A little tied up …

We have all heard of “bondage” in sexuality culture – and books like Fifty Shades of Grey have brought bondage and discipline (almost) into the mainstream.  It conjures up images of black leather, wrist cuffs, and spanking paddles.  And for some of us (many in fact) who are not part of that scene, a little buzz of curiosity.

So lets clear a few things up: bondage only means restraint and it comes in a wide array of forms.  It doesn’t require or need to cause pain and it most certainly shouldn’t be abusive.

Lots of people like the idea of being restrained, especially when having sex, or as part of foreplay.  Giving up control can be a powerful aphrodisiac for men and women and can totally change the experience of sex and of a relationship.  Too often we see sex as a physical act with orgasm as the goal – there is nothing wrong with that (good honest sex is my stock in trade and I love it), but it is only one part of the story of sexuality and sticking just to that may leave us missing out on interesting, exciting, and enjoyable experiences.

The first thing that you must have if you are going to explore bondage (or any fetish that takes you outside of your normal boundaries) is trust in the person you are doing it with.  Trust is what lets you explore and have confidence that things won’t go too far, that limits will be respected, and when you say “enough” that your partner will respect your wishes.

Bondage comes in many different forms and like most things cerebral and emotional it “means” different things to different people.  I would like to just introduce some basics here to give you a taste of some of the different styles of bondage.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

The logical starting point is handcuffs (like a policeman might carry).  They are virtually a cliche, but they are packed with symbolism and can be a (cheap) simple and effective way of restraining someone.  Don’t forget that bondage is (mostly) about how it makes you (and your partner) feel, so the symbolism and cultural meaning in things like handcuffs can be a very big part of the experience.  Also we can usually get away with having a pair of handcuffs in the bedside table (people can usually laugh that off), but it might be a little harder to explain cuffed spreader bars …

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

More advanced bondage of limbs comes from wrist and ankle cuffs.  I won’t begin to try to explain the variety of products available out there, there is simply too much.  The bottom line though is that wrist and ankle cuffs are great for serious players.  They can look sexy, feel good, provide serious entertainment and pleasure through the ritual of buckles and clasps, and they are safe and easy to work with allowing for fast release of restraint when desired.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found by the link on the image

Rope is probably the oldest method of bondage and the shear variety of materials and techniques is overwhelming.  As a rock climber and sailer I have a natural affinity for rope, so of all of the methods of bondage, I would have to say that it is the one that appeals most to me.  I have recently been introduced (via the Xplore Sydney Festival) to the Japanese style of rope bondage called Shibari.  As with most things Japanese Shibari has become a highly ritualised, formalised and studied art. I have read that it was derived from techniques used by Samuri to restrain captives.

This image comes from Wikimedia Commons and can be found via the link on the image

Shibari goes beyond just restraint and makes binding the human body a work or art and beauty.  Shibari requires significant time and effort to learn as a practitioner to be able to do it well and safely (this is a very important aspect of Shibari), especially for advanced work like this suspension piece shown to the left.

Ultimately bondage – however you practice it – is about having challenging yourself and your partner, exploring your boundaries, and most of all having fun.  It can also be a good gateway to the fetish community, giving you the chance to discover a whole new world of erotic experiences and people.

If you are curious about bondage, then let me know.  I would be happy to chat about it, or if you are feeling brave to make some light restraint a part of our date.

John.

 

Sex Tips for Busy People, by Jacqueline Hellyer

I love and enjoy sex.  A good thing given that I am a male escort for women.  Not everyone does – both men and women.  But most do.

Unfortunately our society often conspires to force us out of doing the things that are really conducive to wanting and having good sex.  The Sydney Morning Herald published an article recently about the book Sex Tips for Busy People, by Jacqueline Hellyer here:

www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/how-to-have-gourmet-sex-20120315-1v77z.html

The conclusions drawn in the article and book about how to revitalise your sex life centre around simple practical things.  Like making time that’s dedicated to sex, going to bed early, talking to your partner, being nice to each other.

