Category Archives: Education

Sharing our stories helps others feel better about their lives

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It happens often that I will meet a client who says to me “I thought I was the only one who…”.

It is counter intuitive that in this age of “connectedness”, via social media, phone, Zoom et al that people can still be left feeling that their situation and problems and challenges are unique.

But it’s true. And time and time again people tell me that they read a post on my website that included a story from someone I have met and in it they saw themselves – or an aspect of their lives – and in seeing that they realised that there was hope to change their situation and have a better, healthier life and (usually) sex life.

The reality is that although we are hyper connected through smart phones and the Internet – it is generally a superficial connection. We see the curated version of our friends and families lives. Not the hard realities of managing relationships. Of loneliness. Of bad sex. Or no sex. Of our inner conflicts over what we want versus what society tells us we can have.

It’s only when you dig deeper into the Internet (and end up somewhere like my website) that you start to find the stories of people who are prepared to share their real selves. And when you find that there is a chance to see yourself reflected and find validation of something that you may have been carrying for years with shame, or guilt, or sadness.

You are not the only one who has never kissed another person.

You are not the only woman who can’t orgasm easily – or at all.

You are not the only one who likes anal play or sex.

You are not the only person who doesn’t need to be in love to enjoy sex with another person.

You are definitely not the only person who is bi – or feels conflicted or excluded because of it.

You are not the only person who is bored of sex with their partner.

You are not the only person who wants a better sex life and is asking “should I book a straight male escort?”. The answer to that is “maybe” – but I’m happy to talk to you if you have questions about the services that male escorts for women provide and help to allay any fears you may have over privacy and safety.

John.

Too many women have never experienced oral sex

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It happened again. I met a woman who had never experienced oral sex from a partner. Not just “never had good oral sex” – but “never had it ever”.

How – in the twenty first century is this possible?

Men – I’m looking at you – you need to do better.

I mean the whole “I-want-a-blowjob-from-you-but-I’m-not-prepared-to-reciprocate” hypocrisy is bad enough. But to have never even tried it – not once – is unforgivable as a sexual being – as a man (I’m pretty sure that lesbians and bi women have this covered). We are well past the “vaginas are scary and full of magic” stage of human social evolution. We all know that oral sex is perfectly safe and healthy and normal to do.

So why aren’t more men making good oral sex skills a priority in their sex lives? I don’t have an answer to this question. I am perplexed.

I love giving oral sex. If I have a “kink” then that is probably it. I personally find it very arousing, and derive great pleasure and satisfaction from giving a woman oral sex – and hopefully an orgasm if that is what she wants.

Not all men share my enthusiasm apparently.

Which is a loss for their partners – but also for them! If you don’t give oral sex then that’s something that you yourself are missing out on, along with your partner. It’s another thing that you can share with your partner. It makes the range of sexual experiences that are possible greater. Isn’t that an excellent thing for every one?

And it may just get you a blowjob in return… I mean that’s got to be worth some investment, right?

At the end of the day I guess that this just highlights how limited many men’s view of sex is. It honestly makes me sad – for the women who don’t get the sex that they want and need to be happy and fulfilled and for the men who are living with impoverished sex lives.

We can do better as a society if we are prepared to have real conversations (and education) about sex.

John.

How to hire a sex worker – from a woman’s point of view

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Sex worker Georgie Wolf published an article a little while back that I wanted to share with you. As her the title of this article, it’s a primer on how to hire a sex worker (male or female), written for women who may be contemplating this indulgence. You can see it here…

https://www.aboutescorts.info/one-for-the-ladies-three-useful-ideas-for-women-who-see-escorts/

All of the points that Georgie (who hires sex workers herself occasionally) are good, but I can’t agree more strongly than with her first point: do your research.

It is the single most important part of having a good experience with a sex worker. Get to know as much as you can about them. It will become obvious if they are a good fit for you. If they aren’t – then move on to the next person. There are lots of us out there and there is probably someone who is right for you.

I have always maintained that I do not want to see every client possible – I just want to see the women who I am well suited to and who are well suited to me. That way we are going to have the best experience together possible.

