Category Archives: Blogging and articles

Orgasmic Meditation and the 15 minute orgasm

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Ok, I admit it, the title of this post is click bait, but the title is important, as is the subject. I was recently shown an article in Sneaky Magazine, here that talked about a growing movement (?) from a US organisation called One Taste that teaches people (men and women working together) what they call orgasmic meditation.

From the One Taste website:

“Orgasmic Meditation (OM) is a practice embracing and utilizing the sexual energy we all possess.

Courses at OneTaste teach you how to acknowledge the energy flowing through you, and then channel it into all areas of your life. The result? Your sex life improves, food tastes better, your connection to yourself and others deepen. Being TurnedOn means feeling the electricity of being alive.

Practitioners experience benefits similar to other mindfulness practices such as sitting meditation, as well as the well-known health benefits associated with orgasm. It’s deliberate and structured with repeatable results.

OM is profound, yet simple and you can have it whether you are single or coupled.”

So far so good. Mindfulness is a good thing. Being aware of one’s self, your emotions, and the sensations that you are experiencing here and now is an excellent foil to the noise, stress, and discord that modern life assails us with virtually all the time these days. Adding orgasm to mindfulness sounds extra good!

So, reading through the article, this is what I discover …

Orgasmic massage is basically clitoral masturbation of the woman (of course) by a partner (usually a man, perhaps its an American thing, but they don’t really talk about women performing the “stroking”, but I can’t see any reason why they couldn’t). For just 15 minutes. And according to the One Taste explanation, the 15 minutes is central to the whole concept.

Now this is where the click bait comes in to play. A session lasts for 15 minutes, from laying down and the woman spreading her legs so that her stroker can begin stroking to the hands off moment when you have to stop. No ifs, no buts. Now I know a few women who could probably reach orgasm in that time from just clitoral stimulation, but that’s a vanishingly small minority. And fair enough, with practice, perhaps you could learn to experience a version of orgasm that is long and slow and deep and last the whole 15 minutes. But this definitely doesn’t qualify as an orgasm as most of us know it. There simply isn’t time for most women to build to the required level of arousal and then peak in what we call orgasm.

In fact, I know plenty of women, who, if they could achieve orgasm within 15 minutes, would be pushing the stroking hand away straight afterward as orgasm leaves their clitoris overly sensitive and further touch is almost painful (much like most men don’t enjoy strong stimulation of their penis straight after orgasm and ejaculation).

So, the name Orgasmic Meditation is misleading. This isn’t about orgasm. It is about sexual pleasure. It is about mindfulness. It is about empowerment for women and taking control of their sexuality. All of these are very good things. But it’s not about orgasm.

So, slightly dodgy name aside, I think Orgasmic Meditation is a REALLY GOOD THING. If you are well in touch with your body, comfortable in your sexuality, and happy with your sex life, then it could be fun and may be useful. However, if things aren’t so great, then orgasmic meditation may be of real help to you. Here’s why:

The structure of the process (15 minutes, very specific touch, no sex, no expectations, total focus on the woman) means that the woman can let go of all of the stresses and expectations that she has learned or had imposed on her around sex. This is her time. It’s all about her. It’s about pleasure (from a sexual source), but it’s not about sex. She doesn’t have to worry about pleasing her partner, or really doing anything at all besides enjoying herself. Perhaps it’s like getting a manicure? Time when you are just indulging yourself and no-one else – and it feels really good too!

And the fact that there (probably) isn’t a recognisable form of orgasm involved for most women has another benefit: having had someone play with your pussy for 15 minutes will leave you “turned on” and wanting sex. That’s completely natural, and it’s no surprise to me that the energising effect of unresolved sexual arousal would flow through to other areas of your life.

At the end of the day I think that orgasmic meditation is a great idea. I can’t see how it can hurt anyone (unlike medication, alcohol, and extreme life changes), so why not try it out? I am planning on attending a course in the near future to get the training (although the instructional video on the One Taste website makes it look pretty simple really). I will make another post to describe the experience.

John.

It’s a matter of trust

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Stars of entertainment and sport frequent two Sydney brothels

Headlines like the one above (clickbait of the worst kind) make my blood boil.

To be fair to the journalist Eamonn Duff, he didn’t name names, explode families, ruin careers and create an orgy of public indignation. But the headline makes it sound like that’s what’s behind the link. What is the story actually about? Two “seedy” men fighting over the ownership of a modest brothel empire, and somehow a bunch of client information has been leaked to the press.

People fighting over ownership of businesses isn’t usually news – or not often anyway. So why is this article a headline story? Because it has to do with selling sex to famous people. If the client details of a couple of banks had been leaked would Eamonn have even raised and eyebrow? I doubt it (except to feel outraged to see how much money certain people have perhaps). But I think that most people would say “who cares?”, yes, people have money. Some of them put their money in the bank and have bank accounts.

