Category Archives: Blogging and articles

Well done Belgium!

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Way back in 1995 New South Wales became the first jurisdiction in the world to decriminalise sex work. I’m proud that my home state was so advanced – even if it was done in response to the dire police corruption that the criminalisation of commercial sex caused.

More states and territories in Australia have followed suit and our New Zealand cousins as well.

I have been able to work in this industry without legal risk for my entire fourteen years as a male sex worker for women – and my clients have been able to enjoy my services with the same confidence. A fact that I am eternally grateful for.

The rest of the world though, is not so lucky. Sex work and sex workers, thanks to religious fundamentalism, social conservatism, and a generous dose of hypocrisy still makes workers and clients pariahs.

So I was delighted to stumble across this article today:

https://www.npr.org/2024/12/01/nx-s1-5212435/belgium-sex-workers-labor-protections-rights-first

I wasn’t aware of this, but back in 2022 Belgium also decriminalised sex work. Shout out to the Belgians! That’s great work.

But it gets better. They have now enshrined laws that give sex workers (employed by brothels for instance) the protections and benefits that any other worker enjoys – things like sick leave, paid maternity leave and pensions. They also enshrine a workers right to say “no” and to set the conditions of their service with a client.

We don’t have the same level of protection here in Australia, but this is part of the nature of social change. It takes time and the steps tend to be modest. So NSW as the first jurisdiction to decriminalise sex work could only go “so far”. But this in turn sets a bar for every jurisdiction that follows New South Wales down the decriminalisation path – and more importantly, it gives them permission to go just as far, and a little bit further! Which is what Belgium has done.

In time New South Wales will look at Belgium and see an oportunity to improve our own laws. And I would fully expect that they will take a step further than Belgium. Perhaps more robust anti-discrimination protection for sex workers could make it onto the books.

Anyway, it may not effect us here in Australia, but I am deeply glad to see that sex workers – and clients – in Belgium now have the protections and rights that all workers deserve.

John

Being naked changes us

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Clothing is possibly one of the most significant social influences in our societies.  You can be openly gay, or atheist or religious, or socialist, or conservative in public and it’s all acceptable (in Australia at least) – protected even.  But you can’t be naked in public.

France Keyser for The New York Times

Think about that.

Intentional nudity in public is literally illegal, while espousing extreme political or religious views is not.

I will add at this point that:

“It’s not an offence to be naked in public in England and Wales but it does become an offence if it can be proved the person stripped off with the intention to upset and shock. The complainant has to prove this.”

This is more than a little surprising for a relatively conservative society, so well done them.  It’s not without it’s problems though as Stephen Gough “The Naked Rambler” has discovered.  He has walked from Lands End to John O’Groats twice – naked.  In doing so he’s been arrested and even jailed multiple time.  So it’s an imperfect law, imperfectly applied.

Anyway, all of that, I think, goes to the main point here. Nudity is a central taboo in the vast majority of our societies – even when it is literally legal.

I was recently sent a link to an article (thank you Denise):

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/27/arts/design/naturism-exhibition-naked-mucem-marseille.html?unlocked_article_code=1.dk4.Krv_.GJLLt5TAlReM&smid=url-share

about an exhibition at the Museum of the Civilizations of Europe and the Mediterranean in France dedicated to the history of social nudity.  On five nights during its run the visitors are all naked.

We could look at this as a marketing stunt, but I see something else here.

I have had the experience on several occasions in my life to be lounging around with a mixed group of people, naked. Here’s what I have observed:

Loud people become less loud.
Quiet people speak up.
Social pressures seem to evaporate.
There is much more of a sense of equality.
People seem to be more respectful of each other.

So I can absolutely see how interacting with a sociological study of nudity with a group of naked people would give a different experience – and perhaps insight into – “naturalism” and nudity in public.

Clothing lets us project an image. Clothing is a mask that we wear to make a statement – to project authority, sexuality (ironically), demonstrate status, wealth, or “piety”, and many other things. It has practical applications for protection of course but even when practicality isn’t an issue we still choose to wear clothes.

Nudity takes away much of our ability to project an image to those around us and while being naked all of the time is impractical, I do think that as a society we would benefit from the humility that I observe comes with nudity.

