For a woman, losing your virginity can be a lot more complex than for a man. So I wanted to write about the practical issues involved and be as frank and (hopefully) helpful as I can be.
Regardless of your age the starting point for a good experience is knowing your own body. Understanding your anatomy, what works for you (feels good) and what doesn’t. It helps to dispel much of the anxiety that can attend having sex for the first time.
In practical terms what I mean is: if you haven’t done so already, learn to masturbate. It’s the best first step you can take. I won’t go into detail here, Google will find heaps of good resources for you if you need them.
Next and probably most importantly is being ready for penetration. There are two distinct issue to consider. For most women by the time they are ready to have sex for the first time they have already broken, or significantly stretched their hymen. Vigorous sport, horse-riding, stretching etc can often do it. If so, then one possible hurdle for you when you have sex for the fist time has been reduced or eliminated.
If however your hymen is intact you should consider what that means for having sex for the fist time. Most significantly it’s one more thing for you and your partner to “get through” when you first have sex. If your hymen has lasted this long then it may well be more difficult to break. Personally I would suggest that if this is the case, then it would be worth talking to your gynecologist about snipping your hymen for you, or to break it yourself using a small sex toy. Benefits: it makes first penetration easier as there is less physical resistance to your partner’s penis and you are less likely to experience pain and bleeding from your hymen tearing.
The next issue is that if you have never stretched your vagina (say with a sex toy), it is going to be quite tight. Your partner’s penis is going to stretch it significantly and this can be painful. If you are relaxed and your partner takes his time, using his fingers first so that you can get comfortable with the sensation of being penetrated, then going nice and slow when he enters you, then after the second or third time you have sex you will find that it becomes comfortable and enjoyable.
You can preempt that by practicing for yourself when you masturbate. Fingers are fine to start with and you can graduate to a small sex toy when you are ready. As with breaking your hymen before you have sex, stretching your vagina just makes everything easier. It also lets you concentrate on the good things about having sex for the first time (being intimate with your lover, experiencing his body, experiencing how your body reacts to him and what he does to you. These things are going to be much more memorable and pleasurable if there is minimal pain and less anxiety.
If you have found this article then it probably means that you are thinking at least a little in practical terms about first sex and the issues around it. If so, then I think that these basic things: learning to masturbate and give yourself pleasure, breaking your hymen or having a gynecologist do it for you if it is still intact, and stretching your vagina so that your love’s penis isn’t such a big surprise will make having sex for the first time a much better and more enjoyable experience.
Some people will say that I am far too clinical and unromantic about this issue, but I honestly believe that when it comes to losing your virginity romance is overrated. For most women it’s a forgettable experience, but these few things, combined with choosing a lover who is going to be considerate and patient are quite likely to make losing your virginity a good experience.
John.