Ok – I dislike having to write this post (again). I had a conversation with someone recently who shared their experience with me of another male sex worker for women. I don’t know who he is and didn’t ask. I don’t need to know. His behaviour however left me quite disturbed. I won’t go into any details, instead I will outline what I believe you should be able expect and request from a male sex worker – and if he won’t provide it then you have every right to negotiate a full or partial refund of his fee.

Now, personally I don’t ask for payment until after a booking as I think that the power imbalance inherent in a client/provider relationship means that taking payment before a booking puts a woman in a difficult position. If she is not happy with the service, having already paid in full may make her more likely to just “see it through” rather than end it because she isn’t happy, then have to negotiate a refund in an awkward situation. So that’s number one. If your worker requires payment up-front then you need to ask about their refund policy and get them to be supper clear that they will refund you willingly if you are not happy with their service. Under consumer law in Australia any sex worker is required to provide a full or partial refund if their service does not meet their commitment, or what was agreed upon.

That brings us to the next point, which is perhaps obvious but bears saying, it’s good to take the time before the booking to talk through what it is that you want, what you don’t want, and how you would like your experience to go. You don’t have to have a detailed plan, it’s ok to say “surprise me”, but in having a plan you let your worker know how they need to conduct themselves and your expectations of them. If you would like them to dress a certain way, or don’t want to be kissed – or do want to be kissed! – if you need lots of foreplay, or you really want a slow sensual massage. You are allowed to tell your worker what you want and don’t want and they should commit to respecting your needs and boundaries.

Next, if you are in your booking with your sex worker and it’s not feeling right, or you’re not happy with their performance or behaviour (in light of what you discussed with them before the booking and what they committed to), then you have a right to either ask them to change what they are doing, or to end the booking. When you do that there should be no equivocation from your worker. They should stop what they are doing, listen to you, and either rectify the problem, or end the booking and leave – and that should all be good natured and respectful – professional.

Safer sex is something else that you should absolutely be discussing before your booking. It may feel awkward perhaps, but it is best to be really clear with your provider what you need and expect from him. For instance, will he be bringing condoms (always best because he will know what suits him)? Do you have a preferred lube? Not all lubes are equal and I know that some women have preferences, so it’s best to let him know if you do.

Finally, if you see a worker and the booking doesn’t work out and the worker refuses to refund you part or all of the fee, then you are entitle to seek recourse, in NSW through NCAT, or the relevant fair trading body in other states of Australia. Now this is unlikely to be a road that most people want to go down, but I think that it is important for everyone to know that, as a decriminalised industry, sex workers need to abide by the rules of fair trading. If we operate a legitimate business then we have to abide by the same rules that all other legitimate businesses are required to follow.

It makes me sad to say so, but my industry – as much as I love it – is not truly professional and standards vary. So I think that it is important that people seeking to book a male sex worker know the issues and risks and be at least a little prepared and know what to ask and look out for.

I hope that this has been helpful.

John