John

A message of solidarity and sober reflection

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Anyone who has read at all deeply on this website knows that I am a strong supporter of sex worker rights and women’s rights.

As of Wednesday 6th of November 2024 the USA is facing another four years with Donald Trump and the right-wing of USA politics in charge of the country.  And it is not going to be a good time for sex workers – or our clients.

Newsweek.com published an article on Nov 6th, 2024 with the following quote about “Project 2025”:

“Project 2025 makes it clear that they will be coming after porn under a First Amendment suit.

The introduction to the manifesto reads: “Pornography, manifested today in the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children, for instance, is not a political Gordian knot inextricably binding up disparate claims about free speech, property rights, sexual liberation, and child welfare. It has no claim to First Amendment protection.”

https://www.newsweek.com/project-2025-porn-ban-trump-presidency-1981587

While this comment from the Project 2025 manifesto only mentions “pornography” we can be sure that these people won’t differentiate between “porn stars” and any other kind of sex work. They hate it all and will suppress and prosecute it all equally when they have the power to do so.

So firstly – to all of my USA sex working peers: please stay safe.  I really hope that things don’t get as bad as they look like they could.

Secondly – this is a moment for sober reflection.  Here in Australia we have the best, most rational, and permissive sex work laws in the world.  We have them because for decades people faught for them.  And there is the justifiable belief that once we have a right it won’t be taken away.  But the USA has clearly demonstrated how that assumption is fundamentally incorrect.  

Our rights are only safe for the current election cycle – and make no mistake, there are plenty of people and politicians in Australia who would leap at the chance to criminalise sex work once again and take us back to the bad old days where police brutalised sex workers and controlled politicians who used sex work services.

All it takes is moral panic and populist politics to tear down decades of incremental gains.  Just look at the USA and their ending of Roe V wade.  If it happened there, then it can happen here too.  If you value your ability to read this blog – let alone actually make a booking to see me – then you need to support the rights of sex workers because minority rights are also your rights.

John

Body+Soul 2024 Australian sex census

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Honestly I don’t tend to put a lot of stock in pop-culture surveys, but this one threw up a few things that I think are worth considering.

No. 1 – 48% of under thirties (from a sample size of 2000 people total) said that working from home had allowed for more sex.

Now younger people cop a lot of stick for not being “appropriately dedicated” to their work, but I absolutely understand this attitude. Growing up most of us older than Gen Z were told that we had to “work hard to get ahead” and that building a career was critical to happiness and success. While some people find fulfillment from a traditional career, many – I would say most – do not.

What has become known as “grind culture” is in fact incredibly destructive for most people, leaving them drained of energy and unable to fully participate in a relationship and a satisfying sex life.

If working from home is helping people to find a better balance between their work and their mental and sexual wellbeing then I am all for it.

I have worked for myself and from home for the vast majority of my adult life and although there are challenges and it just doesn’t work for some people I think that it’s worth fighting for if it works for you – especially if it means you can have a better sex life!

No. 2 – 48% of people say that stress and burnout is the biggest barrier to sex.

I’m genuinely surprised that the number is only 48%. I’m not surprised that stress and burnout is a problem though. For me personally as a male sex worker for women I have to manage my stress and limit the number of bookings that I take to make sure that I have the energy and enthusiasm to provide a professional service.

That’s not always an easy balance to strike even for me – so for the average person who has to pour their time and energy into their work it is no surprise at all that the stress of our lives and the burden of earning a living can have a significant impact on having and enjoying sex.

So, going back to the point above – I applaud the people who stick to their guns and demand to be able to work from home. Sex shouldn’t be something that we tack on to the end of our day. It should be a part of our lives that we nurture and celebrate make space for. It is too easy to always put other things ahead of sex.

No. 3 – 66% of young adults describe themselves as heterosexual compared to 80% one generation ago.

What surprises me here is that the difference isn’t larger. Still, Australia is a relatively conservative county deep down, so perhaps it’s just worth celebrating that an entire third of young adults felt free to say “I’m not heterosexual”.

I don’t attach value to being heterosexual, queer, gay, bi or any other orientation. All are equally valid. What I do value is people having the confidence and freedom to decide and to voice their identity.

