Sleeping naked

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One of my favourite moments in the day is taking off my clothes and slipping into bed. I have slept naked since my teens. I hated the feeling of being tied up in pajamas, and even the constriction of briefs, was never comfortable for me. And that was long before I had the pleasure of sharing my bed with a woman.

It’s nice now to read an article like this one:

http://www.msn.com/en-au/health/medical/heres-why-you-should-be-sleeping-naked/ar-AAeECX7?li=AAabC8j

[This article has since been removed by MSN – but there are plenty of newer articles online that discuss the health benefits of sleeping naked]

and learn that there are quantifiable physical and mental health benefits.

That’s all great. But it points to the larger issue that our society chooses to ignore – that is, our health and well being is dependent upon many things, like good sleep, eating well, exercising, lowering stress – and yes, having physical intimacy with another person.

If I go back through my blog I am sure that I have written about this issue more than once already, but it’s worth doing it again I think.

Western culture has us focusing on goals like career, wealth, marriage, and possessions, tangible things that are easy to quantify and hard to deny. But my experience is that the things that make me and many other people happy are far less tangible. Caring, willing physical contact from another person is one of those things. We are taught not to value it, to even treat it as dirty or wrong. But the truth is that it’s both natural and at the end of the day necessary for our health.

Sadly it is often the first thing that gets pushed aside when external pressures like work and family begin to pile up. And it’s understandable that we may not feel like sex when we go to bed. Sex takes energy (physical and emotional), but sleeping naked, kissing your partner, cuddling them, holding them close skin to skin in bed does not. It’s worth remembering and (pardon the pun) embracing.

John.

Shaving soap

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Anyone who knows me, knows that I don’t have much in the way of whiskers, in fact I couldn’t grow a beard to save myself.  However, what I do have still needs regular shaving, and along with few whiskers I also have quite soft and sensitive skin.

As a result, shaving (with anything other than the sharpest razor) is likely to result in not the closest shave, and plenty of razor burn.  My face is smarting a little just at the thought.

Commercial shaving foams are an effective solution, preventing the burn and giving a closer shave, but I have never really liked the idea of buying pressure packed foam just to shave a bit of stubble.  It seems wasteful, and I have no idea what they put in the stuff.

However my soap making friend Chelsea (of Cherry Blossom Soap Company), recently gave me a sample of her new hand made shaving soap.  I was skeptical, but decided to give it a go.

The results: I am really quite surprised and delighted with this soap.  It gives a soft, slippery lather that allows the razor to really glide over the skin.  I get a very close shave, and almost no razor burn.  In a word, I am impressed well beyond my expectations.

And I am sure that it would be just as good for shaving legs and bikini-lines as it is for my chin!

You can buy Chelsea’s shaving bar here:

http://cherryblossomsoap.com.au/2015/06/shaving-soap/

It gets my stamp of approval.

Back on the road!

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It’s been a long time coming, but finally my (almost) new 2004 Triumph Daytona is back on the road.  After some very un-hilarious mixups over some repairs that it required everything is sorted out, fitted, adjusted, tuned, and fixed.  Now I just need some good weather!

If you would like to take a ride with me one day, just drop me a line.  It would be my pleasure.
daytonaJohn.

Breast reduction

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Everyone loves boobs. I most certainly do. Big, small, it doesn’t matter. They are a panacea – they make me feel happy when I am sad, let me forget my pain when touched, and arouse passion in the heat of the moment. They truly are fabulous.

For many women though, they are a – literal – burden. Any woman with really big boobs will know the problems – back ache, the discomfort of wearing a bra, the pain of sport. The pain of trying to have a conversation without your boobs being stared at.

So. Many women opt for reduction surgery. It is something that I see a surprising amount of in my work. There are a lot of women in this country who are opting for it. The Sydney Morning Herald recently ran an article by Jo Hartley about it here…

http://www.dailylife.com.au/life-and-love/real-life/why-i-had-a-breast-reduction-20150817-gj0unv.html

It is her personal story of the experience of growing up to have a 34F bust, how that effected her life, and how transforming it was to have reduction surgery that reduced her bust to a more manageable 34D.

I expect that most women would be nervous, even fearful of having surgery on such a sensitive part of their body. It’s understandable. Not just the fear of the surgery itself and the risk of something going wrong, but of the results. Will they still look ok? Will they still be sensitive? All reasonable questions, and if you are considering this surgery, well worth talking to your doctor about before going ahead.

For my part, I can say that I have seen the results of many reduction surgeries and the vast majority are really very good. Some so good that I didn’t even notice until it was pointed out to me.

There are risks of course with any kind of surgery, but if your breasts are making your life difficult and painful, then I think that it is well worth considering.

John.

We need to talk about Ashley

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In amongst the outrage, fear, and moral grandstanding over the Ashley Madison user database leak I came across this article:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/ashley-madison-hack-what-if-you-find-out-your-colleagues-on-the-list-20150820-gj3i4y.html

It is about the most sensible and humane piece of journalism that I have ever read. In answer to the question: “should I look up the database to see if X is on it” the author just say “no, leave it alone”. There is wisdom here.

Women come to me for many reasons, some, because they cannot get the sexual satisfaction that they desire in their lives from their partners. Some do it with the partners knowledge and permission. Some do not.

But “cheating” isn’t the problem here. “Cheating”, with all of its derogatory overtones is what happens when we live in a society that is dysfunctional in how it handles sex and relationships. Why do people “cheat”? Some because they can. Some because they feel that they have no other option.

