I want to share something (with permission) that a woman recently told me.

“…one reason I was a bit reticent to tell you if something wasn’t working for me, is in the past, an ex-partner became quite upset when something that had felt good previously, wasn’t doing it for me that particular time. He basically said it wasn’t normal for something to feel good one time, but not another time and how was he supposed to know what to do if I keep changing my mind, and not to worry he would make sure to never do that again. So therefore I would never tell him if something wasn’t working for me in that particular instance.”

My response was to reassure her that she was always welcome to tell me if something wasn’t working for her (and inversely if something was really good!).  I will never judge a person, or take it as an insult if something that we are doing isn’t working for them – even if it has in the past.  We are never the same person from day to day.  Our hormones change, we are tired, or energised, we are more or less aroused, the list goes on.  So expecting the same thing to work for your partner every time you have sex isn’t realistic, or fair.

I have some advantage in this regard because my job as a male escort for women is to work out what works for someone.  It’s my natural inclination to watch for the effects of what I’m doing and adjust, or ask if I think that there might be a problem.  In long term relationships though it is very easy to slip into routines when we have sex and to just do the things that we always do that usually works.

I think that this is a good lesson for all partners: sex should be a fluid thing.  It’s something that we should think about and pay attention to, rather than just something that just becomes routine.

Something that I have noticed over the years is that even with women I have known for many years, the sex never becomes routine or boring.  I think that is in large part because when someone comes to see me it is “intentional” rather than just part of everyday life.  So the sex is intentional.  It is considered.  Perhaps even planned – which can lead to exploring new ideas, trying new things, building a fantasy, then seeing where that leads.

I know that is always going to be hard to replicate in a relationship, but I think that it is worth acknowledging that sex needs to be made a priority in our lives from day to day to make it the best experience that it can be.

John