John

Never had sex

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I haven’t written about this topic in a while, partly because I think I have said most of what needs to be said. You can read my previous posts here: virginity (at time of writing there are 16 articles relating to first time sex). I have also written some articles which can be found here: My offer for virgins

However someone sent me a link to this recent article from the ABC so since it’s topical again I thought perhaps it was worth covering again.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-05-05/dating-intimacy-sex-women-hook-up-ladies-we-need-to-talk/103780054

The part that stands out to me in this article is how “never having had sex” effects people’s lives beyond just missing out on actually having sex.

From the headline “…make her feel like an outsider” – I was talking about this twelve years ago back when I was new to the industry and it understandably hasn’t changed.

When you haven’t had the experiences that your friends and family have had and you can’t share them – or worse you can’t even relate to them it has serious negative effects on your ability to connect with the people around you.

If you have never had sex it puts you on the outside in almost every social situation and that can be a terribly lonely and isolating place to be that will absolutely make your life less happy.

Jo’s last words in the article are: “You don’t really miss what you’ve never had, right?”

I disagree. You may not be conscious of what you are missing, but our bodies have a lot of stuff hardwired into them and sex and reproduction are one of the most primal aspects of our biology and psychology. Even if we aren’t conscious of missing something there will be effects – emotional and physical. I think that it is reasonable to say that we can miss something we have never had, even if we aren’t aware of what we are missing.

I don’t expect that Jo will ever read this post, but other women in a similar situation probably will. Let me say this to you: almost every woman who comes to me who wants to have sex for the first time (and I usually see at least two or three each year ranging in age from 20 to 45) say to me afterwards: “is that it? Why was I so worried about it?” and often “I wish I’d just done it earlier, I feel like I’ve missed out on so much”.

It’s always heartbreaking for me hearing those words. Our society makes *such* a huge deal out of sex – “Don’t have it! You’ll get a disease/pregnant/go to hell!”, “You must have sex or you’re not cool!”, “You can’t have the sex you want because [reasons…]”

So many conflicting pressures, so much stress over something that is and should be a natural and easy part of our lives.

The reality is that everyone deserves to have safe, consensual sex. If you have never had sex and you want to get over that emotional and mental hurdle then reach out to me. I am happy to talk and discuss your situation and your needs and if it feels right, give you an experience that set you on the road to a fulfilling sex life.

John

Research shows … that people in their 50s and 60s were having the best sex of their lives”

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Our society edits out the notion of older people having sex from our collective consciousness. It’s not something that anyone really wants to talk about.

The reality – as discussed in this article – is that people are just people. Young or old we tend to like sex.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-05-11/sexologist-explains-how-to-improve-your-sex-life-as-you-age/103780946

The most important thing though is that as we get older the sex tends to get better! That is really encouraging to me.

Many of the women I meet in my work have reached a point in their lives where they are no-longer having sex. Marriages change, children get in the way, work, stress, and myriad things can lead a person to living a sexless life.

Then we can start to question if we deserve sex, or if we should be having it as an older person?

The answer is always, yes we do deserve sex, no matter what our age.

The challenge then is how do we find “good” sex?

There is no simple answer to that of course. Online dating tends to be a rolling dumpster fire. Our lives have become increasingly busy and stressful, making it ever harder…

I think that the best answer is: we need to invest real time and effort into making connections with people who represent our values and have shared interests – because the better the connection you have with a sexual partner the better the sex can be.

That’s not to say that flings and one night things can’t be hugely fun, but there is a time and a place for that and it’s not necessarily the way to find satisfying and fulfilling sex in the long term.

I believe that sex workers can be a part of the solution here too. It may be in the short term, helping someone who has lost their sexual confidence to find it again, or in the long term being a reliable, safe, and attentive lover who makes up for something that is missing from a marriage, or a busy life that has limited opportunities to meet people.

John

Yoni massage

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If you have spent any time learning about, or in the sex positive community then you have probably come across the term “yoni massage”, but you may not be familiar with what it actually means.

While browsing YouTube recently I watched a video on the topic that I thought was quite a good explanation.

In short yoni massage is the massaging of the area of the mons pubis, inner thighs including vulva and the perineum, and inside the vagina. For a more detailed explanation the video does a great job.

If you are thinking about booking a session with a straight male sex worker like myself, but you aren’t sure if you want to go all the way to having penetrative sex then a yoni massage might be a great middle ground to give you an intense erotic experience without being too challenging!