Likewise, yes, people have sex, and sometimes they pay for it – for a whole load of reasons that Joe Average doesn’t know, doesn’t understand, and quite probably doesn’t want to understand (because it’s complex, doesn’t come in neat three word slogans and actually requires people to open their minds to new possibilities and problems with our society). Joe Average just wants to know which celebrity woman pays to have sex at a brothel in Sydney.

Lets get some things straight here: selling and buying sex is legal in NSW (within certain laws), just like selling and buying milk. These businesses are legal (there is no hint in the article that they have done anything wrong). The customers have broken no law by going to these places. Someone HAS however revealed private personal information to a journalist. Information that would if released utterly ruin people’s lives and careers. That’s a breach of trust at the very least. I don’t see Eamonn Duff railing against that though. No, he lapped it up, analysed it, found the juicy parts and made it a national headline.

As you can imagine client confidentiality is paramount to me as a male escort for women. If my clients don’t trust me to protect their identities then I have no business. But lets turn that around for a moment and look at it from the perspective of my clients: if they can’t be sure that I (and other providers of sex services) will protect their identities, then they are prevented from seeking out something that they need and want in their lives, that they can’t get any other way (if they could, then why would they be paying a provider like me).

I don’t do this job just to earn money. I also do it because the service I provide matters to the people I provide it to – and it matters that it is available for them. I can’t make everyone in the world, or even Sydney happy and satisfied, but to the few women who need what I offer, then I can and do make a real and significant difference to their lives.  That matters to me, it gives me significant job satisfaction in an industry that most people look down on and despise.

A journalist handed private information about similarly vulnerable people needs to stop and think VERY hard about the consequences of what they are doing. I expect that Mr Duff would say “no names were mentioned, so it’s fine”, but that’s not the point. The customers, who woke up this morning (who know that they are on that list) have had their day, week (and possibly life) ruined by this non-story. They will have to think long and hard before they go out again in the future to engage a service that (like my customers) may be very important in their lives.

And why do they now have to live in fear? So that Fairfax newspapers can sell some advertising space. Our society needs to think more about values and real people and less about making money by exploiting vulnerable people. Especially when it’s so easy to beat up public interest by splashing a scandalous headline about in the news.

There is only one name that I would like to hear from Mr Duff: the name of the person who betrayed the trust of hundreds (thousands?) of clients of two legal business. Because that person should never be trusted again with people’s private information.

John.

Too self-conscious for sex

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The Guardian published an article recently with the title “I’m too self conscious about my body to have sex with someone new”. You can see it here:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/may/09/self-conscious-body-have-sex-someone-new

It’s a short letter from a reader who is 54, recently divorced, wants a new relationship, wants to have sex as part of her life, but is scared of what a new partner will think about her appearance.

It is a very familiar story to me. Many of the women who come to me are in exactly the same boat. They see a date with me as an opportunity to test this theory in a way that is emotionally risk free. I.e. the risk of rejection from me (as a male escort) is low, and they are not putting their self-esteem on the line with someone who they care about.

I was very pleased to see that the comments responding to this article were overwhelmingly positive. For instance:

“I’m a 38 year old man and believe me men won’t be turned off by you, boys might be but I presume you are looking for someone more mature than a teenager in a man’s body.”

 

“Believe me, my wobbly bits have their own wobbly bits, but once a man is attracted to you – HE DOESN’T CARE!
It’s easier said than done, I know, but I think once you get it over with, you’ll be fine. It’s incredibly liberating to feel comfortable in your skin. And if it should turn a new partner off, it’s his loss, isn’t it?”

I particularly like the second comment above: “… once a man is attracted to you – HE DOESN’T CARE!”. Words of wisdom there. And probably the most important of all. As a (straight) man, I love women, I love the female body, and I love sex. A woman having a perfect body is not what matters to me. “Sexy and attractive” starts in your head, with confidence, and belief in yourself. That’s where I make a connection with a woman – with who she is. Not what she is.

After that, sex just becomes a natural part of that connection.  So don’t wait, if you are still worried, book a date with me and try it out.  Or, better still, take the plunge and go to bed with that man you have had your eye on!

John.

The pubic hair debate

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Pubic hair and the question of whether to have lots, a little, or none is a perennial conversation. It pops up every now and then and draws plenty of debate about fashion, manipulation of women, self esteem, and more.

You can see the latest installment in the Guardian here:

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jan/19/year-of-the-bush-female-body-hair-cameron-diaz-pubic

These are all good questions to be asking and the debate is always worth having. But I believe that it falls short, because I have never seen anyone discuss the merits of pubic hair in regard to actually having sex.  Neatly trimmed pubic hair versus a wild bush may may give certain “signals” to a potential partner, but what about when the signaling is over and you are in bed with someone?