These are things that my partner and I do as a matter of course, but as I said at the beginning, people’s lives ofte conspire against being able to do this stuff.  Stress, limited time, work, family pressures, and just the familiarity that a long term relationship brings can make it really hard to do these simple things.

The article uses the analogy of good sex being like a gourmet meal: it takes time and effort to prepare and as a result is more enjoyable and special because of that effort.  Which gave me a chuckle as (if you continue the analogy) you could consider that booking a date with me is like going to a good restaurant.  You don’t have to do the preparation and cooking, but you still get the great meal.

The life lesson though is that if you want good sex, you (both) have to work for it.  I am all in favor of that and it is one of the reasons that I offer my Masterclasses in oral sex.  Not everyone can afford my services on a regular basis, so I wanted to be able to give couples and singles a few more skills to help things along.

The more we think about our sex life, work at giving to our partner the better.  Sometimes it can’t, or won’t be reciprocated, but it’s definitely worth a try!

John.

Movie – Ten minutes to orgasm …

If you follow my blog then you may have seen that a Melbourne based director and producer of porn for women (Ms Naugthy) recently invited me to participate in a movie that she was shooting.  I made a post about the offer and had quite a lot of discussion with my readers and clients.

The consensus was that I should not participate, but there was also strong support for me doing something that I had full control over and could post on my site.  The result is that I recently filmed a short (10 minute) movie.

 

An image from my movie – Ten minutes to orgasm

You also download the movie. Right click this link and choose “Save link as”: Movie – Ten minutes to orgasm

I wanted to make something that was relevant to me and the service that I offer, so filming an erotic massage seemed like the ideal starting point.  As we worked on it we both realised that stopping at just the massage would be leaving the other half of the story untold.  So we continued filming as I gave Shelly (who was by now very aroused) oral sex until she reached orgasm.  I think that the result is quite beautiful and also quite arousing.

This movie was an experiment to see what was possible with two people and digital video camera. As a result most of the shots are stationary, made using the camera on a tripod.  It is surprising I think what you can achieve with such a simple setup.  It certainly exceeded my expectations.

We had the use of a rather nice serviced apartment in the CBD for the day and the diffuse light streaming in through the curtains made for some beautiful contrasts and play of light and shadow over soft curves.

It amazes me just how easy it is, with all of the tools that we have available to us, to make really good quality movies that can be shared so easily over the Internet.  I hope you like the result and look forward to your comments.

I intend to make more movies in the future and would like to show real women having real enjoyment (like Shelly did in this movie).  If you would like to work with me (whether anonymously, or openly) feel free to let me know.

 John.

Sweet Sybian Sydney party number two

I attended my second Sweet Sybian Sydney party on Friday night and wanted to give a report here.  Some times when you have a good experience in a situation like this you worry that it may have just been a one off.  A lucky coincidence of the right people at the right time and place.  So I was looking forward to the party, but a little concerned that perhaps it wouldn’t live up to the very high expectations that my first experience had created.

The result though I can say without hesitation was really good.  It was a very different crowd this time (as many of the people I met in December are currently away on holidays) and the average age was also younger.  This created a different dynamic to the evening (with only me and my partner for the night doing an “open door” session for others to watch).

But the night was still very enjoyable and we met a lot of new and interesting people and had a great time.  Once again the atmosphere was absolutely positive and very supportive of the pleasure and comfort of the women who attended – just like last time.  And definitely non-sleazy

My partner for the night wasn’t thrilled with the effects of the Sybian last time, but we put that down to the fact that it was the first time for both of us and just went along to try again and enjoy the night.  The result though this time (with the addition of a mains powered Hitachi “ball” vibrator) was fantastic.  We only had one session with the Sybian due to the first one (and the play that followed it) just being so overwhelming for my partner that there wasn’t a need for a second round.