It can be a very enjoyable form of foreplay or it can be an entire experience in an of itself. It can also be a great starting point for a woman who is a virgin and wants to have sex for the first time (or for the first time in a long while), but would like to build up to the experience of vaginal penetration.

John

Know thy self – erogenous zones

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From time to time people send me links to articles about sexuality – which I’m always happy to receive! I was sent this one overnight and I thought it was worth sharing:

https://www.glamour.com/story/hottest-erogenous-zones-women

I doubt that most people will be surprised by most of these erogenous zones – but I think that it’s always good to be reminded that they exist and to be mindful of them the next time that we are with a partner.

That’s especially true with someone that we have been with for some time. It’s very easy to fall into a rhythm with sex – we know what our partner likes, they know what we like, we give that to each other and that’s it. Which is fine as far as it goes, but it does leave a lot “on the table” so to speak.

Yes we know what our partner likes and doesn’t like. But there is a gap between those two extremes that creates an opportunity to explore and learn and perhaps discover new experiences and new pleasures together.

I have many, many years of experience, but I’m not too proud to admit that I can still learn more.

John

Relationships, dating, and sex work in these times

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I came across this article recently and thought it worth commenting on in the context of my work as a male escort in Sydney, Australia.

The gist of the article is that older women (and also younger generations) are moving away from the model of conventional romantic relationships and instead finding happiness in deeper friendships (possibly with people of the same sex) rather than trying to get that from a romantic relationship.

This is I suspect influenced by changes in social norms and the decline of women’s financial dependence on men. (Many) women no-longer need to be in a relationship with a man to be able to provide for children, or just to get by.

So this opens up the opportunity for women to find different ways of satisfying their emotional needs and according the research quoted in the article many women are doing this through close friendships rather than romantic relationships with men.

I think that on the whole this is a positive thing. It is good to challenge conventional ideas about how we find happiness in life – and realising that it is possible to separate things like emotional fulfillment, intellectual fulfillment/challenge, and sexual fulfillment makes it much, much easier in my opinion to be able to fill your life with those things without being forced to compromise.

I literally see women doing this with my work. Women who have no-sexual relationships with a committed partner come to me for the sex that the relationship doesn’t give them. Others don’t have a committed relationship, but do have a strong friend network who give them emotional fulfillment, but not sex, so they come to me to get the physical intimacy that they don’t get elsewhere.

This isn’t a passing thing either. I have clients who have been coming to me for between five to ten years. So some women really do see my service as a long term part of their lives.

This won’t work for everyone, but I’m glad that sex work is decriminalised (mostly) here in Australia and can therefore help women to create better lives for themselves.

John

Sexstortion?

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Ok, this wasn’t something I had on my 2023 bingo card – “Sextortion”. But I really shouldn’t be surprised I suppose. In this day and age of ever expanding online scamming, hacking, and spamming, lonely people looking for a connection really are an ideal target for people with no scruples and a desire for quick money.

So what is “sextortion”? From the article:

“…scammers are known to use sophisticated tactics to ensnare and exploit unwary love-seekers, engaging in what is increasingly known as “sextortion.” This worrying trend sees deceivers using emotional leverage to coerce individuals into sharing personal and often sensitive information or images, which can then be used as a means of extortion”

https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2023/11/10/is-online-dating-making-you-an-easy-target-for-sextortion-a-psychologist-explains/

I remember when scam emails claiming to have “hacked my web cam” started doing the rounds a while ago. The email claimed they had video of my doing unmentionable things and were going to share the videos of me with my family and friends and work colleges if I didn’t pay them a sum of bitcoin.

At the time I had a bit of a laugh about it because my webcam isn’t plugged in unless I’m using it, so it was clearly just a shotgun spray of emails to thousands or millions of email addresses in the hope of finding a few people who could be convinced to hand over money.

Clearly the tactics have evolved (even though I still get the “webcam scam” emails occasionally). So since many of the women I meet are actively using dating sites, or planning to, I think this is a good topic to cover.

I think that most people are aware of the basics of online safety, but it bares repeating in this case – be careful, trust your instincts, if something feels off (or too good to be true) then walk away.

Stay safe out there!

John