My entire life society has been telling me a lie. I’m sure that you have heard this lie too. And if you are aware of your needs as a sexual human being – and especially if they are not being fulfilled – then you are probably acutely aware of that lie.

The lie:

Sex doesn’t matter. It should come after every other responsibility in your life.

We hear this lie all the time. Everywhere. It usually won’t be explicit – unless we actually say that we want and need the sex that we are not getting – it’s usually a more subtle pressure…

Study has to be your priority, you don’t have time for a girlfriend/boyfriend.

Work comes first – you have to build a career…

As a parent you have to make sacrifices…

Each of these things are important. We do have to study if we want to improve our chances of getting the education and job that we want. We do have to build a career to provide for ourselves and our family. We do need to look after and provide for our children.

But these things shouldn’t always come at the expense of having a rewarding and satisfying sex life. If they do, then where is the room for having a sex life at all? Because we can always study more. Always work harder. Family will never stop making demands on us…

Part of the problem is that society tells us that we are only allowed to have sex under certain circumstances (in a relationship primarily). But what if we don’t want to have a relationship? Or what if we have a relationship, but it’s sexless? What if we are trying to find a relationship, but we can’t?

Why should a person be excluded from having physical intimacy just because we can’t be what society wants us to be?

At the end of the day, if you are a person who likes and needs sex in their life, then being denied sex will have real consequences emotionally. I know this, because I have been there. For much of my life I couldn’t have the sex that I wanted to. Now as a male sex worker for women, I have enough sex that I am satisfied – and I can see how it makes a difference to my mental health, my ability to concentrate.

Having a fulfilling sex life has literally changed the way my mind works, where once sex was a distraction that ate into my attention every day, now it is something that is in balance with the rest of my life. Letting me concentrate on other things as well that bring joy to my life that may once have been excluded by an unsatisfied need.

I know that I am not alone in feeling this way – because it is something that I hear semi-regularly from the women I meet through my work.

So, if you feel that you need more sex in your life – don’t let anyone tell you that it is not a valid way to feel. It’s ok to own your feelings. And it’s ok to want sex

John.