So, once again, well done Phil and Fleur, you host a great party (with excellent food and drink I might add) and I highly recommend anyone who is curious to book in for the next party (to be held on March 23rd).  You may learn something about yourself and your body.  And you will definitely have fun!

Go here: http://sweetsybiansydney.blogspot.com/ to book.

John.

Oral sex master class a success

I gave my first oral sex master class Giving Great Oral Sex to Women on the weekend.  It was a really good experience for me (and I believe for M and S the two women who participated) with lots of information shared, plenty of laughs and fun, and many new things learned.

I was actually surprised by how much fun the session was.  I was expecting that we would all enjoy it, but didn’t expect it to be quite so relaxed and there to be so much laughter.

I am looking forward to doing it again and hopefully including a male/female couple next time (which will be an interesting difference working with a guy).

John.

Masterclass: giving great oral sex to men

Following on from my recent post Giving great oral sex to women I want to offer an equivalent for wome.  So I am pleased to announce that from the new year (2012) I will be offering a Masterclass for women to teach the practicalities of giving great oral sex to men.

No-one is bourne knowing how to give a great blowjob.  It’s something that you need to learn.  How robust is a man’s penis?  How hard can you squeeze it?  Will it hurt to bend it?  What about pulling it down?  Should I use my teeth or just my tounge?  And just what should and shouldn’t I do with his testicles?!

All these questions and more that you may or may not know the answer to will be covered.  And anything that you want to know I will be happy to answer.

WARNING!
This class involves nudity and practicing of oral sex
techniques as part of the process of instruction.

How does it work:

  • The class runs for two hours
  • Involves one to three women who want to learn how to give great oral sex to a man
  • Begins with basic anatomy (you have to know what the parts of a man’s genitals are to be able to give maximum pleasure)
  • Description and practice of basic techniques including:
    • Hand techniques
    • Lips, tongue, teeth, saliva
    • Lubrication
    • What to do with your other hand
    • How to position yourself
    • Two handed techniques
    • Levels of arousal and reading the signs
    • Using your whole body
    • Making him orgasm
    • How to avoid being caught unaware!
    • Don’t like to swallow?  Learn how to make it feel great anyway
    • What to do as and after he orgasms
    • Communication

Who can attend:

  • Any woman or couple who want to learn about giving great oral sex to men.

What does it cost:

  • $350 per person or couple for a private lesson
  • $220 per person or couple for a group lesson (up to three women or couples)

When can I do it:

  • There is no set schedule.  Just contact me when you are ready and arrange a time
  • If you are comfortable doing the class with other women or couples please let me know and I will try to arrange a time that suits everyone.

What should I bring:

  • A willingness to learn
  • Patience
  • An open mind

What should I leave behind:

  • Your inhibitions
  • Fear that you might fail – these techniques take time to learn.  You need to be prepared to practice to master them

Sweet Sybian Sydney – The inside story

Well, I attended my first Sweet Sybian Sydney party on Friday last week.  I have recieved a lot of email about Sweet Sybian Sydney since I blogged about it recently and I want to let everyone know that results.

The bottom line is … it was a fantastic party. If you are at all interested in the Sybian, then I highly recommend contacting Sweet Sybian Sydney, either for a private session, or to attend their next party (on the 21st of January).

So, what was the party like?

The venue is a very nice, well appointed unit in Artarmon, which is easy to get to, with plenty of parking available near by. There is a balcony available for smokers, plenty of food and drink and a relaxed and very positive, not sleazy at all atmosphere.

Sweet Sybian hosts Paul and Fleur are great.  They are really relaxed, considerate people, who look after their guest.  They gave a detailed demonstration (yes, a real demonstration by Fleur) of the Sybian to all guests before we were invited to try out the Sybian for ourselves.  This made setup and operation for each couple easy (and of course Fleur and Paul provided assistance if required).

Each machine is set up in its own room, with a bathroom available to each, so you can have complete privacy while you try it out.  If however you are more adventurous (as many couples were that night), you can leave the door open when you play with the Sybian to allow other couples to watch.