So ladies – I know I don’t have to tell you this, but it’s always worth repeating – as Georgie says: do your research!

John.

Help for couples with no sex experience – guidance and instruction about massage, touch, tantra, mutual oral, virginity, and more

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Not everyone who gets married has the sexual confidence and experience that they might like to have. It’s quite common for younger couples especially. Perhaps you come from a conservative culture and background, perhaps you just never had the chance to learn. It doesn’t matter how it happened – and it doesn’t mean you have to live with not knowing.

For many years now I have offered lessons to single women to help teach them about their body and help them explore their sexuality. I have also occasionally seen couples with similar needs, but I haven’t really written about this before and I thought that I should.

So here’s the bottom line – if you are a couple and one or both of you are inexperienced with sex (or even never had sex at all) then I can help you with practical instruction. I’m not a therapist who will just talk to you about what to do. As a straight male sex worker for women, I can provide practical experience in any area that you want to explore and gain confidence in. I can guide you and your partner through all of the things that you want to learn. I can demonstrate techniques (like how to give great oral sex to each other) showing both of you what works and how to learn about what each other likes. I can answer any questions that you have but don’t know who and how to ask.

My courses generally start with the simplest thing of all: touch. It can be literally just touching your partner’s body, it can be massage – which is a great way to explore and arouse your partner, it can be more sophisticated and sensual like intimate touch. I can show you all of these things and you can practice them with me and get feedback about how you are doing and improve your skills.

An extension of touch is oral sex. It’s an excellent way for a man to help his female partner to reach orgasm if she has trouble doing so through other means. I am very skilled in this area and can teach a man all of the techniques that he needs to be able to satisfy his partner. Conversely, I can show a woman how to touch her partner’s penis and teach her the techniques that make for great oral sex for him.

Are you a couple, newly married, and want to learn how to give each other erotic massage? I can help you with that. I can teach you how to give a massage that starts out relaxing and enjoyable, then builds up to sensual, creating lots of sexual tension and getting you both ready for some great sex…

Some couples are even in the position where one or both of them are virgins – have never experienced penetrative sex. I have met a couple from India in this situation in the past. This can be very stressful for both of you, but it’s a situation that I have been in many times and I can show you how to have sex for the first time without it being painful and help you to learn to make it great.

Techniques like tantra are especially good for couples to allow them to connect deeply and to make the sex that you have last as long as you want and to make it very satisfying. I can show you these things too.

Once you have the basics worked out, you might want to learn and experience more. If that’s the case, then I can help with that too. Advanced positions for sex, games like spanking, blindfolds, light BDSM. Anything that you can think of, I can help with practical guidance and instruction.

There is so much to explore for new couples and couples new to sex and I can be your guide. Safe. Knowledgeable. Discreet.

You can drop me a text, or email, or call me any time to discuss with no obligation and no risk.

John.

OMGyes and learning about women’s pleasure

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I was asked recently by someone with a teenage daughter if I new of any good online resources for girls to learn about sex, sexuality, and pleasure and it reminded me of a site that I was shown by a friend a couple of years ago. It took me a little while with google to find it again, but I managed to track it down – so I thought I should share it here as well.

It’s called OMGyes – http://omgyes.com

So what is it? From the site:

The distilled wisdom of 20,000 women, ages 18-95

Scientific studies conducted in partnership with Indiana University and Kinsey Institute researchers

and

For Women, Men, and Couples

OMGyes is for everyone who cares about women’s sexual pleasure and wants to make it even better

So it’s a website that contains lots of information about sexuality and how women can experience pleasure. But the really clever part is that it includes interactive tutorials that let you (on a tablet, phone, or computer) actually practice what you are learning about. For instance if you are learning about clitoral stimulation, then you have an interactive tool that lets you (on a tablet or phone) use your finger to experiment with playing with a woman’s clitoris as described. The system gives you feedback on how well you are doing it.

As someone who has spent much of my career in IT and as a male escort for women I was genuinely suprised by how good the site and particularly the learning tools are.