Well, the short answer is that pubic hair or the lack there of can make sex a very different experience for both partners.  There are other factors involved too of course, like the amount of lubrication involved (natural or artificial) and condoms.

If a woman has no public hair on her outer labia, then it changes the sensations of penetration for both her and her partner.  For her partner (assuming adequate lubrication) it creates a much smoother, more slippery sensation.  Not more intense, not less intense – or better or worse even necessarily – but different.  For the woman there may be less stimulation of the outer labia, since there is no hair to be pulling on them.

Pubic hair and its lack can become quite significant in longer sex (say more than 15 or 20 minutes).  Depending upon the position/s that you are having sex in, pubic hair above the genitals (so on one’s pubic mound) can be problematic.  If you have it and your partner doesn’t, or vice versa, then over time it can become abrasive.  Having “neatened” pubic hair in this region I have found on occasion that I will get a little skin irritation in this area if my partner has more public hair than I do.  Of course this is only really a problem when having sex in missionary position or similar where there is very close contact.

At the end of the day, I am not inclined to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t have. But I will say this: experimenting can be fun!  If you have never shaved, then I highly recommend giving it a go.  Try it and see what you think and don’t let fashion or anyone else tell you what is right for you.

If you do decide that being partly, mostly, or completely bare works for you, then I highly recommend laser hair removal.  It is quick, mostly permanent and getting to be quite cheap these days.  It has worked well for me and once done avoids the difficulties of ingrown hairs and the need for regular shaving.

John.

Debunking the myths of sex work – from the Sydney Morning Herald

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The Sydney Morning Herald’s Daily Life column has an article about sex work today.  You can see it here.

http://www.dailylife.com.au/health-and-fitness/debunking-the-myths-of-sex-work-20130429-2iodn.html

I think that the article is a reasonalbe and sensible wrap up of sex work.  In summary “sex workers are people too, so why not be nice to them”.  Ok, that might be a little glib, but you take my point I hope.

For the first time every I have managed to get a comment published.  I was prompted to firstly by the question raised in the article of whether male sex workers (like myself) and their clients have a different experience of the industry and the general “shaming” that goes on against sex workers.

What has delighted me constantly over the years that I have worked as an escort is the huge amount of support that I have had from both clients and from the few people in my life who I have told about what I do.

So here’s my point, amplified by the many mindless comments on the artile linked above that dismiss prostitution out of hand: being able to come to someone like me for companionship, intimacy, and sex is a vital option for both men and women to have in our society.  Why?  Because all too often the nature of our society doesn’t provide those things for people.  Perhaps they have been in an abusive relationship (emotionally, or physically) and need someone they can absolutely trust to help them repair their self-esteem, or accept intimacy again, or have a disability that prevents them from forming a conventional relationship in the first place.  Or perhaps they just want and need physical company right now, but don’t have a socially acceptable relationship to provide it.

The reasons are many and varied, but you can be absolutely sure that when people start making blanket statements about prostitution being bad/demeaning/imoral etc that the person has never worked in the industry, and probably never actually needed the services themselves (“need” being distinct here from just having indulged).

This isn’t to say that a person has to have a specific need to use my services.  But it begs the question of why can’t we treat sex as something fun to do?  People in relationships have sex for fun all the time, so why shouldn’t someone who isn’t in a relationship choose to buy sex for fun?

At the end of the day I like seeing discussion of sexuality in the media.  It may attract the trolls and nutters to denounce it as evil, but every article raises questions and gets people thinking and talking about the issues.  Which has to be a good thing.

John.

A revolution in condoms

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As you can imagine, condoms are my best friend (and at the same time my worst enemy).  I am very familiar with all of the different brands, styles, and thicknesses.  Some of them are great, some of them don’t suit me, and some are not so great.

They are however all pretty much exactly the same.  At least in so far as how they work – close fitting, lubricant on the outside, reservoir tip, roll on, pull off.  The “technology” of condoms hasn’t really changed in centuries, only the materials, we now use latex and silicon instead of animal gut.

So today I came across what is possibly the first real innovation in condoms in well, a very long time.  It comes from a company called Origami Condoms.  You can see their website here:

http://www.origamicondoms.com/

They have a range of three different condoms – for heterosexual sex for men, for heterosexual sex for women, and for anal sex for either gender.  This is very interesting because it shows that Origami understand that desires for pleasure, contraception, and STI prevention require different solutions depending on your gender and what you are doing.

Here’s a video demonstrating the male condom …

The Origami condom for women allows a woman to take complete control of contraception using a barrier method (like a condom where there is a physical barrier preventing unsafe contact).  This is not something women have had before (if you discount the horrid “Femidom” which – having tried them – I would not recommend).  This “condom” is inserted by the woman before sex, so she has complete control over it and its use.