Each couple were given two half hour sessions with one of the two Sybians, let me just say that once you got set up and going, the time flew by!  You could spend a serious amount of time with one of these things.

Possibly the most important thing to know is that the machine itself (like any toy) takes time to get used to.  It has a lot of different covers (penetrating, or not, large, small, g-spot, deep, not deep).  You can adjust the height of the unit (low down, or up on a higher stand).  And you can adjust a component that causes more or less clitoral stimulation.

So be prepared to spend some time (and even a few sessions even) really getting to know how to set up a Sybian for yourself so that it gives you the maximum amount of pleasure.

Like with any sex toy thought there may be some women for whom the Sybian just doesn’t do it, but honestly, don’t let that worry stop you.  Even if it’s not the best sex toy for you, you would still have had fun on Friday night.

That said, once you have it set up, then the results can be really spectacular.  There were a lot of very happy ladies there at the end of the night!

Which brings me to another point. I think that one of the reasons that the party was so much fun was that the whole reason for everyone being there was the women and their pleasure. Not about their male partners.  All of us men were involved (and had a great time), but every single one of us was there not to please ourselves, but to do everything that we could to give our partners the best time possible.

For me, as someone who really cares about women, their pleasure, and their comfort, I can honestly say that the people who seem to be attracted to Sweet Sybian Sydney are thoughtful and considerate, open and easy to talk to and last but not least: really sexy.

That’s not to say that everyone was a super model, far from it, there was a full range of body types and ages. But I have always maintained that “sexy” is all about your mind, and the people I met on Friday night, possibly because of the comfortable, accepting, and open atmosphere, were all really, really sexy.

So, Sweet Sybian Sydney.  Just do it! It’s fun and safe, and even if you are nervous about being there in a group, I say it’s worth pushing yourself out of your comfort zone as it is an opportunity to experience something that you are unlikely to find anywhere else!

John.

Xplore Sydney – the festival of the art of lust

While browsing the web last week I came across the website of the Xplore Sydney Festival.

http://sydney.xplore-festival.com

From the home page of the Xplore site …

Xplore is a three-day event on creative sexuality, BDSM, tantra, ritual and other body practices. Delve into new found pleasures by joining us.

Xplore has its origin in Berlin in 2004. For the first time Xplore will take place in another city: the city of Sydney.”

A lot of people ask me what is the strangest request I have ever had working as a male escort.  Surprisingly the answer is not very strange.  Most people just want good basic sex.

If however you are interested in trying something different (and I have found that a growing number of women are!), indulging a fantasy, stepping outside of your comfort zone and exploring your sexuality further, then I can definitely help.  I have experience in bondage and discipline, role-playing and more.

However, it’s always good to broaden one’s knowledge.  So Xplore Sydney looks like a good opportunity to spend time with people more experienced than I am in a wide range of sexual modes.  Some of the workshops that caught my eye include:

  • BDSM & the Conscious Body
  • Creating a BDSM scene
  • Dressing for Pleasure
  • Electrosex
  • Ethical Sluthood: foundations of nontraditional lifestyles
  • Intellectual Bondage
  • Naked Yoga
  • Playfight
  • Resistance Play
  • Rituals of Intimacy
  • Sensual Dominance and Submission
  • Sluthood Intensive: a place to brainstorm your most challenging poly issues
  • Switching
  • The Dancing Whip: Flogging in Movement
  • The Novice Orgy

There’s a full list on the Xplore website.

Now a lot of this stuff will not be to everyone’s taste, but that’s really the point.  As a male escort for women, I see my job as being the person you can come to when you are ready to explore something new. As such Xplore Sydney provides an opportunity to step outside some boundaries in a safe and comfortable environment.

The organisers tell me that they will be releasing full details of the festival by the end of the year, so I will be checking back in due course to find out about cost and availability.