I would highly recommend it for anyone – male, female, or other – who want to learn about female pleasure.

Here’s an introductory video from OMGyes on Youtube that is safe for work…

Western societies are, in general, very reticent about talking about sex, let alone about sexual pleasure, so I think that this website and it’s tools are a breath of fresh air. I think that anyone (even me) can benefit from this information and I intend to revisit it again over the next week or two. If you are here on my website, then it’s likely that you too could learn something fun and enjoyable at OMGyes so I highly recommend having a look at it.

BTW – I am not sponsored by OMGyes, I just like the site and the information that they provide.

John.

Sex for the first time – for best results, do it more than once!

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Every year I see about five or so women who want to experience penetrative sex for the first time. Now if this topic is of interest to you and you have read my posts and articles about it, you will know that I recommend a longer date – preferably overnight, but at least a full evening. The reason I do is that is it allows you to try sex more than once – preferably up to three or four times. That’s basically impossible to do in a one or two hour booking.

But why does it matter? If you’ve done it once, then you’ve done it right?

That is true – but it’s not the path to the best experience, and personally I think trying sex multiple times puts you in a much better position to enjoy sex the next time you have it.

Some background: when you have sex for the first time you are probably going to be tense and at least a bit nervous. You aren’t going to be really relaxed, even if you really want to do it. All of that is perfectly natural, but it means that the experience of having something as big as a penis in your vagina for the first time is going to be a challenge. It shouldn’t be badly painful – if it is then there is a problem and you and your partner need to slow down and perhaps go back to finger play and things that let you get used to the sensation and experience of penetration. At worst it should be just uncomfortable, with some occasional twinges.

Then there is the simple biological reality of the muscles of your vagina learning to stretch as required. In this regard, they are like any other muscle in your body – if you want to do the splits, then it takes time and patience to lengthen the muscles in your legs so that they can stretch easily without pain. Granted, vaginal muscles do this quicker and more easily, but it still takes time.

So. The first time you succeed having penetrative sex, you have mostly covered all of the stuff above. But it wasn’t going to be great sex – just like doing stretching exercises aren’t as much fun as getting to your goal.

And if that is where you leave the experience – especially if you are seeing me and don’t have options to try sex again soon – then you are going to look back on the experience and at best say “oh well, it was ok, but nothing special, what’s the big deal about sex?”

Well, the “big deal” may start to become apparent the second time, or the third time you have sex. I have seen it happen so many times – a woman having sex for the third time and saying “oh… now I get it! Yeah it’s still a bit uncomfortable, but it’s starting to feel gooooood!”.

So this is what lead me to recommending that women wanting to have sex for the first time book a longer date. When it’s over, you are going to walk away seeing the pleasure potential of sex and probably having actually enjoyed it. And that to me is the goal – not just to give you an experience that lets you say “well that’s done” but to leave you ready to explore your body and looking forward to finding out just how great sex can be.

I do realise though that a long booking may be financially difficult for you, or you simply may not want to commit to doing the whole thing in one go. In that case I recommend three or four short (two hour) bookings instead. Arranged close together, say over a few weeks, you basically get the same outcome and we can arrange it so it doesn’t cost more.

In conclusion: our society fetishises “virginity” way too much, to the point of it being unhealthy. But that statement also fails to recognise that having sex for the first time genuinely is a big deal for most women, regardless of their age or other experiences, and it really should be treated as such. Most men don’t respect that fact enough and society as a whole needs to find a balance between *OH MY GOD YOU’RE A VIRGIN” and “Virginity is a social construct!”.

It makes me happy to be a part of this conversation and to be able to offer an experience that many women want and need.

John.

For a good time call…

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You know the cliche – scrawled on a bathroom wall, or in the lyrics of a song – “for a good time call…”

But it begs the question: why shouldn’t we call someone when we have a sexual need that we want fulfilled?

In Western cultures especially, everything is comercialised. Food. Water. Healthcare (even when it’s free, the provision is still paid for), entertainment, transport. Everything beyond the air we breath has a price on it – and we, generally, see that as perfectly normal and acceptable even if we grumble about prices.