The Origami condom for men is quite similar to the women’s version, but it is fitted by the man over his penis.  It is different to regular condoms in that instead of clinging tightly to the man’s penis and being lubricated on the outside, it is a looser fit and lubricated on the inside.  This means that when you are having sex the condom stays still inside the woman’s vagina and the penis moves in and out of it (although I believe that it holds onto and moves with the base of the penis).

I can imagine that this arrangement may well make sex with a condom feel more natural for the man.  I don’t know if it would be better or worse for the woman.  Given Origami’s aim to improve the experience of protected sex I am hoping that they are considering this, as they are clearly considering men’s pleasure.

One thing I note that is a potential downside is that their condoms are made of silicon.  Personally I don’t much like the feel of silicon, but that may be different in these condoms.

As for the anal sex condom, this looks like a real winner.  Giving control to the partner receiving, providing a strong condom that reduces the risk of breakage and a style of condom that is impossible to “lose”.  It may also help to prevent potential damage by reducing friction.

Now the bad news: they won’t be available until somewhere in late 2014.  These things have to go through FDA approval in the US sadly, so don’t expect to see them any time soon.  That said, the year is flying by once again and 2015 will be hear before you know it!

Ultimately time will tell if these things are any good, but honestly I think that it is GREAT that someone out there is taking condoms seriously and looking for ways to improve them.

John.

The beauty of breasts

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It will come as no surprise I am sure to hear that I like (love) women’s breasts.  They are fabulous.  Large or small, they all have their own charm.

I came across an article today in Fairfax’s Daily Life site about breasts and thought it worth sharing.  You can see the original article here:

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-are-we-so-embarrassed-about-breasts-20130206-2dxa3.html

The author of the article (who wrote/edited a book about breasts to support breast cancer research after having cancer herself) found herself troubled by just how prudish our society (western society) is about breasts.  Most significantly the way that womens’ breasts are treated as sexual where as mens’ are not.

Ultimately it’s just one more arbitrary thing in our culture.  Some people develop fetishes for feet, or hands, or being sat on, or … just about anything you can think of.  Our society has create a general fetish for womens’ breasts, but not mens’.  There is plenty to say here about double standards and the objectification of women.

What I would like to say is – given that our society in general has this fetish and it’s not going away any time soon – the best thing that we can all do is learn to enjoy what we have to the full.  Many men don’t appreciate the pleasure that a women can get from having her breasts touched and stimulated.  Also, many women don’t appreciate how enjoyable it can be for them either.  There are so many ways to do it, from massaging the whole breast with fingers and hand, to exquisite nipple play with lips, fingers, or toys.

So, while we wait for equality in bare breasted to happen, lets explore the pleasure to be had from this collective fetish and re-discover breast play as part of a fulfilling sex life!

John

The Sydney Skinny

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Well, I would choose this weekend of all the weekends of the year to be away in Melbourne!  As a result, I missed the inaugural Sydney Skinny.  That being a 900m mass nude swim in Middle Harbour.  I was very disappointed to miss it.

You can read about it here:

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/no-bathers-no-worries-for-worlds-first-nude-ocean-swim-20130217-2eks3.html

Nudity (especially shared) can be so much fun.  Sigh, well, I guess that I will just have to wait for next year now …

John.

 

Work in the nude day (Australia)

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What can I say … this one was made for me!

It is officially Australian, Work In The Nude Day.  At least that’s what the Sydney Morning Herald is reporting – and I am not about to argue.

http://www.smh.com.au/small-business/managing/blogs/enterprise/naked-ambition-baring-all-for-small-business-20121206-2awva.html

Frankly though it’s just business as usual for me!  I have worked for myself – usually from home – for almost all of my working life – and being able to strip off on a hot day is one of the great advantages of working for yourself.

So, here’s a photo to prove that I am well and truly getting into the spirit of Work In The Nude Day!

Continue reading →

G-Spot non-sense

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In line with the commercial worlds love of turning every little thing into a “problem” to be commercialised and exploited we now have g-spot collagen injections:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2221321/Hitting-G-Spot–800-injection-improve-orgasms-LAs-latest-lunchtime-craze.html

There were two things that caught my eye about this article (that basically sounded like bull-shit – pardon my language!).

‘I attended a consultation, where Professor Dartey explained that injecting collagen into my normal, pea-sized G-spot would enlarge it for up to four months. The results would mean longer, more intense orgasms.’

In my experience a woman’s g-spot is actually quite large.  The area on the front wall of the vagina that we call the g-spot is most definitely not the size of a pea.  It is actually more like the size of the end of you thumb.  It’s an area that when stimulated enlarges and feels pleasurable.  But it does take sustained effort of stimulation and genuine arousal for it to really start feeling good.  It also take practice to learn to really enjoy the sensation and for it to become part of your arousal to orgasm.  So instantly getting long intense orgasms from a collagen injection seems unlikely to me.  Continue reading →