If you would be interested in attending Xplore Sydney with me (free of charge), please let me know. It would be good to be able to go along with someone and have another viewpoint on the workshop.

It looks like they are also going to have a very interesting after party!

John

Sunday afternoon fun – Improv. sex swing

It’s a lazy Sunday afternoon with nothing much to do, so how better to spend it than whipping up an improvised sex swing and having some fun?

Now, if you have no idea of what a sex swing is, it is usually a set of straps or ropes, designed to be suspended from the cieling that hold one partner suspended comfortably off the floor and exposed and positioned for the other partner to administer some serious pleasure.  If your still wondering what I am talking about, then check out this Google image search on sex swing.

If your not handy with tools and don’t have a climbing harness laying around then you can always buy a commercial sex swing.  I came across this one:

http://www.peaksensuality.com/ProductDetails.aspx?productID=1179

quite a good looking sex swing for just under $200.

So, what can you do with a sex swing?

It’s great for giving oral sex to a partner, as they are raised up (in our case, above the bed) allowing easy access without straining your neck or cramping your legs.  It also creates interesting tensions in your body for the person who is suspended which can enhance orgasm.

It’s interesting for penetration, since you can create the strong sensations of thrusting sex with out even having to move, just some very gentle pushing to set up a rythmic swinging motion which does all of the work for you.  Very different to regular sex for both partners.

If you are a voyeur or an exhibitionist then a a sex swing will be right up your alley (so to speak!) as it gives you a great view of your suspended partner.

Ultimately a sex swing is just plain fun.  It’s like nothing you have done before and I highly recommend giving it a try one day!

John.

Sex in relationships

If you keep an eye on sexuality related trivia like I do, then you may have noticed a few months ago that a French woman successfully sued her husband (and was awarded AUD$13,500 in damages) because he failed to fulfill his duty as a husband to provide sex to his wife during their marriage.

http://www.smh.com.au/world/strangebuttrue/husband-ordered-to-pay-wife-for-lack-of-sex-20111130-1o5oj.html

The husband appealed the decision and lost.  The ruling and the damages stand.

When I first read about this I was amazed.  This sort of situation is very familar to me (as is the reverse).  But the French legal system has potentially just set a precident that has absolutely huge implications, at least in their own country.

The first thing that comes to mind is: this opens the flood gates for men, unsatisfied with their sex lives to sue their wives for damages.  The second is: what about our right as individuals to say “no”?

The more you pick at this issue the more complex it gets, and I expect that in the short term at least, only the lawyers are going to win from it.

What I do see though is that this ruling (in France at least) puts a spotlight on our relationships and how we treat each other sexually.  I recently made a post offering a Master Class in giving great oral sex to women and I think that this court case confirms my thinking.  Guys: we need to put a lot more effort into pleasing our partners (and being able to give great oral sex is a much appreciated skill).  And it’s not hard to do.  Yes it takes effort and a little thought, but honestly it’s not that hard.

What you need is:

  1. To understand you partner and your own sexuality (what you each like, what you don’t like, what turns you on, what satisfies you)
  2. A few specific skills (how to give oral sex, how give your partner an orgasm, what she likes when it comes time to have penetrative sex)
  3. A plan that delivers what each of you need and want

I have had occassion to discuss these issues with women and couples and often it is relatively easy to find ways to help overcome the hurdles.  A little bit of understanding, a little bit of effort and flexibility can transform the situation.

I am not a sex therapist, or medial professional, but I do have a lot of real world experience, that I am able to share.  I also have the big advantage as a sex worker over a health professional that I am ethically able to demonstrate and directly teach men and women the physical techniques that I use and know.

So, here’s an open invitation to men, women, and couples.  Do you want to improve your sex life?  If you do, then contact me; post a comment below, send me an email, or give me a call and we can talk about what might work for you.  If you don’t think that your partner would want to be involved, don’t worry, we can still talk and find solutions that you can implement on your own.

Lets keep the courts out of our bedrooms and start having better sex!

John.