But not sex.

Even when sex is being sold and paid for legally – as a society – we don’t like to talk about it. We don’t like to admit that some people happily sell sex and others happily buy it. That some people sell sex out of necessity and are grateful that they can. That some people have few or no other options to get the sex that they want and are grateful that there are providers who will see them.

In short, even here in New South Wales where sex work is decriminalised, “social norms” have not caught up with the law. It’s a good thing that the law is more progressive than people. We get to have things like same sex marriage and the right to sell sex services even though the general public, if they think about it at all, might tend to oppose it.

But as someone who might be considering buying sex, you have had to make a journey from one side of that divide to the other. It’s not an easy journey. It may require a person to question unconscious beliefs. To challenge (even in their own mind) the narrative they hear from friends and family, the media, and of course religion.

So many barriers. So many hurdles. But here you are reading an article written by a man who is paid by women to provide sexual services to them…

That, to me, is quite remarkable. I love that despite the finger wagging. Despite the rhetoric. Despite centuries of indoctrination. Despite our very way of life, our social norms declaring that monogamous relationships are the only way we are allowed to indulge in sex that isn’t somehow improper –

Women and couples still choose to own their sexuality. To say no to convention. To ignore the people who push shame and guilt on others. And to pay for the sex that they want and need.

Sex work is the best work I have done in my entire life. I love it and I love the people who it brings to my life.

So if you are thinking of engaging my services, then as the cliche goes… “for a good time call John, 0437 520 539” (or text, or drop me an email!).

John.

Do you know, you can get help for painful sex?

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I received an email recently from Sydney therapist Tanya Koens about a course that she is running for professionals in her field to help treat patients who are dealing with sexual pain. So while this workshop is not for people seeking treatment, i thought it was worth writing about because I may have readers who have issues around painful sex, but don’t know that there are professionals who can help them.

Hello Lovely Colleagues

I’m just dropping you a line to let you know I am running a workshop for those working with clients who experience sexual pain. This group of clients has a particularly difficult time finding practitioners who will believe them and be able to help them. I’m passionate about helping people get the help they need and keen to share all that I have learned in 15 years practice as a sexologist.

The workshop details are here:

https://www.surryhillstherapy.com/whensexhurts

I would be ever so grateful if you could share this with colleagues. Social media don’t like things to do with sex and ban most of my workshop promotions.

Best
Tanya

Tanya’s last last sentence is particularly important I think – in this day and age of (most significantly) American fear and paranoia about sex and sexuality – especially on social media – it’s actually really hard for individuals who have problems around sex and sexuality to get the information that they need to be able to find the treatment or services that they need.

It never ceases to surprise me how many women who book sessions with me tell me that until say, seeing an article in the news paper, they didn’t even know that straight male escorts for women were a thing that existed – let alone were a service that they could use. Sex work has few places to exist “publicly” on the internet (meaning communal spaces like social media) and we can debate the merits of that censorship. But it is without doubt wrong that matters of sexual health be excluded from these spaces.

If you have a need for sexual health services – don’t despair. There are professionals like Tanya out there who can assist you and it’s worth investing the effort to find them and make a start on improving you life!

John

Minister Stuart Robert! The NDIS should fund sex services

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You may be aware that an Australian woman living with multiple sclerosis challenged our National Disability Insurance Scheme and won when they rejected her request for the NDIS to fund a therapist to provide her with regular sexual release.

You can read about the case here:

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.abc.net.au/article/11298838

This is a huge step forward in the recognition of sex as a natural and fundamental part of the human condition and that people with disabilities deserve it too.

Sadly though that is where the politician stepped in (from the article).

“Minister for the NDIS, Stuart Robert, said that ruling was out of line with community expectations.

‘The National Disability Insurance Agency (NDIA) intends to appeal the recent decision,’ he said.

‘The current position continues to be that the NDIS does not cover sexual services, sexual therapy or sex workers in a participant’s NDIS plan.'”

