So. Most women take more than an minute of two to reach orgasm. Some however can cum much quicker. There is a group of women for whom this isn’t a problem as they can just orgasm again and again in waves. However for women who generally only climax once (and then become highly sensitive, or just experience their arousal naturally decreasing) holding off that one big orgasm actually becomes central to a sexual experience that is satisfying and intense.
As someone who has experienced and had to overcome the curse of premature ejaculation I feel this is a topic that I can add some value to.
The problem for most men is that we are used to women who are the other way around and require a strong stimulation and a long build up. So that’s what we tend to assume a woman needs and wants.
What really helps at this point is some direction from her – a quick “I cum really easily and I’d like to hold off until XYZ” lets us know to go slowly and gently and just tease and edge her. I find this really fun to do. It’s a challenge to read her body and moderate my efforts as she gets close to orgasm, then increase them again as she drifts back…
There are also some things that the woman can do as well to slow herself down. Just like a man with premature ejaculation the techniques are simple and when practiced can produce positive results quite quickly.
- Open your eyes – this helps to reduce any fantasy that may be running through your head and pushing you along faster. That was a big help to me when I was dealing with this issue myself
- Relaaaaaax – specifically your pelvic floor muscles. Pelvic floor tension is a great way for women who have trouble reaching orgasm to push themselves along. If you have the opposite problem, then relaxing your pelvic floor will help to slow things down
- Breath out the tension – similar to the point above, breathing helps you to relax your muscles and mind and that helps delay orgasm
- Stay in the experience – don’t try to distract yourself by “thinking boring thoughts”, stay with the experience, stay in your body and experience the pleasure, but recognise that it feels good, but not *too* good…
- Be aware of your arousal level – spend some time really concentrating on your arousal level and noticing what builds it and reduces it. The better we are at recognising where we are the easier it is to employ the techniques above to moderate or boost our arousal as and when we need and want to
- You need a partner to help you practice – you can start this process on your own, but as with men, having an understanding partner to help you develop your skills will make it easier and quicker and probably get you a better result in the end.
Ultimately practice and a dedication to changing the way your sexual response is wired is the key. Practice the techniques and you will see change. Practice enough and you will get to where you want to be – with control over your arousal level and able to choose when you are ready to let go and have your orgasm.
John