What we need to do as a society is collectively “grow up”. In an ideal world, there would be no need for a service like mine. But the truth is that there is no genuine attempt to teach children, teenagers, and young adults how to develop and maintain functional relationships, let alone give people space and acceptance as they work out what their sexuality is and what they need in their lives. We can’t even allow – in this country – that two people of the same sex can have a genuine functional relationship.

We are trapped in a social narrative that starts with fairy tales and “ends” with white weddings. Then we have to live the rest of our lives trying to live up to this impossibly high standard of happiness and reliance on one other person. In short, it’s impossible for most people. Just look at divorce rates. And just because people are still married doesn’t mean that they are happy and fulfilled, or wouldn’t like something more or different.

Which brings us full circle to Ashley Madison. It’s time that we left our moral outrage at the door. Recognised that people and relationships are complex, that judging others by our own morality is wrong and destructive, and that we need a new order in our lives that prioritises real human needs and wants, rather than religious dogma and social etiquette that is demonstratively harmful.

Recognising same sex marriage would be a good start, but a rethink of even the concept of marriage would be even better.

John.

Orgasm obligation

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Women having orgasms is a matter that is close to my heart. If you have spent any time reading over this site, then you will have noticed that it’s something that I talk about a lot. Even guarantee. So I was a little taken aback when I saw this article:

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/citykat/why-men-need-to-relieve-themselves-of-orgasm-obligation-20150806-git2ng.html

Katherine Feeney (the author) talks about how she finds that men, these days, are obsessed with giving their partner’s an orgasm every time they have sex. Ok, male outrage and confusion is very likely in response to words like this. For years men have been criticized for not caring (and plenty of us still don’t) about our partner’s needs, for not knowing where the clitoris is etc, etc… But I do take the author’s point. It’s not a competition, it’s not a race, it doesn’t need to be a goal for every time you have sex.

She is right to say that orgasm should be something that just happens (or doesn’t) as part of sex between partners. And no-one should be feeling obliged. What that implies though is a level of emotional maturity and confidence – and sophistication! – that is somewhat lacking in many of us. It’s a complex topic that intersects with too many other social and relationship issues to be able to untangle here, or in a newspaper article.

On reading though it reminded me of something that I have observed over the years that I have been lucky enough to have partners and to work as I do. That is: some women can reach orgasm as easily as men, even through penetration (without manual clitoral stimulation). I don’t think that this is something that is inherent though – I think that it is learned.

This being the case, it puts a very different light on the conversation above. It becomes much less about social pressure and stigma and more about education and giving girls and young women the opportunity to learn about their bodies when they are ready.

Just as men can learn bad habits as teenagers (like premature ejaculation), I believe – given the stories I have heard over the years – that women can learn to reach orgasm easily and reliably if they (as teenagers and young adults) have an environment that is emotionally and physically conducive to them learning to do so. That means they have the opportunity to masturbate without fear of interruption or censure, to experience relationships and sex with other people, and preferably enough education to understand their bodies and their minds.

The next question then is: can older women learn to reach orgasm reliably and easily? My answer is that I don’t know conclusively, but I think that the answer is yes. The human brain is an amazing thing and capable of great plasticity. My experience with orgasmic meditation has shown that anyone woman can learn to have much greater sensitivity and receptiveness to genital stimulation. I believe that given enough time and effort, with the right person that it is quite possible for older women to learn to be just as orgasmic.

So, if a woman is able to climax freely (basically at her own will), then the whole question of “orgasm obligation” basically just goes away. Now that sounds like a worth goal to me.

John.

Please – sign our petition and help protect our industry

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There is a Change.org petition being run to help gain support for the continuation of decriminalisation of sex work in NSW.  You can read a bit more about the context two posts down.  Your support would be invaluable.  Please consider signing the petition here:

https://www.change.org/p/minister-for-justice-minister-for-health-minister-for-planning-minister-for-police-amp-emergency-services-save-decriminalisation-in-nsw-for-sex-worker-health-amp-safety?

Thank you,

John.

Bubbles of fun for your bath

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Cherry Blossom Soap Company - Bubble BarI have a friend who is an artisanal soap maker.  Recently she has started making a “bubble bath bar”.  It’s a crumbly soap bar that your drop under the tap to fill the bath with foamy bubbles!  It is made using natural ingredients and comes in two scents (lavender and vanilla), and I have two of each for lots of bubbly fun!

So, if you are thinking of booking a date and like the idea of sharing a nice bubbly bath with me then I have just the thing for you.

You can buy the Bubble Bar and many other hand crafted soaps here:

http://cherryblossomsoap.com.au/

John.

Amnesty International votes to adopt policy to protect rights of sex workers

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Following on from yesterday’s post about the NSW inquiry we (my industry) had a very exciting piece of news last night.  Amnesty International has voted YES to accept a policy that it has developed to protect the human rights of sex workers.  You can read about it here:

https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2015/08/global-movement-votes-to-adopt-policy-to-protect-human-rights-of-sex-workers/

This is a significant step forward for destigmatisation of our industry and the people who work in it.  It also paves the way for more sensible and informed conversations about the problems of our industry and how to fix them.

It is very timely given the inquiry happening here in NSW and will hopefully go some way to protecting the liberal, tolerant, and effective laws that we have in our state.

John