First – can I just say that it is nice to see a politician (particularly a conservative one) using the term “sex worker”. It’s rare and appreciated.

Sadly though Stuart Robert then fails to be a leader and reverts to nebulous conservative morality to justify appealing against the decision.

He claims that the NDIS funding sexual service for people who cannot experience sex because of their disability is not in line with “community expectations”.

There is a lot to unpack here.

The first is the idea that “the community” has a right to tell people what they can and can’t do in the bedroom. I think that we have, through things like the decriminalisation of homosexuality and indeed sex work here in NSW (and the Australian Capital Territory, and New Zealand), established that “the community” has no right to tell consenting adults what they can and can’t do to each other.

The second is that a minister of our government is hide bound to follow “community expectations”. This is absurd. Ministers make unpopular decisions regularly, they do so – they will tell you – for the good of the nation, to protect minorities, the environment etc.

So Stuart Robert claiming that he is duty bound to challenge the ruling because “the community” wouldn’t like people with disabilities being able to enjoy basic sexual release is nothing more than abdicating his responsibility as a minister and failing to be a true leader. Stuart Robert – if you are listening: man up and do your job.

Also – has Robert Stuart actually asked “the community” what we want? I’m fairly sure this question has never been polled anywhere, that being the case it’s even worse than abdication. He’s just deflecting and using the presumed moral authority (of “the community) to avoid having to take a stance that his party and his (presumably conservative) electorate might not like (read: he’s afraid he won’t get re-elected if he lets people with disabilities have an occasional shag).

As a straight male sex worker (escort) for women, I have been working with women with disabilities for almost my entire career. I know absolutely how important having intimate touch and the ability to enjoy and experience their sexuality is.

But personal experience shouldn’t even be necessary. Do we – does Stuart Robert – have no ability to empathise? Has he ever stopped to imagine never having someone touch him again in a sexual way? How about never being touched and being unable to even touch himself?

This is the reality of life for many of my clients with disabilities. And it’s not their fault. It’s just what they live with because life dealt them a shitty hand.

We happily fund or subsidise (through the NDIS) education, physical therapy, medication, accommodation, travel, and more for people who we as a society recognise are unable or disadvantaged to get those things for themselves because of their disability.

The only way that we can justify not funding sexual services as part of an NDIS plan is if we believe that sex isn’t an integral part of the human experience. I know that I personally need sex in my life to be a happy and fulfilled person. If I don’t have it, then it seriously impacts on my quality of life.

This is a message that I hear from my clients – able bodied or otherwise – regularly.

So why would “the community” have a problem with the NDIS allowing people with disabilities to occasionally enjoy what most of us take for granted?

John.

I’m a male sex worker for women – but what is my purpose?

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The obvious answer to this questions is: to give pleasure, sex, companionship, and comfort.

I do all of these things and those things as goals in and of themselves are perfectly reasonable and valuable.

But.

The longer that I do this job, the more I realise that for the women and couples who come to me, I am doing those things, but I am also doing something deeper. I’m helping them to find a way to live better lives.

It’s a rule (sort of) in writing dialog for a story that the characters never just say what they are thinking, or what they mean. Because in real life we don’t do that. Human beings are complex. We have fears. We have desires and needs. And these are things that we often cannot just say out loud for fear of judgement. Of loss. Of embarrassment.

So rather than saying what we need or want, we say what we think will help us get what we want without exposing our vulnerabilities.

In a similar way, people who come to me may not be able to say to their partner, or perhaps even articulate for themselves that what they need is a certain kind of human connection. A certain kind of fulfillment. But they know that having sex, spending time with someone who won’t judge them, being able to release the things that they normally feel compelled to hold in, will give them something that they don’t otherwise get.

It will make them happier, more fulfilled, more relaxed, and able to live their lives a little better.

I have the privilege to be able to help people to do that and while the giving of temporary pleasure is rewarding, what is even better in the long term is seeing people grow and find a better life. Not everyone who comes to see me has such catharsis – and not everyone even needs to. Sex can just be sex. But it can also be much, much more.

John.