To be a happy healthy person you need balance in your life. Good food in moderation, exercise, companionship, challenges, and yes sex.
Our society is very good at telling us that we need to exercise more, eat better etc. But sadly there is no-one talking about the role that sexuality can play in improving out lives. It’s treated by most people as something that happens to some people and (if they are lucky) it’s good.
I have come to realise though that regular sex and sexual play can drastically alter a person’s personality and life in a positive way! We have all seen it, or experienced it ourselves at one time or another, a workmate or friend turning up with that rosy cheeked look and a smile that just screams “I’ve been having really good sex”. We treat that though as just a passing thing. It’s a new relationship, or some life change means that you are having more sex with your partner. And for a while the world is a rosy place and you are chilled out and happy. But then the gloss wears off, things get dull, and sex goes back to being ho-hum, or absent.
For most of my twenties I lived my life not having as much, or as good quality sex as I felt I needed to be satisfied. My response was to say “well, that’s life, you don’t always get what you want”. The truth though is that sex can and should be an integral part of our lives. Just like exercise and eating right, it can transform your life and your personality.
When I am having good sex regularly I know that I am a better person. More able to concentrate on work. Easier to be around, with more stable emotions. More comfortable and stable in relationships. The list goes on. Getting the sex that I need actually transforms my personality. Sex also become less important in my life, receding to occupy a sensible and practical amount of my time and energy.
I am not the only one to experience this kind of transformation. An article about BDSM that appeared in the Sydney Morning Herald recently is a striking example of what I am describing:
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/power-pain-and-pleasure-20120326-1vtcd.html#comments
From the article:
“It’s benefitted me,” she explains. “Through getting to learn about my submissive self….certain behaviours that I didn’t really like started disappearing: mainly attention seeking behaviour, placing myself in dangerous situations and victim behaviour.
“Now, I get the attention I need in an appropriate situation. For a certain amount of time I’m able to live that situation…as soon as there is expression of that in a safe and consensual way then I didn’t need to express it in an inappropriate way.”
Like me, the woman quoted above has found that getting the sexual experiences that she needs has improved her as a person in other ways. In her case they are ways that we might not even expect to be linked to sex.
Which is why I think this issue is so important. We repress our sexuality at our own risk and to our (and others) determent. It’s high time that we as a society said “no” to the conservatives of the world, we will not repress our sexuality for your warped notion of morality. It is time to explore who we are as sexual beings and learn to be better people through it.
John.