Delving into topics such as pleasure, pain, empowerment, and including real women’s stories and saucy tips, sexologist and academic Hilary Caldwell is uniquely placed to understand what women want – and, importantly, what women deserve.

Deeply researched and drawn from the author’s own life experience, Slutdom is controversial, celebratory and courageous.

For anyone struggling with their sexuality and trying to find a way to be happy and whole with it I think this is worth a read.
John

Sex work, disability, and the NDIS – again…

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13 years ago a young woman with cerebral palsy contacted me. She had never had sex before and wanted to try it with me because she felt that seeing a sex worker would be safe and give her control over the encounter.

She has continued to see me every month since then and is to this day my longest standing client. Being able to see me regularly is an important part of her well being and enjoyment of life. We literally have more sex than many married couples!

She is in the very lucky position of being able to afford to see a sex worker regularly. Many if not most people with a disability are not. That’s where the National Disability Insurance Scheme has been very helpful for some people with disabilities. It has given them the financial ability to pay for sex that they otherwise would be unable to have.

And now we have this from NDIS minister Bill Shorten:

“Sex work will be banned from being funded through the National Disability Insurance Scheme under NDIS Minister Bill Shorten’s planned reforms, the minister has confirmed.

The decision to exclude sex work has prompted deep concern from the disability sector, who warn it will rob participants of free choice, and could be a sign of a broader tightening on what participants can access.

On Sunday, Mr Shorten told Sky News he intended to change the rules.

“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.

“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”

Specialised sex services have been available through the NDIS since 2020 when the federal court ruled in a legal challenge that the National Disability Insurance Agency should approve those services where deemed reasonable and necessary.”

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-07-07/sex-worker-ndis-funding-ban/104068652

I expect this sort of unsympathetic nickle-and-diming of government spending from the LNP, but hearing this from a Labor minister is extremely depressing. Shorten’s quote to Sky News doesn’t even make any sense…

“We will rule it out, yeah, we will rule it out. It’s just not a sustainable proposition, it doesn’t pass the test, does it,” Mr Shorten said.

“The reality is I’ve got one or two examples I’m aware of that it’s ever happened, ever. So it’s not what’s happening in most of the scheme.”

If there are really only “one or two examples” of people using NDIS funds to access sex work services then it’s hardly a burden on society. But he also said “It’s just not a sustainable proposition”.

An “unstainable proposition” how Mr Shorten? Financially? You just said that almost no-one uses it, so that doesn’t make sense.

Did he mean it’s a “[morally] unsustainable proposition”? If so does that mean that the federal Labor government is planning to ban all sex work? Or is it just “morally unsustainable” for people with a disability to be enabled to experience sex – like every able bodied person in the community (which is literally the purpose of the NDIS – to enable people with disabilities to be able to live their lives as normally as possible).

I just don’t understand where this coming from. I absolutely expect these sorts of prudish, mean spirited decisions from an LNP government, but Labor knows better and should do better.

It’s a sad day. People with disabilities deserve sex too.

John