Ok, it’s time to talk about Fifty Shades of Grey.
Note: this post talks about BDSM and actual experiences of this fantasy.
If you are not comfortable reading about these concepts then please don’t continue reading this post.
I have stayed away from this topic since Fifty Shades exploded into popular culture because I haven’t been clear in my head about how I feel about the books and their portrayal of BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism). Last night though I had a conversation with a friend that set it all in perspective for me.
As with any work of fiction there will be people who love Fifty shades, people who hate it, and people who just don’t care much.
What has become clear to me though is that regardless of Fifty Shades merit (be that literary quality, BDSM accuracy, psychological etc) it has tapped into something profound in the psychology of many women. A book doesn’t need to be great, or even good to inspire people, get them thinking, and open new doors for them. Lets face it, no-one is actually going to live out the story of Fifty Shades in real life (if for no other reason than young self-made billionaires are hard to come by and are pretty hotly contested property).
But this is the point. Fifty Shades, like all erotica, is about fantasy and what it inspires in you, not about slavish re-creation.
So a (female) friend texted me late last night and we were chatting about Fifty Shades which she was reading and finding very arousing. It was inspiring all sorts of fantasies about submission that she wanted to try out with me. In her words …
“I would LOVE to do it with you. In fact I want to do it with you. I’ve lost all my first times to you, so why stop now?”
We chatted more by text, each describing things that might be fun to experiment with before we finally signed off and went to sleep. This afternoon she texted me again to tell me that she had experienced a vivid sexual dream last night about submitting to me …
It’s quite shocking actually … But I’m telling you anyway because I always tell you!
I dreamt that you were my master and I your submissive. And we were in a room with people and I was in lingerie, collared with you holding the leash.
And you were introducing me individually, commanding me and they would touch me, man and woman, but you wouldn’t let the men penetrate me, ‘only for me’ you said.
And you played with me, in full view of these people, and I was scared, self conscious, a little humiliated, but turned on for some reason.
And I remember begging for release, and you punishing me when I stepped out of line …
Whether or not we ever actually do these things doesn’t matter. What matters is that reading Fifty Shades has open her imagination (and mine) to all sorts of things that we could do together, even if it is just to talk about these fantasies as part of regular sex.
Clearly though for many women there is power in the idea of submission. It can create huge sexual tension and intense emotions. From light bondage, like handcuffs and bed restraints to Shibari (Japanese rope bondage), from mind games via email or text to leather and flesh, whips and floggers, dark rooms and pushing your boundaries of experience and nerve. It’s all about taking you to somewhere new, challenging, and exciting. And ultimately to find out if that little spark of curiosity and frisson of fear would take you to something incredible … what would happen if you let go – gave control of your body and mind to someone else?
If you want to find out, then send me and email, or text …
John.